Category: Andy Wonders

Should Kids be Allowed to be Paddled in School?

There is a story or two going around about school districts wanting to bring back paddling, and as I don’t have any kids I say, “Bring it on!” Okay, actually I’m a lot torn on the subject, but more on that later. Most of the stories site how when it was allowed that for one, it was rarely used, but that it also was the most effective use of punishment for some kids as I’m thinking the brats just saw a suspension as a vacation from school and probably got to play with their XBox when they were at home, anyway.

I vaguely remember a few kids being paddled back when I was a youngin’, and for the most part I’m pretty sure it was the only thing that made sense to them. Me, I was only paddled a few times, in symbolic ceremonies during our initiation banquets for Theta Xi Fraternity in college where the little brothers made a decorative paddle for their big brother and each got to whack the other on the ass harkening back to the days when somehow paddling was a right of fraternity passage.

I know, I know, there are supposed to be time-outs and gentle prodding to change behavior, and paddling could be likened to brutal punishment, and fine, call me behind the times and a brute (and as I say, I might feel differently if I actually had a child), but sometimes I still think a little bump on the rump might be the only way for a rascal to truly understand what they did was wrong instead of a nice, little vacation in their media center, I mean bedroom. I don’t know, it guess it does seem kind of cruel. Ugh! I’m so torn. What I do know is that I sound like an old fogey when I say things like “Back in my day…”, so I suppose I should quit being an old fogey and get with the times. And who am I trying to kid, I could never hit a child anyway as it would just crush me. After all, I’m a lover, not a fighter.

And so I plight: Should kids be allowed to be paddled in school?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do you plan on boycotting the NFL until the normal refs are back?

So I guess, last night, while I was sleeping, the latest debacle of an NFL game with the replacement refs occurred as said refs who are taking over in place of the locked-out refs screwed up another game. From what I read they awarded the Seattle Seahawks a touchdown at the end of the games, on a play that clearly wasn’t a touchdown, thus helping the Chicago Bears in their division, but costing the Green Bay Packers what could turn out to be a chance at the postseason, and it’s only week three.

The Twitterverse exploded with controversy with Seattle fans happy but admitting the refs screwed up and the Packer fans besides themselves. Most of the rest of the NFL fans were just pissed as the experiment with the replacement refs has turned into a boondoggle. ruining the enjoyment of the sport and rendering watching any game an exercise now in waiting for the refs to screw it up. Hashtags started popping up like #boycottthenfl, #boycottthursdaynightfootball (a hash tag that is far too long, and seems kind of stupid only boycotting Thursday night’s game and not the entire league, and besides, who besides Ravens and Browns fans really care about the upcoming Thursday game?), and #nflsucks. Seriously, though, are any of these people really going to boycott watching the games until the NFL comes to an agreement with the normal refs and Ed Hochuli gets to show his guns on national TV again? I doubt it as most will now watch the games in anticipation of the refs screwing things up, and just hoping it’s the other team, much like it appears it happened to the Packers last night, that gets screwed. And so I plight: Do you plan on boycotting the NFL until the normal refs are back?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

 

Did Your Monday Come too Quickly Today?

This is a quick plight as when my alarm went off this morning I thought to myself “Self, where did this weekend go?” Some of my weekend was fun (I got to play “Pretty Woman,” trying on different outfits for my woman), I did some maintenance work (Electricity is quickly becoming my friend), the Chicago Bears won (Yay!), the Cleveland Browns lost (Boo!), and we had a nice visit with the in-laws. However, in between it all, it seemed to go very fast, although I’m guessing that Milo’s being on high alert last night, softly barking at most every noise, didn’t help as my Fitbit said my “Sleep Efficiency” was a whopping 91%.

In any case another weekend is over, Paul Conrad is telling me on the WGN Morning News that it should be a pretty nice week weather-wise, and for me my Monday has come too quickly. And so I plight: Did your Monday come too quickly today?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

Have You Ever Been “Cuckoo” from Alcohol?

