October 20, 2009
I deleted "Mom and Dad" from my iPhone Favorites. I suppose it was just time.
By:
The Dude on the Right
I didn't know when to do it but in the end it turned into a simple thing, just three presses on my iPhone screen, but I guess for a year I wrestled in my head if it meant I was forgetting, or moving on, or just because it made sense because still there, on the "Favorites" of my iPhone contacts, was "Mom and Dad." At times it seemed weird being there when I would see it, what with both of them dying last year, but until this morning I just wasn't able to delete them from that screen. I guess this morning I just decided that one year after Mom died (although I will always consider her death anniversary as October 18th) it was time to well, just decided it was time.
The thing is, after my dad died back in January of 2008, I wrestled with changing the "Mom and Dad" to just read "Mom," even changed it for a few days, but when I went to make my Saturday morning call to Mom back then, and I went to press the "button," it just didn't seem right so I changed it back. I mean, it was always "Mom and Dad," hell, they ended up married for over 40 years, and I would love to say they were always the best of years, but I'm going to bet that 99 times out of 100, if you ask anyone married for over 40 years, they will tell you there were some "not so best of" years. And as I was moving on, dealing with Dad's passing as you have to do, Mom was there in her way to keep things in perspective.
Then it was Mom's turn to pass a year ago, and luckily, by then, I had re-met the girl who would become my fiance, and they were able to meet before Mom died, which was nice because I know it made mom happy I had met someone so special, and she really liked my BFF. But it's been a weird year since then, in reflection, and sometimes you don't always look back, but over the last couple of days I've made some mental rememberings of things she, and dad (although I have to be honest that dad and I weren't always the best of conversationalists) would have had many thoughts about. Simple thoughts entered my head, like how I so wish I could have called mom the morning I proposed to my BFF because she would have been so ecstatic. She'd be concerned, yet so supportive of my BFF's change of careers; she would liked to have gotten the pictures of when I went on vacation; and she would be so proud of her granddaughter graduating from high school, yet wishing she could have been there. There would be some great disappointment in some family matters that are going on right now, I know because I can still see the hurt in her eyes when I unfortunately had to give her the news when it sort of all started, and although somewhat selfish, she would have loved the fact that I would have had to make decisions on which family to spend which holiday with. It would have been a winter, last year, of talking about how bad the Browns were and how she would know that the Cavs would blow it in the end. I would have kept telling her how promising the Indians seemed, but she would have told me that they will always suck until they fired Eric Wedge - she never liked him, and I can't even print some of the things she said about him - and I would have loved to have made that call to her the minute I found out he got canned. There would have been Saturday morning talks about work, wedding plans (damn you WGN!), our American Idol e-mails, that even she was finished watching "Dancing With the Stars," and maybe we both would have finished the project we started of labeling hundreds of old, old pictures.
I do know that it is okay to reflect on things sometimes, but I suppose it’s also time to move forward a bit, and I guess I realized, that in the end taking "Mom and Dad" off of my Favorites didn't mean they weren't my favs, it just meant that their phone number didn't work anymore. It's funny, because I think I "talk" to them more now than I ever did when they were alive, looking for advice or just knowing what they would be thinking, but I guess, sometimes, it would be nice to hear their voices on the other end of that call, although, for the most part, I know what they would say, especially mom watching the Browns this year: "They suck.”
I love you Mom and Dad! I hope you're not mad that I deleted you!
That's it for this one! I'm The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
Posted by Rightdude at 7:45 AM | Comments (0)
May 13, 2009
I'm Engaged! How Did That Happen?
By:
The Dude on the Right
I must say that at 42 years old, after not having a serious girlfriend in just about forever, and even having some cousins thinking I was gay, it is both exciting and scary as hell to tell people I am engaged, as a new chapter in the book of my life started last Sunday when I asked my BFF to marry me. The thing is, at the time I asked, as much as I was 99.9% sure of her answer, that 0.1% is the reason for being scared to death she just might say no, or request conditions for our getting married, or say she wasn’t ready, or say anything but a simple “Yes,” thus leaving the experience, in my eyes, as a total failure. Happily she said “Yes,” she cried, I got weepy, and we went to go see “Star Trek.” My God that woman loves me, and no, she didn't dress like Uhura, and I didn't dress like Spock.
Looking back, though, over the past year, or I suppose I should say past 20+ years, it still amazes me how this is all coming together. Why? Because so many things had to happen for us to re-find each other. You see, I met my BFF back in high school. I was a senior and she came in as a new junior, transferred from this mystical city of Chicago because her dad ended up relocating to the Cleveland area for work. Somehow she was interested in drama, I was a member of the drama club, and we both took a school trip to New York City where a simple song played during the trip would always remind me of her. Over that year in high school I would say we became friendly, but not friends, as I ended up being focused on going off to college, in all places, Chicago, and besides, she was a junior and I was a mighty senior. As time went on I would remember her for one reason or another, and even one year, one of those high school alumni directories came out and I noticed she was living in Chicago at the time, but never really thought to reach out to her (hell, how creepy would that phone call be: "Umm, hello? I don't know if you remember me, but I noticed you in the newly published high school alumni directory and just wondered how you were."), and the years went by.
Me, I went from this job to that job, totally putting my Aerospace Engineering degree to no use whatsoever, living in the Chicago area, finally finding myself in a western suburb, and she, well, she became a world traveler, working in various countries, but then finding herself back in Chicago.
Then, one night, a little over a year ago, I heard a song, the same song that always reminded me of her, and I entered Google stalker mode. Low and behold there she was, and I did what may well be one of the smartest decisions I have ever made: I sent her an e-mail. The strangest part - She e-mailed me back! An e-mail here, an e-mail there, we decided to meet, and then, wouldn't you know it, 20+ years after we met in high school we fell in love, I found my best friend, and I also found the only person that has ever made me not care about all of my stuff. Sure, I'm leaving out a few details of our past year together, of our 20+ years apart, but hey, if Oprah wants to know I suppose we'd be happy to be guests on her show. Even some things, for me, I like to leave private, and I'm guessing she wants to, too.
