Elizabethtown

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 2:03 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Elizabethtown
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Orlando Bloom, Kirsten Dunst, Susan Sarandon, Jessica Biel, Alec Baldwin
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Paramount Pictures
Release Date: 2005
Directed By: Cameron Crowe,

There’s a huge plus for this movie, namely the likes of Cameron Crowe being the Director, and it’s looking like a romantic comedy with a couple of twists.

It seems Drew (Orlando Bloom) made a big mistake at his working gig, his life is falling apart, and the only answer is to end it all. Then, to top it all off, his dad dies and he has to head to his hometown of Elizabethtown. On the way he meets a stewardess, I mean flight attendant, Claire (Kirsten Dunst), and now he has a buddy to vent with, and love ensues.

Claire helps Drew get through his bad times, Drew falls for Claire, and love is in the air.

This looks like a good movie for the both of everyone, and Cameron Crowe is pretty good at making movies that don’t get too sappy for the dudes yet just sappy enough for the dudettes, and this movie is already getting a little buzz for a statue nomination for one of those statue nomination folks.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Elektra

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:37 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Elektra
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jennifer Garner
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: 20th Century Fox
Release Date: 2005
Kiddie Movie: Nope.
Date Movie: Nope.
Gratuitous Sex: Just some skimpy outfits.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of people get their asses kicked.
Action: There’s lots of running around.
Laughs: Unfortunately most of them are supposed to be funny.
Memorable Scene: Nothing.
Memorable Quote: Nothing.
Directed By: Rob Bownan

“Daredevil” wasn’t that well received by critics, but it did do alright at the box office, so you would naturally assume there would be a sequel. Now I’m not sure this is how it worked out, but I see the movie people listening to every horny guy out there who couldn’t get enough of Jennifer Garner and her Elektra costume. I hear it now “We need to make a movie with that Garner chick. Is Elektra a real comic? Is there a back story or forward story we could use? I don’t like that story, let’s make another one but we can keep that ‘Hand’ thing to keep it real. Okay, get to it.”

Now, not being a comic book person, I have no idea if the story in the movie “Elektra” ever sort of took place in the comic version. My history with her story is based on the history of Elektra on the Marvel comic’s site, and the comic story is so much better, has much more potential, than the crap story they churned out for this film. For the movie we get re-introduced to Elektra, who has no ties to Matt Murdock (Daredevil) anymore, nope, now she has become a well-paid assassin. She has also honed many of her martial arts skills because now she is pretty much able to run around with super speed, and see a little bit into the future. Well, she gets hired to kill a father and daughter, but in the end she can’t do it. Now she turns from assassin to protector, because the Hand (some evil martial arts group with all kinds of weird powers) still wants the little girl dead. A fight here, a fight there, wolves coming out of some dude’s chest, a dudette who can kill you by blowing you a kiss, and eventually Elektra is back in her skimpy red outfit for one last battle.

Sure, there’s a little more to the story than that, but I’d really rather not bore you, if you go and see the movie you’ll get enough of that.

Like I said before, I don’t know if the storyline in movie Elektra was an actual plot line from the comic books, but I don’t think so, or if it is, they really messed it up (or it was a horrible comic). The best comic book movies don’t try to re-invent the story, the story has already been written (hence the fabulousness of the ‘Spider-Man’ series and the better ‘Batman’ movies). All you need to do is faithfully transfer that story to the big screen. And it’s too bad, because I liked Jennifer Garner as Elektra in “Daredevil,” and in reading the history of Elektra, there was tons of potential, but for me, they blew it. My suggestion – they should have used this movie to develop Elektra, give us more of an insight into how she went from pretty much being dead in “Daredevil” to becoming an assassin. That could have been a good enough movie in itself. Instead, they give you bits and pieces of Elektra’s history in flashbacks, and try to tie it with this nice film of Elektra finding herself.

