Author: Andy Labis

The Dark Knight

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 2:32 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Dark Knight
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Maggie Gyllenhaal, Christian Bale, Gary Oldman, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, Michael Caine
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Warner Bros.
Release Date: 2008
Directed By: Christopher Nolan

Sure the teaser trailer doesn’t show a damn thing, in fact all it does is show the Batman logo with some audio between Alfred and Bruce Wayne, but we do know that Heath Ledger is taking the role as Joker, Aaron Eckhart is going to be Harvey Dent the District Attorney, and Maggie Gyllenhaal is taking over the role of Rachel Dawes from Katie, I mean Kate Holmes. The movie is almost a year away as I write this initial preview, the filming is currently going on in Chicago (I actually witnessed a truck with one of the Joker’s henchman in it a month or so back), and as long as the film folks keep things serious, like the “Batman Returns” movie, which I really liked but never did write a review, I think things should be fine.

More will come as we get closer to the film release date, but even without seeing anything from the film, I’m already looking forward to writing “The Dark Knight” review.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Daredevil

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:43 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Daredevil
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, Colin Farrell, Michael Clarke Duncan, Joe Pantoliano
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: 20th Century Fox
Release Date: 2003
Kiddie Movie: Not too young.
Date Movie: Only if she has the hots for Ben.
Gratuitous Sex: There is a scene, but we still don’t get to see Jennifer Garner’s boobies.
Gratuitous Violence: People die in bad ways.
Action: People get chased in bad ways.
Laughs: Mostly lines from Bullseye.
Memorable Scene: Nothings stands out.
Memorable Quote: Bullseye: “I never miss.”
Directed By: Mark Steven Johnson

Growing up I was a fan of comic book heroes, but only if they were TV stars. I wasn’t a reader, I was a watcher, and although he might have had a cartoon on TV, I don’t remember Daredevil. Pretty much if you weren’t a part of the Justice League of America, I don’t remember you. And so it is for me with the Daredevil character. I really didn’t know anything about him other than listening to Howard Stern talk about him, so going into the movie all I really knew was that Daredevil was a blind dude whose other senses became enhanced to make him capable of being a superhero. The baseline for the story sounded fine, kinda like a Batman only blind, but when it was announced that Ben Affleck was picked to play Daredevil I began to get skeptical. I saw Ben Affleck as able to play the blind lawyer part well, but there is just something about him that didn’t seem to fit the part of the dark-sided superhero, and for me, I was pretty much right, that and the fact that the movie as a whole was pretty much crap.

Here’s the basic run-down of the movie. We get introduced to Daredevil, collapsing in a church, seemingly injured to the point of no return, or at least a long recovery back. It’s now flashback time and we get introduced into the psychological making of Daredevil, and as usual it has to do with a childhood tragedy – in this case young Matt Murdock finds his father murdered after just winning his boxing match, a victim of the bad guys who wanted Dad Murdock to take a dive. And so young Matt vows to fight crime and has a problem loving women.

Let’s come to the present day, and as Matt goes about representing the less fortunate victims in court by day, by night he plays justice seeker for those who, well, pretty much can hire lawyers better than he is. Meanwhile he is finding a deep underworld, controlled by Kingpin (Michael Clarke Duncan), and sets it upon himself to take out the bad guys. As the story goes he finds a girl, in this case Elektra (Jennifer Garner), who kicks as much ass as he can, and Matt is now in love. As his luck would have it, Elektra’s dad gets set up, a hit put on him by Kingpin, a hit to be carried out by Bullseye (Colin Faffell), and when Daredevil tries to save the day, Bullseye carries out the dirty deed in such a way that Elektra thinks Daredevil killed her dad. Alright, enough of the crap about the story, it’s pretty much cookie-cutter, you can figure out most everything that is going to happen, and mostly every episode of the story gets dragged out so you just wait for the next scene to come. It is this, and the fact that I didn’t really buy Affleck in the superhero mode, that made me anxiously await the ending I figured was going to take place. And, oh yea, for most of the movie Daredevil had this entire ritual to heal himself, in a human sort of way, but at the end, without any explanation, he miraculously overcomes a through-the-shoulder, life-threatening puncture wound as if it never occurred.

