Author: Andy Labis

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:31 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Beverly Hills Chihuahua
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Drew Barrymore (voice), Piper Perabo, Andy Garcia (voice), George Lopez (voice), Jamie Lee Curtis
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment
Kiddie Movie: It’s PG for some sort of scary stuff.
Date Movie: If she’s the mother of your children.
Gratuitous Sex: Nope.
Gratuitous Violence: Some scary dog moments, but nothing horrible.
Action: Dogs chase each other.
Laughs: Mostly for kids.
Memorable Scene: Even though it was weird, the Chihuahua Nation scene was interesting.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Raja Gosnell

When “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” was originally in the theaters, Stu Gotz had a birthday party for one of his little Gotz’s, and mentioned that the kiddies all seemed to have a good time watching the movie, and that he actually enjoyed the movie, too. When I got a chance to see the DVD of the movie, I figured I’d give it a shot as well, sans anyone’s kids around me, to see if Stu was just wrapped up in “little kid” euphoria, or if the movie is okay for adults. I suppose you’ll just have to keep reading to find out.

For the story, the movie is mostly about Chihuahuas, in this case two of them, Chloe (voiced by Drew Barrymore) and Papi (voiced by George Lopez). Chloe is an uber-pampered dog, living in Beverly Hills (duh?), owned by Viv (Jamie Lee Curtis) who spares no expense for the pampering, and clothing, or her pet. Papi, on the other hand is the rambunctious companion of a landscaper, and Papi has the hots for Chloe. In the movie, yes, we get dogs that talk to each other, and Chloe won’t give Papi the time of day because, well, she is too “good” for him. Enter Rachel (Piper Perabo). When Viv has to go out of town for business, she entrusts Rachel to take care of her beloved pooch. Sadly, Rachel is also kind of an uppity Beverly Hills’ chick and doesn’t really care, nor understand, the uppity needs of Chloe, so when Rachel heads south of the border, to Mexico, with Chloe in tow, and Rachel ignoring Chloe for some fun time with her friends, Chloe decides to head out, and wouldn’t you know it, bad things start to happen to Chloe. Thankfully, enter trusty old German Shepherd, Delgado (voiced by Andy Garcia), who befriends Chloe and tries to keep her safe from the bad guys, and bad dogs, and works to get her back to the States.

In the meantime, with Chloe missing, Rachel goes into full panic mode, on the hunt for Chloe, and is joined by Papi and his owner, and wouldn’t you know it, there is the underlying story of a dog-fighting ring, and of course, our entire cast of humans and dogs come together to save the day, bust the bad guys, and love blossoms as Chloe realizes her true love doesn’t need to be a pampered dog from Beverly Hills, but could also be a hard worker who loves her.

Okay, does it really matter what the story is about? I mean, it’s about a bunch of talking dogs and their inept owners, it’s from Disney, and for kids it will probably be great as they will love the fun-loving romps that the dogs have. For the adults, I suppose what I figure is that if you have kids, and are forced to watch the movie with them, it won’t bore you to tears like some kid’s movies because there is a laugh or two, but I’m guessing that unless you’re a big, burly dude who owns a little dog, you’re going to hate this movie. Pretty much you will know if “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” is for you, or your kids, from the commercials, so for those of you it is marketed for, it’s a solid 3 ½ stars out of 5 from me. I don’t think Stu Gotz was wrapped up in “little kid” euphoria when he saw it, for parents it’s a movie you can sit with and not tear your eyes out, while your watching it with your kids.

As far as the basic DVD package, I’ve got to say there isn’t that much as far as extras. There’s an animated short about “The Legend of the Chihuahua” that is kind of cute, the “Deleted Scenes” feature isn’t very funny, and the “Blooper Scooper” is kind of funny showing the dogs not always following their trainers, but pretty much the standard DVD version is really just for watching the movie with your kids.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Best in Show

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:30 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Best in Show
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Christopher Guest, Eugene Levy, Michael McKean, Parker Posey, Catherine O’Hara, Fred Willard
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Warner Bros.
Kiddie Movie: Not too young.
Date Movie: If she’s a dog person.
Gratuitous Sex: Just talk.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: I almost laughed my butt off!
Memorable Scene: The entire dog show competition.
Memorable Quote: Too Many to quote.
Directed By: Christopher Guest

If you are a dog owner, a dog lover, or just really like dogs, I implore you to see “Best in Show.” You will probably find it one of the funniest movies of all time. If you are a cat lover, got bit by a dog as a small child, are deathly afraid of them, or don’t really like dogs, I can still recommend “Best in Show” as a funny movie, but you just might not get it.