Well, enough of this review. “Elektra” has a lot of potential but really fails in trying to be too nice of a movie. Garner looks fabulous in her red outfit, and really does great in the fighting scenes, but the story just lacked so much and had such dorky moments (Elektra, waiting for the big fight with her nemesis, in a big, old overcoat, stripping off the coat to reveal her skimpy, red, fighting suit) that I couldn’t get past them. It’s 1 ½ stars out of 5 for “Elektra.” Wait for video, or better yet, wait for cable for this one.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Election

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:43 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Election
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Matthew Broderick, Reese Witherspoon, Chris Klein, Jessica Campbell
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Paramount Pictures
Release Date: 1999
Kiddie Movie: Don’t even think about it.
Date Movie: Sure, bring her along.
Gratuitous Sex: Some, but nothing gratuitous. More talk than action.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Chuckles and gut-busters usually caused by character lines totally unexpected.
Memorable Scene: Anytime Reese changes facial expression.
Memorable Quote: A couple. One by Tammy Metzler, “Sometimes, when I’m sad, I sit and watch the power station.” Another by Paul Metzler, “I really was surprised when Lisa Flannigan asked me for a ride home and then began blowing me.”
Directed By: Alexander Payne

Ahhh, high school.. Where kids learn about growing up, sometimes get laid, play sports, get involved in extracurricular activities, and just want to get the hell out of there. The groups are always the same, the teachers are always the same, but nowhere could I have imagined a run for student government president as came out in the movie “Election.”

“Election” tells the story of Tracy Flick (Reese Witherspoon), the always with the right answer, always involved in drama, yearbook, government, and any other student organization as long as she is usually the head honcho, and the always is the most known student in high school but not the most popular. It is finally her senior year and her dream is about to come true – President of student government. Enter Jim McAllister (Matthew Broderick), the bestest teacher in the school, the one everyone goes to with their problems, the one always there grooming the youngins for adult life, and the one who finally gets sick of miss goody-to-shoes Tracy. He can’t stand that Tracy is running unopposed for President and decides that she needs to lose, and who better to lose against than Mr. Popularity – Paul Metzler (Chris Klein). So, teacher Jim convinces Paul to run, and all is well until Paul ends up with his sister’s girlfriend (or wishes she was her girlfriend), so Tammy Metzler (Jessica Campbell) figures she can get back at Paul by running for President too.

Sounds a little confusing, huh? Well, it’s not, and throw in some comical sidelines of teacher Jim’s screwed-up life at home and you get an adult comedy that won’t be seen by many people because it’s kinda artsy, kinda stuck in only a few theaters, but had me laughing and really enjoying the performance by Reese (her ability to switch facial expressions from concerned to cheery to totally pissed-off to pleased to a vindictive bitch is most excellent), by Broderick (he’s so much better playing the confused character rather than the hero), and by Campbell (she’s great as the lesbian high-schooler who is the loner yet finds her place should really be at the catholic school for girls and does everything she can to get there). A lot of dry humor, some out-right laugher spots, and a twisted look at how lives can become unmanageable in just one day.

Leave the kids at home for this one, it’s definitely for the older crowd able to reflect back on their own twisted high school lives. Too adult and you might be offended, too young and you might not be able to relate yet.

It’s 4 stars out of 5 for “Election.” It made me laugh, made a lot of the audience laugh, and the two ladies leaving the theater next to me said it was pretty good, too.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Eight Legged Freaks

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:39 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Eight Legged Freaks
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: David Arquette, Kari Wuhrer
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Warner Bros.
Release Date: 2002
Directed By: Ellory Elkayem

Alright, spiders are now big and scary and we all hate that. From the preliminary things I’ve read this is supposed to be some kind of spoof of those old time, out of this world, horror movies.

The trailer looks pretty funny, this one looks like it won’t take itself at all seriously, and that’s a good thing for a movie about giant spiders that terrorize a town.

“Arachnophobia” had the world afraid about normal sized spiders, this one is a spoof. It could be good fun or maybe just really crappy. I’m hoping for the former, especially because it’s got Kari Wuhrer.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Eight Crazy Nights

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:16 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Eight Crazy Nights
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Voices of Adam Sandler, Jackie Titone, Austin Stout, Kevin Nealon, Rob Schneider
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Release Date: 2002
Kiddie Movie: It’s not a kiddie cartoon.
Date Movie: It’s not a date cartoon.
Gratuitous Sex: It’s got a three-boobed woman.
Gratuitous Violence: Wedgies and tumbling in a port-a-potty.
Action: None.
Laughs: Ehh.
Memorable Scene: The holiday banquet was very disturbing.
Memorable Quote: Whitey’s sister: “Whitey, they were giving lobster bibs in the bathroom!”
Directed By: Seth Kearsley

Adam Sandler had a chance to make a Holiday classic. Alright, maybe not a classic, but at least a nice movie you could watch with the kids. Instead he made “Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights.”