There was a reason the first two installments of “Batman” worked, and that was pretty much Michael Keaton. Christopher Reeve was a great Superman, and lately it was Toby McGuire playing a near-perfect Spider-Man. Why did these movies work? Because the lead character was someone who fit both roles. You could believe Keaton as an eccentric millionaire and a slightly devilish Batman; Reeve was great as the clumsy Clark Kent, but not so over-the-top Superman; and McGuire had the perfect boy-ish charm for Spider-Man. Sadly Affleck failed on the superhero side, the side that is probably more important if we want to believe the everyday person can be a superhero. As far as the rest of the crew, Michael Clarke Duncan could have been a better bad guy if they only would have let him; Garner is hot, kicks some major ass, but gets trapped in a predictable role looking to avenge her father’s death; and the only saving graces are Joe Pantoliano as the inquisitive reporter, Ben Urich, looking to figure our the Daredevil story, and saving every scene he was in, Farrell was great as Bullseye, making him a totally over-the-top bad guy, much the way a comic book bad guy should be.

I’m not sure who would have been a better fit for Daredevil, and even if there were someone, I don’t know if they could have saved the movie anyway. Like Batman, Daredevil seems to be more of a dark character and that’s fine, but Daredevil seems to be too confused with whether what he is doing is right or wrong (hence the scenes of him seeking advice from a priest) rather than just realizing that there are bad guys in this world and he has been given a gift to save the people from those bad guys.

In the world of superhero movies I thought Daredevil failed. It wasn’t that you look for something new because you know the underlying story, that the superhero can’t really love someone, that they will get the bad guy, and that there will always be an opening for a sequel, but you just want it to be action-filled, you want a great villain (Bullseye was great in this one but Duncan wasn’t given the chance), and you want to leave rooting for the good guys. In Daredevil I was almost sad when Bullseye fell out of the window, he was the only thing fun about the movie adventure. Sadly it’s 1 ½ stars out of 5 for “Daredevil.” Wait for the rental, wait for cable, or maybe a matinee. It didn’t come across as a movie that you really needed to see on the big screen.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Dante’s Peak

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:52 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Dante’s Peak
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Pierce Brosnan, Linda Hamilton, Charles Hallahan
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 1997
Kiddie Movie: Tough call. There’s people dying so if your kid has a problem with that, or gets scared by flying rocks, leave them at home.
Date Movie: She might hold your hand during some of the suspenseful scenes.
Gratuitous Sex: Linda keeps her clothes on.
Gratuitous Violence: People dying and getting hit on the heads by rocks.
Action: Plenty once the volcano blows its top.
Laughs: Mostly at how stupid the people are.
Memorable Scene: The effects are cool when the volcano decides to vent its anger.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Roger Donaldson

It’s somewhere about an hour into “Dante’s Peak” and I found myself laughing. Should I have been laughing while watching a movie about a volcano that blows its top all over a gorgeous little town? I guess it wasn’t real laughter, but the kind of “I can’t believe these people are so stupid” laughter. You see, it was around this point that the second in command geologist dude, Harry, played by Pierce Brosnan, convinces his boss that the volcano is going to erupt because the tap water is brown. When is it going to blow? At any minute. What do you do when a volcano towering above you is going to blow at any minute? Well, if you’re this little town you hold an emergency town meeting in the high school gymnasium the next day at 6 PM to discuss the evacuation plan. Let’s see if you can guess what happens the next day when the “town” is in this gym? Did you say “earthquake and volcano eruptions during the meeting?” You get the prize, because that’s exactly what happened.

Now, let’s see. You live in this little town where everyone knows everyone else and this group of geologists invade the local motel with probably more computer gear than your local school to check the volcano and see if it is upset. Then you’re at home watching the local news and your mayor, Rachel (played by Linda Hamilton – sorry for digressing a little, but there is something to be said when your mayor is good looking, likes to wear short skirts, and makes a mean cappuccino) comes on TV and says something to the effect that “we’ll be having an emergency town meeting tomorrow to discuss our evacuation plan because the volcano is going to erupt at any minute.” Would you be waiting until tomorrow to evacuate? Sorry, but me personally would be like “Honey, grab the kids we’re going on a vacation.” And what kind of plan is this when there are like two or three roads leading into town? Well, needless to say when the earthquakes start and volcano guts are spewing all over you get an entire little town that seems to crash in the town square and have to be rescued by the national guard. Alright, that little intro was a little long, so let’s do a quick story line of the movie.

