Author: Andy Labis

Cry Wolf

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:30 Long
A Preview by:
– The Dude on the Right

Cry Wolf
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Julian Morris, Lindy Booth, Jared Padelecki, Jon Bon Jovi
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Focus Features
Release Date: 2005
Directed By: Jeff Wadlow

You know what bugs me? Of course you don’t, but I’m gonna tell you anyway. I’m bugged by movies that look like decent, teen, horror flicks, then go ahead and make themselves PG-13. That pretty much takes away most of the “decent” in a trailer that looks like a decent, teen, horror flick.

Anyway, the movie is “Cry Wolf,” I haven’t seen a trailer in the theater and only came across it while doing some hunting around the web. Then I saw it had Jon Bon Jovi, and I knew it had to be good anyway.

The story kinda goes like this. As kids will be kids, there’s a murder. The kids decide to make up a fictional character called “The Wolf,” complete with how he does his killing, then, low and behold, people actually start ending up dead, in much the same way the kids said would happen. Now the group who came up with “The Wolf” are ending up dead themselves, they all suspect each other, and mayhem ensues.

Oh well, PG-13 takes away much of the really good stuff in a horror film, but, like I said, it does, supposedly, have Jon Bon Jovi, so really, how bad could it be?

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:59 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Chow Yun Fat, Michelle Yeoh, Zhang Ziyi, Chang Chen, Cheng Pei Pei
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Sony Pictures Classic
Release Date: 2000
Kiddie Movie: They might find the flying fun, but they’ll have to read the entire movie.
Date Movie: Most of the characters are dudettes so she might like it.
Gratuitous Sex: Almost shown, between Jen and Lo
Gratuitous Violence: People kicking ass and a dude gets a blade in his head.
Action: See “Violence.”
Laughs: I laughed at the people flying through the air.
Memorable Scene: Why didn’t Jen just cut the tree branch?
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Ang Lee

The best movie ever! The best movie of the year! You’ve got to go see this movie! They said the same thing about “The Blair Witch Project.” This time the buzz revolves around “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” and all I’ve got to say is it’s no “Dude, Where’s My Car?” (Yes, if you read my review of “Traffic” you will notice the similarity in opening paragraphs. My feelings are the same on both so why try a different opening line?)
I know I’m in the minority when it comes to reviewers, but I didn’t think “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” was all that great. Sure it had a nice story, sure some of the fight scenes kicked ass, but people could fly and rather than have me cheering and in awe, I just laughed at them.

“Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” is brought into the states as a subtitled martial arts film, yup, that means you have to read the movie instead of get engrossed in the visuals, and maybe that’s one of the problems I had with it. But I don’t think so. In any case you’ve got Li (Chow Yun Fat). He’s giving up his ways as a security dude, telling Yu (Michelle Yeoh) to take his sword as a gift to a political leader. No sooner does she present the sword then it’s gets stolen. Enter Jen (Zhang Ziyi), the governor’s daughter about to be wed to a man she doesn’t love. We quickly find out that she is being trained by another woman hell bent on destroying people. Li comes back to get his sword, is convinced that Jen can be a good person with the right training, but Jen is a bad seed, always causing problems, especially with her really being in love with a desert rogue, Lo (Chang Chen).

The story was nice and simple, which was good especially since you have to read it as you work to experience it, and as a love story, a story about good and evil people, well, you root for Li, wish Jen would see the errors of her evil ways, and want Jen and Lo to get together. But then came the fighting. Now don’t get me wrong, I love a good fight scene, like people “climbing” walls as they would jump back and forth between buildings, but when they started flying I started losing it. There they would be, running along a rooftop, and then “Weeeeeeeee!” Their legs would start running like Fred Flintstone starting his car and they would launch themselves to the next rooftop, or along the tops of trees. I just couldn’t buy it. Now I know it goes along with the whole mystical training storyline, but for me it just seemed funny, kinda like the touching moment when the one dude has a blade stuck in his head and is dying and I just laughed.

I did think “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” was a good movie although I think I would have rather had it dubbed instead of subtitles (I was brought up on Godzilla movies so the fact that the mouths don’t match the words doesn’t bother me) so I could get absorbed into the characters more, and it would have been better to show the reason these people could fly, maybe with a look at the training taking place, at least then there would be a logical explanation. I know you might say something like, “Yea, but dude, they did the same thing in ‘The Matrix’ and you loved that.” To which I will respond “Sure, but they could fly because they were manipulating a computer program.” Show me why these people can fly and maybe I won’t find it funny, but that’s just me, and well maybe also The Dude on the Left who saw the movie with me and found the flying scenes just as funny as I did. Yea, I read that flying scenes are normal in Hong Kong movies, but for me, I need to see why you can fly and not just “it’s in the training.”

