Author: Andy Labis

Erin Brockovich

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:11 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Erin Brockovich
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Julia Roberts, Albert Finney
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 2000
Kiddie Movie: Lots of swearing and an way adult story.
Date Movie: She’ll make you take her and you’ll like reluctantly go on the outside but be excited to see Julia Roberts in skimpy clothes on the inside.
Gratuitous Sex: Julia keeps the clothes on.
Gratuitous Violence: Erin’s car getting broadsided.
Action: Nothing action.
Laughs: Lots of them – Julia is very sassy!
Memorable Scene: See “Violence.”
Memorable Quote: Too many to write.
Directed By: Steven Soderbergh

Well, I’m back in love with Julia Roberts. Not that I was ever really out of love with her, but after seeing “Erin Brockovich” I remember what I really liked about Julia Roberts – her smile. Alright, there are many other things about her that aren’t bad, but for me, she just has a killer smile.

Alright, enough about my infatuation with Julia Roberts, what about the movie. “Erin Brockovich” was great. I could be really lazy and just end the review there, but I guess I’ll explain some more.

Julia Roberts plays Erin. She’s a single mother, struggling to make ends meet, when she gets in a car accident. She hooks up with Ed (Albert Finney), the head of a small law firm, who takes her accident case, but Erin’s mouth kind of messes up the case. So, Erin’s still out of work, and decides that since Ed’s law firm couldn’t get her a settlement, she would just start working there, and she does. Dressed in short skirts and low tops, most of her co-workers don’t like her (I failed to see the problem), and she stumbles upon some realty files that contain health information and she puts the connection together – the man is screwing over the little people and the little people are dying. But Erin isn’t a lawyer, she’s a mom, and her drive for justice isn’t based on money but by seeing the big, bad company disgraced by the actions they pulled on the local town folk. So, she convinces Ed to take the cases, and she slowly shows him that it isn’t always the money that is important.

Now, kind of like “A Civil Action,” “Erin Brockovich” shows some of the problems that arise when a small firm tackles on a corporation and their team of lawyers, but unlike “A Civil Action,” this story proved just a little more sad and had a little bit of humor thrown in. Why? Because Erin was a sassy, loving, caring, tell it off the cuff, sexy, stepped on, and just lovable person. You feel bad when she gets screwed over, you feel vindicated when she wins, and you can’t help but like her. It was the perfect role for Julia Roberts and Julia Roberts played it perfectly.

The story is serious, Erin is just fun to watch, and up until the end you sometimes loath the lawyer Ed but realize he is just a lovable, big lug. “Erin Brockovich” proved entertaining, combining a touching story about big business trying to screw over the little people, and also showing that just being a nice person can get people to trust you. I liked the movie, think it is one of Julia Roberts’ best performances, and give “Erin Brockovich” 4 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Epic Movie

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:26 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Epic Movie
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Kal Penn, Adam Campbell, Jennifer Coolidge, Jayma Mays, Faune A. Chambers, Crispin Glover, Darrell Hammond, Carmen Electra, Fred Willard
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: 20th Century Fox
Release Date: 2007
Kiddie Movie: Lots of “shits” and killing the “White Bitch.”
Date Movie: Only if she’s 16 and easily amused.
Gratuitous Sex: Carmen Electra was hot as Mystique.
Gratuitous Violence: There’s some fighting. They are trying to kill the “White Bitch.”
Action: Nah.
Laughs: A few.
Memorable Scene: Nothing in particular.
Memorable Quote: Nah.
Directed By: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer

As I was sitting, waiting for “Epic Movie” to start, I saw what I’m assuming was a mom with four girls that looked to be about the age of ten. By the end of the film I wondered if she second-guessed her choice of bringing those girls to a movie where the main goal of the movie was to kill the “White Bitch.” And yes, that was the name of the character, not her nickname.

