Author: Andy Labis

Eye of the Beholder

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:45 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Eye of the Beholder
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Ashley Judd, Ewan McGregor, k.d. lang
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Destination Films
Release Date: 1999
Kiddie Movie: No way.
Date Movie: She might get a little scared, or might thing you’re a stalker.
Gratuitous Sex: There’s some.
Gratuitous Violence: Some quality kills.
Action: Not too much on the action side.
Laughs: Only at things that didn’t make sense.
Memorable Scene: Ashley Judd (Joanna) stabbing a dude.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Stephen Elliott

There are many ways to go for realism in a film. Sometimes you try to get shootings to look real. Sometimes you try to get acting to seem real. And sometimes you try to get scenery to look real. Now this might not make sense to anyone who hasn’t seen a Chicago police car, but I just had to chuckle as I was watching “Eye of the Beholder” when The Eye (yea, no name really, just “The Eye”) (Ewan McGregor) and Joanna (Ashley Judd) ended up in Chicago. Other than the fact that there aren’t many cobblestone streets, who told the filmmakers that the police cars had red stripes on them? I saw the Chicago rollers and there they were, painted in red instead of the blue that every person who has seen any other movie with Chicago coppers, from a film like “The Blues Brothers” to “The Fugitive,” would know. It was at this point that “Eye of the Beholder” just took a downturn from “Ehh” to “wait for cable.”

So, in “Eye of the Beholder” you have The Eye, a spy dude with a couple of screws loose because he lost his daughter who is, well, spying, on Joanna and her latest conquest. She’s not playing with a full deck either as she sort of has the black widow thing going. You know, using men for their love (and money) and then killing them. Well, after seeing Joanna and hearing voices from his lost daughter, The Eye basically bails on his spy career and turns into a stalker, trailing Joanna across the continental United States and ending up in Alaska. We get to see The Eye using his high-tech spy things to catch her words, her actions, her falling in love, and her finally seeming to have a happy life with a blind dude until The Eye messes that up. But he thinks that he is meant for her, she doesn’t really know him until it’s too late, and, well, the movie doesn’t have a happy ending except to have you going “That’s it?” At least that’s what the lady in back of me said as the credits started to roll.

There were lots of problems with “Eye of the Beholder” and none of them had to do with the acting of McGregor nor Judd. McGregor is in a roll right after the Star Wars flick, maybe so he doesn’t fall into the “Mark Hamill Syndrome.” He’s a good enough actor, playing the messed in the head spy who can’t help but try to help Joanna, but the role is stuck in a story that really ends up making little sense. Ashley Judd, still one of my favoritist actresses lately, is great as the disturbed man-killer, really just looking for someone to love her and not see her for what she is, and does her role well. But the problem comes in the story, especially on the The Eye side. Yea, he’s great at being a detective, but he’s a little, as my mom might nicely say, loony. His co-workers know this, but they don’t do anything except maybe enable him. And when he finally snaps, well, even with all the spy gear and the spy agency he works for, well, they can’t find him, which I find odd because he always wears the dingy red coat and looks disheveled. At first he seemed like a great spy, but by the end he just made me laugh, especially with his shrine of snow-globes, and his final inability to tell Joanna just who he is.

So, McGregor was good and Ashley, I’m happy to say, is a great actress with a great body and isn’t afraid to show it. But the rest of the movie, well, it was good until you realize that The Eye is basically a stalker with cool spy shit.

So, as I checked my watch during the movie I was deciding to give “Eye of the Beholder” 2 ½ stars, then came the Chicago roller’s blunder and I just can’t handle that. At least get the color right. As much as McGregor was good, as much as Judd was good (and she got naked too), I just couldn’t get over the red coloring on the Chicago cop cars and the story just seemed really dumb after that. I really hate giving this rating for an Ashley Judd movie, but it’s 1 ½ stars for “Eye of the Beholder.” It was a movie with a lot, and I mean a lot of potential, but at least give me a little bit of realism, or at least find out what color the cop cars are.