So I’m going to give “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” 3 stars out of 5. Give me dubbed over subtitled, give me a flying lesson, and why is this movie rated PG-13 when a dude gets a big blade thrown into his head? Just me I guess.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:30 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Crocodile Hunter:
Collision Course
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Steve Irwin, Terri Irwin
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: MGM
Release Date: 2002
Kiddie Movie: A little scary, but it’s really for them.
Date Movie: Only if she is a huge Crocodile Hunter fan.
Gratuitous Sex: Nope.
Gratuitous Violence: Animals chomping at things and Steve fighting off the bad guys.
Action: Chasing animals.
Laughs: There are some.
Memorable Scene: Nothing really stands out.
Memorable Quote: “I think the binoculars just picked up The Discovery Channel!”
Directed By: Johns Stainton

I enjoy getting my Crocodile Hunter fix every now and then – watching Steve and Terri Irwin travel the world in search of neat animals and always being “this” close to getting a lethal dose of venom from a snake or spider, or “this” close from getting a limb torn off by a ferocious crocodile, and I was a little curious as to how they would transform this phenomenon into a full-fledged movie. It turns out they didn’t. Sure, the movie is an hour and a half long, so that makes it a movie, but “The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course” is a weird movie to watch, and this will be a little hard to explain.

First, there is a movie with a plot going on. It’s a bad movie with bad acting about a piece of a satellite that crashed in Australia. One government agency wants to show-up the other government agency by getting the piece back first. Oddly enough a crocodile eats this satellite piece, making it hard for the agents to find. All along, this crocodile keeps terrorizing a grumpy rancher lady who keeps trying to shoot it because the croc keeps eating her cattle. So you’ve got a movie going on. Enter the Crocodile Hunter. Now we get what might as well be clips of the television show because instead of Steve and Terri acting how they are saving a kangaroo, a snake, a spider, etc., nope, we get Steve narrating to the camera how dangerous the snake and spider are, and how they hope to save the kangaroo, just like the T.V. show. Now switch back to the movie plot, now switch back to the T.V. show, now switch back to the movie plot, etc.

Finally the Irwins are mixed into the movie plot when they are called in to move the crocodile to a location it won’t be attacking any cattle. Now the agents think the Crocodile Hunter is some crazy spy because the tracking beacon in the satellite piece shows Steve and Terri have the piece, when it’s actually still in the crocodile they are moving, and Steve and Terri think the agents are poachers trying to kill the crocodile. Ha, Ha!

The wrong thing with this movie is the movie plot, and how all they do is basically intermix the Crocodile Hunter T.V. show with the plot. It doesn’t work. They could have probably tried to just have an hour and a half movie version of the T.V. show, but would we pay for that when we can get it on cable? In the end, the kids in the audience did seem to enjoy the movie, maybe because they can just forget the dumb movie and enjoy Steve Irwin being the Crocodile Hunter. I couldn’t.

For the kid fans of the Crocodile Hunter, this is probably a 3 ½ star movie, but for adults, or at least me, it’s around 1 ½ stars. Let’s average those together and give it 2 ½ stars out of 5. You can probably wait for cable on this one, or wait, just go ahead and watch his show on cable.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

crazy/beautiful

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:39 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

crazy/beautiful
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Kirsten Dunst, Jay Hernandez, Bruce Davison
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Touchstone Pictures
Release Date: 2001
Kiddie Movie: It’s a deep drama – bring the older ones.
Date Movie: She might get a tear in her eye.
Gratuitous Sex: Kirsten almost gets naked, lots of bra-less shirts.
Gratuitous Violence: Not really.
Action: Not really.
Laughs: Nah.
Memorable Scene: There were a few but I won’t give any of them away.
Memorable Quote: Maddy – “I forgot to wear anything!”
Another scene, Nicole – “I’ve got a condom, he’d be so proud.
Directed By: John Stockwell

Are you looking for a good drama, even if it is a teen drama? You are. Well go see “crazy/beautiful.”