Alright, I won’t give too much of a synopsis for “Epic Movie” because pretty much it follows along the “Scary Movie” franchise of spoofing other films, but sadly, it doesn’t do it very well. The main course of this movie is “The Chronicles of Narnia,” where for “Epic Movie” we get the quartet of Kal Penn (poking fun at himself in his Kumar days) as Edward, Adam Campbell as Peter, Jayma Mays as Lucy, and Faune A. Chambers as Susan, set in the land of Gnarnia (the “G” is silent), where they have to kill the White Bitch (Jennifer Coolidge), a.k.a. Stifler’s Mom, which Edward quickly points out when he first sees her. Our quartet of kids (even though they are in their late 20’s or 30) start as orphans who each find a golden ticket, ala “Willy Wonka,” where a demented Willy (Crispin Glover) torments the kids. Of course the kids find the wardrobe, make their way to Gnarnia, and find out their true destiny.

Oh hell, that’s enough of the synopsis because sadly the movie isn’t creative, at all, in spoofing the movies it tries to. Case in point: For whatever reason, Susan is on a plane that gets infested by snakes, and the fake Samuel L. Jackson keeps spouting the “get the snakes off the plane” line, throws Susan off the plane, where Susan proceeds to break her fall by landing on the fake “Paris Hilton.” Rather than trying to truly intertwine the movies it was spoofing into some sort of cohesive story, “Epic Movie” just seems to take a scene, and haphazardly make fun of it. And maybe the movie folks were trying to be funny by not even trying to cover-up the fact that Fred Willard, as Aslo, wasn’t really doing the fighting, but I guess I missed the joke.

There were a couple of funny things in the movie, but none to really warrant any kind of recommendation to see it other than maybe running across it on cable. And parents, there is something you have to remember about a PG-13 movie: You may only be able to say the “F” word one time, but killing the “White Bitch” and saying “shit” can happen pretty much all the filmmakers want. And, oh yea, sexual innuendo (in this case pretty bad sexual innuendo), can be pretty rampant, too. It’s 1 star out of 5 for “Epic Movie.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Envy

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:39 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Envy
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Rachel Weisz, Amy Poehler, Christopher Walken
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Dreamworks SKG
Release Date: 2004
Kiddie Movie: Nope.
Date Movie: Nope.
Gratuitous Sex: Rachel gets horny in one scene.
Gratuitous Violence: A horse and Christopher Walken gets shot with an arrow.
Action: Nope.
Laughs: Few.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Barry Levinson

You would think you could put Jack Black, Ben Stiller, Christopher Walken, and Rachel Weisz in any movie and there would be something enjoyable about it, wouldn’t you? Somehow “Envy” proves this wrong.

This review will be short because I finally hit a movie that I came really close to walking out on. My preview of the movie gave this synopsis: “The story has Ben Stiller as Tim and Jack Black as Nick. It seems they are best friends and co-workers. Nick comes up with some cockamamie invention called Vapoorizer, a spray that makes dog poop vanish. Tim had a chance to buy into it before it hit big, but he thought it stupid. Now Nick is rolling in dough and Tim just gets more envious of Nick. Add Christopher Walken and hilarity ensues.” The problem – hilarity didn’t ensue, in fact, hilarity was nowhere to be found. Alright, that’s really not true, I did laugh a couple of times, but you know, I don’t even remember at what.

I’m not going to waste your time with this movie any more than you should waste your time with this movie. It’s ½ star out of 5, and the only reason for the ½ star was because there was a scene where Rachel looked extremely hot. What a waste of talent.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Enough

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:55 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Enough
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jennifer Lopez, Billy Campbell, Juliette Lewis, Noah Wyle, Tessa Allen
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Release Date: 2007
Kiddie Movie: Even though it’s PG-13, leave them at home or girls will never trust men…. even the good ones.
Date Movie: Only if you want her to wonder when you are going to snap.
Gratuitous Sex: It would have been better if J.Lo got naked. She did wear some skimpy tops, though.
Gratuitous Violence: Slim gets slapped a few times, but then she beats the shit out of Mitch.
Action: Not really action.
Laughs: I almost laughed while waiting for the “Theme from Rocky” when Slim was doing her self-defense training.
Memorable Scene: Nothing really stood out.
Memorable Quote: Mitch’s mom, upon seeing Slim’s bruises: “What did you do?”
Directed By: Michael Apted

This is what I wrote as my preview for “Enough”, with just information from the trailers…

——-
This movie reminds me of that Julia Roberts’ movie where her husband won’t give up finding her, except in this one the main dudette has a daughter.
Yea, Slim (Jennifer Lopez) marries a wealthy dude, Mitch (Billy Campbell). All is well until, well, he starts to abuse her. She runs, he finds her, and she realizes that if she doesn’t fight back, well, then, her days are numbered in the wrong direction.