That’s it for this one. I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Extract

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:32 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Extract
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jason Bateman, Mila Kunis, Gene Simmons, Kristen Wiig
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Buena Vista Home Entertainment
Release Date: 2009
Kiddie Movie: Put them to bed.
Date Movie: My BFF liked it, so go ahead and watch it with her.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots of talk but clothes are kept on.
Gratuitous Violence: A dude loses a testicle.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Lots of chuckles.
Memorable Scene: Every scene with Ben Affleck
Memorable Quote: Nothing sticks out.
Directed By: Mike Judge

Who knew Gene Simmons was such a great actor? Okay, maybe not great, but as scheister lawyer Joe Adler, I loved him. The movie is “Extract,” and you are definitely getting this Blu-ray for the movie because the extras, well, let’s get to that at the end.

Here’s the story…

Jason Bateman is Joel. From his youth he has been fascinated with “extracts,” you know, things like vanilla that your grandmother would use in baking. Turns out that Joel is also a chemistry wiz and developed special versions that, well, I didn’t really understand it, but they are better extracts used in baking than most extracts. But, that’s not important right now. What is important is that Joel has turned his knowledge into a business, owning and running a bottling plant for his extracts, being married to Suzie (Kristen Wiig), and have a best friend in Dean (Ben Affleck). But things at an extract plant can get a little hairy, especially when you don’t always have the most intelligent or dedicated workforce, and especially when things aren’t the greatest in your love life, as is the case with Joel, and you have recently hired the hottie Cindy (Mila Kunis).

So, Joel wrestles with whether or not he should sleep with Cindy, he hedges this by seeing if Suzie will be faithful while in the company of a new pool boy, and finally, Joel’s big payday might be ruined because one of his employees has hired said scheister lawyer, Joe Adler, and might just drive the company into bankruptcy. Things are rough in the extract business, and Joel knows it.

Look, “Extract” is a Mike Judge film, and as such develops itself into a quirky look at the workplace. “Office Space” had Mike analyzing people in the corporate office, this movie has the folks in an extract processing plant, and it has its moments that I think most anyone can understand and/or relate to. The weird thing about this movie is that it takes many strange turns, from the thievery aspect of the drifter Cindy, to the setting up your wife to cheat on you aspect, to a dude getting a testicle blown off in a freak plant accident, and I think the place that “Extract” lost a little character is almost trying to have too many tentacles in the movie instead of just maintaining the focus on what could have been the funniest of aspects, namely Step getting his ball shot off and hiring Joe Adler as a lawyer.

I have to say that I’m kind of happy that I didn’t catch the movie in the theater, I think I would have been disappointed, but as a DVD I think it’s a nice little comedy that takes a funny look at a food processing plant. For that, it’s 3 out of 5 stars, especially if you enjoy the Mike Judge type of humor.

Now, as far as the Blu-ray, or the DVD for that fact, don’t even worry about the extras. I mean, there’s a little clip about how Mike Judge goes about putting a movie together that is nice enough, but the “Blu-ray” extras, namely the deleted scene and extended scene, aren’t worth it at all. You’re getting this movie on Blu-ray only because, well, you own a Blu-ray player.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Evolution

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:43 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Evolution
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: David Duchovny, Julianne Moore, Orlando Jones, Seann William Scott
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Dreamworks SKG
Release Date: 2001
Kiddie Movie: Some of it is pretty intense. Keep the kids older.
Date Movie: She’ll probably chuckle like you’ll chuckle.
Gratuitous Sex: Talked about but nothing on screen.
Gratuitous Violence: Alien bugs get shot.
Action: Alien bugs get chased.
Laughs: What you will expect.
Memorable Scene: Our boys chasing the flying alien in the mall.
Memorable Quote: Nah.
Directed By: Ivan Reitman

You know, as stupidly funny as “Evolution” was, I know it is one of those movies that when it shows up on cable I’ll watch it over and over again. Such is the genius of Ivan Reitman – his films never come off as movie masterpieces, but they are movies you will watch over and over again because they are what they are – fun movies.

“Evolution” gives us David Duchovny as Ira. He’s a professor at a community college in Arizona. So is Harry (Orlando Jones), but Harry has the slightly better gig also coaching the girls volleyball team. Then you’ve got Wayne (Seann William Scott) – he’s a firefighter wannabe practicing out in the dessert one night when a meteor totals his car. Harry gets called to the scene because he is a geologist and he brings along Ira for the ride. They sense something might be up from the get-go because, well, the meteor is oozing liquid. Harry and Ira collect some samples and it’s back to the lab.