Judge Judy is so wise. This morning she was hearing the case of two young ladies, Girl A who was suing Girl B because Girl B had her charged with assault. Yup, Girl B was drunk and accused Girl A of cheating with her fiancé. Girl A was not drunk, Girl B attacked Girl A, there was slippage, a bottle, and blood. Also, as the original case was thrown out of court, Girl B was countersuing Girl A for the assault and her hospital bills. As this is a Judge Judy episode, you can count on one of the participants being ill-prepared for Her Judgeness, as was Girl B, utilizing a picture on her flip, cell phone to try to support her case, but the judge would have none of this. Also enter Girl B’s mother, trying to support her daughter, but it’s never good when the Judge says your daughter has a drinking problem and was “Cuckoo from alcohol.”

Well, Judge Judy would have none of Girl B’s complaining and awarded Girl A $2,500 pretty much because Girl B was drunk. I remember most of my college days, and there was a little drinking involved, but “cuckoo”-ness, well, my lips remain sealed, and I was never on Judge Judy to have her tell me so. I do wonder, however, and so I plight: Have you ever been “cuckoo” from alcohol?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Are you a fan of the TV show “Survivor?”

It’s the 25th season for “Survivor.” Yes, I know that doesn’t mean it’s been on 25 years as it’s doubled-up through the TV years, but the first season was in 2000 with the one person most people can probably name from “Survivor,” Richard Hatch. I’ve been there since Season 1, Episode 1, and although some seasons were lamer than others, I’m still fascinated by the game dynamic and from the onset of this season’s premiere, set in the Philippines, I’m sucked right back in. Zane goes down as another “first person voted off,” you know, those people you will never remember were on “Survivor,” and who am I kidding, unless you a huge fan, you pretty much don’t remember anyone who was on the show, except maybe that girl who is on “The View” along with the dude who didn’t pay his taxes (Yes, Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Richard Hatch).

They have tried to shake things up through the years with your “fan-favorites” type episodes, occasionally bringing back heroes or villains, and this season brings back a few of those who had to leave the show because of various reasons, like Michael who is the dude who fell in the fire, but for the most part it’s about the group of new people trying to figure out a way to win the million dollars, which I think is now too low of a prize and should be upped to about five million if they really want to bring out the competitive streak in most people.

In any case, I’m back into the show. Zane was seeming like a smart player all until his strategy went a little too far, telling the other band-mates he thought Russell might have an immunity idol, and thus it turned Zane being ousted, and another season of “Survivor” set on my DVR for weekly viewing. And so I plight: Are you a fan of the TV show “Survivor?”

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

Does Your Freezer Have a Light in It?

Sometimes my plights are of the delayed, inspired kind, as is today’s. As I reached into the freezer this morning the light went on. No, not the bulb over my head with a brilliant idea, but the bulb inside the freezer, bringing a gentle glow with which to assist my digging out a frozen product from the rear of the icebox. At that time I remembered a post from a friend on Facebook asking “Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?” There were a variety of responses, some thinking because it’s too cold (not true), some reflecting that they have a light in their freezer, and some wishing they had one. A quick perusal of the internet doesn’t come up with any definitive reason for there sometimes being a light and sometimes not, but I’m just simply going with it comes down to money. I’ll also bet most people don’t realize they have one or not unless they are trying to find something at night to snack on, probably ice cream, in a dark kitchen, and realize they can’t see anything in the freezer when they open the door so they have to open the refrigerator door to assist their diminished sight.

In any case, thanks to Jill and the light bulb turning on in my freezer this morning, my plight is this: Does your freezer have a light in it?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

 

 

Are You a Good and God Fearing Individual?

If you are a good and God fearing individual I might have an opportunity for you! You see, Louisa Patrick is a cancer victim who has been to several countries searching for a cure, and since she is also a “philanthropist with a target at charity,” she is also donating her funds to the less privileged in Africa, Brazil, Haiti “and some of the Asian countries (e.g.. Burma).” So sad that someone who is fighting cancer finds herself at the precipice of death and won’t be able to continue her good work.

Don’t worry, though, you can help, because if you are a good and God fearing individual and will help her distribute the funds to people needing help around the world, she will entrust the last of her funds to you (about 7.5 million GBP, which in US money is about $5 – okay, it’s really about $12.5 million bucks).

