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August 3, 2007

Dear Stu Gotz, I'm Sorry. It is My Fault for your Chubbiness, and for Introducing You to "Snyder of Berlin" and their Cheese Curls.

By: The Dude on the Right
Sure the Chicago Tribune and other news outlets reported that your weight might be directly related to the people you hang out with, and in a podcast last week I blamed my buddy, Stu Gotz, for my chubbiness.  Now I realize that I owe Stu an apology because he isn't the reason for my chubbiness, and in fact, I might be the reason for his.  I realized this after a two day battle with the best cheese curls in the world.

You see, a few weeks ago I took a trip to the old country, Lorain, OH, to visit the parents, and prior to my departure I mentioned to Stu how the best cheese curls in the world were sold there.  They are from "Snyder of Berlin" (not ever to be confused with "Snyder's of Hanover"), and they make, in my mind, the world's best cheese curls.  The cheesiness flavor is fantastic, above the flavor of many other brands, but what makes these cheese curls almost the best, unless you want total crispiness (in which case you could buy the "Cheese Crunch" version), is if you chomp down on them right away you get a nice, fluffy, crunchy feeling without seeming to tear up the inside of your mouth.  But what makes them the world's best cheese curls, and is the the ultimate joy in eating them, is that if you let your mouthful of cheese curls rest on your tongue, for a couple of seconds, they suddenly melt in your mouth, nearly disintegrating, with a giant explosion of cheesy flavor.  You swallow, easily, with minimal chewing, it's on to your next handful of curls, and if you are sort of careful, all of a sudden, you have eaten at least half the bag.  If you aren't paying attention, eight ounces with 1,360 calories of cheesy, airy, goodness has made its way into your belly.

Then last Tuesday I opened up the eight ounce bag of cheese curls I brought home with me, and by Wednesday night they were gone, and as I was joyfully licking the orange, cheesy crumbs from my fingers I realized Stu wasn't the blame for my chubbiness.  That didn't stop me from finishing the finger licking, but I realized that maybe I'm the reason Stu is chubby because as much as he puts me in some situations where proper dietary functions could be done if I just picked the right things off of the menu, and he might actually follow, I brought Stu a bag of the world's best cheese curls from Ohio, and he and Mama Gotz ate them, and liked them, and if I didn't bring home that bag of cheesy curl goodness, Stu wouldn't have 680 calories of goodness he has never known before.

So Stu, I am sorry for making you be chubby, and your being chubby isn't the reason for my being chubby because maybe I should set a better example and not tell you that, if you ever get a hankering for the world's best cheese curls, you can sort of order them online, but sadly they want cash upfront and it might take a week for the delivery.  But, if you want instant gratification for your cheesy-curl goodness, they're only about a five hour drive away, somewhere in Ohio.

That's it for this one!  I'm The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Posted by Rightdude at 8:00 PM | Comments (3)