I was tricked by the trailer, much like I was tricked by the “A.I. Artificial Intelligence” trailer. I thought “A.I.” would be a great family film but, after seeing it, well, I say leave the family at home. I thought “crazy/beautiful” was going to be your generic “boy on the wrong side of the tracks trying to sleep with the rich chick and the families just don’t understand” kind of movie, and, well, one of the families didn’t understand, not the family you might think, and “crazy/beautiful” somehow turned into a great film that, yea, I’m a puss, but brought a tear to my eye.

I hesitate to give too much away about this film except the following. Nicole (Kirsten Dunst) comes from a rich family but she’s a wild child. Carlos is from the other side of town just trying his best to get into the Naval Academy. But love is love and you can’t stop it, and neither can Nicole and Carlos. You would think Nicole’s dad, Tom (Bruce Davison) would want Carlos to have nothing to do with his daughter, that Carlos isn’t good enough for his daughter, but in this movie it’s the other way around. No, Dad wants Carlos to stay away from his daughter because he knows Nicole will ruin the boy’s life of becoming all that he could be. Dad is afraid of his daughter, the daughter just doesn’t understand, and my synopsis is short because, in the end, the trailer showing the wrong type of film was actually better because not knowing some of the plot points, well, that turned “crazy/beautiful” into a great film.

Kirsten Dunst is great in her role as Nicole. She’s screwed up, mixed up, a rich chick driving a crap car and just trying to get through being 17. Jay Hernandez is pretty alright too as Carlos, the dude whose family is relying on him to be the one that gets out of the hood and make something of himself. And, well, that’s about all I’m going to say about this film because it’s too good as long as you don’t know what it’s really about.

Kirsten almost got naked, yet, didn’t, which, actually, was even hotter. Jay, I wasn’t really looking at Jay although the dudettes probably would find him hot. And “crazy/beautiful” is one of those great drama type films that you will be too afraid to see thinking it will be your generic teen story, but it’s not. Seeing it might give you a little insight into your kids, seeing it might make you remember a little about your high school days, and seeing “crazy/beautiful” won’t waste you money if you’re looking for a decent drama about life and growing up. It’s 4 stars out of 5 for “crazy/beautiful.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Crash

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:02 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Crash (2004)
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Sandra Bullock, Don Cheadle, Matt Dillon, Jennifer Esposito, Brendan Fraser, Ludacris, Ryan Phillippe, Tony Danza
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Lions Gate Films
Release Date: 2004
Kiddie Movie: Put them to bed before watching. It’s R for a variety of reasons.
Date Movie: It’s good for everyone.
Gratuitous Sex: Some nudity!
Gratuitous Violence: Some shooting.
Action: Some car chases.
Laughs: There’s a chuckle or two.
Memorable Scene: The scene with the locksmith, his little girl, and the a gun.
Memorable Quote: The chop-shop guy: “Do I look like I wanna be on The Discovery Channel?”
Directed By: Paul Haggis

It’s got the normal commentary stuff and pretty much the “Behind the Scenes” featurette is mostly just those involved with the film saying they thought this movie was powerful from the first reading. Nothing spectacular or particularly cool.

I wanted to catch “Crash” in the theaters, but just never got around to it. Then I saw the DVD in the store, and for some reason I bought it. I’m really glad I did.

“Crash” gives us a movie where a variety of character’s lives all intertwine in a variety of ways, and a lot of times it’s totally politically incorrect as we see how some people can be blatantly racist while others have it in them, they just don’t seem to realize it. Opening with a car crash scene, we are introduced to Don Cheadle playing a police detective named Graham, but before we get too far, the movie takes us back to the day before, and the events occurring that set up all of our characters somehow being about one separation from each other. We get a family getting a gun to protect their store; we get a car-jacking; we get a man getting run over; we get a locksmith just trying to make a good life for his family yet being labeled a gang-banger; we get a racist cop feeling-up a man’s wife; we get his partner totally repulsed; we get a magic necklace; we get a naked Jennifer Esposito, and we even get Tony Danza as a T.V. dude telling Cameron (Terrence Howard) that one of his actors wasn’t sounding black enough. And yes, somehow all of these things intertwine the lives of the characters.

