Author: Andy Labis

Have you ever used a metal detector?

Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I remember playing with a metal detector when I was a kid, or maybe it was when I worked at Radio Shack. In any case there is some buried memory in my head of holding the contraption in my hand and waving the detector portion of the device across the ground, listening for changes in some annoying tone that would signal I struck it rich, or more likely found some scrap piece of metal or if I was lucky, a penny.

It was the other day while my wife and I were walking in a local park that we saw a father and a son using some metal detectors, and I vaguely remembered my history of metal detecting. My wife asked me why they would be there in the park, especially by the “beach” volleyball courts, and I had to remind her that there are people jumping up and down on a volleyball court, and they sometimes have precious metals, or at least a few coins in their pockets, and sometimes those items fall out of their pockets and get lost in the sand. She said “Oh, yea.”, and I also reminded her of my other run-in with a metal detector enthusiast who bragged of his finding a wedding ring once in the same park.

I was curious as I started this plight about the proliferation of detectorists (A term I found referring to those who are metal detector enthusiasts) so I did what anyone would do – I Googled “metal detector club.” Low and behold Google listed over 15,000 hits, and a quick look at the “Midstate Metal Detector Club“, a group based out of Wisconsin, and “World Wide Assocations of Treasure Seekers” (WWATS) websites, and I quickly learned that the detectorists take themselves very seriously, and that it seems the world of metal detecting considers itself on the endangered list thanks to a myriad of government regulations and not enough representation on the part of the detectorists.

It’s been a long time since I’ve listened to the whining of the speaker and watched the needle of the metal detector to see if I found a buried treasure, and I don’t see myself doing it again anytime soon, but after seeing the father and son I couldn’t help but plight: Have you ever used a metal detector?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Did you even consider going to see “The Lone Ranger” this weekend?

The big movie news over the weekend was twofold. First there was joy in Universal-land with “Despicable Me 2” as it brought in some $142 million over the long 4th of July weekend, a new record for a an animated film over the long, 5-day opening. Hooray! And then there was “The Lone Ranger.” Yup. you know the movie, at least I’m thinking you’ve heard of it. The one with Johnny Depp. He plays Tonto. And there is something about a train over a bridge and it blowing up? Yea, that’s the one. Well, it appears people heard of it, but for the most part no one went to see it as the news for Disney was bad with the movie only making about $48.9 million. Now, that seems like a lot of money, but the budget rumors say the movie cost anywhere between $215 and $250 million to put together, and when all is said and done after worldwide stuff and video it might break even, but if there were Disney dreams of replacing the “Pirates of the Caribbean” franchise with something new, they seem to be squashed.

Me, I relaxed a bit this weekend, working on some long-term projects, so I have to say that I didn’t even think of going to see “The Lone Ranger.” Well, there was that and the fact that the movie just didn’t look that good in the trailers, but as this weekend is over, and we get back to our normal schedule, I’m plighting: Did you even consider going to see “The Lone Ranger” this weekend?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do you know what PBR stands for?

First off, let me say that I’m not thinking Professional Bull Riders, nor Petroleo Brasileiro Petrobras, the first two results in Google when you, well, Google PBR, when I think of PBR. Should you think of those first, however, I’ll give you a pass and commend you for your knowledge of Brazilian oil, Silvano Alves, or maybe the lyrics from the Garth Brooks song, The Fever, “Keep your mind in the middle while your butt spins ’round and ’round.” Nope, I’m thinking of a fermented malt beverage, originally from the land of “Laverne and Shirley,” though not from Shotz Brewery.

The reason I bring this up is there was a story on the local news, and in the copy the anchor was reading was a reference to PBR. She finished the story, looked at her co-anchor, and said something like “I don’t know what ‘PBR’ is. Sorry, I’m not hip.”