The movie opens with all kinds of action as Harry and his group of geologist dudes and dudettes are studying this volcano while it’s erupting. He gets out of the town but not without a little tragedy. Then, while on “vacation” he gets sent to check out this volcano next to “the second most desirable place to live in the United States with a population under 20,000.” He sees all of the warning signs, wants to get all of the people out of town, but his boss says “No.” Being dissed by his boss, Harry contemplates leaving town but instead starts to fall for the mayor, but then again, who wouldn’t? So he stays to study the volcano, or maybe just the mayor. Well, like I said before, the volcano erupts, surprise, surprise, the buildings start to fall, people crash into each other and mass mayhem erupts with it. Meanwhile, his boss apologizes to Harry, that Harry was right and he was wrong. Duh? Well, the national guard comes in to save the day, and most of the people, all except for Harry, Rachel, and her two kids who went to rescue grandma living high in the hills. I guess it would have been a lot shorter movie if grandma wasn’t so damn stupid and wanted to stay.

As the lava flow comes crashing through the house our adventurers make their escape to what is now an acid lake, cruising in a metal boat. They make it across the lake thanks to grandma, but in the end they wasted their trip up the mountain. Eventually they get back to town, but not before the bridge gets washed out, so now they are trapped and head for cover. They find it, and guess what, they all get rescued.

Now, don’t get me wrong, “Dante’s Peak” isn’t that bad of a movie, it’s just filled with stupid people. For you special effects buffs, the volcano blowing up and all the things that go with it are great. The only problem is you have to sit through a lot of things that make you glad you have a little common sense because this town sure doesn’t. I’d say wait for the video but the effects will probably be lost in shrinking to the small screen. I don’t think it’s worth a full price ticket, so I guess if you’re going to see it opt for the bargain show or wait till it hits the bargain theaters. All in all it’s 2 stars for “Dante’s Peak.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Daddy Day Camp

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:33 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Daddy Day Camp
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Cuba Gooding Jr., Paul Rae, Brian Doyle-Murray
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: TriStar Pictures
Release Date: 2007
Directed By: Fred Savage

This looks like a movie my sister will probably will like, and you know what that means, I will probably not like it so much. You get a bunch of kids at a dilapidated day camp, you don’t know how to run a day camp, things start to go bad really fast, and somehow competitions have to take place. Sure, the kids will probably learn how to get along, the camp will turn around, and all will be well in day camp-land, but this really looks like a movie for the 6 years olds, and my sister.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Ted

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:46 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Ted
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, voice of Seth MacFarlane, Joel McHale
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: June 29, 2012
Kiddie Movie: Only if you want them asking for a vulgar teddy bear for Christmas.
Date Movie: It’s good for the adult boys and girls.
Gratuitous Sex: Somehow Ted gets it on with the ladies, and there is a boob shot.
Gratuitous Violence: Ted runs into some problems with a crazed fan.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: From start to finish!
Memorable Scene: The fight scene with Ted and John.
Memorable Quote: Too many to list.
Directed By: Seth MacFarlane

I know, just the other day you were asking yourself, “Self, whatever happened to Sam Jones?” Actually, you were probably doing some work around the house and heard something about Sam Jones in the background and asked yourself, “Self, who in the hell is Sam Jones?” Well, for the uninformed, Sam Jones is Flash Gordon. Yes, that Flash Gordon from the 1980’s classic, well, “Flash Gordon,” and low and behold he has been resurrected in the funny-as-hell movie about a teddy bear, “Ted.”

Let’s get to the story…

John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) was the kid growing up who didn’t have any friends. There wasn’t really anything wrong with him, he just wasn’t friends with anyone. For Christmas he is given a giant teddy bear, names him Ted, and wishes one night that Ted will be his best friend forever. Yup, John goes to sleep, wakes up, and there he is, a living, breathing, talking Ted (voiced by Seth MacFarlane). One would normally think you would hide a talking teddy bear from the outside world, but for this movie Ted becomes famous, even appearing on Johnny Carson, but like most young celebrities, after a while no one cares about Ted except for John.

The years go by, John gets a girlfriend, Lori (Mila Kunis), and Ted is his best friend all along, even still living with John as John and Lori’s relationship grows.  The thing is, Ted really hasn’t had the best of role models growing up, preferring to get stoned and sleep with hookers, and John is kind of on the same path, except for the “sleeping with hookers” part, much to the dismay of Lori.