“Best in Show” is kinda a mockumentary about, well, a dog show, and some of the contestants vying for the prize. We get introduced to a Florida couple bringing their terrier. She used to sleep with everyone and he has two left feet, literally, but they love each other and their dog. We also meet a fishing shop owner who really wants to be a ventriloquist and owns a cool bloodhound. There’s also the neurotic weimaraner owners whose dog is traumatized by seeing his owners do it, well, doggy style, and gay couple with their Shih Tzu, and the Nicole Smith-like with the standard poodle. We get their initial stories, their trips to the City of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia (where our Florida folks are looking forward to see where they make cream cheese), and of course, the dog show.

And it is at the dog show where I nearly bust a gut as sports-style commentator Buck (Fred Willard) trades every sexual innuendo and lewd comment he can with Trevor (Jim Piddock), the dog expert who can’t be shaken, no matter what Buck says.

“Best in Show” mixes subtle humor (four clocks on the hotel wall showing what time it is in various cities, except all of those cities are on the east coast so they all read the same time) with all-out bust-a-gut humor (Eugene Levy as Gerry Fleck, with two left feet, and nearly every comment by Buck). But a lot of the jokes are about dogs, so unless you are fond of dogs, you may chuckle but you won’t laugh. I laughed my ass off.

I’ll give you two ratings for “Best in Show.” For dog lovers it’s 5 stars out of 5. Just outright hilarious. For cat lovers it’s 3 stars out of 5. You’ll just think we’re nuts.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Beowulf

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:53 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Beowulf
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, John Malkovich, Rogin Wright Penn, Angelina Jolie
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Paramount Pictures
Kiddie Movie: It should really be rated R.
Date Movie: Only if she likes video games.
Gratuitous Sex: Would have been better in real life.
Gratuitous Violence: Even though video-game-ish, there was a ton of it.
Action: The dragon scene at the end.
Laughs: A chuckle here and there.
Memorable Scene: Hrothgar’s final questioning of Beowulf about how Beowulf got away from Grendel’s mom.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Robert Zemeckis

I love technology, and I love CGI for the most part, but so far, between “The Polar Express” and now “Beowulf,” I still can’t stand performance capture movies. I guess I’ll get more into that later, let’s first get to the story of “Beowulf.”

If I ever had to read “Beowulf” I must have really hated it because I have absolutely no recollection of the story. Pretty much, though, the movie gives us Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins) as King of some land up in Viking land. He’s an old dude, but has a younger wife, Wealthow (Robin Wright Penn). Even though Hrothgar brags about his killing a dragon, there’s this strange creature, Grendel (Cripsin Glover), who really doesn’t like the singing going on in town so he attacks it a lot. The King is finally fed up and says that the town will no longer have any fun, so as not to have Grendel come back, and that they need a hero to kill the beast.

Enter Beowulf (Ray Winstone).

Beowulf’s some kind of badass who has heard that the land has a creature to slay, and he and his men are just the people to slay it. Of course knowing that those who have tried to kill Grendel have used various weapons to no avail, Beowulf figures it’s best to fight the beast in his birthday suit, with his willy hidden by various objects, reminiscent of “Austin Powers.” And so Beowulf kills Grendel and now Grendel’s Mother (Angelina Jolie) is both pissed but also looking for some lovin’ and a new son. Beowulf, in the meantime, is looking to stop the violence, and maybe a kingdom wouldn’t hurt, so hey, he takes one for the team.

Beowulf eventually becomes King, replacing Hrothgar, and his reign is pretty benign, with his folks pretty much running roughshod over neighboring regions, but then some things change, Grendel’s Mother is pissed again, and now a dragon threatens to destroy Beowulf’s kingdom, or at least kill his Queen Wealthow (she became his when Hrothgar died), and his young hottie to sleep with girl, I believe she was Ursula (Alison Lohman). So it’s up to Beowulf to save the day, and hopefully, once and for all, remove the curse from the land.