And so I must now just focus on being happy because if I think about even some of the things that needed to happen for us to be together, it would be mind-boggling. I mean, if her dad never ended up in Cleveland for work; if I didn't come to Chicago for college, if I actually used my engineering degree I probably wouldn't be living here; if she didn't find a place in Chicago; if I had called her years ago and she thought I was creepy; if I hated dogs; if one of us didn't take that trip to New York City in high school; if I had won the Mega-Millions; if I weren't a Google stalker, and for that matter, if the dudes at Google never made Google, well, I would still be loving all of my stuff instead of being in love with my BFF, being engaged, and looking forward to merging the individual books of our lives into a new volume devoted to us.
I guess such is life. Happily, such is love.
That's it for this one! I'm The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
Posted by Rightdude at 9:49 PM | Comments (5)
February 24, 2009
A Greasy, Sweety, Ball of Dough. A Missing Pazcki.
By:
The Dude on the Right
With Ash Wednesday being tomorrow, and today being Dude Tuesday, I mean Fat Tuesday, I'm supposed to be having pazcki because, well, I'm Polish, I guess, and how pazcki comes out "ponchki" or "poonchki" still makes me scratch my head. Here in Chicago, their pazckis are giant, nearing softball sized, and filled with stuff, whereas the version my mom used to make was just this dough ball, maybe the size of a tennis ball, cooked in oil and covered with powdered sugar. It came out as this greasy thing of cooked dough with a touch of sweetness, but maybe it was the oil, maybe it was the dough mix, maybe it was the powdered "don't breath in when you eat it" sweetness, or maybe it was just the love that mom put into it when she made them, but in any event it was always something to look forward to in the old Dude-Homestead when I lived there. With my moving away from the old country of Lorain, oHIo, years ago, Mom always thought of me, sometimes shipping me her pazckis to me to indulge in at the normal time, but mostly, with her being the freezing maniac that she was, usually when she made her pazcki she would take about half a dozen of them, put them in a freezer bag, freeze them (duh!), and when I would make it home for Easter, there they were, after thawing, nicely warmed out of the microwave, sprinkled with powdered sugar, and still loaded with greasy, sweety goodness!
The thing is normally, on Fat Tuesday, for me the only thing that comes to mind about pazcki is how the versions they sell (and now totally exploit) in Chicagoland seem to just end up being these larger, filled-with-something donuts, and how I would know there would be a nice surprise come Easter when I made the trek back to the old country. But this year, with mom's passing away, it was another one of those days when I realized another thing I'm going to miss because of the passing of my parents last year. Those days come up every now and then for me, as I'm sure they do for anyone who loses people they love, but keeps occurring to me that even though mom has been gone some four months now, and dad over a year, there will always come a day that will remind me of some of the things I loved about them, or drove me nuts about them, and today it was all because of the thought of a greasy, sweety, ball of dough.
That's it for this one! I'm The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
Posted by Rightdude at 6:49 PM | Comments (1)
January 1, 2009
Hi Mom and Dad! It's 2009!
By:
The Dude on the Right
Hi Mom and Dad!
Just wanted to wish the both of you a Happy 2009, although I’m not really sure if you actually celebrate New Year’s Day anymore. When I woke up this morning I couldn’t help but think a little bit about how my 2008 went, and like most people, I suppose I’m really looking forward to 2009. There were some fireworks in Chicago last night, so with this letter are a couple of pictures showing the fireworks and Navy Pier. I know the pictures didn’t come out that well, but my vantage point wasn’t that close, though it was cozy, and my iPhone still doesn’t have that great of a camera, but hey, it was festive and all!
It sure was a weird 2008, wasn't it? I’m not even talking about the gas prices that went high and then low, how the stock market took a crap, or the Presidential election (How about our Governor Blagojovich scandal and his appointing Roland Burris to Barack Obama’s Senate seat? Gotta love Chicago/Illinois politics, don’t you!). I was looking back at my MySpace page for January 1st last year, and how I set a goal to lose just one pound a week on my 500 calories a day plan, but like many a weight-loss goal, it didn’t go as planned. 52 pounds would have been great, but I did lose about 18 pounds last year, and yea, I have to admit, that one of my first goals this year is to get back on the eating healthy and exercise bandwagon.
I was kinda wondering how things were up there in heaven for the two of you (At least I’m really hoping you’re in heaven. First off, it would really be a bummer to find out you ended up in the other place, in which case there would have been a lot of things we never knew about the two of you, and also, it would be a little bit of a bummer to find out you picked the wrong religion to raise us under and that I should be looking forward to becoming a dog or kangaroo, or something like that in the next life when I’m reincarnated). I’m assuming you found each other, and hopefully Dad, that you were waiting for Mom with some flowers and a kiss. I’m also hoping that all dogs do go to heaven, and that the boys found you.
Dad, for you, I know you started 2008 pretty much deciding your time on earth was done, and I hope by now you have been able to explain to Mom why that was because for a lot of the year she was having trouble wrapping her head around that. With your going away that early, well, you missed a lot of things for me this year, although I do sometimes wonder about the ability of you (and Mom, you also), to watch over us from up there. I mean, is it sort of like when Harry Stamper told his daughter, Gracie, in the movie “Armageddon” that he’ll check in on her from time to time right before he gets blown to bits on the asteroid? If so, I really hope you didn’t check in on me during some private time I was having, in which case, Dad, you might have said something like “Oh no, I cursed him with a little wiener. Oh wait, thank God, he’s a grower! (at which time I’m guessing a booming voice says “Your welcome, Dad on the Right!”) Please tell me there are times you respect my privacy (You too, Mom), or is it like some “all-knowing” thing like in the movie “Highlander?” In any case, you should have seen by now that I have a BFF, and she’s great. She thinks that somehow you and a relative of hers met up there early last year hatching a plan to help us reconnect after some 23 years. If that’s the case, can I commend all of you on doing a great job! That does make me want to apologize, though, because I probably don’t ask for enough help from you, although the we never did talk that much about personal things. I guess in all of those years we never were able to connect that well, though I’m trying to do a better job sending you some thoughts of things that are going on here with me now.