The story has been done before, but it looks like the film-people are adding a few twists and turns. If they give me the bad ending, well, I’ll like this film more, but I’m guessing this one will give us the ending we expect. Films in the real world excite me more, like when things don’t work out like a fairy-tale, but most of the other public wants the fairy-tale. I’m guessing Slim kills Mitch and they all live happily ever after. I hope not. For me it will be a better movie if it is on the sad route.

J. Lo is usually pretty decent, so is Billy Campbell, but this has all the looking’s of a cookie-cutter ending. If not I’ll spoil it and let you know.
——–
Sorry if I ruin this movie for you, and please don’t tell me you didn’t think it would end the way it does, but for the most part I was right on every count. For a few more details, simply, Mitch ends up meeting Slim in the diner she works at, they end up getting married, and about 4 years later Slim realizes Mitch is cheating on her. She can’t take it anymore, he says, basically, “Too bad,” and smacks her around. She ends up taking off with their kid.

The problem is that Slim is stupid and Mitch has connections, so, yea, Mitch finds her. On the run again, and with her estranged father now involved, Slim realizes she has only one chance at happiness and that is if she gets rid of Mitch. Go ahead, use your knowledge of foreshadowing and figure out exactly how Mitch will meet his demise. Can someone tell writers and directors to not give away the ending before the ending?

Anyway, if you’re looking for a generic, cookie-cutter thriller with a couple of interesting twists and turns, “Enough” isn’t bad and does its job. Lopez is good as Slim, the mother just wanting a loving family life and doing anything to keep her daughter safe, and you will despise Mitch which means Billy Campbell does his job as well. You will also get to see an evil side to Noah Wyle, a far cry from the more goody-two-shoes Doctor Carter on E.R., in some, not really cameos, but some supporting action. For me, though, and sure no one would probably want to see the movie, I’d have preferred Slim getting screwed in the end because she didn’t do the right thing first, and that would have been to tell the cops and head for a woman’s shelter. As the lawyer tells her, she’s basically fucked in the courts because she ran for the hills.

Call me twisted, and I know it wouldn’t be popular, but it would prove a better drama if Slim gets screwed. In the end it wouldn’t be what you probably want, and that is for Slim to win. You get what you want.

For me “Enough” was a 1 ½ star movie, but from listening to most of the people leaving it was more like 3 ½ stars (I heard a lot of things like “That wasn’t bad.”). I’ll average them together and give “Enough” 2 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right! L8R!!!

Enchanted

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:47 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Enchanted
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Amy Adams, Susan Sarandon, Patrick Dempsey
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Walt Disney Home Entertainment
Release Date: 2007
Kiddie Movie: Maybe not 9 year old boys, but definitely the girls.
Date Movie: Even if you don’t have kids it’s a fun movie. Not too long and with a happy ending.
Gratuitous Sex: It’s from Disney. What do you think?
Gratuitous Violence: In a cartoonish kind of way.
Action: There’s some suspense more than action.
Laughs: Lots of them!
Memorable Scene: I liked when Giselle became “big citied” when she order the hot dogs with Prince Edward.
Memorable Quote: Nothing stood out.
Directed By: Kevin Lima

DVD Review:
When the movie “Enchanted” made its way to movie theaters I sort of balked at seeing it, as, well, I’m a 40 year old dude with no kids. Then I started hearing reports of how good it was, for both kids and adults, and then I did want to see it. But then as my Thanksgiving weekend kind of got turned upside down, I didn’t see any movies, but during our “Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up!” podcast, Stu Gotz mentioned that he really enjoyed seeing the flick. As such I added to my Netflix queue, and you know what, the movie was fantastic.