In its premise “Beowulf” had so much potential to captivate me the same way I loved “300,” but damn, I just can’t get over the performance capture look that just gives the film cartoonish feel, like I’m watching a video game. For me I would have liked to see Robin Wright Penn in real life as the Queen, maybe Ray Winstone wouldn’t be buff enough but I think he’d still be good in real life as Beowulf, and the animation work they did for Angelina Jolie, well, they might as well just had her there in real life, and I think Unferth’s character (he was in line to be King until Beowulf came along) would have been better played by a real John Malkovich. Hell, it even would have been better seeing Anthony Hopkins old-man butt when his toga-thing almost falls off rather than the cartoon version.

The only thing I guess “Beowulf” being “animated” helped was the fact that the MPAA, in its still bizarre wisdom, let a movie that had tons of violence, lots of people getting pulled apart, lots of talk about sex (although no one dropped the F-bomb), general debauchery, and Angelina Jolie might at well have been naked for real because the only thing missing from her character when it came out of the water were some nipples and a landing strip, be rated PG-13. I guess even when the line between real and cartoon becomes as close as “Beowolf” put it, being a cartoon lets you get away with a lot more.

As much as the look of the movie bugged me and really disconnected me from the story, I went to see this version of “Beowulf” in 3-D, and I will give props to 3-D technology because it has become incredible, but so far it’s been limited to cartoon movies, of which “Beowulf” technically is (though there was a preview for “Journey to the Center of the Earth” next year, with real people, that looks very cool). If you do see this movie do yourself a favor and spend the extra two bucks (which I don’t really understand because I didn’t get to keep the glasses) to at least be a little dazzled.

In the end “Beowulf” just didn’t wrap me in to a movie that done in real life, and just going balls out for the R rating like “300” did, well, it probably could have been fantastic for me. As such I’ve got to only give the movie 2 stars out of 5. The only reason I can tell you to see this movie is for the 3-D version because it will give you a glimpse of the future of movies.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Benchwarmers

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:20 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Benchwarmers
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Rob Schneider, David Spade, Jon Heder
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Kiddie Movie: Sadly the Adam Sandler folks keep the humor in full toilet mode, so I have to say no.
Date Movie: Only if she liked “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo.”
Gratuitous Sex: Some talk and hints.
Gratuitous Violence: Wedgies and tittie-twisters.
Action: Not really.
Laughs: For the easily amused.
Memorable Scene: Every time Clark (Heder) is up to bat.
Memorable Quote: Nothing really.
Directed By: Dennis Dugan

Critics everywhere are bashing “The Benchwarmers,” but not this critic. Nope, in the land of the easily amused, where farts and getting hit in the nuts are always funny, and trust me, that is my land, “The Benchwarmers” is a movie tailor-made for this critic. There was, though, some disappointment in the film, but mostly because I can’t recommend it for younger kids who this movie could really appeal to. Anyway, let’s get to the story.

In “The Benchwarmers” we get three buddies, Gus, Richie, and Clark, played respectively by Rob Schneider, David Spade, and Jon Heder. One day they come to the aid of a nerdy kid getting farted on, and then later in the day, when our trio is having some fun on the baseball diamond, they challenge the bully little league team for rights to the field. Yea, that’s right, it’s three dudes versus a full team of kids. As it goes, Richie and Clark have no baseball skills so pretty much it’s Gus striking out every kid on the other team, and hitting home runs every time he is up to bat.

It turns out that Mel (Jon Lovitz) hears of our trio’s conquest and dreams up a tournament where Gus, Richie, and Clark get to take on all of the bully little league teams in competition for a way-cool stadium to be paid by Mel. Suddenly the nerdy Gus, Richie, and Clark are on their way, kicking bully kid butt and taking names, all to the delight of the nerd nation. Controversy arrives later in the film, but, of course, everyone learns a lesson that yes, nerds and bullies can get along.

There are four names associated with this movie that will tell you exactly what you can expect: Rob Schneider, David Spade, Jon Heder, and Adam Sandler (he’s not really in the movie, but is one of the Producers). What does that mean? Of course you know what it means – fart jokes, toilet humor, and overall dumb jokes that will make me laugh if that’s your cup of tea. And I did. Spade is great as the nerd working at the video store who, when he sees the girl of his dreams at the Pizza Hut, all he can say is “I like salad.” Schneider does a nice job as the savior of the team but still harboring a secret, and Heder is back to giving us the funny like he did in “Napoleon Dynamite.” Jon Lovitz is, well, doing his best Jon Lovitz.