As Lori and John have been together for a few years, Lori is getting fidgety, getting that itch to get married, while fending off the advances of her boss, Rex (Joel McHale), and also wants John to grow up. She knows that for any of this to happen, Ted needs to move out, and, oh hell, why am I giving away the entire movie?  Okay, one more things to give away first before summing it all up, pay attention to the creepy Donny (Giovanni Ribisi) and his son.

Here’s the thing… “Ted” the movie is very funny, in a truly adult humor kind of way. Ted is a vulgar teddy bear who likes getting laid and somehow gets promoted at the grocery store by saying horrible things about the boss’ wife, while John is stuck in a world where Sam Jones is his idol (see, I bring it all back to Sam Jones), and we find out that Flash Gordon is now a partier who likes cocaine, liquor, and floozies, and yet both John and Ted must grow up, just a little, to get to the next stages of their respective lives.  The humor is what you might expect from a vulgar teddy bear, and it’s not just for the boys, the girls in the theater seemed to have a good time, too, but I will say this, many of the jokes might go over your head just a bit if you weren’t a child of the 80’s and 90’s, or don’t know who Tom Skerritt is.

I loved “Ted,” both the movie and the teddy bear.  You would think the joke of a talking teddy bear would get old after a while, but the truth is, there is a personality to Ted that keeps things moving, and the bizarre side story with Donny and his son wraps things up nicely.  Mark Wahlberg does his best as the likeable slacker, Mila Kunis is her adorable self, and Joel McHale is great as the creepy boss.  It’s good for the men and women, but leave the kids at home with the sitter, unless you want your son or daughter to wish for a slightly different kind of teddy bear.

4 ½ stars out of 5! I laughed my ass off and always appreciate a movie that doesn’t totally dumb things down for some great doses of the funny!

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

The Devil’s Advocate

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:18 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Devil’s Advocate
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Charlize Theron, Jeffry Jones, Craig T. Nelson
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Warner Bros.
Release Date: 1997
Kiddie Movie: Not unless your kid is the son of the Devil.
Date Movie: Sure.
Gratuitous Sex: A couple of scenes.
Gratuitous Violence: Yup.
Action: Not really, mostly suspense.
Laughs: Some chuckles during the Devil’s ranting scene.
Memorable Scene: The Devil’s ranting scene, explaining most of mankind.
Memorable Quote: Too many to mention.
Directed By: Taylor Hackford

“The Devil’s Advocate.” This movie almost had it all. You had sex, nudity, quality kills, scary demon monsters, good looking women, good looking men, an original story, and one of the best ranting scenes in movie history. All that is was missing was a quality car chase, and they left in about 5 minutes of film that should have wound up on the cutting room floor. Dammit! For once I want to see an ending, a good ending, and not drag a movie out just a little bit further to ruin it for me. Now, I know these things might be my opinions, but I thought the movie was about 5 minutes too long. But we’ll start at the beginning.

Kevin Lomax (Keanu Reeves) is a lawyer, and a pretty damn good one. His problem – he’s stuck in this small Florida town and there aren’t too many cases that come up requiring the talents he possesses. He’s got an adorable wife, a loving mother, but in his heart he wants more. John Milton (Al Pacino) heads a Manhattan law firm, and is the Devil. His problem, well, it’s always been the Devil’s problem, having evil win over good. Now, I won’t spoil one slight surprise, but eventually Kevin finds himself recruited by John to work in the city of evil – New York City. Kevin has this great ability to pick any jury to acquit any bad guy, and seems to be getting over his moral problem of letting the bad guys get acquitted even though he knows they are guilty.

Now, working for the Devil does have some privileges, but not without its price. First off, there is poor Mary Ann Lomax, Kevin’s wife, played by Charlize Theron. She is definitely not ready for the life of the rich and famous, or the demonic and scary. Nope, she wants hubby to always be by her side, and the material possessions that go along with her husband working for the Mighty Bad One just aren’t cutting it. So, what is the Devil to do but drive her insane. It works – she ends up in the psych-ward at the hospital. Poor Mary Ann – she should have never left the small town. Well, most of her problem is caused by her ever hungry for more husband. He sees there is trouble in his marriage, but rather than jump off the court wagon, he opts to finish his high-profile murder case he is on. His mother comes to town to try and help, but by now it’s too late. Kevin has risen through the ranks quickly, is easily manipulated by Milton, but eventually comes to realize the evil that is Milton. Here comes the confrontation.

