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Have You Ever Been Pooped on by a Bird?

I don’t know if it’s because it’s that time of year, or because the Canadian Geese seem to have no clue anymore of where to migrate to, but lately, at the park where I walk Milo, the geese have claimed most of the park and like to go in various landing patterns during our walk. The thing is their landings patterns don’t really follow any runways, and they somehow seem to follow us on our walk, flying overhead and making me tell Milo, “Don’t look up, Buddy! You might get poop in your eye!” Why? Because as far as I’m concerned Canadian Geese are just poop machines and serve just about no other purpose.

Sure, I have my fears about Canadian Geese taking over the world as once they dive-bombed my car (Thank God the sunroof was closed!), and the story was also perpetrated that they were responsible for contaminating the water supply where I live, but luckily, on our walks, we haven’t been the victims of a Canadian bombing attack. That’s not to say I haven’t been pooped on by a bird before as I recall two instances, one when I used to work in downtown Chicago and got pooped on walking next to a building, and the other going to a Chicago Cubs game and walking under the El-tracks.

Being winter and getting Milo out for decent walks is more of a chore than an enjoyment now, and instead of just the weather I now have the concern of a geese bombing incident (Happily Milo doesn’t want to eat the goose poop that is on the ground!), and as the geese come in for a landing I think back to the times I’ve been pooped on, even writing about it before, and I plight: Have you ever been pooped on by a bird?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The  Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Elf

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:35 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Elf
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Will Ferrell, James Caan, Edward Asner, Bob Newhart, Mary Steenburgen, Artie Lange
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: New Line Cinema
Release Date: 2003
Kiddie Movie: Bring everyone along.
Date Movie: Bring her along, too!
Gratuitous Sex: Nah.
Gratuitous Violence: Buddy the Elf beating up the fake Santa.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Lots of them.
Memorable Scene: Buddy the Elf beating up the fake Santa.
Memorable Quote: Too many to list.
Directed By: Jon Fabreau

Here’s my advice to Will Farrell, and take it for what it’s worth: Please don’t try to play a dramatic actor. Your niche is comedy, and you are great at it, and you are quickly showing that any branch of comedy can be yours. Please don’t set yourself up for a fall playing a dramatic role, no matter what the folks say. Anyway, on to Elf…

It seems that on one of his Christmas runs Santa picked up a wayward baby from an orphanage. Not really knowing what to do, Santa kept the baby for his own. Alright, not really his own, but Santa decided he should be raised as an elf. And so we get Buddy (Will Farrell), a little oversized for the miniature world of Santa’s helpers. And yes, he didn’t really figure out something was different about him until one day his surrogate dad, Bob Newhart (In a fabulous role I must say), had to break the news that true, Buddy was not an elf, and yes, his father was in New York City and on the naughty person list.

So Buddy is off to NYC to find his father and bring a little Christmas cheer to the folks in the big city. Now yes, you have to suspend a lot of disbelief that things are happening, but then again, it is a story about Santa and his elves. In NYC, Buddy does find his dad, and dad is a not-so-great man. Turns out he is a children’s book publisher, and not an honest one at that.

And so Buddy is welcomed into Dad’s home, mom accepts this thirty year old dude in tights, and Buddy quickly becomes best friends with his half-brother when he shows off his snow-ball skills.

But is the story cute for kids? I thought so, especially since most of the kids in the audience seemed to be having as good a time at the film as I was. They got the potty humor, the love story wasn’t that sappy, and in the end we get the cliché ending we are totally expecting.

Elf works for two reasons. One we get just a nice little Christmas story about a naive elf finding himself in the big city trying to spread Christmas cheer. Two, we get a perfectly cast movie. Edward Asner as Santa is terrific. He’s in a predicament with Buddy and works that out. He has problems with his sleigh and works that out, and in the end is the embodiment of Christmas. James Caan as the dad is great, too, at first just working to make a buck for the company, but then realizing family is just as important. Zooey Deschanel as the love interest is innocent enough, and Mary Steenburgen as mom actually comes off as believable letting buddy into their home. But the two standouts for me were Bob Newhart in a perfectly cast role, as the head elf, in charge of being buddy’s dad yet having to break him the bad news. The other standout is Farrell. He comes off as the innocent one in a movie that could have him as just a dufus, and his scene when he confronts the “fake Santa” at the store (Artie Lange from the Howard Stern Show) is just fabulous.

