Author: Andy Labis

By:

The Dude on the Right
First let me give a quick disclaimer.  This blog does not relate to all old
people, even though the end of the blog groups them all into one category. 
For instance, I’m instantly taking my mom and dad out of the suggestion at the
end of this blog because, well, they’re my mom and dad.  And then there are
many of the nice, older folks that I have run into that don’t deserve the end
fate.  But of anyone deserving of the recommendation of the song I list at
the end of this blog, it is the following old person.

I found myself yesterday
morning at our local Secretary of State’s Office, about fifteenth in line, just
as the office opened, to get a license plate renewal taken care of.  It’s a
simple procedure, but I wanted to get it done early in the day.  There were
another half a dozen people behind me in line, all of us patiently waiting our
turn, and I was feeling good about life because I probably saved the life of a
wayward toad earlier in the morning.

Suddenly this older lady, I would put her
maybe early to mid sixties, seemingly fully able-bodied, starts excusing herself
through the line, her license renewal slip in her hand.  She excuses
herself past me, and I think to myself "Self, maybe her daughter or son got in
line early to save her a place in line.  I’ll let her slide."  And she
kept moving forward, and moving forward, and moving forward, until she found
herself at the front of the line, the next to be served.  She then turned,
looked back at the rest of us in line, and said, in a squeaky, condescending
voice, "I’m a senior citizen."  Then turned back around.

I know there is
no way to sound politically correct about this, and I don’t give a damn, but
this woman, and I don’t care how old she was, had absolutely no right to cut in
line because she was "a senior citizen."  In my book I’ll give you cuts if
your aren’t able-bodied, but she had no trouble walking, no problem standing in
the cashier line, no problem with attitude, and just came off as a bitch,
thinking she now deserves the world because she is qualifies for an AARP card. 
The dude behind me, upon the hearing the "senior citizen" comment sort of gave a
"Huh?," and I turned to him and said "And I’m 39.  Does that mean I can cut
in line, too?"  We both chuckled at the audacity of the woman, but in my
head, she gave a whole lot of old people a bad name.

And then it hit me, a
song I had heard on the
Jonathon
Brandmeier radio show years ago.

It was a song about old people.  It
was a song by No Time.  And the song is simply called "Eat
All the Old People."  It’s a lovely song about what to do with the
elderly people starting to take over the nation.

Now, like I said, I suppose
all old people don’t deserve the fate of the song, but that older lady just
reminded me that at any age, some people think they deserve better than you. 
In thinking about it I should have excused myself to the front of the line,
excused myself in front of her, turned around, and said "I’m thirty nine." 
Then again, she looked like she could have kicked my ass.

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

By:

The Dude on the Right
First I have an announcement to make.  After much soul-searching, and
trying to attempt this on my own, I have come to the decision that the only shot
I have at being a loser is to open myself to the total ridicule of not being
able to be one.  With that, if you have been reading my blogs or listening
to our podcasts, you know I am obsessed with the TV show "The Biggest Loser,"
and have been trying to have it inspire me to enter the next phase of my losing
weight.  So far the show isn’t enough, and so I must take it the world. 
For more on this, whether to make fun of me or see if I make any progress, check
out my MySpace page at
www.myspace.com/thedudeontheright (and be my friend) which is where I will
be updating my progress, or just letting everyone know I’m giving up.  I at
least hope to get through day one, tomorrow.

On another note, thanks to a

Richard Roeper article and in keeping with my next attempt to lose weight,
I’m through with the McDonald’s Monopoly game.  Just like most everyone
else I didn’t pay attention to my odds of winning anything cool during the game,
although I’m sure there will be a winner or two, here and there, but for the
most part, play as you will, and you have an okay chance at a breakfast sandwich
with your pull-off tickets, or maybe a ringtone if you also play the online
game, but if you are lucky enough to win the $5,000,000 million dollar prize,
paid over 20 years at $250,000 per year, you beat the odds, as Mr. Roeper
pointed out, and as listed in the official rules for the game, of 1 in
41,497,391,309.  To help you with all of those commas, that is nearly 1 in
41.5 billion.  To put that in a little perspective, and from their
websites, your odds of winning the Mega Millions game is only 1 in 175,711,536
(a little under 1 in 176 million), while the Powerball is even a little better
at 1 in 146,107,962 (a little over 1 in 146 million).  Don’t get me wrong,
I love McDonald’s and still think you can eat healthy there if you try, but I’ve
probably bought about 10 extra hash browns I didn’t need so far this month for
my calorie intake ($10 better spent on lottery tickets according to the odds),
and a few extra Diet Cokes that fine, didn’t add to my waist-line, but did dip
into my pocketbook and didn’t get me any closer to getting that elusive "Short
Line" and "Reading Railroad" to get me retired before the age of 40. 

Have fun pulling off those little game pieces, if you will, but for me I’m
done and plan to spend the money I would have spent on hash browns on something
I actually have a chance at winning:  The Lottery!  Hopefully it will
help me lose weight.

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!