I hesitate to really say more about this movie because in doing so it will give away some of the best plot twists and turns I have seen in a movie in a long time, how one event between people can influence the events of other people and influence the events of even other people. That being written, the great thing about this film is that it doesn’t hold back in its politically incorrectness because, sadly, in the world we live in, there are a lot of people out there with the thoughts and attitudes of the entire cast of characters.

The strength of this movie is both the story, as well as the acting of all of the characters. We know Don Cheadle is a great actor, but my surprise was by the likes of Matt Dillon, Sandra Bullock, Terrence Howard, and Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, who is quietly building a pretty decent film resume, and this role really let him shine.

“Crash” is a serious drama, and a damn good drama, so if you are in the mood for one, pick it up. It doesn’t hold back, the actions of some of the characters should repulse you, and if they don’t, you might want to take a look at your own opinions relating to race. It’s 4 ½ stars out of 5 for “Crash.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Crash

MPAA Rated – NC-17
It’s 1:40 Long
A Review by:
– Stu Gotz

Crash (1996)
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: James Spader, Rosanna Arquette, Holly Hunter, Deborah Kara Unger, Elias Koteas
MPAA Rated: NC-17
Released By: Fine Line Features
Release Date: 1996
Kiddie Movie: Definitely not.
Date Movie: Only if she’s kinky. This is definitely not a first date movie.
Gratuitous Sex: Did you read the review yet?
Gratuitous Violence: Again, there are a lot of car crashes and a sex scene that leaves James’ wife severely bruised.
Action: Lots of car crashes but not in the typical action movie sense. This is not intended to be an action movie.
Laughs: Not in a comedy movie sense
Memorable Scene: Actually . . . There are two scenes that were needed for the movie to work but I could have gone without seeing them. The first is when Vaughan and James’ wife (Deborah Kara Unger) are getting friendly in the back seat of a convertible while going through a car wash. I guess she decided to make a sandwich because she wiped the excess mayonnaise off her finger onto the upholstery of the car (read between the lines here people). The next scene is when James and Vaughan are getting close in the same car. I guess they too were hungry and Vaughan is a sloppy eater because James licks some Mayo off Vaughan’s face. Then he sodomizes him. Those sleezy movie director types.
Memorable Quote: Vaughan takes the gum out of a hooker’s mouth and tells her “I don’t want you blowing it up my urethra.”
Directed By: David Cronenberg

Any movie that a high profile newsstand magazine calls appalling, or something like that, has got to be a movie for me. Such is the case for the latest flick with James Spader, “Crash.” Personally I think that magazine criticism was a little too harsh. I don’t doubt that half of middle America and all of Blue Collar America would agree with them, but there is definitely a niche market for this movie. I’m talking about all those “Latte- Drinking-Artsy-Fucks”, the other half of Middle America, and all you perverts (I know you heard about the perverted side of this movie and a net search engine sent you here). I like to think that I fall somewhere between the happy perverts and the Middle America people who will somewhat be able to understand and appreciate this movie.

So what’s it about? In its simplest of séances it’s a movie about erotic fetishes. Specifically, it’s about people who find sexual gratification through sharing a common bond. That bond? They all get off on car crashes because they have all lived through them. From a “hyper-art” point of view the movie is much more and a very detailed study of the human psyche’. I’m an intelligent, deep, and profound person and I would agree there is a whole lot more going on in this movie, but I’m not pretentious enough to elaborate on such details. So sue me! I like to talk about things in their simplest of forms and this movie is simply soft-core porn with an interesting angle and good acting (something rare in porn, soft core or not).

This is not the first time James Spader has been in such a risqué film. Some of you will recall he was in “Sex, Lies, and Videotape.” That movie was also about sexual fetishes but plays like an episode of “Barney” when compared to “Crash’s” depth and sexuality. James has also been in some real cheesy movies too (I won’t mention them). The guy really has some balls in that he is willing to take chances in movies and I think that will pay off for him in the future (he won’t be type-cast). As far as his role in “Crash”, James plays James Ballard, a kinky movie producer who’s whole sexual life is changed when his car crashes into Dr. Helen Remington’s (Holly Hunter) injuring both and killing her husband. Holly is another gal who has taken some chances that have paid off. She’s been in the Academy Award winning “the Piano” and the cult classic “Raising Arizona.” Anyway, from there they are drawn into a weird sexual cult whose leader is a man named Vaughan (Elias Koteas). I say cult because all these people commune together, fuck together, and re-enact car crashes as if they were religious experiences. Vaughan himself is a veteran of several intentional crashes. Through Vaughan, James and Helen discover whole new sexual sides to themselves. Vaughan keeps around Gabrielle as his “handicapped by a car crash” trophy. Gabrielle is played by quirky actress Rosanna Arquette. Now here is a girl with a weird movie career. I don’t think she ever really recovered from Madonna stealing the spotlight in “Desperately Seeking Susan.” Her last role, that I can recall, was playing the part of the chick with all the shit in her face in “Pulp Fiction” and now she’s playing the kinky sex kitten with disfigured and crippled legs in “Crash.” I really don’t see her very small part in this movie doing anything for her career.