Mom, I hope Dad has helped you get used to things up there in the past couple of months. Is there some kind of orientation that you have to go through, or are you just kind of thrown in to the mix? The BFF and I are still dating, and things are going great. The both of us have some challenges coming up in 2009 (and who doesn’t), but it’s great having someone to help me through them (and I hope I’m helping her through hers), although I always know I can bend your ear a bit if I need to. And speaking of bending your ear, thanks for that little “talk” we had before Christmas, it really helped me enjoy the holiday a lot more, what with the advice that it’s okay to miss the both of you, but the time for being sad, and letting that ruin my day, needed to go away. I know you know it was a weird holiday season, what with the family being spread out across the country (though it was nice spending the time with the BFF’s family), but maybe at the end of this year, once things calm down, maybe we can all get together for Christmas or Turkey Day. I’m thinking here in the Chicago area. Nothing like Sis on the Right and her family having to deal with the snow and cold, although it won’t be that much different for Bro on the Right, but having them meet the BFF’s family - That would really be interesting!
Well, I better get going. The Rose Bowl will be starting soon (I think I’m rooting for USC, if only because I really don’t like Penn State and some of our staff members here are big Trojan fans, but come to think of it, I suppose I’m a Trojan fan as well), and it’s time to get going with 2009. Mom, Dad, say “Hi” to the Grandmas and Grandpas for me. I miss them, too, but I have to admit, not as much as I miss the two of you.
Oh yea, one more thing, I’m not sure how it works, or if you could pull some strings (or even if you have that kind of pull yet), and Mom, I know you were a big fan of it and frustrated you never came close to winning, but if you’ve been checking in on me, well, you know I occasionally play the Mega Millions game down here, usually with the same set of numbers. I mean, is there some kind of lottery you have to win up there in order to influence the numbers that get drawn down here, is it based on merit and good deeds, or is it really just a total game of chance? Even better, you also know that when the jackpot hits $100 million, well, I’m not going to give it away, but it would actually make winning the jackpot a little bit easier at that amount, what to not create some family squabbles and all. Anyway, if there were some way for you guys to let me know it’s your turn to pick the numbers, well, that would help a lot.
I hope things are going well for you two up there. I miss and love you both.
Your Son,
The Dude on the Right
That's it for this one! I'm The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
Posted by Rightdude at 3:40 PM | Comments (2)
December 21, 2008
A Missing Picture, A Mean Letter, but Thank You, and Here's to 2009!
By:
The Dude on the Right
As
I have been getting a bit sentimental lately, coming on Christmas (did I ever
mention that I really love Robert Downey Jr’s version of
"River",
and him in
"Iron Man"?), it’s been a season of happiness, sharing it with my new BFF as
well as old friends, and a season of sadness, being the first Christmas after
both my
Mom and
Dad died. In preparation for this blog post, well, I tried to do some quick
looking through old family photos for a picture of the Christmas tree we, or
mostly Mom, would put up, but sadly I couldn’t find one of the tree, a beautiful
tree – an artificial tree, white instead of green, some forty years old, with
some ornaments that were probably older than that, and Mom always put bubble
lights on the tree, and as kids we would each pick a bubble light, hoping ours
was the first to bubble. It also had normal-er sized bulbs, not those tiny bulbs
most trees have, some were blinky bulbs, and back in the day we would have the
train set up on the floor, on a sheet of plywood, that would drive the dog nuts!
In my searching I did, however, find some pictures of my first girlfriend, my
first car, Dad smoking a stogie, my fraternity brother Ken, one that my
brother’s girlfriend would get a kick out of, and some pictures of me I hope no
one ever see. I also found a copy of a letter I wrote to my sister that even I
have to admit was kind of mean, but sadly, no picture of that Christmas tree.
It’s not that they don’t exist, I know they do, and if I recall correctly, we
had a picture of it on the collage of photos at my Mom’s funeral, but I don’t
have the photos from that collage, and I don’t have days to search through the
boxes of family photos and negatives that I have, to find one. Yet.
So, without getting uber-sentimental, in the few days before Christmas this year, all I can give you right now is a picture of my Christmas tree (filled with ornaments thanks to my Mom), and wish all of you, no matter what you celebrate, a nice end to 2008, and a 2009 filled with more joyness than sadness, more loveness than hateness, and more smileness than frown-ness.
2008 has been a year of weirdness, but thankfully to all of you who visit, and my friends, and my BFF, it's also been a year of happiness through it all!
Here's to 2009, and if it goes as I hope, it will really be a year of change!
That's it for this one! I'm The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
Posted by Rightdude at 7:15 PM | Comments (1)
November 5, 2008
The Only Change We Can Truly Believe In is The Change of Seasons
By:
The Dude on the Right
Congratulations
to Barack Obama on winning the nomination for President of the United States,
and kudos to John McCain for giving what might be the most gracious concession
speech ever. In an election season that has gone on way too long, where I
thank God I live in the Chicago area which limited the amount of campaign adds
on my TV (I visited Ohio, and TV really sucked without TiVo to fast-forward you
through the crap), now we move on, and wonder what "change" can really be
accomplished.
I found the "change" concept sort of inspiring when Barack originally adopted it at the beginning of his candidacy, but then, wouldn't you know, as other candidates realized "change" became a buzz-word, suddenly Hillary Clinton adopted the word as her own, and then, low and behold, John McCain did the same. It didn't matter that Barack adopted the word first, all that mattered was that now everyone was about change. The thing is, as much as change is professed, it's easier to talk about doing it than actually accomplishing it.
And so, whether or not Barack Obama can really bring about change we can believe in, after three days of 70 degree days in November, here in Chicago, when back in college some of us would have blown off three days of classes to catch the last sunny rays of the year by hanging out on the roof, I at least took a couple of walks near the dude-pad and realized there is only one aspect of change you can always believe in, and that is the change of seasons, maybe a little more pronounced in a place like Chicago.