So, Kevin marches to El Diablo Milton’s penthouse, convinced old John is responsible for his wife’s going crazy. What to do? Let’s try and shoot him. Yep, Kevin pulls out a gun, unloads it into John, and well, let’s just say that bullets don’t do much against his Almighty Badness. Thus begins one of the best ranting scenes I have ever witnessed. Milton begins to tell Kevin his fate, how things came to be, and how things are supposed to become, but only with Kevin’s help. The Devil explains choices people make, the sense of humor of God, the real reasons lawyers exist, and how through the eons the battle between good and evil raged on. And for a minute, it looks as if Kevin is buying it, is ready to turn to the dark side, except I think it’s the Devil’s own fault Kevin gets a conscience – the Devil wouldn’t shut up.

The Devil needs Kevin to continue his work, and with Kevin’s help, God won’t stand a chance. Kevin is almost ready to take that step, and then he finally gets that conscience he has so willfully shed in the past. He has a choice – take his life and ruin the Devil’s plan, run away (although the Devil would probably be able to find him and make his life more miserable than it already is), or join the bad team. Well, in a happy for God but bad for Kevin ending, Kevin blows his brains out and the Devil spirals to the pit of damnation. I hear all of you groaning now, how I just ruined the ending. Well, I didn’t, because that’s not the end. Nope, I’ll let you shell out your seven bucks and see the last five minutes of what I thought ruined this mighty fine film.

Al Pacino is utterly terrific in his role as the Almighty Bad One. He has the fiendish grin, the anger, the cunning, and the manipulative attitude to pull off the role as the Devil playing a lawyer perfectly. Keanu Reeves isn’t bad either, in probably one of his better acting style roles. He is easily manipulated into wanting more and not seeing the catastrophes that are building around him. This was definitely almost one of the best movies I’ve seen.

So, the rating. After Keanu blew his brains out and the Devil spiraled back to the pits of hell, I was ready to give this film five stars, especially after Pacino’s performance. I was happy for mankind, sad for Keanu, and ready to get out of my seat pleased that Hollywood didn’t ruin a really good movie. But then, it didn’t end. “Noooooooo!” I screamed in the theater (well, maybe not screamed, but I groaned loudly). I won’t ruin it, but I didn’t like it, and five minutes of film cost this movie a star. That gives “The Devil’s Advocate” 4 out of 5 stars. I can’t wait for the video so I can stop this movie where I think it should have ended – Keanu in a pool of blood on the floor.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Dead Silence

MPAA Rated – Unrated
It’s 1:30 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Dead Silence
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Donnie Wahlberg, Amber Valletta, Ryan Kwanten, Laura Regan, Judith Roberts
MPAA Rated: Unrated
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 2007
Kiddie Movie: Only if you want them to have nightmares about dummies.
Date Movie: Good for the both of you to snuggle to.
Gratuitous Sex: Would have added a star, especially in an unrated version.
Gratuitous Violence: Tongues get torn out, there’s blood, and people die.
Action: Some running and chasing.
Laughs: Nothing really.
Memorable Scene: I did like Jamie’s dad, all the way through the end.
Memorable Quote: None
Directed By: James Wan

I hate to start a review with a rant sometimes, but for “Dead Silence” a rant, I believe, is necessary, and this rant has to do with the folks who marketed the film when it first was hitting theaters, and even those marketing the film now coming out on DVD. The trailer for “Dead Silence” simply started with “From the writers and directors of ‘Saw’” and that, for me, says expect a lot of gore, blood, twisted-ness, and over-the-top horror fun. The DVD states “New Unrated Version. More Gruesome and Horrifying Than Anything Seen in Theaters.” The problem is that the movie isn’t more gruesome and horrifying than anything seen in theaters, and it doesn’t come close to the level of over-the-top, yet fun, gore as seen in “Saw.” Nope, “Dead Silence” is actually a decent thriller, with some nice twists and some horror gore (but no nudity, bummer), and I probably would have seen it in theaters when it first came out if they just marketed it as a horror/thriller and ignored the then “reputation” of “Saw.” I also would have liked my first viewing of the DVD if I weren’t waiting, for an hour and a half of watching, for more gruesomeness, horrifying-ness, and “Saw”-ness, instead of just wrapping myself into the story and thriller-ness of it.

Enough ranting, here’s the story.