All of these characters not only get off on car crashes and making it in cars, but they also get off on each other. That’s right folks. . . Holly makes out with Rosanna and James does a little more than kiss Elias. This should get the preachers on a pulpit preaching about how mainstream society has gone wrong.

So have I given you the impression that there is a lot of sex going on in this movie? Well, there is from the very first scene, to the very last, and all in-between!!! But don’t be fooled by that. The scenes may be very hot, but they are shot with a lot of tact and taste so don’t be expecting to see any penetration, James’ weenie, or Holly’s bush.

In a simple and semi artistic/phyche sense I enjoyed this movie. I ain’t gonna be recommending it to my mother, though I probably would see it again with a close friend (as long as she’s wearing a skirt and no panties). This movie is not for everyone – if you’re a “blue-collar meat and taters” kind of person save your money for the next Van Damme movie due out soon. All of you intellectuals and perverts should find this movie appealing, and the rest of you just flip a coin. As for me I’ll go on record as saying I like this movie in it’s simplest of senses and give it 3 out of 5 stars, and I’m a happily perverted Stu Gotz.

Crank

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:27 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Crank
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Dwight Yoakam
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Lions Gate Films
Release Date: 2006
Kiddie Movie: Only if you want them addicted to Red Bull.
Date Movie: If she can appreciate this type of film.
Gratuitous Sex: It’s out in the open in Chinatown, and is pretty funny, and there are also lots of boobs.
Gratuitous Violence: Does cutting off a dudes hand and blowing his brains out sound violent enough.
Action: Duh?
Laughs: Quite a few chuckles.
Memorable Scene: I’ll just put it this way: Chev, facing the bad guys, pretends his hand is a gun, and then Verona drops a load in his pants.
Memorable Quote: Eve: “Don’t talk to him like that. My boyfriend kills people.”
Directed By: Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor

From some of the other reviews I have scanned for “Crank,” a lot of reviewers seem to be trying to compare this movie to the 1950’s “D.O.A.,” more on the aspect of “See, I can appreciate film noir. I am a hoity-toity reviewer and know film, and you don’t.” Here’s the problem, these movies are two different animals. “D.O.A.” is a murder mystery where the dude who gets poisoned doesn’t know who killed him and has to figure it out. In “Crank,” Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) knows exactly who poisoned him, and he’s going to do all that he can to get revenge before he dies, and he’s got to do it quickly. Let’s go…

Chev wakes up one morning to find he is feeling out of sorts. Stumbling around his apartment he finds a new DVD with a nice invitation to view it. Upon viewing he finds that he has been poisoned by the bad dude, Verona (Jose Pablo Cantillo), with some wacky, Chinese, synthetic poison, and Chev has about an hour to live. Not too happy, he takes it out on the TV, bolts his apartment, tries to contact his doctor and girlfriend, and sort of starts to figure out that if he keeps things pumping, he feels better. So it’s a race to see if Chev can stay amped up long enough to track down Verona and get some revenge. And get some revenge he does, along with finding out that he has been betrayed, yet still knowing he has one trump card to play.

Driving, running, crashing, shooting, and cleavering his way around Los Angeles, his doctor, Doc (Dwight Yoakam) gives Chev some ways for him to stay alive a little while longer, Chev seeks out his “epitome of a blond joke girlfriend,” Eve (Amy Smart), to give her the bad news, finds out that using too much epinephrine can give you a raging boner, and does his best “Blues Brothers driving through a mall” imitation. Eventually, of course, he finds Verona, and his double-crossing ex-boss, Carlito (Carlos Sanz), and plays his trump card, pretty much causing Verona to drop a load in his pants.