How’s this for a nice holiday story. Davey is in his early thirties. He’s the town drunk, causing havoc for anyone in a good mood, especially during the holidays. In front of the judge again, well, the judge is ready to throw the book at him except an old man, Whitey, stands up and wants to take Davey under his wing, hoping to bring Davey back to the good side of society. The judge agrees, so now Davey is an assistant referee to Whitey for the youth leagues. There was something in his past that made Davey the way he is. Whitey knows it, the old love of his life Jennifer knows it, only Davey can’t face his past to get to his future. With the help of Whitey, Davey eventually comes to terms with his past, and in the process helps Whitey to realize the love the townsfolk have for him.

It’s a nice premise, could be sort of nice for the entire family, except Sandler and his writers turn to crap to try to make a nice story funny. And I literally mean crap, as in once scene where Davey finds it funny to dump Whitey over in a port-a-potty, Whitey emerging covered in crap, Davey hosing Whitey down turning him into a crap-sicle, and then having deer lick the crap off of Whitey. And, oh yea, the movie also has a three-boobed woman.

This movie is rated PG-13 and it’s not because Sandler and friends made it funny with poop and sex jokes. It’s because Sandler and friends made it un-funny with poop and sex jokes, and this makes me somewhat sad because Sandler could have either a) made a decent gross-out cartoon or b) dropped his name from the marquee (therefore not scaring away some parents from bringing their kids), dropped the poop and sex jokes, and made a holiday cartoon that could have been rated PG, or even G, that the entire family could enjoy. Then, of course, Sandler could have used real people in this movie, instead of it being a cartoon, and it probably would have been funnier because real people are involved. The potential was there for either, instead they made a nice story into crap.

I generally like Adam Sandler style humor, but this movie just lost it on too many levels. It’s 1 ½ star out of 5 for “Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights.” And, oh yea, the movie opens with a movie short called “A Day With Meatball,” an unfunny movie about a dog.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Eastern Promises

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:40 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Eastern Promies
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Viggo Mortensen, Naomi Watts
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Focus Features
Release Date: 2007
Directed By: David Bronenberg

The trailer for this film hints at a lot of things going on, from things like maybe the mob over in London, a diary that might have answers to secrets maybe better left not written, and somehow Anna (Naomi Watts) caught in the middle of it all when a teenage girl gives birth and Anna is bent on investigating who the baby-daddy is and that diary is her key, but it’s in Russian, so Anna has to find help in translating it.

This looks to be a movie with tons of suspense, and I like David Cronenberg as a Director (he did “A History of Violence”), so I’m just hoping it makes its way to my local gigaplex since it’s being release on the indier side, Focus Features.

Could be good, could be bad, and part of the rated R-ness is for sexuality and nudity, and hoping it comes in the form of Naomi Watts, but probably not.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do You Like Trail Mix?

Lately I’ve been on a trail mix kick. Not just a trail mix kick, but tiny twist pretzels and trail mix. The pretzels are pretty standard, usually some Rold Gold as it would be, but the trail mix depends on who has what on sale. The only problem I have is that lately it’s been the Sam’s Club stuff that is the cheapest, but unfortunately their brand also has a ton of raisins. It’s not that I don’t like raisins, because I do, but it tends to have these clumps of raisins, kind of like when you open that small box of Sunmaids, and not enough M&M’s. Yup, I’m weird, especially as today’s daily plight is simply: Do you like trail mix?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

Eye of the Beholder

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:45 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Eye of the Beholder
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Ashley Judd, Ewan McGregor, k.d. lang
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Destination Films
Release Date: 1999
Kiddie Movie: No way.
Date Movie: She might get a little scared, or might thing you’re a stalker.
Gratuitous Sex: There’s some.
Gratuitous Violence: Some quality kills.
Action: Not too much on the action side.
Laughs: Only at things that didn’t make sense.
Memorable Scene: Ashley Judd (Joanna) stabbing a dude.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Stephen Elliott

There are many ways to go for realism in a film. Sometimes you try to get shootings to look real. Sometimes you try to get acting to seem real. And sometimes you try to get scenery to look real. Now this might not make sense to anyone who hasn’t seen a Chicago police car, but I just had to chuckle as I was watching “Eye of the Beholder” when The Eye (yea, no name really, just “The Eye”) (Ewan McGregor) and Joanna (Ashley Judd) ended up in Chicago. Other than the fact that there aren’t many cobblestone streets, who told the filmmakers that the police cars had red stripes on them? I saw the Chicago rollers and there they were, painted in red instead of the blue that every person who has seen any other movie with Chicago coppers, from a film like “The Blues Brothers” to “The Fugitive,” would know. It was at this point that “Eye of the Beholder” just took a downturn from “Ehh” to “wait for cable.”