Immediately I thought to myself, “Who doesn’t know what PBR is?”, and then I thought, “Probably a lot of people I suppose, especially folks not from the midwest.” Then I thought, “Who uses the term ‘hip’ anymore?” I think a lot to myself, sometimes.

The news anchor didn’t know what PBR stood for, and so I plight: Do you know what PBR stands for?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Would you ever clip your nails in a church?

So I’m in church as I’m wont to do on a Sunday morning a while ago, with my head bowed down in reverent prayer. Okay, it’s before mass has started, I’ve said a quick prayer, and now the A.D.D. in me is letting my mind wander and look around, noticing the flowers on the alter, scoping out what some people are wearing, and checking out what songs are set to be sung in the “follow-along-with-the-mass” handout (I’m becoming a fan of John Angotti). For this mass my wife and I are in the front row for the section which does leave some extra space to stretch your legs a bit, and then I spot it, out of the corner of my eye. No, it’s not someone in in bad shoes, it’s a toenail. Yup, there on the ground, gross as can be, a toenail. I start to get the heebeegeebees, look around the floor a little more, and yup, there’s a second! Ewwwwww!

After my initial grossness I do what every husband would probably do, I nudge my wife and point out the toenails to her. She, of course, isn’t as grossed out as I would hope, says they look more like fingernails than toenails, and comes up with some cockamamie explanation of someone trimmed their nails, probably wrapped them in a tissue and put them in their pocket or purse for disposal later, and then when the person needed something out of their pocket or purse, the clippings fell out.

Me, I envisioned some heathen, taking off their shoes before mass, pulling out the nail clippers, and giving themselves a pedicure right there, in the pew, before mass started, letting the clippings fly all over the church, but such is my mind.

I was careful not to step on the clippings when I got out of the pew, watched people waking by to see if any of them would step on the clippings, and then decided my plight: Would you ever clip your nails in church?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do you hope to live to at least 100 years old?

It’s my 100th Daily Plight post! Sure, they haven’t all been daily, but 100 is still some kind of milestone! And speaking of milestones, for a person, making it to 100 years old seems like the ultimate milestone, or at least a good one.

I don’t know anyone directly who has made it to 100, nor anyone who has been congratulated by Willard Scott on the Today Show, but my family generally makes it pretty long, with my dad getting to 79 and my mom to 82, although I think my mom could have easily made 90 had she not been a smoker. My Aunt Ang right now probably has the best shot at 100 of most people I know alive right now, having eclipsed 90 a while back, and although her eyesight isn’t the greatest any longer, she still boasts of mowing her own lawn and taking care of her daughter’s dogs. My wife’s family also seems to be a long-living bunch of octogenarians, so it looks like her and I will have many more wonderful years of wedded bliss!

Technology as it gets better and better is probably leading us to days when more and more people will be making it to 100 years, although sometimes I think people wonder if those last few years will be worth it, but I think, for the most part, that even if you are 99% sure you will be making it to Heaven, or your version of the “good life afterlife,” it’s that 1% of doubt of what lies beyond that keeps you not really wanting to leave the living, but as Steve Jobs said, “… death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it.”

I’m pretty sure asking a plight if you know anyone over 100 would lead to limited responses in the affirmative, but as I’m at my 100th plight, I’m plighting: Do you hope to live to at least 100 years old?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do you shoot off fireworks that are illegal where you live?

Happy 4th of July! The day we celebrate our independence, the day dogs hate the most thanks to fireworks, and the day before we will hear stories about people who blew off various body parts or maybe lost an eye, fires that started because of a wayward bottle rocket, and people not getting arrested for having illegal fireworks.

Me, I do like a good fireworks display, and I remember being a little kid and being able to buy cooler fireworks, you know, the bottle rockets, roman candles, and larger rockets, in Ohio, that was as long as you signed a piece of paper that said you were going to take them out of state to shoot off. “Yea, that’s right. We’re taking them out of state.”