As I took those walks, looking at a retention pond that is changing to hibernation mode for an upcoming winter, I thought about things earlier this year, when that pond was barren, and I would walk past it, reflecting on the passing of Dad on the Right last January, and 2008 was looking like a strange year. Then spring and summer came, the pond blossomed with new life, and suddenly I reconnected with a friend from my past who has now become my BFF. Fall came, Mom on the Right passed away, and as I looked at the pond the other day, and took the picture accompanying this blog, it didn't make me sad that things were dying, it made me smile that as some things that have changed have made me sad, other things that have changed just make me smile.
Mother Nature knows how to do change right, so that every season is beautiful. I wonder if there is any way politicians can learn from Mom.
That's it for this one! I'm The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
Posted by Rightdude at 7:29 PM | Comments (0)
October 29, 2008
Reviews Are Coming Soon, For Now It's About Pumpkins and Trees!
By:
The Dude on the Right
It's a weird thing to go through, the death of a parent, let alone two within a
year, but sometimes weird things lead to beautiful things, reflective things,
and things you might have never done before. Beautiful were the trees and
stars (and my BFF - as always!), reflective were a batch of 6ish hour drives
between the old country of Lorain and the new country of Chicago, and something
I've never done before is carve a pumpkin. I think.
So as I'm working my way back to normalcy, being torn if I should really buy a new MacBook Pro and contemplating getting back into reviewing mode this weekend with the release of the movies "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" and/or "Changeling" or seeing "High School Musical 3," these last few days I'm just working on getting back to posting things, catching up on my TiVo, and hopefully getting a podcast done tomorrow.
But to keep this blog simple, let's get to "Beautiful" and "Reflective" first.
I
thought about trying to quantify how many times I've driven between Chicago and
Lorain (Lorain is in the state of Ohio for those of you who might not know) over
the years, but in simplest terms it has been at least five times a years for the
last 22 years, with that number increasing in the past few years. I'd say
it's a long drive, but really it's only about five or six hours, depending on
potty breaks, and many a time I have used those hours as personal therapy for a
variety of reasons. People ask why I don't fly home, but in reality, how
much time am I really saving by flying? You're supposed to get to the
airport at least an hour and half before your flight, it's about 45 minutes of
flying time, and if you factor in airport delays, sitting on the tarmac, having
to either get picked up at the airport or rent a car, and then the half hour
drive to the old homestead, in the end, I've always found driving to be the
prudent mode of travel, with the only wrinkle being when the Lake Michigan snow
machine rears its ugly head, dumping snow into the Indiana snowbelt. The
odd things is that in all of those travels I never made that trip to Lorain
during the height of the change of seasons in the fall, when the trees were at
their brilliant colors and travel was a little lighter because the trip wasn't
during a holiday season. But as things worked out, as my mom's health was
fading, I found myself, for a change, on the Indiana Toll Road and Ohio Turnpike
as the colors of the trees seemed to be peaking. As stressful as the times
were, between the travel to Lorain knowing it would be for the passing of my
mom, to the quick trip back to Chicago after she died to button some things up
when the trees were brilliant (and I'm not advocating trying to take a picture
with your camera phone while you are driving, but hey, they were some colorful
trees), and then driving back to Ohio to bury my mom, during a cold Ohio night,
with the constellation Orion being utterly striking, rising over the eastern
horizon, so much so that I felt bad keeping it to myself and not waking my BFF
to see it, you know, sometimes beauty, wonder, and even pumping gas in the cold
air can ease a stressful mind, just when it needs it.
And then came pumpkins.
Mom's
funeral had come and gone, but my nephew, niece, and family were still in town,
and everyone needed something to do. I reverted back to normalcy for them
- seeing a movie, which sounds bizarre for some folks, but generally worked for
all of us at the various holiday times we would get together. The crappy
part is that the movie choices during the weekend of my mom's funeral were crap,
but thankfully my BFF was there to save the day. Well, at first she laid
an egg, suggesting bowling, but who knew "bowlers" wouldn't go bowling if they
didn't have their own equipment, i.e. balls, bags, shoes, towels, etc., to bowl
with. So when my BFF (and I) suggested going bowling instead of a movie,
that suggestions crashed quicker than the Hindenburg. Then my BFF
suggested getting some pumpkins, carving them, and then maybe a dinner, and
wouldn't you know it, as complicated as pumpkin picking can sometimes be
(especially when the original destination doesn't have any more pumpkins in
their patch), somehow pumpkin carving is easier, thanks to those pumpkin carving
kits readily available at a Walgreens near you.
And
so, after a quick trip to a different, dying, pumpkin patch, various sizes of
pumpkins were secured, goop was scooped out of the innards, intricate carvings
were attempted as well as some not so intricate, and as my sister and I
reminisced about pumpkin carving, well, both of us realized that our family
never attempted it, and that there might have been a time, when we were maybe 8
to 12 years old, when we tried to carve pumpkins at our friend's house down the
street, and if so, there is no way any of those carvings were as cool as those
done by our family, with stencils and appropriate cutting tools, done that
Saturday, the Saturday after my mom was buried, when our family didn't go and
see a movie, but instead, carved pumpkins.
And it was cool.
Tomorrow should be a podcast, this weekend should be a movie review or two, but for now it's all about getting back to some semblance of normalcy, even if normalcy is now without being able to call your mom on a Saturday morning, at 9:15, when you always do. And then comes that day when you delete "Mom and Dad" from your phone. I guess that's another story for another blog, but for now normalcy is the changing of the seasons and carving pumpkins, with family.
Happy Halloween!
That's it for this one! I'm The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
Posted by Rightdude at 7:59 PM | Comments (0)
October 27, 2008
A New Chapter Begins... Mom on the Right is Okay
By:
The Dude on the Right
Her
death certificate reads "Time of Death: 11:55 PM" and the date of her death was
Monday, October 20, 2008. Actually, I’m not really sure the exact time on the
death certificate, because I haven’t actually seen it, and technically what is
written is wrong even though "officially" correct, but for me my mom will always
have passed away on Saturday, October 18th, at 3:32 PM.