So, in “Eye of the Beholder” you have The Eye, a spy dude with a couple of screws loose because he lost his daughter who is, well, spying, on Joanna and her latest conquest. She’s not playing with a full deck either as she sort of has the black widow thing going. You know, using men for their love (and money) and then killing them. Well, after seeing Joanna and hearing voices from his lost daughter, The Eye basically bails on his spy career and turns into a stalker, trailing Joanna across the continental United States and ending up in Alaska. We get to see The Eye using his high-tech spy things to catch her words, her actions, her falling in love, and her finally seeming to have a happy life with a blind dude until The Eye messes that up. But he thinks that he is meant for her, she doesn’t really know him until it’s too late, and, well, the movie doesn’t have a happy ending except to have you going “That’s it?” At least that’s what the lady in back of me said as the credits started to roll.

There were lots of problems with “Eye of the Beholder” and none of them had to do with the acting of McGregor nor Judd. McGregor is in a roll right after the Star Wars flick, maybe so he doesn’t fall into the “Mark Hamill Syndrome.” He’s a good enough actor, playing the messed in the head spy who can’t help but try to help Joanna, but the role is stuck in a story that really ends up making little sense. Ashley Judd, still one of my favoritist actresses lately, is great as the disturbed man-killer, really just looking for someone to love her and not see her for what she is, and does her role well. But the problem comes in the story, especially on the The Eye side. Yea, he’s great at being a detective, but he’s a little, as my mom might nicely say, loony. His co-workers know this, but they don’t do anything except maybe enable him. And when he finally snaps, well, even with all the spy gear and the spy agency he works for, well, they can’t find him, which I find odd because he always wears the dingy red coat and looks disheveled. At first he seemed like a great spy, but by the end he just made me laugh, especially with his shrine of snow-globes, and his final inability to tell Joanna just who he is.

So, McGregor was good and Ashley, I’m happy to say, is a great actress with a great body and isn’t afraid to show it. But the rest of the movie, well, it was good until you realize that The Eye is basically a stalker with cool spy shit.

So, as I checked my watch during the movie I was deciding to give “Eye of the Beholder” 2 ½ stars, then came the Chicago roller’s blunder and I just can’t handle that. At least get the color right. As much as McGregor was good, as much as Judd was good (and she got naked too), I just couldn’t get over the red coloring on the Chicago cop cars and the story just seemed really dumb after that. I really hate giving this rating for an Ashley Judd movie, but it’s 1 ½ stars for “Eye of the Beholder.” It was a movie with a lot, and I mean a lot of potential, but at least give me a little bit of realism, or at least find out what color the cop cars are.

That’s it for this one. I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Extract

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:32 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Extract
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jason Bateman, Mila Kunis, Gene Simmons, Kristen Wiig
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Buena Vista Home Entertainment
Release Date: 2009
Kiddie Movie: Put them to bed.
Date Movie: My BFF liked it, so go ahead and watch it with her.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots of talk but clothes are kept on.
Gratuitous Violence: A dude loses a testicle.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Lots of chuckles.
Memorable Scene: Every scene with Ben Affleck
Memorable Quote: Nothing sticks out.
Directed By: Mike Judge

Who knew Gene Simmons was such a great actor? Okay, maybe not great, but as scheister lawyer Joe Adler, I loved him. The movie is “Extract,” and you are definitely getting this Blu-ray for the movie because the extras, well, let’s get to that at the end.

Here’s the story…

Jason Bateman is Joel. From his youth he has been fascinated with “extracts,” you know, things like vanilla that your grandmother would use in baking. Turns out that Joel is also a chemistry wiz and developed special versions that, well, I didn’t really understand it, but they are better extracts used in baking than most extracts. But, that’s not important right now. What is important is that Joel has turned his knowledge into a business, owning and running a bottling plant for his extracts, being married to Suzie (Kristen Wiig), and have a best friend in Dean (Ben Affleck). But things at an extract plant can get a little hairy, especially when you don’t always have the most intelligent or dedicated workforce, and especially when things aren’t the greatest in your love life, as is the case with Joel, and you have recently hired the hottie Cindy (Mila Kunis).

So, Joel wrestles with whether or not he should sleep with Cindy, he hedges this by seeing if Suzie will be faithful while in the company of a new pool boy, and finally, Joel’s big payday might be ruined because one of his employees has hired said scheister lawyer, Joe Adler, and might just drive the company into bankruptcy. Things are rough in the extract business, and Joel knows it.