The premise of “Crank” is simple – Chev can’t slow down or he will die, and he finds lots of ways to keep going, including finding out that there’s nothing like some out-in-the-open sex to get the heart pumping. The thing that I liked about the movie, and whether intended or not, is that the movie doesn’t take itself seriously. It’s about speed and keeping your heart racing which means it’s about car chases, overdosing on epinephrine, stealing all of the Red Bull from the convenience store, stealing a cops motorcycle out from under him, and having sex. It’s also about a dingbat girlfriend, a quirky doctor, and some pretty dumb criminals.

Go to “Crank” expecting some over-the-top fun mixed with some neat plot twists, some quality kills, and gratuitous nudity, a well-placed playing of Loverboy’s “Turn Me Lose,” and you’ll get what you pay for. Go to “Crank” expecting the “film noir” of “D.O.A.” and you will probably hate it. I liked it and give it 3 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Coyote Ugly

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:41 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Coyote Ugly
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Piper Perabo, Adam Garcia, Maria Bello, Melanie Lynskey, Izabella Miko, Bridget Moynahan
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Touchstone Pictures
Release Date: 2000
Kiddie Movie: It’s really a chick flick disguised as a dude flick.
Date Movie: Not too young – they won’t get it.
Gratuitous Sex: No.
Gratuitous Violence: Some bar fighting.
Action: Not really.
Laughs: A line here and there.
Memorable Scene: Anytime the girls are dancing on the bar.
Memorable Quote: Nothing really.
Directed By: David McNally

I was hoodwinked. I was tricked. I was boondoggled. I went to see “Coyote Ugly.” Much like probably most every other guy who saw the trailer for “Coyote Ugly,” seeing hot babes dancing on a bar, spraying water, dressed pretty skimpily, well, my first reaction in seeing this was “I have got to see this movie.” It didn’t really matter what the plot was, it didn’t really matter about character development, it didn’t really matter about anything – I just wanted to see hot babes dancing on a bar, hopefully getting their t-shirts wet, and maybe even getting naked. Then I saw the rating – PG-13, and I got a little worried. But that didn’t stop me from eagerly wanting to see the movie – visions of babes on a bar still danced in my head. Then I saw the movie and felt betrayed, suckered, and hoodwinked – “Coyote Ugly” is a chick flick with hot babes dancing on a bar for good measure.

Hot babes aside, the story kinda goes like this: Violet (Piper Perabo) moves from her small New Jersey town to New York City searching for her dream as a songwriter. Her dreams get squashed when she finds out the meaning of “Unsolicited Material,” namely, you can’t send music to a record company without their asking. Her dreams shattered, her apartment vandalized, Violet is almost ready to give up except she has found a dude-friend, Kevin (Adam Garcia), who gives her a little bit of hope, and she overhears these hot babes in a diner talking about how much money they made and how one of them was leaving work at the bar. With opportunity knocking, Violet heads to Coyote Ugly – the bar, and looks for a job. Yes, she gets hired, yes, she has no idea what she is getting into, and yes, the love story develops. It’s also from her working at the bar that she begins to get over her stage fright, and just when her luck gets more crappy because she gets fired because of her idiot boyfriend, you can’t expect this movie to end this way and know that in the end she’ll get the dude and get to sing her song.

Yes, the story wrap-up was kind of quick, but it’s your basic girl-with-a-dream and a love story mixed in – hence, chick flick. Did the trailer say that? You know what, maybe it did – all I still remember from the trailer was hot babes dancing on a bar. The movie had that, too, but really it’s not a movie about hot babes, just one hot babe and her dream.

Is the movie bad – no, not really. Is the movie calculated – yea, you pretty much could figure out everything that was going to happen. Should you see it – well, it’s geared more for the upper-teen audience, so if your girlfriend wants to see a movie, suggest this one. She might squawk, saying all you want to see are hot babes dancing on a bar, and well, this will be true. But she’ll probably get a feel good movie and get past the scenes that tricked this dude into expecting more (or maybe less if you’re talking about clothing).

All in all I’m giving “Coyote Ugly” 3 stars out of 5. It holds its own as a story, John Goodman as Violet’s dad is pretty funny, especially when he finds out where she works, and even though not the movie I expected (I expected a story revolving around the 5 bartenders, their individual lives outside the bar, intertwined with their working in the bar) it wasn’t that bad.