This will be a long blog post.
It was just over nine months ago that my dad died. Simply put, he was done. After 78+ years of fighting multiple sclerosis, a brain tumor, thalamic syndrome, a slight stroke, and a cavalcade of other crap, he was just tired and, even though this sounds weird, he opted to just let his body die. He entered the hospice center and a few days later, well, Dad on the Right had passed away, but not before my sister and I got to see him one last time, which I would like to say was a lovely, serene scene, but when the body dies over a few days, as sometimes happens, the visual aspect can be a little jarring. Seeing dad, though, hours before he passed, was nothing like the experience of hanging with my mom for the last four days of her life.
But as difficult, emotional, and visually/auditorially disturbing those days might have been, at 3:32 PM on October 18th, Mom on the Right set my heart at ease.
You see, Mom wasn’t really ready to die at first, I think, but her body was finally giving out. She smoked for years, eventually was diagnosed with emphysema and had some partial blockage requiring a stent, and nowadays all of that seems to be lumped into something called COPD. Then a few years ago she was diagnosed with lung cancer, and even though the end was going to eventually come, she kept up the fight. But Mom didn’t want to die in a hospital or a hospice center – nope, if she was going to go, well, it was going to be at home, so she ended up in home hospice, resting comfortably for the past few months in her easy chair. Then, a few weeks ago, she became increasingly tired (I could tell because she wasn’t checking or replying to any e-mails), and as my brother and sister rotated duties caring for her, and from the talk of the hospice nurses, mom’s time was coming, and my turn came to return to the old country, Lorain, OH, to take care of her for a spell.
When I arrived she was tired, but still had her wits about her. When she would have her short bursts of energy we would have quick conversations about the upcoming election, the Cleveland Browns, how she still can’t stand the manager of the Cleveland Indians, how Lorain has gone to shit, and she doesn’t really like Rachael Ray but still watched her show on The Food Network. But as the body goes, so does the mind, and as a day went on Mom started to become confused, her eyes started to give her problems focusing, and in my down time I re-read a couple of times the "Crossing the Creek" guide the hospice center leaves with their "families" to help them understand the things that will be happening, and in the end, it is all about helping the person about to pass to make that journey to their next destination.
So I found myself covering the curtains with an extra blanket because the light was bothering Mom’s eyes. I didn’t watch TV because the glare and images on the screen bothered her. I brought Mom’s CD player into the living room where she rested, and luckily I had a way to play her iPod through it (yup, the nurses at the cancer center were duly impressed an 80 year old woman listened to her music through an iPod!). At times Mom seemed scared, at times she seemed alone, at times she had a burst of sadness yet seemed coherent things were coming to an end (Mom was upset she never made a list of organizations she wanted to donate a few dollars to at her passing, so we worked on the list together for the minutes she could), and at times she just seemed, well, pissed.
And through it all, the only thing I could think to simply say is "Mom, it’s gonna be okay."
Saturday came, and at first it seemed like another day of bizarreness, with the morning having a slight episode. But then, in the afternoon, Mom woke up again, looked at me sitting across from her, and I went to sit next to her.
She wasn’t stirring, she wasn’t angry, she didn’t seem sad. I held her hand. I asked, "Do you need anything?" She looked at me, smiled, and said, "No, Andy, I’m okay. I’m okay."
Mom went back to sleep after that moment, at 3:32 PM on Saturday, October 18th.
For the next 56ish hours mom’s body worked to finish the dying process. There was the incoherent talk, the "death rattle" (which I had to keep reminding my sis that it’s worse for us to hear – not so much for mom – at least so said the "Crossing the Creek" booklet and mom’s nurse), and sometime around 11:40 PM on Monday, October 20th, Mom tried to get up one last time, Mom’s breathing had stopped, my sister said she couldn’t feel Mom’s pulse, and it was about ten minutes later when the hospice nurse showed up, she tried to find a pulse, hear a heartbeat, and get a blood pressure reading, and a little before midnight she pronounced my Mom had passed away.
I’ve never seen anyone die before, and "What is a normal way to die?" might be a blog for another day, but for me, my Mom died at 3:32 PM on Saturday, October 18, 2008. After 82 years she was finally "Okay." It just took her body a little while to catch up.
Mom on the Right is now "Okay."
That's it for this one! I'm The Dude on the Right!! Mom, I love you!!!
L8R!!!
Posted by Rightdude at 8:36 PM | Comments (5)
July 13, 2008
The Old Country With my BFF, Back to Normal Programming, Spock Philosophy, and an iPhone Update.
By:
The Dude on the Right
As you may have noticed there haven’t been any new posting since nearly a week
ago, and I have to admit that part of it was some laziness, part of it was being
a busybody, and part of it was caused by a quick trip to the old country, where
my BFF got to meet some of the members of my family. Yup, you can guess it, they
all like her more than they like me! Oh well. I’ll talk more about that trip
when I talk to Stu Gotz for our "Weekend Wrap-Up!" podcast tomorrow, and
hopefully I’ll have my nephew along for this Thursday’s podcast so I can explain
to him why car doors do not need to be opened for dudettes anymore.
For some quick notes about the trip home, though, some of it was tad melancholy as my mom isn’t feeling too well, and I would have preferred my BFF’s first visit being under a different light, but on the other hand, mom’s meeting my BFF seemed to lift mom's spirits, especially when she could give my BFF her two word, blunt, synopsis, of the old country. The trip was also a great time for family members to pummel me about my lack of chivalrousness, when I was just trying to do some recon to assess the threat assessment of our group and make sure the coast was clear on the treacherous path from the safety of the craft store to the safety of the dude-mobile. I risk my life for the safety of the group, just like Spock philosophied in "The Wrath of Kahn," that "The needs of the many outweigh," responded by Kirk "The needs of the few," with Spock coming back, "Or the one.," and what happens, I get chastised for it! Some people are so ungrateful, but I’m sorry, I digress.