The story goes as the trailer shows – Giselle (Amy Adams) is a Princess in the animated world, and she is set to marry Prince Edward (James Marsden). The evil Queen Narissa (Susan Sarandon), working to put the kibosh on the upcoming nuptials, dispatches Giselle to our real world in New York City. But Prince Edward is in love so he transports himself to New York City as well, and suddenly you have two lovable people from a Disney animated movie trying to survive life in the big city. The thing is that all is not simple for Prince Edward, as in the time period between Giselle and the good Prince’s arrival, Giselle has met single dad, Robert (Patrick Dempsey), and his adorable daughter, Morgan (Rachel Covey). Now sort of indoctrinated into our world, and able to round up what would be the grossest of critters to us, namely roaches and rats and pigeons, to clean Robert’s apartment, when Prince Edward does arrive Giselle begins to think some things might have to change because now she’s looking for a life after her “happily ever after” happens.

Yes, of course, you can see that Robert will fall in love with Giselle (and who wouldn’t?), there’s a foreshadowing that the good Prince might not actually end up with Giselle, and to bring the movie full circle, Queen Narissa shows up to finally put an end to Giselle, and in Disney fashion, she fails.

The movie is fascinating as Disney takes the rules of the Princess story in the animated world and translates them to the grit and grime of New York City, but what totally brings this movie into a fantastic realm is that Amy Adams is able to pull off playing an animated Princess in real life, and she deserves even more accolades than she received for her role.

If you’ve got kids you’ve probably already seen “Enchanted” in the theater, or via DVD, or probably both, but if you haven’t, I will say this is not one of those children’s movie with nothing for the adults, in fact it is just the opposite, and might even melt the hearts of the dudes who only like movies where a lot of stuff blows up. With that I’m giving “Enchanted” 5 stars out of 5.

As far as the DVD I was disappointed in the blooper reel, because those clips are usually my favorite, and once again we see why deleted scenes make their way to the deleted scenes extra. What was fascinating, at least for me, were the “making of” portions of the bonus material, especially how they filmed the cleaning of the apartment scene. The thing I didn’t need on the DVD bonus features was the section telling me that I suck because I don’t have a Blu-ray DVD player yet, as the Blu-ray version has a few more extras.

A super-solid rental if you’re just looking for a nice movie to snuggle with your honey on the couch, and if you’ve got kids, especially little girls who love Disney movies, you’ll probably have to buy it.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Elizabethtown

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 2:03 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Elizabethtown
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Orlando Bloom, Kirsten Dunst, Susan Sarandon, Jessica Biel, Alec Baldwin
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Paramount Pictures
Release Date: 2005
Directed By: Cameron Crowe,

There’s a huge plus for this movie, namely the likes of Cameron Crowe being the Director, and it’s looking like a romantic comedy with a couple of twists.

It seems Drew (Orlando Bloom) made a big mistake at his working gig, his life is falling apart, and the only answer is to end it all. Then, to top it all off, his dad dies and he has to head to his hometown of Elizabethtown. On the way he meets a stewardess, I mean flight attendant, Claire (Kirsten Dunst), and now he has a buddy to vent with, and love ensues.

Claire helps Drew get through his bad times, Drew falls for Claire, and love is in the air.

This looks like a good movie for the both of everyone, and Cameron Crowe is pretty good at making movies that don’t get too sappy for the dudes yet just sappy enough for the dudettes, and this movie is already getting a little buzz for a statue nomination for one of those statue nomination folks.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Elektra

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:37 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Elektra
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jennifer Garner
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: 20th Century Fox
Release Date: 2005
Kiddie Movie: Nope.
Date Movie: Nope.
Gratuitous Sex: Just some skimpy outfits.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of people get their asses kicked.
Action: There’s lots of running around.
Laughs: Unfortunately most of them are supposed to be funny.
Memorable Scene: Nothing.
Memorable Quote: Nothing.
Directed By: Rob Bownan

“Daredevil” wasn’t that well received by critics, but it did do alright at the box office, so you would naturally assume there would be a sequel. Now I’m not sure this is how it worked out, but I see the movie people listening to every horny guy out there who couldn’t get enough of Jennifer Garner and her Elektra costume. I hear it now “We need to make a movie with that Garner chick. Is Elektra a real comic? Is there a back story or forward story we could use? I don’t like that story, let’s make another one but we can keep that ‘Hand’ thing to keep it real. Okay, get to it.”