That’s it for this one, I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Couples Retreat

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:47 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Couples Retreat
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Vince Vaughn, Jason Bateman, Jon Favreau, Faizon Love, Kristen Davis, Malin Akerman, Kristen Bell, Jean Reno, Jim McMahon
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 2009
Kiddie Movie: It’s mostly adult conversation. Get a sitter.
Date Movie: It’s got hot hunks for her and bikini clad women for you. It’s couples night!
Gratuitous Sex: A lot of suggested and talk, but still keeping it PG-13.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Lots from start to finish.
Memorable Scene: I keep coming back to “Dave’s” son in the home improvement store.
Memorable Quote: Nothing stands out.
Directed By: Peter Billingsley

Maybe I’m a stupid critic, but sometimes I think movies are made with the sole intention of bringing at least a little bit of a smile to the person who forks over their hard-earned money, and somehow I can enjoy those movies for exactly what they are. They aren’t made for “artistic” reasons, they aren’t supposed to spotlight the acting talents of the cast, and they aren’t supposed to invoke deep thoughts of the meaning of life or break new ground, and I believe “Couples Retreat” is one of those movies, with cheesiness, a slight cringe factor, a peeing child, and enough eye candy for both the dudes and dudette. So, critics be damned, I enjoyed the movie for what I wanted – a nice trip to the theater with my BFF where we could hold hands, laugh a little, and come out of the theater both going “That was kind of funny.”

Here’s the story…

Four couples are having four different “couple” issues. You’ve got Couple Number A: Dave (Vince Vaughn) and Ronnie (Malin Akerman) who have a couple of kids, Ronnie wants to do some home remodeling, and Dave gets to play a lot of Guitar Hero, or Rock Band (I always get them confused) because he is a sales rep. Then there is Couple Number B: Jason (Jason Bateman) and Cynthia (Kristen Bell), who are having relationship issues thanks to an inability to make a baby. Joey (Jon Favreau) and Lucy (Kristin Davis) were married right out of high school, have a teenage daughter who wears too little clothes, and are just waiting for their daughter to move out of the house so they can get divorced as Couple Number C. And finally you get newly divorced Shane (Faizon Love) hooking up with the youngster, Trudy (Kali Hawk), and Shane just can’t keep up, in the Couple Number D category.

Well, Jason and Cynthia decide that they want to make their marriage work and what better way to do it than by taking a trip to Bora Bora with their friends so that the two of them can work on their marriage while the others just have good time. The surprise comes when the resort people tell everyone that if they don’t all partake in the “couple’s therapy” session that they will just be sent home.

So our couples suck it up and all of them begin to realize their relationships have issues, even if they weren’t out in the open before, and wouldn’t you know it, thanks to some bonding, they all realize how they should work things out.

Look, like I wrote in that opening paragraph, “Couples Retreat” isn’t a cinematic masterpiece, and hell, even though it was filmed in Bora Bora, I think that was for the filmmakers to be able to write-off a trip to Bora Bora because the movie could have been filmed at any “tropical” local for the same scenery, but what “Couples Retreat” is is a funny look at married friends, and sure, some of the “situations” are over-the-top and dorky, but really, what are you expecting from a trailer that shows a yoga instructor pretty much having “over-the-clothes” sex with the women?

I like Vince Vaughn, and in his “every man” shlubness we tend to like he is just as good in his role as Dave. Somehow I totally bought the fact that Jason and Cynthia would put together a PowerPoint sales presentation to convince their friends to come to Eden with them, and, well, I pretty much liked everyone in their roles. The jokes were simple, the movie didn’t get too preachy on “how” to have a good marriage, and you’ve got to love little kids. It’s 3 ½ stars out of 5 for “Couples Retreat.” It’s nothing groundbreaking – just a fun time for both of you at the movie, or at least to snuggle on your couch when it makes it to DVD.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Corpse Bride

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:16 Long
A Preview by:
– The Dude on the Right

Corpse Bride
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: The voices of: Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Emily Watson
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Warner Bros.
Release Date: 2005
Directed By: Tim Burton, Mike Johnson

This movie has the feel of “The Nightmare Before Christmas,” animated like that, and looks pretty cool. Pretty much there is this dude, Victor (Johnny Depp), who is set to get married. He seems to get sort of cold feet, ends up in a graveyard setting, and suddenly this corpse comes out of the ground thinking Victor is going to marry him.

It’s from Tim Burton and looks pretty cool. I’ll try to give an update as we get closer to the release date and another trailer or two comes out.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!