Without a Paddle: Nature's Calling A Movie/DVD Review	DVD Rated - PG-13 It's 1:30 Long A Review by The Dude on the Right

We get two best friends, Ben (Oliver James) and Zach (Kristopher Turner).  The movie starts with our two buddies growing up through the grade and high school years, where bonds are developed and first loves are found, and in the case of this movie, Ben has the hots for Heather and like most nerdy dorks in high school, gets the courage to make his move only to have her taken from high school, and Ben, seemingly forever.  As time goes on, our boys grow up with Ben becoming a lawyer who hates his job and Zach becoming a male nurse who finds a fondness for an old lady about to die.  She has one wish before she dies – to see her granddaughter one last time, a granddaughter who has been lost for years, and wouldn’t you know it, that granddaughter is the long, lost Heather (Madison Riley).  Zach sees this as an opportunity to re-bond with Ben, but neither of them figured to have her cousin, or something like that, Nigel (Rik Young) along for the adventure.

And so our trio sets out to find Heather, a trip that takes them to the woods of Oregon, the last place she was seen, only for them to find a local tavern that knows the legend of Earthchild, Heather’s Earth name as she tried to save the forests.  The locals explain that she is dead, but what kind of movie would that be, so our boys find themselves rafting down a river, supplied with a map to where the girls might be.  Little do they know that two goons are also following them, trying to get Nigel because he owes them money, and hilarity is supposed to ensue.

Is their trip down the river filled with peril that is supposed to be funny?  Of course it is supposed to be.  Does their adventure eventually lead them to Heather, um, I mean Earthchild, and her hot friend, Thunderstorm (Amber McDonald)?  You betcha.  Will our boys be attacked by killer squirrels?  Um, yea.  And does Al Gore have a brother named Hal who looks nothing like him but is convinced global warming is caused by, well, I won’t spoil it, but it’s not cows?  Yup, that happens, too.

Okay, here’s the problem.  I really wanted to like “Without a Paddle: Nature’s Calling,” only the movie did that unfortunate thing of trying to tread the PG-13 line.  What I mean by that is in order to get the movie so that the teens are able to watch it, the script doesn’t let the movie live up to its full potential of gratuitous nudity, sex, slapstick violence, and swearing, and on the flip side, what could have almost been a cute movie for the kiddies (come on, who doesn’t like squirrels that bite people on the balls?), it keeps the language and sexual innuendo in full PG-13 mode, complete with, I think it was Zach, saying “shitake” instead of shit.  Yes, the story is kind of stupid, but take it to the level of a “Road Trip” movie and there could have been a big recommendation, or drop it to the level of something like “The Chipmunks” and you could have put the little ones in front of the TV.  Instead the movie wallows in mediocrity, with two hot dudettes in skimpy outfits and bumbling goons wasted.

You might find the movie funny if you’re a 13 year old boy, or if you’re a 13 year old girl you might find Ben and Zach kind of cute, and I’m still scratching my head how Jerry Rice attached himself to this movie (although he was sort of funny), so in the end I wish I could give “Without a Paddle: Nature’s Calling” a better rating but I’ll just stick it at 2 stars out of 5.  So much potential wasted by not going full-tilt at raunchiness or cleanliness.

As far as the DVD goes, the “Making of..” feature is pretty standard, I’m still scratching my head over the “Furious Nuts” feature where they try to “pretend” the squirrels were real actors, and oddly enough, the gag reel wasn’t that funny.  Oh well.

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!