Well, back in the lab Ira discovers something – there are living things in that ooze and they are evolving way to quickly for this world. A quick visit back to the meteor site and it’s clear they will either be on their way to claiming the Nobel Peace Prize or something bad is coming. Meanwhile, without our heroes’ knowledge, the government steps in to contain the meteor site and they want nothing to do with Ira and Harry. Eventually they befriend Allison (Julianne Moore). She’s working with the feds in studying the site and also has the hots for Ira but just doesn’t show it.

Well, the government people have no clue what they’re in for, Harry and Ira show Allison what is coming, Wayne gets hooked up with our boys and girl because he has caught one of the aliens, and it’s up to our foursome to save the world. Yes, you can guess it, they do.

Lots of people are making comparisons of “Evolution” to “Ghostbusters” and sure, there are similarities, but who really cares. “Evolution” gives us one of the next great movie comics in Orlando Jones, Duchovny shows he has a witty style of humor that can take him past his “X-Files” days, and Julianne Moore, well, she’s Julianne Moore. And, oh yea, he may never get past the dopey dude moniker, but Seann William Scott is perfect as the dopey dude. And let’s not forget the special effects for the aliens. They fly, they crawl, the look like cute blobs that will take your hand off, and they take us a lot farther than the ghosts did in the ghost movies.

Ivan Reitman has a great touch at developing lovable, dopey characters and maybe that’s why a movie like “Evolution” will, in the end, be one of those movies you will keep watching for the hundredth time when it lands on cable. It may not be the movie masterpiece you are looking for this summer, but “Evolution” is exactly what you probably will expect from it – a cute movie to chuckle along with. It’s 3 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Have You Ever Been Pooped on by a Bird?

I don’t know if it’s because it’s that time of year, or because the Canadian Geese seem to have no clue anymore of where to migrate to, but lately, at the park where I walk Milo, the geese have claimed most of the park and like to go in various landing patterns during our walk. The thing is their landings patterns don’t really follow any runways, and they somehow seem to follow us on our walk, flying overhead and making me tell Milo, “Don’t look up, Buddy! You might get poop in your eye!” Why? Because as far as I’m concerned Canadian Geese are just poop machines and serve just about no other purpose.

Sure, I have my fears about Canadian Geese taking over the world as once they dive-bombed my car (Thank God the sunroof was closed!), and the story was also perpetrated that they were responsible for contaminating the water supply where I live, but luckily, on our walks, we haven’t been the victims of a Canadian bombing attack. That’s not to say I haven’t been pooped on by a bird before as I recall two instances, one when I used to work in downtown Chicago and got pooped on walking next to a building, and the other going to a Chicago Cubs game and walking under the El-tracks.

Being winter and getting Milo out for decent walks is more of a chore than an enjoyment now, and instead of just the weather I now have the concern of a geese bombing incident (Happily Milo doesn’t want to eat the goose poop that is on the ground!), and as the geese come in for a landing I think back to the times I’ve been pooped on, even writing about it before, and I plight: Have you ever been pooped on by a bird?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The  Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Elf

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:35 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Elf
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Will Ferrell, James Caan, Edward Asner, Bob Newhart, Mary Steenburgen, Artie Lange
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: New Line Cinema
Release Date: 2003
Kiddie Movie: Bring everyone along.
Date Movie: Bring her along, too!
Gratuitous Sex: Nah.
Gratuitous Violence: Buddy the Elf beating up the fake Santa.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Lots of them.
Memorable Scene: Buddy the Elf beating up the fake Santa.
Memorable Quote: Too many to list.
Directed By: Jon Fabreau

Here’s my advice to Will Farrell, and take it for what it’s worth: Please don’t try to play a dramatic actor. Your niche is comedy, and you are great at it, and you are quickly showing that any branch of comedy can be yours. Please don’t set yourself up for a fall playing a dramatic role, no matter what the folks say. Anyway, on to Elf…

It seems that on one of his Christmas runs Santa picked up a wayward baby from an orphanage. Not really knowing what to do, Santa kept the baby for his own. Alright, not really his own, but Santa decided he should be raised as an elf. And so we get Buddy (Will Farrell), a little oversized for the miniature world of Santa’s helpers. And yes, he didn’t really figure out something was different about him until one day his surrogate dad, Bob Newhart (In a fabulous role I must say), had to break the news that true, Buddy was not an elf, and yes, his father was in New York City and on the naughty person list.