There are no surprises here at the level of humor you are going to get, but I will say that there is something that did bum me out about the movie, and that is wondering why the Sandler folks always have to go so over the top that they can’t get the movie to a PG rating. Why do I say that? Because this really could have been a great movie for the 8 to 13 year old kid crowd, but the inclusion of the occasional “shit” here and there, and I’m sure the ratings board didn’t look too kindly on the drunken “little leaguer,” nor the excessive vomiting, thus kicking it into PG-13 range. What kept the movie rolling, especially towards the end of the film when the slapstick humor was getting old, were the little kids getting behind The Benchwarmer team, complete with internet broadcasts of the game with youngin’s calling the play-by-play. I guess my only recommendation to the Adam Sandler folks is sometime your audience doesn’t always have to be the teen crowd, sometimes you can triple your box-office take when you get mom and dad taking the kids to the movie, rather than just the fart-loving teen going with his other fart-loving teen friends.

If you’ve read my reviews before, you know I’m easily amused, and this movie easily amused me. With that, 3 ½ stars out of 5. The sad thing is that I think this could have easily been a 4 ½ star family film by being a little more creative with the humor rather than a having Gus join his wife in the shower so he could pee.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Beavis and Butthead Do America

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:20 Long
A Review by:
– Stu Gotz

Beavis and Butthead
Do America
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: The voices of Mike Judge, Robert Stack, Cloris Leachman, and what sounds like Demi Moore and Bruce Willis.
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Paramount Pictures
Kiddie Movie: I’m mature enough to understand these guys, the Three Stooges, and the old unedited Bugs Bunny, but I still don’t think Beavis and Butthead is cool for little kids.
Date Movie: You should be so lucky as to have a girl that likes Beavis and Butthead, and if she does, bring her out for this one.
Gratuitous Sex: Nope. Beavis and Butthead don’t score.
Gratuitous Violence: Car crashes, floods, Beavis being thrown from a car, and general mayhem.
Action: No, dammit. The boy’s don’t get any! Ohh… Action like in adventure? Sure. A little.
Laughs: Lots and lots.
Memorable Scene: Lot’s, but when the boy’s run into two former Motley Crew roadies who passed through Highland almost 16 years ago, “did it” with two sluts, and look remarkably like the boy’s, comes to mind. That or when Butthead makes a pass at Chelsea Clinton.
Memorable Quote: Again lot’s, but the dam, as in Hoover, jokes seem to stick out.
Directed By: Mike Judge

What is it about them that can, on a Friday 1:30pm showing, nearly fill an entire theater. About two thirds of the people were the type one would expect to show up, you know… The MTV generation, all those 16 year olds to the Twenty/Thirty Something’s. But the other third I could not explain nor did I expect to be there. What was with the business people dressed in suits? How about the mid-thirty’s moms and dads there with really small children? And lastly, what was with all the geritol’s? Could Beavis and Butt-head have charm and appeal to unite the generations? I would have never figured on that, I just thought they appealed to all us dysfunctional family bred slackers.

Before meeting the Dude on the Right at the show, I got to read the reviews in the papers. Most critics didn’t rate the movie too high and some other critics were just down right mean. What shallow minds? But let’s face it, you either like B&B, or you don’t. For you B&B fans out there I’m sure you’ve been waiting for this movie, and no matter what the critics say you’ll go out and see it. Good for you! Well let me add to your anticipation by saying this is one funny movie.

Beavis and Butt-head may be up to the same old shit, but it’s still funny. Be it inadvertently getting Anderson’s body cavity searched, to Van Dereasen’s ass kicked, or to Beavis spazzing out and becoming Cornholio. I laughed through it all. As we all already know Beavis and Butthead live for two things, TV and to someday “do it.” Well, when their TV is stolen, they set out to find it (sort of reminded me of Snoopy Come Home). As usual when the boys are out and about they get themselves in some trouble. This time they stumble across an arms dealer who mistakes them for hit men that he wants to hire to “do” his wife. He’s even willing to pay the boys to “do” his wife. Boy-o-boy have these guys hit the jackpot. Speaking of jackpots, it just so happens that the wife is out in Las Vegas (my favorite town next to Calgary). Herein comes the “Do America” part of the movie. Our friends head out to LV, but before they get to “do it” they get tricked by the wife into holding a secret weapon and taking a bus to Washington DC. Along the was they wreak havoc on Hoover dam (was it built by God thereby making it a “God dam?” Hey don’t get mad at me for that one. It was Beavis’ line). Then, amid the splendor of Old Faithful, they discover a cooler natural wonder – automatic flushing toilets. From there it’s taking confession at a Catholic mission, doing Peyote in the desert, and running amuck in the White House. At the finish, Anderson and not our heroes, gets it in the end, both literally and figuratively speaking. I could tell you more and with greater detail, but I don’t want to spoil all the fun for YOU.