Now, not being a comic book person, I have no idea if the story in the movie “Elektra” ever sort of took place in the comic version. My history with her story is based on the history of Elektra on the Marvel comic’s site, and the comic story is so much better, has much more potential, than the crap story they churned out for this film. For the movie we get re-introduced to Elektra, who has no ties to Matt Murdock (Daredevil) anymore, nope, now she has become a well-paid assassin. She has also honed many of her martial arts skills because now she is pretty much able to run around with super speed, and see a little bit into the future. Well, she gets hired to kill a father and daughter, but in the end she can’t do it. Now she turns from assassin to protector, because the Hand (some evil martial arts group with all kinds of weird powers) still wants the little girl dead. A fight here, a fight there, wolves coming out of some dude’s chest, a dudette who can kill you by blowing you a kiss, and eventually Elektra is back in her skimpy red outfit for one last battle.

Sure, there’s a little more to the story than that, but I’d really rather not bore you, if you go and see the movie you’ll get enough of that.

Like I said before, I don’t know if the storyline in movie Elektra was an actual plot line from the comic books, but I don’t think so, or if it is, they really messed it up (or it was a horrible comic). The best comic book movies don’t try to re-invent the story, the story has already been written (hence the fabulousness of the ‘Spider-Man’ series and the better ‘Batman’ movies). All you need to do is faithfully transfer that story to the big screen. And it’s too bad, because I liked Jennifer Garner as Elektra in “Daredevil,” and in reading the history of Elektra, there was tons of potential, but for me, they blew it. My suggestion – they should have used this movie to develop Elektra, give us more of an insight into how she went from pretty much being dead in “Daredevil” to becoming an assassin. That could have been a good enough movie in itself. Instead, they give you bits and pieces of Elektra’s history in flashbacks, and try to tie it with this nice film of Elektra finding herself.

Well, enough of this review. “Elektra” has a lot of potential but really fails in trying to be too nice of a movie. Garner looks fabulous in her red outfit, and really does great in the fighting scenes, but the story just lacked so much and had such dorky moments (Elektra, waiting for the big fight with her nemesis, in a big, old overcoat, stripping off the coat to reveal her skimpy, red, fighting suit) that I couldn’t get past them. It’s 1 ½ stars out of 5 for “Elektra.” Wait for video, or better yet, wait for cable for this one.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Election

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:43 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Election
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Matthew Broderick, Reese Witherspoon, Chris Klein, Jessica Campbell
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Paramount Pictures
Release Date: 1999
Kiddie Movie: Don’t even think about it.
Date Movie: Sure, bring her along.
Gratuitous Sex: Some, but nothing gratuitous. More talk than action.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Chuckles and gut-busters usually caused by character lines totally unexpected.
Memorable Scene: Anytime Reese changes facial expression.
Memorable Quote: A couple. One by Tammy Metzler, “Sometimes, when I’m sad, I sit and watch the power station.” Another by Paul Metzler, “I really was surprised when Lisa Flannigan asked me for a ride home and then began blowing me.”
Directed By: Alexander Payne

Ahhh, high school.. Where kids learn about growing up, sometimes get laid, play sports, get involved in extracurricular activities, and just want to get the hell out of there. The groups are always the same, the teachers are always the same, but nowhere could I have imagined a run for student government president as came out in the movie “Election.”

“Election” tells the story of Tracy Flick (Reese Witherspoon), the always with the right answer, always involved in drama, yearbook, government, and any other student organization as long as she is usually the head honcho, and the always is the most known student in high school but not the most popular. It is finally her senior year and her dream is about to come true – President of student government. Enter Jim McAllister (Matthew Broderick), the bestest teacher in the school, the one everyone goes to with their problems, the one always there grooming the youngins for adult life, and the one who finally gets sick of miss goody-to-shoes Tracy. He can’t stand that Tracy is running unopposed for President and decides that she needs to lose, and who better to lose against than Mr. Popularity – Paul Metzler (Chris Klein). So, teacher Jim convinces Paul to run, and all is well until Paul ends up with his sister’s girlfriend (or wishes she was her girlfriend), so Tammy Metzler (Jessica Campbell) figures she can get back at Paul by running for President too.