Before she will trust you with the money she does ask you to tell her a little bit about yourself, and I thought about replying to her email but was a little worried on that “good and God fearing” part as I’m mostly good and generally God loving, but she’s not really offering to give me part of her fortune, just to help distribute it to the less privileged. I mean, what’s in it for me? Maybe, though, you’re up for some world travel and giving away Louisa’s funds, in which case send me your email and I’ll forward her information back to you. First, though, you’ll have to answer my plight: Are you a good and God fearing individual?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

Are You Fascinated with Christina Aguilera’s Boobies on “The Voice?”

Fine, maybe you can’t stop looking at Adam Levine while watching “The Voice,” after all he is dreamy, but I’m being forced to pay attention to the ever-changing boobs on Christina Aguilera. I say “forced” because I generally do my best not to overtly pay attention to things like boobs and butts when I’m watching TV with my wife, but lately, while we are watching the singing show, she keeps pointing them out and noticing that during this contestant they are nicely pushed up, and then the next contestant I’m forced to notice that they have become saggy and droopy. I try to get analytical with her, saying that since they are in the pre-taped portion of the show maybe the producers don’t necessarily show the contestants in the order they appeared during tryouts, and that the “saggy” times were later in the day, but she can’t help herself, and will even force me to rewind the DVR to pay closer attention.

I’m sure Christina’s ever-changing boobs could be turned into a drinking game – a sip when they are pushed up and a chug when you wonder if it’s time she had a boob-lift, and maybe, when the live shows start, you drink the entire bottle if there is actual nip-slippage, but the thing is we won’t be able to analyze them after this year as it’s been announced that next year Christina and Cee Lo will be replaced by Shakira and Usher. So get that boob-analysis done now because next year they get a little bit smaller with Shakira, and for now now I plight: Are you fascinated with Christina Aguilera’s boobies on “The Voice?”

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Can You Dance “Gangnam Style?”

It’s sweeping the world, and coming to wedding receptions near you, but the latest “Will we ever hear from this singer, again?” is Psy, and his hit, “Gangnam Style.” It’s a Korean song, in case you haven’t heard nor seen it before, it’s catchy, and it’s got a very funny moment, well, actually a lot of funny moments during the video, but for me the kicker is around the 1:50 mark in the elevator.

Psy, the singer-dude, is everywhere, and smartly so when something like this goes viral because you may never again get the chance to find yourself at a Los Angeles Dodger’s game, on Ellen DeGeneres, getting a spot on The Today Show, and even finding yourself on Saturday Night Live all in the span of a couple of weeks, and much like Rebecca Black (remember her, she did the “Friday” song), we may never hear from Psy again, although parodies of his video will live in the internet forever.

The dance Psy does during “Gangnam Style” is kind of disjointed, yet funny, and you can probably throw out a hip if you try to do it as an older person, and seemingly not as structured as an “Electric Slide,” I can see the wedding DJ’s now trying to get the revelers to dance “Gangnam Style.” Which leads me to my plight: Can you dance “Gangnam Style?”

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

Will McDonald’s posting calorie counts cause you to change what you order?

I’m going to guess the answer will generally be “No,” but what do I know? I do know that there was a story in the news the other day that McDonald’s will be posting calorie counts of its menu items across the nation, and sure, a lot of people might be shocked to find out that a Happy Meal (410 calories if you stick with the milk) is probably their best menu choice for a “healthy” meal as they are standing at the counter thinking “Happy Meal or Big Mac (550 calories, but no fries)?”, and sure, you could go with the Premium Grilled Chicken Classic sandwich (only 350 calories) or even the Filet-O-Fish (not too bad at 380 calories), but if you want to keep it healthy you’d better give up the medium fries (another 380 calories) and opt for the apple slices (15 calories – Woohoo!).

I’m not saying you can’t stay thin eating only McDonald’s food, hell, look at Don Gorske who has pretty much only McDonald’s Big Macs for most of his life, but although seeing the numbers may give pause to a few people, you are rarely going to McDonald’s for your healthy diet, you are going to Subway and fooling yourself into thinking they are the healthier option because, after all, they’ve got Jared. Even going there, I’m guessing you aren’t getting that footlong, veggie sub with no cheese. In any case, wherever you go, I’m plighting: Will McDonald’s posting calorie counts cause you to change what you order?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!