Author: Andy Labis

By:

The Dude on the Right
Maybe it’s time I finally just do some investing for our podcasts, and I suppose
even my blogs, and just buy a dozen VCR’s or TIVO’s, so I can start recording
all kinds of the funny/bizarre/inane things people say when they are on TV. 
My latest case for this happened yesterday when, as I was getting ready to get
out of the door, I heard some dude, on the news, proclaim that with the
power-outage they were having in the neighborhood, and it being really hot here
in Chicago, that this was Chicago’s "Katrina."  Hmm?  Let’s see? 
It was around 7 in the morning, the power went out the night before around 7,
and the City of Chicago and ComEd seemed to quickly step-up and start making
sure the elderly were cared for, that people were able to get plenty of free
water, and, well, you could also find locals stores outside the power outage
zone (it’s not like it was the entire city), and buy water, in an
air-conditioned building.  I have a feeling some actual Katrina survivors
would have a few words for this dude, and I wouldn’t even hold it against them
if they took his free water.

But this blog isn’t about my need to invest in
the web site, this blog is really about two words, totaling four syllables, and
those equating to:

Janet Jackson

Why would I even mention her name when I
blame her for the advancement of many of our censorship woes today?  I
mention her name because there was a news segment on our local news, that Janet
Jackson was in Chicago, promoting something I hope no one buys, and the segment
wanted me to just pull out my hair, throw the TV out of the window, and then go
outside, watch out for the broken glass, pick-up my TV, bring it back inside,
and pray it wasn’t broken so I could watch some gratuitous violence, gratuitous
laughs, and gratuitous nudity on one of my cable channels.  Or at least be
able to watch Howard TV.

But getting back to the news’ segment.

So our local station sent a reporter
to this press conference of Janet’s, and the reporter quickly stated that Janet
would answer questions about anything.  Here’s what the segment reporter
found to be "questions about anything:"

• A question about the new CD
• A question about working with Nelly
• A question about gaining 60 pounds for a movie that was never made and
  how that felt.
• A question about how the 40 year old dudette has survived over the
  years.

I will give these admissions, that the reporter they sent to the press
conference isn’t one to usually be confrontational, so I don’t see her ever
asking questions that might be controversial, at least to Janet Jackson. 
I also was not present for the press conference, so if someone was there,
asking the hard-hitting questions, and Janet Jackson was actually answering
"questions about anything," I haven’t heard them yet, but here are some of
the questions I would have like to have asked her, although I probably would
have chickened out in a room full of people and just asked something like
"Who influences you in your music today?"  I guess I would be better
off sending our crack interviewer, Stu Gotz, to ask questions like:

• How do you feel knowing that your actions at the Super Bowl have
  created the excuse the government was looking for to start censoring
  what we hear and see on radio and television?
• Janet, this is a multi-part question:  What’s with the
  "Wardrobe Malfunction?"  Who’s fault was it, really?  Was it
  the seamstress?  Was it Justin Timberlake and his incredibly strong
  forearms?  If you planned it, did you really think that "Star"
  piercing would suppress the masses about nudity?  And couldn’t you
  have ditched the piercing so we would have seen what most of us have
  been dreaming to see since that "Rolling Stone" cover many years back?
• My father always said that women are more sexually mysterious with
  their clothes on because you have to imagine them naked, so why did you
  ruin our imaginations by popping out your boob at the Super Bowl?
• Since the "Wardrobe Malfunction" wasn’t your fault, and if your
  personal seamstress was involved in making your dress at the Super Bowl,
  or even if not, have you either fired them, or made sure whomever it
  was, would never work as a seamstress again, because they have ruined,
  for all of the rest of us, our radio and television viewing pleasure?
• After you gained about 30 pounds, why didn’t you go to these film
  folks and ask them if you really needed to add another 30 pounds for the
  film?  And I read that Mariah Carey has gotten your role. 
  She’s got a concert tour coming up, and I don’t think she will be
  gaining 60 pounds anytime soon.  Did they change the role for her? 
  And why not you?
• What the hell were you thinking letting Justin grab your boob? 
  Do you know where his hands have been?

I’m pretty sure, with any of those questions, "Questions about
anything" wouldn’t really hold up for me, or even Stu, at that press
conference.  But for all of these years, and I’m sorry, but unless
some person stitching her outfit had it in for everyone, someone really
knows why Janet Jackson really had her "Wardrobe Malfunction," and go
ahead, call me an idiot, but I still think Janet really knows.  The
thing is, that if she really was involved, and she just stepped up and
said "I planned it, the TV folks had no idea, because I wanted to make a
statement about…" whatever, government censorship might have a few
more troubles getting things as laws, and she probably could have
spinned the entire incident as a cheerleader for being a daring dudette. 
Her actions, for whatever reason, and whomever let/made it happen, our
world has changed where people are clamoring for the government to
protect our children.  Our government should be there to protect
our children in times of war.  Our government should be there to
protect our children from criminals.  But it should always be the
role of the parent to protect our children from radio and TV by doing
one of two things – turning it off or changing the channel.  Sure,
the Janet Jackson boob thing happened so fast, so maybe those options
don’t totally apply, but my parents would have at least had the balls to
say something like, if we had even noticed her boob, "grabbing a girls
bra isn’t appropriate like he did, so don’t do that."  Sometimes
lessons need to be learned by watching TV, and most of the times, it
should be our parents teaching those lessons.

Parents have a job to do, and for the sake of our country, they had
better stop trying to make the government do their job.

And Janet Jackson I’m sorry, but until you come totally clean on this
issue, I can’t support you, or your music projects.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!