The trip home also had the tech nerd in me in total withdrawal because, while I was gone, Apple came out with their giant update for the iPhone, and although I’m waiting for a 3g version of the phone that will hold all of my music before I buy a new one (and from the news reports of the activation meltdowns that occurred last Friday I’m kinda glad for that), I kept looking at my iPhone, with its old, crappy, obsolete version of firmware, knowing it would be days before I could have a lightsaber duel with another iPhone user, be able to "scratch my records" like a DJ, or have a better way to organize my grocery store list. As I’m typing this blog, though, my iPhone is doing all of its updating, and hopefully, as opposed to those poor schlubs who had problems on Friday, maybe my utmost patience (it is a virtue, don’t ya know?) in not pulling out my laptop while I was at the old country, on Friday, to spend the time to upgrade it the minute I could and ignore my BFF, will pay off. See, who says chivalry is dead?
Well, my iPhone is almost done upgrading, it’s time to get back to work, so normal programming of Entertainment Ave! is ready to be back on track tomorrow, with a fantastic, phenomenal, enlightening, and exciting new podcast of "Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up!" podcast. I hope.
That's it for this one! I'm The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
Posted by Rightdude at 6:43 PM | Comments (0)
March 23, 2008
Davidson and San Diego - I Hate You. And I Love You.
By:
The Dude on the Right
I'm
back! It was an Easter Weekend, and with
my Dad's passing in January, and my sister making her way to the cold
weather, instead of normally visiting a week earlier to avoid the holiday
traffic, well, I ventured to Ohio this Easter Weekend just in time for about 6
inches of snow to shovel. I also changed a bathroom sink faucet, but those
are both stories for another blog or maybe a podcast. This blog is about
basketball, and my not being able to scream at my internet screen.
You see, for the first time in years, I wasn't able to sit at work and waste the bosses money, umm, my money, by paying attention to the first weekend for the NCAA March Madness tournament. And then, when I was able to take a look, my picks were already looking bad. Siena beating Vanderbilt hurt me a lot, although it probably hurt a lot of people, except those folks who were Siena alumni, but what really hurt in that first round was San Diego beating U Conn, one of the teams I had in the final two. I figured I was sort of screwed, but who, other than San Diego fans, were actually thinking San Diego could win? And as my brackets started to fall, it was today that I knew I was done, because, well, my final four is left at a final two, with one of them not getting to my finals.
That said, Davidson College, University, whatever the hell you are, I hate you, because my last chance for maybe a couple of big screen TV's, or some cash, well, was left with Georgetown. If you had a fun college name like Gonzaga, or a fun mascot name like the Saluki's, or maybe a name referenced with God (Like St. Mary's who didn't seem to have God on their side losing to Miami), I would have picked you, but you were playing Georgetown, Hoyas, and you were a 10 seed, v. a 2 seed, whom I had at least going to the final four. In my goofy name category, Wildcats v. Hoyas, I'm picking a Hoya.
And I lost.
And so, pretty much, I'm done with this year's NCAA March Madness season. Davidson and San Diego, you both took me out of winning cool stuff, but with that winning I can quicklier get back to my life after one weekend.
For me it's one weekend and done for my NCAA Tourney picks, and now I have to go back to the Mega Millions this week, with a jackpot of $95 Million on Tuesday. With numbers like 65, 87, 69, 87, 96, and a Mega Ball of 102, I know I can win. Oh, wait, I don't think I can pick any of those numbers. Maybe I'll just go with 1,2,3,4,5 and a Mega Ball of 6. I think it has the same odds.
Happy March Madness! Umm, it's almost April.
That's it for this one! I'm The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
Posted by Rightdude at 10:16 PM | Comments (0)
March 9, 2008
Daylight Saving Time Just Isn't the Same
By:
The Dude on the Right
So a group of us got together last night and since this is the new weekend for
Daylight Saving Time, we reminisced a bit about how back in college the changing
of the clocks pretty much had two meanings - "Spring"ing forward sucked because
it was one less hour to drink, while Fall"ing backward was party time, but for
each season there was always the untold rule of pretty much doing absolutely
nothing during the afternoon except watch TV (my choice was golf) in order to
begin resetting the body clock, and then getting back to studying that night. I told the tale of how I was late for Easter mass one
Sunday because I forget to set my clock ahead and walked in halfway through
mass, while Whammy now laments one less hour of sleep. The Dude on the
Left sees things a little differently, namely that you shouldn't miss out on
your hour of sleep, that you should still get your prescribed nine hours and the
hell with the rest of the day, while Stu Gotz and Mama Gotz quickly reminded The
Dude on the Left of his lack of children who don't really grasp the concept of
time changes nor sleeping in.
And while I had many intentions of being very
productive today, maybe catching another movie, doing some DVD reviews, or
cleaning, when I woke up this morning, looked at the clock that said 8:15, which
really meant 9:15 because I didn't reset it yet, I knew today was going to be
pretty much useless in terms of getting much done because I was already out of
synch with my day. So resigned to the fact of a discombobulated Sunday, my
accomplishments have been few today, but I think I'm okay with that. I did
watch a DVD I need to review, called "Spiral," which I'll write about later this
week, I did get this cool Headline Animator going for our
Mostly Entertainment
link on the web site (sure, it's only on the home page right now, and here, but
I did say today was going to be useless). Such was my afternoon.
My
evening is even looking even more exciting as I finally decide if Flickr will be
the site for posting all of the old family photos I am trying to scan,
archive, and get out on the web for all to see.
I mentioned in a previous blog about enlisting Mom's help in
identifying a batch of photos, and since I've finally settled on my Canon
scanner to do the job, I've been e-mailing her copies of the pictures, at first
just looking for simple things like who is in the photo, maybe an age or year,
but Mom has gone a step further, giving some nice back stories, like for this
picture of a baby and a dog she e-mailed me back (My Mom is so hip!): "I'm
positive that is me in the
rocker as Mother always talked about how the dog would be by my side to protect
me. The dog's name was Skippy. There was another dog who was the
mascot of the Boy Scout's Troop, and he was called Trooper. A beautiful
dog. His dog house was back by the garage."