Fireworks rules are pretty stupid, now, I suppose, what with various states having them legal, others having them banned, others with the “taking them out of state” law, and people rarely being arrested or charged with having them, especially if they shoot them off near the 4th. Here in Chicago you hear of tons of stories of people hopping across the border to Indiana to places like Phantom Fireworks, Krazy Kaplans, and Uncle Sam’s, and every now and then the occasional story of Illinois police watching for people crossing the border to buy fireworks, then bringing them back to Illinois, only to have their 4th of July celebration ruined by the police sting.

Sure, you can buy some cheesy fireworks at the local store most of the time. You know the kind, the black block that turns into a snake, the lame sparkler that is two inches long instead of the ones that are about two feet, and the things that spins around like a flying saucer, but there is something rebellious about shooting off fireworks you aren’t supposed to, and I suppose for this 4th of July I just suggest you all be safe out there, and don’t look down the tube of a firework that didn’t go off.

But for this plight, as we’re getting ready to put Milo’s Thundershirt for the day, I wonder: Do you shoot off fireworks that are illegal where you live?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

6 Souls

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:42 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

6 Souls
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Julianne Moore, Jonathan Rhys Meyers
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Anchor Bay Entertainment
Released On: July 2, 2013
Kiddie Movie: Only if you want them creeped out by old witches and people with multiple personalities.
Date Movie: It’s probably pretty good for snuggling with your mate.
Gratuitous Sex: Nah.
Gratuitous Violence: It’s got some pretty good gruesomeness.
Action: Some chasing and breaking glass.
Laughs: Nah.
Memorable Scene: The scenes with the creepy witch.
Memorable Quote: Nothing stood out.
Directed By: Mans Marlind, Mjorn Stein

Unless I give away the ending it’s hard to explain why I was pretty much enjoying “6 Souls” for the most part up until the last ten-ish minutes of the film, so I guess for now I’ll just say I was pretty much enjoying “6 Souls” for the most part, up until the last ten-ish minutes of the film. Maybe I’ll expound on that a little later, in which, here’s the proverbial “Spoiler Alert” warning, but for starters let’s get to the story.

In “6 Souls” we get the always-awesome Julianne Moore. She’s Dr. Cara Harding, a psychiatrist lady who’s having a hard time after her husband dies. Her dad, though, trying to get her back in the game, brings along Adam (Jonathan Rhys Meyers). Adam, it seems, is harboring a bunch of personalities inside of him, with one of them easily being called up when he answers a phone.  The thing is it’s not just a personality that Adam seems to have, but Adam actually mentally and verbally turns into the personality, who happen to be murder victims.

At first, of course, the good Doctor figures Adam has just read up on the murder victims, figures out their quirks and mannerisms, and then is able to channel the victims as different personalities. It isn’t until Dr. Harding brings along the mother of one of the murder victims that Adam channels, and Adam knows things that only the son would have known, that now she thinks something else, something mystical, something spiritual might be afoot.

The problem is that Adam begins meeting up with more and more people in Dr. Harding’s life, including her daughter, and as this isn’t really a case of multiple personalities as it is a case of possession, and now her family is deathly involved.

As it goes Dr. Harding’s  research takes her to more-than-rural America, to shacks in the back of the woods where the scary people live, and yet, our fair Doctor finds out the truth about Adam, but sadly it might be a little too late for…

Okay, I’m not going to give it away, but I will say that Hollywood cliffhanger mode came in to full play for the ending of the movie, setting up a possible sequel, I’m sure if the money is right, instead of going for a better mode of closure, and the true crushing of Dr. Harding’s spirit, which is how I would have ended the movie.

For the most part, though, ending aside, everyone is pretty fantastic in the movie. Julianne Moore, well, enough said – She could take the roll of a porn star and make it awesome. Oh wait, she did. The rest of the cast, especially Jonathan Rhys Meyers, does well, also, and kudos for Jonathan for actually pulling off great jobs as multiple roles, what with him having the multiple personalities and all. Then there are the creepy folks, especially Joyce Feurring as the witch and Katiana Davis as her helper girl.