Sounds a little confusing, huh? Well, it’s not, and throw in some comical sidelines of teacher Jim’s screwed-up life at home and you get an adult comedy that won’t be seen by many people because it’s kinda artsy, kinda stuck in only a few theaters, but had me laughing and really enjoying the performance by Reese (her ability to switch facial expressions from concerned to cheery to totally pissed-off to pleased to a vindictive bitch is most excellent), by Broderick (he’s so much better playing the confused character rather than the hero), and by Campbell (she’s great as the lesbian high-schooler who is the loner yet finds her place should really be at the catholic school for girls and does everything she can to get there). A lot of dry humor, some out-right laugher spots, and a twisted look at how lives can become unmanageable in just one day.

Leave the kids at home for this one, it’s definitely for the older crowd able to reflect back on their own twisted high school lives. Too adult and you might be offended, too young and you might not be able to relate yet.

It’s 4 stars out of 5 for “Election.” It made me laugh, made a lot of the audience laugh, and the two ladies leaving the theater next to me said it was pretty good, too.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Eight Legged Freaks

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:39 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Eight Legged Freaks
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: David Arquette, Kari Wuhrer
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Warner Bros.
Release Date: 2002
Directed By: Ellory Elkayem

Alright, spiders are now big and scary and we all hate that. From the preliminary things I’ve read this is supposed to be some kind of spoof of those old time, out of this world, horror movies.

The trailer looks pretty funny, this one looks like it won’t take itself at all seriously, and that’s a good thing for a movie about giant spiders that terrorize a town.

“Arachnophobia” had the world afraid about normal sized spiders, this one is a spoof. It could be good fun or maybe just really crappy. I’m hoping for the former, especially because it’s got Kari Wuhrer.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Eight Crazy Nights

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:16 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Eight Crazy Nights
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Voices of Adam Sandler, Jackie Titone, Austin Stout, Kevin Nealon, Rob Schneider
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Release Date: 2002
Kiddie Movie: It’s not a kiddie cartoon.
Date Movie: It’s not a date cartoon.
Gratuitous Sex: It’s got a three-boobed woman.
Gratuitous Violence: Wedgies and tumbling in a port-a-potty.
Action: None.
Laughs: Ehh.
Memorable Scene: The holiday banquet was very disturbing.
Memorable Quote: Whitey’s sister: “Whitey, they were giving lobster bibs in the bathroom!”
Directed By: Seth Kearsley

Adam Sandler had a chance to make a Holiday classic. Alright, maybe not a classic, but at least a nice movie you could watch with the kids. Instead he made “Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights.”

How’s this for a nice holiday story. Davey is in his early thirties. He’s the town drunk, causing havoc for anyone in a good mood, especially during the holidays. In front of the judge again, well, the judge is ready to throw the book at him except an old man, Whitey, stands up and wants to take Davey under his wing, hoping to bring Davey back to the good side of society. The judge agrees, so now Davey is an assistant referee to Whitey for the youth leagues. There was something in his past that made Davey the way he is. Whitey knows it, the old love of his life Jennifer knows it, only Davey can’t face his past to get to his future. With the help of Whitey, Davey eventually comes to terms with his past, and in the process helps Whitey to realize the love the townsfolk have for him.

It’s a nice premise, could be sort of nice for the entire family, except Sandler and his writers turn to crap to try to make a nice story funny. And I literally mean crap, as in once scene where Davey finds it funny to dump Whitey over in a port-a-potty, Whitey emerging covered in crap, Davey hosing Whitey down turning him into a crap-sicle, and then having deer lick the crap off of Whitey. And, oh yea, the movie also has a three-boobed woman.

This movie is rated PG-13 and it’s not because Sandler and friends made it funny with poop and sex jokes. It’s because Sandler and friends made it un-funny with poop and sex jokes, and this makes me somewhat sad because Sandler could have either a) made a decent gross-out cartoon or b) dropped his name from the marquee (therefore not scaring away some parents from bringing their kids), dropped the poop and sex jokes, and made a holiday cartoon that could have been rated PG, or even G, that the entire family could enjoy. Then, of course, Sandler could have used real people in this movie, instead of it being a cartoon, and it probably would have been funnier because real people are involved. The potential was there for either, instead they made a nice story into crap.

I generally like Adam Sandler style humor, but this movie just lost it on too many levels. It’s 1 ½ star out of 5 for “Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights.” And, oh yea, the movie opens with a movie short called “A Day With Meatball,” an unfunny movie about a dog.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!