My body clock should be back to normal tomorrow, and maybe having Daylight Saving Time a few weeks earlier isn't so bad, especially since it looks like those of us in Chicagoland will be breaking out of our cold spell for a week. All I do know is that it was so much easier to deal with time changes back in college.
That's it for this one! I'm The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
Posted by Rightdude at 4:13 PM | Comments (0)
March 1, 2008
Mom, You Better Stick Around for A While.
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The Best Buy and new scanner stories kind of fold together, so this blog starts with my scanner buying experience. As I mentioned in a previous blog my scanner shopping was necessitated by needing to scan medium format negatives, and although liking the Epson scanner, I hated their software. Best Buy let me return the scanner, which was nice of them, and then I headed to Staples who had an HP flatbed scanner that almost sounded too good to be true, and it was. First I was disappointed in the software they were using (maybe I am just too used to the Photosmart S20 software and afraid of change), but when it started to look like it would take hours to scan negatives, well, I started to get worried that my search for a medium format scanner under a thousand bucks was for naught. Staples took the HP scanner back (Yay!), but I had one more hope, a Canon flatbed scanner, and that took me back to Best Buy. The medium format photos in this blog were all done with my new scanner, a Canon 8800F, and so far I am happy with it because the speed of the scanning is acceptable for what I want to do, and their software is a little more intuitive (but damn, I still like that Photosmart S20 format), so I think I'm going to stick with the Canon scanner. As such, Best Buy, don't expect another return from me, at least for this scanner.
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But Best Buy, what the hell is with the overly-friendly associates.
In this world where they say the easiest way to get sick is to shake the hand of someone who has a cold/flu virus, both of my trips to Best Buy were greeted with dudes overly-enthusiastic to help me, and wanting to shake my hand. There I am, just looking for a scanner I already had decided I wanted to buy, but it was "Hi, my name is Joe. What's your name?" as they extended their hand for a handshake.
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Not wanting to seem like a total ass, I extended my hand to shake theirs (how do they know I didn't just pick my nose or scratch my ass, and conversely, how do I know they didn't just pick their nose or scratch their ass), and said "I'm The Dude. I want to buy this scanner." Suddenly germs were transferred, Best Buy doesn't have an easy access to Purell, or those wipes the grocery stores have so you can clean off the cart handle, and now, in addition to finally hoping this scanner will do the job I want to do, I have to remember not to let my hands get anywhere near my eyes nor mouth, much less pick my nose. And if these Best Buy associates are going to continue this process of wanting to shake my hand I'm going to have to either be an asshole when I shop there by not shaking their hands, bring my own bottle of Purell, or just not go to Best Buy anymore and shop online where now all I have to worry about is if the UPS driver has a cold, but can, at least, easily wash my hands before I pick my nose.
So what does any of this have to do with my Mom and her sticking around a while? Well, since I have a new scanner that seems to do the job, I have over 100 medium format negatives to scan and post somewhere, and the only person I know who can help me identify the people, places, and things in these photos is my Mom. For example, from the photos I have posted for this blog, I have no idea who the dude is with the old car, the delivery truck is for the old Home Dairy in Lorain, OH, but I'm wondering who is John Lopatkowvich, and have I always been spelling my Mom's maiden name improperly, or what happened to the "w"? The photo of the three children, I'm assuming, are my Mom, my Uncle Ed, and my Aunt Lily, and I'm 99.9999999% sure the cute girl in the dancing outfit is my Mom. As I quickly flicked through these negatives they almost seem to encompass from about 1935 thru the late 1950's, and Mom, if you're reading this, I'll need your help to identify/place them all, and it might take a little while. You'd better stick around.
That's it for this one! I'm The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
Posted by Rightdude at 6:29 PM | Comments (1)
February 17, 2008
I Don't Think Mom Will Need a T-Shirt
By:
The Dude on the Right
As I continue to use my blogging for some psychotherapy in dealing with the
death of my father last month, a couple of strange thoughts hit me the last
couple of days, some now dealing with my Mom, brought on by the death of my Dad.
And as bizarre as this sounds, I’m wondering now what should be put in her
coffin. Since she’s still in the land of the living, I suppose we should just
ask her, but hopefully she won’t need a t-shirt.
Here’s the thing: Even with my Dad’s many health issues, he always seemed to just soldier on, but with Mom being diagnosed with lung cancer a few years back, and sorry, no offense Mom, most of those in my family figured Dad would stick around and Mom would be the one to go first. But Dad had other plans, because he always had to do things his way, and last month his time on Earth was done. As we finalized his official obituary (I’m still working on my version), we also found/wanted some things buried with him.
In the couple of days following his death, as we were going through things, we found his wedding ring, which he never wore as long as I could remember, but it was stowed away, separately, distinctively, in his box of cufflinks. It was decided Dad would be buried with his wedding ring on, and from my perspective, to make sure, in Heaven, he remembered he couldn’t pick up other women.
It was also decided that Dad would be buried with a puzzle, because he liked doing puzzles. We debated about burying him with an old puzzle he had already completed, or a new puzzle for him to work on. So there, for him, is a puzzle of the Chicago skyline that I gave him for Christmas but he never got a chance to work on.
And as his official obituary stated, Dad enjoyed eating chocolate. One of his favorites was a coconut/chocolate concoction called a "haystack." Back in Lorain there was a chocolate/candy company called "Faroh’s" that had the best "haystacks." They were made with long strands of coconut draped in tasty chocolate, but sadly they aren’t there anymore. Dad did have some "haystacks" left with him, even though the newer version from another supplier look like turds with white speckles, and I have to admit, I snuck a few out of the box before I left the rest for him for his eternity. Though not as pretty as the Faroh’s brand, they were tasty. Sorry, Dad, I couldn’t resist.
But it wasn’t until the other day when I realized Dad had something of mine, for the rest of forever, and it’s simply a t-shirt.