So Buddy is off to NYC to find his father and bring a little Christmas cheer to the folks in the big city. Now yes, you have to suspend a lot of disbelief that things are happening, but then again, it is a story about Santa and his elves. In NYC, Buddy does find his dad, and dad is a not-so-great man. Turns out he is a children’s book publisher, and not an honest one at that.

And so Buddy is welcomed into Dad’s home, mom accepts this thirty year old dude in tights, and Buddy quickly becomes best friends with his half-brother when he shows off his snow-ball skills.

But is the story cute for kids? I thought so, especially since most of the kids in the audience seemed to be having as good a time at the film as I was. They got the potty humor, the love story wasn’t that sappy, and in the end we get the cliché ending we are totally expecting.

Elf works for two reasons. One we get just a nice little Christmas story about a naive elf finding himself in the big city trying to spread Christmas cheer. Two, we get a perfectly cast movie. Edward Asner as Santa is terrific. He’s in a predicament with Buddy and works that out. He has problems with his sleigh and works that out, and in the end is the embodiment of Christmas. James Caan as the dad is great, too, at first just working to make a buck for the company, but then realizing family is just as important. Zooey Deschanel as the love interest is innocent enough, and Mary Steenburgen as mom actually comes off as believable letting buddy into their home. But the two standouts for me were Bob Newhart in a perfectly cast role, as the head elf, in charge of being buddy’s dad yet having to break him the bad news. The other standout is Farrell. He comes off as the innocent one in a movie that could have him as just a dufus, and his scene when he confronts the “fake Santa” at the store (Artie Lange from the Howard Stern Show) is just fabulous.

Elf seemed to be enjoyed by most of everyone in the theater when I was there, although one joke did seem to go over most people’s heads, the one about the baby asparagus being self conscious because their pee smelled (am I the only one familiar with asparagus pee?). Maybe not for the really young one, but I think Elf is pretty great for the whole family.

It’s 4 stars out of 5 for Elf.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Would You Eat Chicken Wings from McDonald’s?

The votes are in. Well, at least the votes are in by my wife and me, and it’s a split decision. In Chicago for the last couple of days McDonald’s has been running a promotion for their new “Mighty Wings” where you could get two wings for a dollar, a sampler portion as it would be. As we are both a fan of the chicken wing (Hooters being our go-to place with a consistently solid wing offering), we both decided to give the McDonald’s version a shot, and for the sake of science we tried them from two different locations. Fine, it was for the sake of convenience, but science sounds better.

The McDonald wing is, as advertised, a crispy, spicy wing, kind of like crispy, fried chicken with a kick. They reminded me of their chicken strips, a little spicier only now less convenient because you have a bone to deal with. I opted for no sauce as I wanted to try the wings in their original state, but I did try one of them with blue cheese dressing at home (an option not available at McDonald’s as the closest they have is ranch dressing). Me, I was disappointed. Yes, the wing was crispy and spicy, but my wings had the feeling they were under a heat lamp too long as they were pretty dry, without much meat, and even with the blue cheese dressing I ate them thinking “I wasted a dollar and blew my healthier eating for this?”

Then my wife came home.

She sampled her samples, also was disappointed they didn’t have blue cheese dressing, but said hers were juicy, a little more meaty, and in general pretty good, and although if the option if there between Hooters and McDonald’s, she’s still choosing Hooters, but with a chicken wing craving without a Hooters nearby, the McDonald’s version will do.

So there you have it, at least for me, that the Mighty Wings can be hit or miss. For me they were a miss, although there is a chance I may give them another try, and for my wife they were a hit, or at least a double if Hooters is generally a home run. They both, however, pale in comparison to the best wings I’ve ever had, at the Pic-A-Lilli Inn in Shamong, NJ. We might have to take a road trip as my wife has never had them. Another taste test in the name of science?

Enough rambling, my plight is this: Would you eat chicken wings from McDonald’s?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Have You Ever Been to a Funeral With a Theme?