“Beavis and Butt-head Do America” was all I expected it would be. Just plain, silly, and stupid fun. I would have like to have seen an appearance by Stuart and Buzz-Cut, but I guess I’ll have to wait for the next movie. “Next movie?” you say? Well I haven’t heard anything, but let’s face it, this movie should be big and make tons of money, and where there is money there is always a sequel. Look at the Police Squad, Star Trek, and Die Hard movies etc. And like good brain-washed lemmings I’m sure we’ll go out and see “Beavis and Butt-head Return,” “Beavis and Butt-head First Contact,” “Beavis and Butt-head – The College Years,” “Beavis and Butt-head Forever,” “Beavis and Butt-head – The Final Chapter,” “Beavis and Butt-head – One Last Time,” and so forth and so on. I liked “Beavis and Butt-head Do America” and I, without hesitation, recommend that if you’re already a B&B fan that you go out and see the movie.

I give “Beavis and Butt-head Do America” 3.5 stars out of 5 and I’m Stu Gotz. Penis. Aahhh, huh, huh, huh, huh… I said Penis.

The Beauty Shop

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:45 Long
A Preview by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Beauty Shop
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Queen Latifah, Alicia Silverstone, Djimon Hounsou
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: MGM
Directed By: Bille Woodruff

The first trailer for “Beauty Shop” didn’t really tell much other than Queen Latifah runs a beauty shop and things will go sort of like the “Barbershop” series of movies. The latest trailer, however, shows what is shaping up to be a pretty funny movie.

It seems Gina (Latifah) moves to Atlanta and is working for this fancy-shmancy hairdresser in the likes of Jorge (played to the hilt by Kevin Bacon). When he starts taking credit for her work, she decides to open her own beauty shop, brings in a cast of funny characters as her own hairdressers, including the likes of Lynn (Alicia Silverstone) who used to work with her over at Jorge’s, and now she is developing her own reputation in the hair industry.

The jokes seem to be a lot of what you’d expect for this “Barbershop” offshoot, and I laughed quite a bit during the trailer. Hopefully they aren’t the only jokes.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Beer League

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:26 Long
A Preview by:
– The Dude on the Right

Beer League
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Artie Lange, Ralph Macchio, Anthony DeSando, Cara Buono, Laurie Metcalf, Elizabeth Regen, Jim Breuer, Nick DiPaolo, Tina Fey, Jim Florentine, Joseph R. Gannascoli
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Echo Bridge Entertainment
Directed By: Frank Sebastiano

Just the other day as I was watching “The Karate Kid” on cable, I was wondering to myself, “Self, I wonder what is going on with Ralph Macchio’s career.” Okay, I’m lying because I already know – he’s coming up next in a movie called “Beer League.”

If you listen to Howard Stern you probably already know all about “Beer League” because Artie Lange from the show has a whole lot to do with the movie, from some producing, to some writing, to starring in the film. Pretty much the story is about a bunch of softball dudes who are going to get kicked out of the league if they don’t straighten up their act and play better softball, and hilarity is supposed to ensue.

The trailer that was shown during The Howard Stern Film Festival looked pretty funny, and as a fan of the show, I’ll hopefully be able to catch the flick as long as it opens at my local gigaplex.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Beerfest

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:50 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Beerfest
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Erik Stolhanske, Paul Soter, Jay Chandrasekhar, Steve Lemme , Kevin Heffernan, Philippe Brenninkmeyer
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Warner Bros.
Kiddie Movie: Only if you want them to become beer drinking womanizers.
Date Movie: Only if she is a beer drinking womanizer.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots of gratuitous nudity and a bizarre sex scene.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Quite a few.
Memorable Scene: The destruction of Oktoberfest scene, especially since it led to lots of tops getting torn off.
Memorable Quote: Nothing stands out.
Directed By: Jay Chandresekhar

So there it was, 10:15 in the AM on Saturday, and I was this close to having a private screening of the latest film from the Broken Lizard boys, “Beerfest.” Then two more people came in for the 10:20 showing. From their chuckles and my chuckles, I think the three of us had an okay time at the movies. First the “Beerfest” story…