Look, “Extract” is a Mike Judge film, and as such develops itself into a quirky look at the workplace. “Office Space” had Mike analyzing people in the corporate office, this movie has the folks in an extract processing plant, and it has its moments that I think most anyone can understand and/or relate to. The weird thing about this movie is that it takes many strange turns, from the thievery aspect of the drifter Cindy, to the setting up your wife to cheat on you aspect, to a dude getting a testicle blown off in a freak plant accident, and I think the place that “Extract” lost a little character is almost trying to have too many tentacles in the movie instead of just maintaining the focus on what could have been the funniest of aspects, namely Step getting his ball shot off and hiring Joe Adler as a lawyer.

I have to say that I’m kind of happy that I didn’t catch the movie in the theater, I think I would have been disappointed, but as a DVD I think it’s a nice little comedy that takes a funny look at a food processing plant. For that, it’s 3 out of 5 stars, especially if you enjoy the Mike Judge type of humor.

Now, as far as the Blu-ray, or the DVD for that fact, don’t even worry about the extras. I mean, there’s a little clip about how Mike Judge goes about putting a movie together that is nice enough, but the “Blu-ray” extras, namely the deleted scene and extended scene, aren’t worth it at all. You’re getting this movie on Blu-ray only because, well, you own a Blu-ray player.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Evolution

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:43 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Evolution
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: David Duchovny, Julianne Moore, Orlando Jones, Seann William Scott
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Dreamworks SKG
Release Date: 2001
Kiddie Movie: Some of it is pretty intense. Keep the kids older.
Date Movie: She’ll probably chuckle like you’ll chuckle.
Gratuitous Sex: Talked about but nothing on screen.
Gratuitous Violence: Alien bugs get shot.
Action: Alien bugs get chased.
Laughs: What you will expect.
Memorable Scene: Our boys chasing the flying alien in the mall.
Memorable Quote: Nah.
Directed By: Ivan Reitman

You know, as stupidly funny as “Evolution” was, I know it is one of those movies that when it shows up on cable I’ll watch it over and over again. Such is the genius of Ivan Reitman – his films never come off as movie masterpieces, but they are movies you will watch over and over again because they are what they are – fun movies.

“Evolution” gives us David Duchovny as Ira. He’s a professor at a community college in Arizona. So is Harry (Orlando Jones), but Harry has the slightly better gig also coaching the girls volleyball team. Then you’ve got Wayne (Seann William Scott) – he’s a firefighter wannabe practicing out in the dessert one night when a meteor totals his car. Harry gets called to the scene because he is a geologist and he brings along Ira for the ride. They sense something might be up from the get-go because, well, the meteor is oozing liquid. Harry and Ira collect some samples and it’s back to the lab.

Well, back in the lab Ira discovers something – there are living things in that ooze and they are evolving way to quickly for this world. A quick visit back to the meteor site and it’s clear they will either be on their way to claiming the Nobel Peace Prize or something bad is coming. Meanwhile, without our heroes’ knowledge, the government steps in to contain the meteor site and they want nothing to do with Ira and Harry. Eventually they befriend Allison (Julianne Moore). She’s working with the feds in studying the site and also has the hots for Ira but just doesn’t show it.

Well, the government people have no clue what they’re in for, Harry and Ira show Allison what is coming, Wayne gets hooked up with our boys and girl because he has caught one of the aliens, and it’s up to our foursome to save the world. Yes, you can guess it, they do.

Lots of people are making comparisons of “Evolution” to “Ghostbusters” and sure, there are similarities, but who really cares. “Evolution” gives us one of the next great movie comics in Orlando Jones, Duchovny shows he has a witty style of humor that can take him past his “X-Files” days, and Julianne Moore, well, she’s Julianne Moore. And, oh yea, he may never get past the dopey dude moniker, but Seann William Scott is perfect as the dopey dude. And let’s not forget the special effects for the aliens. They fly, they crawl, the look like cute blobs that will take your hand off, and they take us a lot farther than the ghosts did in the ghost movies.

Ivan Reitman has a great touch at developing lovable, dopey characters and maybe that’s why a movie like “Evolution” will, in the end, be one of those movies you will keep watching for the hundredth time when it lands on cable. It may not be the movie masterpiece you are looking for this summer, but “Evolution” is exactly what you probably will expect from it – a cute movie to chuckle along with. It’s 3 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!