It seems that in the town of Ravens Fair there is an old story about a ventriloquist lady, Mary Shaw (Judith Roberts), who haunts the locals. She never had any kids, only dolls, and if you saw her in your dreams you shouldn’t scream because she would tear out your tongue. Jamie (Ryan Kwanten) comes from Ravens Fair but has moved out of town with his wife Lisa (Laura Regan). One day a ventriloquist dummy gets delivered to his doorstep, Lisa ends up dead – sans tongue, Detective Lipton (Donnie Wahlberg) thinks Jamie killed her, and Jamie is heading back to the old homestead to bury his wife, investigate her murder, and confront his dad, Edward (Bob Gunton). He finds that pop has a new wife, Ella (Amber Valleta), is being trailed by the good Detective, and things are getting more twisted in his hometown. Dummies have been exhumed, the funeral director’s wife seems crazy, there are flashbacks to the downfall of Mary Shaw, her death, and the actual story of why Mary Shaw’s spirit is taking revenge on the town comes to light. In the end Jamie finds some secrets he might have done better without learning.

I’d go more into the story, but there isn’t a reason to. Most people find ventriloquist dummies kind of creepy to begin with, so them going on a killing rampage in a horror flick isn’t a surprise. Hell, most of us find ventriloquists a little creepy so them going on a rampage in a horror flick wouldn’t be a surprise, either, and “Dead Silence” builds on our general creepiness of ventriloquists and their dummies. The problem I had was because the way the film was marketed I really expected an over-the-top horror flick, with ghastly, brutal killings, rather than just the thriller it was. Sure, there were some twists and turns at the end, one which was totally obvious from the get-go, another I was surprised I missed, but for most of us who have grown up with the horror genre, “Dead Silence” is actually a better thriller than a horror/gore fest.

If you find ventriloquists and their dummies creepy, and you’re looking for a movie to snuggle with your honey on an evening, “Dead Silence” really wouldn’t be that bad a choice. There are some slow points, but most thrillers have them, and some of the killings won’t really be a surprise, but some killings aren’t always a surprise in most thrillers anyway. I give “Dead Silence” 3 stars out of 5. It’s not the most original of flicks but has its moments. Ignore the marketing because if you are anywhere between 17 and 50 years old, growing up between “Friday the 13th” through the “Scream” series and beyond, it’s not more gruesome nor horrifying than anything seen in theaters. Just enjoy the thriller for what it is, a thriller about creepy dummies with some moments of tearing out tongues.

As far as the extras on the DVD go, I found it funny because I actually thought the alternate opening would have been a better one then giving me the historical origins of the word “ventriloquist,” the deleted scenes were fine being deleted, it was interesting seeing how the film folks found a great choice for Mary Shaw, but maybe the marketing folks should have watched “The Making of ‘Dead Silence’” part that shows “Dead Silence” is really a tip of the hat to old-time horror flicks and not just a gore-fest, nor meant to be that gruesome nor horrifying, just thrilling.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Déjà Vu

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 2:08 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Déjà vu
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Denzel Washington, Val Kilmer
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Toucstone Picures
Release Date: 2006
Directed By: Tony Scott

Denzel Washington is Doug. He’s an ATF agent investigating a case, only all of a sudden it is cases of déjà vu that start to lead our hero, Doug, through his crack investigating and hoping to solve a case before more bad stuff happens.

Sure, the premise sounds kind of goofy, but Tony Scott is directing, from “Man on Fire” and “Enemy of the State” fame, and Jerry Bruckheimer is producing so that usually means some good action, and Denzel is the lead, and he usually seems to have a good eye for exciting, thrilling scripts. I am looking for the next trailer before I see where this ends up on my viewing calendar, but right now the right people are involved.

(DOTR Update: I just saw the next trailer for this movie and now I’m not so excited. Why? Because the déjà vu that Doug is supposedly able to experience is due to some crazy government project that can see, transport you, feed you memories in the past of events that have already happened. I would have preferred if they just kept the original idea of déjà vu a reality, and not some wacky science project.)