Todd (Erik Stolhanske) and Jan (Paul Soter) Wolfhouse are brothers. With the passing of their grandfather, they are given the task of taking his ashes back to Germany to the family resting place, and it has to be done during Oktoberfest. They are supposed to meet a man there who would take them to the location to spread the ashes, but they seem confused when the man leads them down a dark alley, and they find themselves at Beerfest, an underground competition of all things beer. While there they discover some family secrets, none too good it seems, and get humiliated at their renewed taste of beer competition. But back in the United States, they make a pact to return one year later and restore the family’s good name.

What to do? They have to assemble a beer-drinking team, and enlist folks they have known from their beer drinking primes. And so we get Landfill (Kevin Heffernan), the beer chugger; Fink (Steve Lemme), the science guy; and Barry (Jay Chandrasekhar), the king of the beer drinking games. And so our quintet of beer men begin their training, drinking mass quantities of beer, perfecting their beer drinking game skills, and finding out that Todd and Jan’s grandfather did steal the recipe for the world’s best beer (which they in turn begin serving at the restaurant), and that their grandmother is a whore.

Eventually tragedy strikes our team, but don’t worry, there are ways to get the team back together, and it is back to Germany where we are treated to competitions like “Mexican,” “The Long Pour,” “Speed Quarters,” “Beer Pong,” and my personal favorite, “Thumper.” Eventually our heroes face their German adversaries in the finals, and maybe get the family name back in the good graces of the German people.

The movie is silly fun, but that is exactly what you would probably expect from the “Super Troopers'” people, and come on, it’s a movie about a fictitious beer tournament that probably isn’t all that fictitious on college campuses everywhere, or at least won’t be fictitious anymore. The acting isn’t all that great, but do you really need great acting where most of the characters are supposed to be drunk most of the time? And you get the other things you might expect, like blatant nudity for no other reason than to just have it; a whacky sex scene; five dudes riding home on a tandem bicycle; bad German accents; good German accents; and a cameo by Willy Nelson.

In the end “Beerfest” wasn’t the greatest of films, but that’s okay. As I was telling The Dude on the Left about it, I pretty much explained that it wasn’t as good as “Super Troopers,” but not as bad as “Club Dread,” so I’m giving “Beerfest” 2 ½ stars out of 5. You will get pretty much everything you expect by seeing this movie, I can easily see myself getting sucked into this movie anytime it is on cable.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Bee Movie

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:30 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Bee Movie
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: The voices of Jerry Seinfeld, Renee Zellweger, Matthew Broderick, John Goodman, Chris Rock
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Dreamworks Animation SKG
Kiddie Movie: It’s better for them.
Date Movie: Only if she’s the mother of the kids your are bringing.
Gratuitous Sex: Vanessa is curvy, but only in a cartoon way.
Gratuitous Violence: Some swatting at bees.
Action: Lots of flying sequences.
Laughs: A chuckle or two.
Memorable Scene: Nothing stood out.
Memorable Quote: Nah.
Directed By: Steve Kickner, Simon J. Smith

About halfway through “Bee Movie” I thought “Enough already. Enough already with the “B” pun jokes. We get it, it’s a movie about bees.” And actually, about halfway through the movie I actually had about enough of the film. I guess I couldn’t put myself into the mindset of a six year old.

In “Bee Movie” we are shows a beehive like no other, complete with families and cars. Okay, fine, I get it, it’s a cartoon. Anyway, Barry B. Benson (voiced by Jerry Seinfeld) and Adam (voiced by Matthew Broderick) have recently graduated and it’s now time for them to decide what job at the hive they want to have for the rest of their lives. Barry, though, thinks life should have more choices rather than one job for life, and on a dare takes a trip with the “Pollen Jocks,” those bees responsible for gathering nectar and spreading pollen, and discovers our human world. He finds our world dangerous, invigorating, and strange, and would be dead if it weren’t for the kindness of Vanessa Bloome, voiced by Renee Zellweger, who is a florist (bloome, get it?), and likes bees. Barry does the one thing he isn’t supposed to do, and that is talk to humans in this case thanking Vanessa for saving his life, and Barry becomes smitten with her, and she seems kind of smitten with him as well. Eventually Barry finds out that us humans have been setting up bee camps and harvesting their honey, honey that is rightly the property of the bees. So, with the help of Vanessa, Barry sets out to sue the food companies that sell honey, not realizing the consequences of returning the honey to the beehives.