As a thriller “6 Souls” is pretty good, even if some of the movie is standard fair, and even if it doesn’t offer too many surprises. I would have preferred the bad guy’s soul being sucked out of him and stored on a shelf for safe keeping as an ending, instead of the one we ended up with, but I guess I can’t have it all. It’s 3 ½ stars out of 5 for “6 Souls.” It could have easily ended up a 4 starrer for me with a different finish.

As far as the Blu-ray, there’s nothing special. Get this one for some creepiness on a night to snuggle with your honey.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Would you describe an address of 20500 as “twenty five hundred” or “two zero five zero zero?”

The number is pretty simple: 20500

Sure, you would think there should be a comma there, as in 20,500, but it’s a street address and not a counting number.

Still pretty simple, right?

The complexity comes in, however, in how you want to describe that number to other people, namely people who might be trying to find the address, and the person I’m thinking of seems to have a hard time understanding why people can’t locate her address sometimes. I found it odd, also, until I heard her describe the address as “twenty five hundred.” Sure, there’s a twenty at the beginning of the address, and it ends in five hundred, but in my head, and in what it seems the heads of most of the people she directs to her office, they all consider her “twenty five hundred” as 2500 on the address range thereby falling short of finding the address by lots and lots of block. The thing is that it’s not the first time I’ve heard someone reference this particular address as “twenty five hundred,” and have a misdirection because of it, but I’m wondering where that comes from, as in my head the address is orated “two zero five zero zero,” or in lazier form, “two oh five oh oh.”

It makes me wonder what the rest of you might call it, so my plight is this: Would you describe an address of 20500 as “twenty five hundred” or “two zero five zero zero?”

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Have You Ever Been in a Parade?

It’s that time of year again as we approach the 4th of July, and I’m not talking about the time to blow off fireworks. Nope, I’m talking about parade time. The Memorial Day parades have come and gone, Chicago just had its Gay Pride Parade, and with the 4th of July there will be a plethora of parades for all to see should they want to be a part of them. Me, for the longest time, I have always been the parade observer, at least back when I was a little tyke and went to parades, and for around 30 years wouldn’t really go near a parade, not even those celebrating my winning teams in Cleveland (Oh, wait. There aren’t any.), nor the celebrations in Chicago for their countless, or at least a few, championship seasons.

I guess after a time I really didn’t care about parades, until, well, I found myself a paradee instead of the parader. As part of my duty as a mascot, suddenly I found myself seated on top of a convertible, cruising through a local downtown, and loving it. The thing about being in a mascot outfit, especially at a parade, is that you feel like a rock star. The kids love you because, as opposed to sometimes when you are up close to them and scaring the bejesus out of them, it’s all about the love. They’re waving, calling to you, and just thinking you are the best, and me, soaking it all in, I’m up there on the convertible, bouncing to the music blaring from the stereo, trying to wave and “connect” to each and every one of my new fans, and thinking parades are the best. There is no better feeling than uber-adoration from throngs of fans at a parade, as long as you don’t remember that in about 10 seconds whomever is behind you in the parade has now become your “fans” best friends.

And so, as we approach the 4th of July, I’m wondering and I plight: Have you ever been in a parade?

Fred Won’t Move Out

MPAA Rated – Not Rated
It’s 1:15 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Fred Won’t Move Out
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Elliott Gould, Judith Roberts, Mfoniso Udofia, Fred Melamed, Stephanie Roth Haberle
MPAA Rated: Not Rated
Released By: Virgil Films
Released On: June 11, 2013
Kiddie Movie: It’s about parents getting old and dying. Put the kids to bed.
Date Movie: Put her to bed, too.
Gratuitous Sex: Nope.
Gratuitous Violence: Nope.
Action: Nope.
Laughs: Some attempts at a “pussy” joke. And, oh yea, the line by my “assistant.”
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: From my assistant at the end of the movie: “What, did they run out of money?”
Directed By: Richard Ledes
Cool things abou the DVD: Nothing.