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Definitely, Maybe

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:42 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Definitely, Maybe
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Isla Fisher, Elizabeth Banks, Rachel Weisz, Ryan Reynolds, Abigail Breslin, Kevin Kline
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 2008
Kiddie Movie: Nope, most of the story is about love and romance, so unless you want them saying “penis” a lot, get a sitter.
Date Movie: Umm, duh?
Gratuitous Sex: Some kissing and rolling around.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Quite a few.
Memorable Scene: I won’t ruin it, but it made me weepy.
Memorable Quote: Maya: “I can’t believe she rehearsed with Charlie!”
Directed By: Adam Brooks

I am such a puss. I’m sitting there watching “Definitely, Maybe,” and the touching scene is telegraphed and totally obvious, yet there I was, getting a little weepy. Part of the problem I have seeing movies is, for me, foreshadowing is usually second nature, and I try not to let it influence my review, but damn, it almost sucks worse when you know what’s coming, you’ve already prepared for it in your head with “Oh yea, he’s gonna” do this, the moment comes, and you get weepy anyway. Like I said, I’m such a puss. Ugh! I hereby turn in my guy-card.

Anywho, “Definitely, Maybe” shows us that kids can be both inquisitive and wise, and no one is more inquisitive and wise than ten-year-old Maya (Abigail Breslin), especially after she was just given her first sex education class. When Dad, Will (Ryan Reynolds), in the midst of a divorce, picks her up from school after said class, little does he know the questioning and scrutiny he is about to come under, and it all relates to Maya wanting to know which of Dad’s previous girlfriends is her mom (she did, remember, just find out how babies are made) so for an evening bedroom tale, Dad gets to explain to Maya his past loves, and maybe help Maya understand why things didn’t work out between him and her mom.

Starting back in 1992, fresh out of college, with his college sweetheart, Emily (Elizabeth Banks), Dad explains how back then he had aspirations, as a young Democrat, to become President of the United States, and what better way then to work on the campaign of a Governor from Arkansas named Bill Clinton. To do so, though, Will must go to New York City, eventually breaking up the two of them up (don’t worry, that’s not really a spoiler), but this allowed him to find two other women, namely Summer (Rachel Weisz) and April (Isla Fisher). As the years go on we learn of Dad’s escapades and friendships with all three, with Summer being a journalist who always had a thing for her elder thesis advisor, Hampton (a fantastic Kevin Kline), while April becomes Will’s perpetual friend, although there is always that tension of love when they are together.

So, as we flashback from Will’s stories about love to Maya’s interpretation of the women, Emily thinks she has figured out whether Summer, April, or Emily are her mother, and we get to find out, too, only the movie doesn’t end there because Maya, wanting Dad to be happy, knows she has a little more work to do.

What makes “Definitely, Maybe” work are multitudes of things. One was I thought Ryan Reynolds did a nice job at playing Dad, as well seeing his aspirations for the world rise and fall with the world of politics (it’s a great scene when he throws his noodles at the TV as Bill Clinton is awash in Monica-Gate) intertwined with his relationships. You can also see his trouble in finding true love, and how, being a dude, he fails to see love right in front of his eyes. Now, as much as Ryan was good, it is really the women who steal the show in this movie. Elizabeth Banks does a great job as Will’s college girlfriend, I don’t think anyone really wanted Summer to be Maya’s mom, especially towards the end, with Rachel Weisz playing that part well, and Isla Fisher is just adorable as April, the friend and never the girlfriend. But, of course, the scene-stealer was constantly Abigail Breslin who was both adorable and hilarious, and used just enough to not overdo her adorableness and hilariousness

Okay, dudes, if you don’t have a sensitive side and you get pulled kicking and screaming to this movie, you do have three good-looking ladies to ogle at while your honey is touched by the romance of it all, but if sometimes you have a soft side, I think this is a great movie for couples of any age. Part of me, though, is sad, because it looks like Ryan Reynolds is growing up which sadly means no “Van Wilder: He’s a Professor Now.”

It’s 4 ½ stars out of 5 for “Definitely, Maybe.” Fine, you can attribute some of that rating to my being a puss, but there are a lot of cute laughs in the movie brought out by everyone, and the addition of one of my favorite A3 songs (and it’s not even “Woke Up This Morning”) didn’t hurt, either.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Da Vinci Code

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 2:28 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Da Vinci Code
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Tom Hanks, Audrey Tautou, Ian McKellen, Alfred Molina, Jean Reno
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Release Date: 2006
Kiddie Movie: Nope, it’s a little brutal and too confusing for them.
Date Movie: It’s good for the both of you.
Gratuitous Sex: A couple of butts and something in the shadows.
Gratuitous Violence: Nothing gratuitous, but it’s got some.
Action: Lots of chases.
Laughs: A couple of cute chuckles.
Memorable Scene: Sophie can’t walk on water.
Memorable Quote: Not really a quote, but I did like the answer to open the wacky map cylinder thing.
Directed By: Ron Howard