Oh, why am I even trying to come up with a synopsis for this movie? In the likes of cartoons the movie is alright, and I’m sure the kids will enjoy the bright colors and flying sequences, but I was rather bored with most of the movie. I also couldn’t believe they invoked a slavery reference of our enslaving the bees.

I have to say, even with all of the publicity for the movie, I was never really excited about seeing the film. The premise seemed cute enough, but not enough to last for an hour and a half, and you can only do so many bee/flower/insect puns without them getting old.

For me I’m giving “Bee Movie” 1 star out of 5, for the kids it’s probably somewhere around a 3 starrer, so I suppose I’ll sort of meld them together and give it 2 stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Bedazzled

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:33 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Bedazzled
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Brendan Fraser, Elizabeth Hurley, Frances O’Connor
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: 20th Century Fox
Kiddie Movie: Some of the talk gets pretty adult, especially the penis size hints.
Date Movie: Only if you want her to see you ogle over Elizabeth Hurley.
Gratuitous Sex: Elizabeth dresses in some nice outfits, but that’s about it.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: A couple of chuckles.
Memorable Scene: The wish sequence as the pro basketball player.
Memorable Quote: “All five of them banged me like a Salvation Army drum.”
Directed By: Harold Ramis

“Bedazzled” isn’t that bad of a movie, or at least an idea, but there were just so many things wrong with this remake that as I tried to think of the good things, well, even Elizabeth Hurley dressed skimpily throughout the movie didn’t even work.

In this movie you’ve got Elliot (Brendan Fraser). If you’re in corporate America, he’s the employee who is always trying to butt his way into your fun with your co-workers. He always tries to be friendly but so much so that you can’t stand him. You dodge him, give him the wrong times to meet you, and just can’t stand him even though all he really wants to be is your friend. He also has no luck with the ladies and the one girl he really likes, Alison (Frances O’Connor), won’t give him the time of day. Enter The Devil, played by Elizabeth Hurley. Easy enough, Elliot gets seven wishes and The Devil gets his soul. But The Devil is, well, tricky, so if you don’t make your wish with utmost detail, The Devil will technically make it come true, but not really how you want it.

Cases in point: Make a wish to be rich and powerful and married to Alison – get to be a drug lord whose wife is cheating on him. Make a wish to be a professional basketball player – get to be better than Michael Jordan but dumber than a box of rocks and with a small penis. Make a wish to be suave and deboner, a writer, a smooth talker, and want Alison to love you – get to be gay. You get the idea. The problem is Elliot never catches on to the Devil’s plan until he has two wishes left (The Devil says he has one wish, that the Big Mac and drink counted as a wish, but I contend that since that wish was before the contract was signed that it doesn’t count – get me Johnny Cochran!), and is just sick of the whole thing. Then he figures his way out of the contract without even knowing it, we get this sappy commentary about good and evil, and in the end Elliot finds the girl of his dreams.

What’s good? Hmm? Well, some of the wish sequences were cute, but you’ve already seen the good parts in the trailers, like when he can speak Spanish and realizes he can speak Spanish. Brendan isn’t bad as the hopeless romantic who doesn’t have a clue, but it just doesn’t push the funny parts to the next level.

What’s bad? Hmm? Elizabeth Hurley is a crappy Devil. Sure, there are parts where she looks good, but she just doesn’t seem to really have any evil in her, at least not in this role. Then there are the dream sequences. Is Elliot really that stupid that it takes him five wishes to figure out the Devil’s plan? I guess so. Then there is Frances O’Connor in one of the worst performances I have ever seen. Sure there are times when she seems sweet and you can see why Elliot would like her, but quite honestly, it seemed like she had no idea what she was supposed to be doing in her role. I’m not saying that it’s her fault, but her character is useless and there are times when it looks like she’s standing there, laughing at the joke, rather than staying in her role.

By the end of the movie, especially with the good versus evil commentary by The Devil to Elliot, I was just tired. The movie was only an hour and a half but it seemed like an eternity (how’s that for a cheesy review-line!). Really, “Bedazzled” just didn’t work on too many levels and that was too bad. It’s 1 ½ stars out of 5. I say wait for cable on this one, or at worst a rental when the movie you really want isn’t in stock.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!