The other day my wife and I are watching “The Soup.” It’s a great way to catch up on all of the crazies/eccentric/odd/Kardashianness on TV, and Joel McHale starts doing a blurb about a special show on TLC called “Best Funeral Ever,” following the goings on at the Golden Gate Funeral Home where it seems they like to make a funeral, well, special and memorable. The episode they spotlighted was a funeral for Willie McCoy known to most people as the dude who sang the “Baby Back Ribs” song for Chili’s. For his funeral the theme was barbecue of course, complete with ribs for the guests and a barbecue sauce fountain for dipping.  The trailer for the special shows training for the employees of the funeral home, as well as some of the other funerals they’ve recently had, complete with a boxing ring and a dancing theme.

I can’t say I’ve been to many, if any, exciting funerals. Sure my Mom nearly had her pants hit the floor at my Dad’s funeral when she leaned over the casket to give him one last kiss, but for the most part I’ve been only to funeral considered normal I suppose. Not that I wouldn’t like some good ribs at a funeral, but I wonder, and so I plight: Have you ever been to a funeral with a theme?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do You Plan on Watching American Idol this Season?

It’s almost here! No, not the end of the world, that came and went with the Mayan Apocalypse back in December, or what some people thought was election day last year when President Barack Obama was reelected, but I’m talking about the return of “American Idol!” Some judges are gone, i.e. Stephen Tyler and Jennifer Lopez, and here comes Nicki Minaj, Mariah Carey, and Keith Urban, and their “Is it real or is it fake” feuding during the audition phase of the show.  Yup, the audition, as always, are first, and we will surely get our share of great singers, singers we think of are great but won’t hear from again, and the assorted train-wrecks and maybe a new William Hung, or “Pants on the Ground” and “I Am Your Brother” dudes.

Yes, I’ll be there, though maybe a little late, as the DVR will be set and it hasn’t become appointment television in a while, but I’m hoping the feuding doesn’t come off as fake, although I’m questioning the acting ability of Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey (Hey, I saw “Glitter,” I know), but we’ll see. The question is will you see, and so I plight: “Do you plan on watching ‘American Idol’ this season?”

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Should Amy Poehler and Tina Fey host another award show?

A lot of The Golden Globe Awards was pretty boring, with much of Twitter calling them a joke, many of the winners looking “shocked” and or astounded, and a Red Carpet show, or should I say “shows” asking people about their clothes and the people wearing said clothes acting like they just threw something on yet knowing everything about who to give credit to for their outfit.

The bright spot, at least for me, was that during the opening Tina Fey and Amy Poehler actually did an okay job of sending some jabs at people in Hollywood, but sadly during most of the rest of the show, well, they were just about nowhere to be found.

Sure, I would have liked to have see more of them instead of the stupid Diet Pepsi commercial with that chick from “Modern Family,” and this coming from someone who loves Diet Pepsi, but award shows are what they are, so I suppose I shod just be happy for a few laughs at the expense of some actor types.

Funny? Yes. Mostly normal award show? Yes. Plight? Should Amy Poehler and Tina Fey host another award show?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do You Plan on Watching the Golden Globe Awards?

It’s award show season, and there is no more controversial award show than the Golden Globe Awards. There are many in the industry that consider it a joke, that the Hollywood Foreign Press is a joke, and that the award is really meaningless, but these are the same industry people who are praying for their movie, show, song, etc., to be named as the winner this year. Why? Publicity, and somehow the Golden Globes figured out how to market themselves as the “fun” award show. Yup, you get everyone seated at round tables instead of a stuffy auditorium, so it seems like a wedding reception, and then of course there is the flow of alcohol that sometimes loosens up either a presenter, or better yet, one of the award recipients. We like a train-wreck, and for the most part people aren’t tuning into the Golden Globes to see who won, nope, they are tuning in to see said train-wreck, and hope it might be an actor or actress we admire who is slightly over-served and trips on their way to the stage.

Okay, I don’t know if that’s why people are tuning in, but it’s one of the reasons I’ll be tuning in, that and the fact that this year Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are hosting it and they can usually bring the funny. Hopefully they will be unleashed, hopefully the booze will be flowing, hopefully someone will be goofy, but you can bet there will be someone who gets up there proclaiming they didn’t have a speech written because they didn’t think they would win, people will gripe tomorrow, especially if a “darling” doesn’t win, that the awards are a joke, and in a few weeks once the Academy Awards hit no one will care who really won the Golden Globe. Except the winners.

I’ll be watching, but I wonder and I plight: Do you plan on watching the Golden Globe Awards?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!