From reading everything out there, it almost seems that you could probably count the critics who liked “The Da Vinci Code” with the fingers on both hands. Well, I’m starting the toes because I liked the movie. Let’s get to it…
“The Da Vinci Code” is the screen adaptation of the book of the same name that you would think, from the number of books sold, everyone in the world has read. Well, I didn’t, so I didn’t know exactly what the secret of the book was about, but thanks to every critic assuming everyone has read the book, by the time I went to see the movie I already knew the story. I suppose I might as well ruin the movie as well, at least sort of.

It seems there is a death at The Louvre (that’s a famous art museum in Paris, for those of you who really live under a rock). But it’s not a normal death, nope; this dude was shot and then somehow was able to leave all kinds of clues all over the museum giving some hint as to the secret of his killer. Enter Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks). He’s a dude who studies symbols and their various meanings, and it seems our dead dude had all kinds of symbols associated with him. So he’s at The Louvre checking out the dead body, with Captain Fache (Jean Reno), and enters Sophie (Audrey Tautou). She warns Robert he is in danger, grave danger in fact (and in the famous words of Col. Jessep, “Is there any other kind?”), that he can’t trust the good Captain, and now the race is on to figure out the clues, only it seems the clues don’t really lead to the killer, but to a secret the Catholic Church has been hiding since the beginning of the Catholic Church. It seems that since the 300’s there has been a war going on within the church. On the one side are the normal church people we know and love, only they have been trying to eliminate the secret that has been covered up, thereby not having it ever be exposed and thereby not having to worry about the church as we know it being destroyed. On the other side are those that know the truth: That Jesus wasn’t really all that special, just a man with good ideas, and that he married Mary Magdalene and she had a kid after Jesus’ crucifixion. So, for the last 1700+ years church folks have been trying to eradicate both those who might be descendents of Jesus, as well as any clue that might suggest this, while the other folks have been working to protect the secret so that when the time was right, the secret would be revealed. Only Sir Leigh Teabing (Ian McKellen) has his own plan – he’s tired of waiting for the truth to come out so he hatches a plan to speed up the process, and it involves some killings, some running, some chasing, and using his good buddy Robert to figure out the secret to finding the map to Mary’s tomb.

Alright, that might sound confusing, but who the hell cares? It’s a story from a fictional novel that way too many people are raising a huff about, although they didn’t seem to raise as much of a huff when the book was on the best seller list. Anyway, religion aside, this is a story about trying to find a treasure map, and that’s where the fun comes in. We start with some cryptic clues, and those lead to more cryptic clues, and we hope the good guys are able to find the treasure and save the day before the bad guys, and we can usually assume one of the seeming good guys is really a bad guy, win. All along our heroes learn things about themselves, and there might even be some lessons for us in the theater audience to ponder. In the end, that’s what “The Da Vinci Code” gives us, and yes, the good guys win.

I will admit that the movie is about ½ hour too long, but my butt didn’t get sore so I wasn’t thinking about it too much, it was just that some of the extended scenes lasted too long. Tom Hanks was great as Robert, and I really didn’t give a crap about his hair. Audrey Tautou is very beautiful, and it wasn’t really a surprise the ending they left her with, and Ian McKellen was great as the nutty history dude. Hell, for that matter, Paul Bettany was great as the misguided “Silas.”

Look, if you want a movie that will entertain you a bit and can realize it’s a movie based on a fictional book, you will probably be okay seeing the movie. Also, if you sometimes question some things about your religion, you will still probably be okay with this movie. If you take every word of the Bible as fact, and can’t enjoy a story that contradicts any of that, you will probably hate “The Da Vinci Code.” Me, I think most religions are full of secrets that the higher-ups think shouldn’t be exposed for whatever reason, I think this is also the case with most governments, and fictional stories like “The Da Vinci Code” are great when they exploit this. Me, I’m still hoping that someone will go and take over for that poor knight who has been protecting the cup Jesus drank out of (a different version of The Holy Grail than in “The Da Vinci Code”), and also wonder in what warehouse The Arc of the Covenant is stored. Now I’ve also got to worry that a certain lady finds a man so that the blood lineage of Jesus will continue on. Such are movies.

It’s 4 stars out of 5 for “The Da Vinci Code.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!