The press release stated “Told with both humor and wistfulness,” and the DVD packaging “With levity and sadness.” These were descriptions for the movie “Fred Won’t Move Out” upon which I sold viewing the movie to my assistant reviewer on a Saturday night. “Sure, Honey,” I said, “It’s probably got some sad and depressing moments, what with the movie being about an older couple, dad Fred struggling to walk and mom Susan having Alzheimer’s, but it’s supposed to have some humor and levity, too.” That and the fact that I told her if the movie was that bad, it was only an hour and fifteen minutes, so it won’t last that long.

And so we watched “Fred Won’t Move Out,” I kept wondering where the levity was, the best humor was a line by my assistant at the end of the movie, “What, did they run out of money?”, and although some rather fine acting by Elliott Gould and Judith Roberts was throughout the film I couldn’t help but be happy the movie was only an hour and fifteen minutes.

“Fred Won’t Move Out,” as somewhat stated earlier,” works to tell the story of a family, brother Bob (Fred Melamed) and sister Carol (Stephanie Roth Haberle), dealing with their elderly parents Fred and Susan. It’s a small snapshot of a few weeks towards the end of the parent’s lives when it’s time for Susan to definitely be put in an assisted living facility as her Alzheimer’s is reaching the advanced stages, Fred really needs more help as his walking ability is fading fast and he is becoming senile, and the work is becoming too much for the live-in caregiver, Victoria (Mfoniso Udofia) to handle. It’s up to Bob and Carol to convince Fred that it’s time to face the reality of getting older, and that although he doesn’t want to leave the house he has lived in for years with Susan, that it’s really for the best, and it’s really time to accept Susan’s condition, as well as his own.

The movie spotlights many of the internal struggles the family is dealing with, as well as Bob trying to deal with his own failings as a filmmaker. There are a lot of mentally tough scenes to deal with as a viewer, especially of Susan showing many of the ravages of Alzheimer’s, and Elliot Gould is fantastic as the elder husband not really understanding what is going on sometimes, especially with his wife, and her inability to function as he remembers. There is one especially touching scene when a second Bob (Robert Miller), a music therapist, comes to sing some songs to bring comfort to Susan, and the family is together, singing songs, and for a few minutes it’s like things are back to normal.

Don’t get me wrong, the acting by Elliott Gould and Judith Roberts is fantastic, and yes, it’s a tough story to try to tell, but truthfully, at least for me, don’t watch this movie for any levity nor humor as the couple of attempts might bring a chuckle or grin, but this is truly a serious look at a brother and sister dealing with their elderly parents.

And then there is the ending.

Yes, the movie is only an hour and fifteen minutes, but as the movie ended, and I won’t ruin it for you, my wife, I mean assistant, blurted out “What, did they run out of money?” Why? Because I’m sure there was some deep-seeded meaning to the ending scene, and maybe I missed part of conversation that took place earlier in the film that would explain it, but with Fred, Bob, Carol, and Victoria out on the back patio of the house, calling out towards the woods, the movie ended. No real closure, no real answer, and no real ending.

“Fred Won’t Move Out” is an indie-style film, filmed in the childhood home of the writer-director Richard Ledes, and the movie really looks like it. There are a lot of shaky camera movements, a lot of “trying to be artsy” camera shots, and a lot of scenes that could do better by a soundstage, but thankfully the acting of Elliott and Judith carry the film otherwise I would have been shooting for a rating of 1/2 star. Instead I’ll give the movie 2 stars out of 5. I suppose it should be 1 ½ star with the ending it gave me, but I’ll stick with the 2 stars. No real humor, no real levity, but if you do want to laugh just think of what my wife said as the credits started, “What, did they run out of money?”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!