I normally don’t wear t-shirts but with the colder winter we have been having this year, and my wanting to be a little more stylish, on colder days I started wearing a white t-shirt, and with the pending passing of my Dad, I packed my arsenal of four, white t-shirts for the trip back home. It wasn’t until the other day when it was cold outside, and I was looking for a t-shirt, that I realized I was one short, and that Dad was wearing my t-shirt. Forever.
You see, like most people dealing with the passing of a parent, there is always that awkward part of what to have them wearing in their coffin. Dad wasn’t a suit man and definitely not a jean’s man. His general attire, before he become bedridden when it was just easier to stay in a hospital gown, was a dark pair of slacks, usually blue, a t-shirt, and a flannel shirt in the winter, something lighter in the summer. We found the pants, found a nice shirt, but couldn’t find a crisp, white t-shirt in his dresser, so I gave Dad one last gift – a t-shirt.
It was weird when it donned on me that Dad was buried with my t-shirt. It didn’t make me sad, just seemed weird. I hope Mom won’t think it weird when we ask her if she wants anything buried with her. I doubt she’ll need a t-shirt, but when that time comes, I might just bring a spare one anyway.
That's it for this one! I'm The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
Posted by Rightdude at 4:03 PM | Comments (1)
February 1, 2008
Today I Cried a Little. For Me He's Just "Dad."
By:
The Dude on the Right
We got snowed-in here, today, in Chicagoland. Some didn't, or maybe they
had the proper vehicle, equipped with snow-shoes, to travel the glistening,
white roadways, but I didn't and the snow-plow people
didn't show up until around 2PM to get the driveway in my townhouse area
cleared. Hunkered down in my bunker I did get a little bit of work done in
the morning, but shirking some of my duties I also did some cleaning of the
Dude-Pad. But that's not why I cried just a little, as the title of this
blog tells. Nope, as much as my pad needs a good cleaning, and that does
make me sad, it wasn't until this evening when the tears came.
Because, tonight, I figured, I would also work to clean up and delete stuff on my computers, and that is when I came across a picture.
There I was, haphazardly deleting stuff, when I came across a folder named "Home Photos," and the first picture showing up was one of a lazy, chubby squirrel. I remembered when I took it, back in July, for a blog posted in August, and for a moment I was just ready to hit the "Delete" key because I already had a blog, posted, with photos of that lazy squirrel. But then I scrolled through the digital camera roll, and there it was, a photo that made me cry, and it wasn't just a little.
And that was a couple of hours ago.
As I have been working on typing, editing, re-typing, re-editing this blog, I have been torn as to if I should post the picture, or not, because if members of the "... on the Right" family view this, they might cry a little as well, but hopefully, for the world that is forever in the Internet, and in having one of the last pictures of my Dad, maybe the better picture all of us can go to is an image of him smiling, with his granddaughter. And that's not such a bad thing for the world to see.
So here it is, the last picture I took of my Dad and Favorite Niece - His Favorite Granddaughter.
As I have been trying to digitize all of the pictures I have taken in the old version, that with film, in one keystroke I almost lost a picture of my Dad. He's gone from me now, but with this picture he will live forever, in the digital world. His name is, umm, Frank John Labis, it might also be Frank Joseph Labiszewski, it might also be Frank John Labiszewski, For me he is, and always will be, just Dad.
That's it for this one! I'm The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
Posted by Rightdude at 9:19 PM | Comments (0)
January 23, 2008
What's the Deal with Food? And, Oh Yea, My Niece is a Rocker!
By:
The Dude on the Right
With the passing of my father, and not wanting, yet, to get into some of the
philosophical questions an event like that can bring, there was something that
came up prior to his funeral that I suppose I can understand was important in
the older age of funerals, but in this day and age, especially when my dad
wanted a small, private funeral ceremony, why do some people assume that you
need food and just show up with it, unannounced? And why am I conflicted with
this topic because in the same gesture (by a different family friend) I was able
to remember a dish I love?
Now I’m not saying the bringing food gesture isn’t nice, but shouldn’t the gesture start with a quick phone call offering condolences and then tossing in a "If you’d like I can bring you a ham dinner, complete with vegetables, coleslaw, and a store-bought jello mold in case you need something to eat?" But no, there it was, the night before, or maybe it was the night before the night before the funeral (they blend together right now), that a friend of the family showed up with half a ham, vegetables, coleslaw, store-bought jello mold, and lots of conversation for my sister to hear. The issue was that, in the land of the "on the Right" family, we had already planned for a small gathering of family following dad’s burial by securing a party tray, which, fine, for this occasion should probably be called a remembrance tray, but in any case the family refrigerator was already ready to be packed. Somehow, and God bless Sis on the Right, she found a way to stack, move, renegotiate, and fit everything in there, including the ham dinner, so that no one would get sick, and let me tell you, she knows all about the importance of refrigeration and reheating with her job in Lunchlady Land!
My confliction on this issue comes because even though the gesture on the part of our one family friend was nice, but wasn’t necessary, well, a neighbor baked a small dish of Noodle Pudding, and oh my God, it was so good. I forgot about Noodle Pudding, haven’t had it in years, and after getting back home found some recipes on the internet to try (although I should probably just call our neighbor and get hers, because, can I say it again, it was so good), so even though one family friend went a little overboard with her food gesture, that small dish of Noodle Pudding really hit the spot, and as more important in the time of comfort food was necessary, my mom loved it.
I guess I'm just really confused about sending food to the families of those going through the loss of a loved one, especially with the joy and tastefullyness of the Noodle Pudding that came our way, so to alleviate my confusedness, and because it's really not long enough for a blog, and because, during my "A New Chapter for the "on the Right" Family" blog, I mentioned how my niece is a rocker, I thought I would include in this post, my niece being a rocker. Sorry for the sort of crappy video, but I think it really shows that my niece ROCKS!
BFF and favorite niece - YOU ROCK!
That's it for this one! I'm The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
Posted by Rightdude at 7:13 PM | Comments (2)