Elf seemed to be enjoyed by most of everyone in the theater when I was there, although one joke did seem to go over most people’s heads, the one about the baby asparagus being self conscious because their pee smelled (am I the only one familiar with asparagus pee?). Maybe not for the really young one, but I think Elf is pretty great for the whole family.

It’s 4 stars out of 5 for Elf.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Would You Eat Chicken Wings from McDonald’s?

The votes are in. Well, at least the votes are in by my wife and me, and it’s a split decision. In Chicago for the last couple of days McDonald’s has been running a promotion for their new “Mighty Wings” where you could get two wings for a dollar, a sampler portion as it would be. As we are both a fan of the chicken wing (Hooters being our go-to place with a consistently solid wing offering), we both decided to give the McDonald’s version a shot, and for the sake of science we tried them from two different locations. Fine, it was for the sake of convenience, but science sounds better.

The McDonald wing is, as advertised, a crispy, spicy wing, kind of like crispy, fried chicken with a kick. They reminded me of their chicken strips, a little spicier only now less convenient because you have a bone to deal with. I opted for no sauce as I wanted to try the wings in their original state, but I did try one of them with blue cheese dressing at home (an option not available at McDonald’s as the closest they have is ranch dressing). Me, I was disappointed. Yes, the wing was crispy and spicy, but my wings had the feeling they were under a heat lamp too long as they were pretty dry, without much meat, and even with the blue cheese dressing I ate them thinking “I wasted a dollar and blew my healthier eating for this?”

Then my wife came home.

She sampled her samples, also was disappointed they didn’t have blue cheese dressing, but said hers were juicy, a little more meaty, and in general pretty good, and although if the option if there between Hooters and McDonald’s, she’s still choosing Hooters, but with a chicken wing craving without a Hooters nearby, the McDonald’s version will do.

So there you have it, at least for me, that the Mighty Wings can be hit or miss. For me they were a miss, although there is a chance I may give them another try, and for my wife they were a hit, or at least a double if Hooters is generally a home run. They both, however, pale in comparison to the best wings I’ve ever had, at the Pic-A-Lilli Inn in Shamong, NJ. We might have to take a road trip as my wife has never had them. Another taste test in the name of science?

Enough rambling, my plight is this: Would you eat chicken wings from McDonald’s?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Have You Ever Been to a Funeral With a Theme?

The other day my wife and I are watching “The Soup.” It’s a great way to catch up on all of the crazies/eccentric/odd/Kardashianness on TV, and Joel McHale starts doing a blurb about a special show on TLC called “Best Funeral Ever,” following the goings on at the Golden Gate Funeral Home where it seems they like to make a funeral, well, special and memorable. The episode they spotlighted was a funeral for Willie McCoy known to most people as the dude who sang the “Baby Back Ribs” song for Chili’s. For his funeral the theme was barbecue of course, complete with ribs for the guests and a barbecue sauce fountain for dipping.  The trailer for the special shows training for the employees of the funeral home, as well as some of the other funerals they’ve recently had, complete with a boxing ring and a dancing theme.

I can’t say I’ve been to many, if any, exciting funerals. Sure my Mom nearly had her pants hit the floor at my Dad’s funeral when she leaned over the casket to give him one last kiss, but for the most part I’ve been only to funeral considered normal I suppose. Not that I wouldn’t like some good ribs at a funeral, but I wonder, and so I plight: Have you ever been to a funeral with a theme?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do You Plan on Watching American Idol this Season?

It’s almost here! No, not the end of the world, that came and went with the Mayan Apocalypse back in December, or what some people thought was election day last year when President Barack Obama was reelected, but I’m talking about the return of “American Idol!” Some judges are gone, i.e. Stephen Tyler and Jennifer Lopez, and here comes Nicki Minaj, Mariah Carey, and Keith Urban, and their “Is it real or is it fake” feuding during the audition phase of the show.  Yup, the audition, as always, are first, and we will surely get our share of great singers, singers we think of are great but won’t hear from again, and the assorted train-wrecks and maybe a new William Hung, or “Pants on the Ground” and “I Am Your Brother” dudes.

Yes, I’ll be there, though maybe a little late, as the DVR will be set and it hasn’t become appointment television in a while, but I’m hoping the feuding doesn’t come off as fake, although I’m questioning the acting ability of Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey (Hey, I saw “Glitter,” I know), but we’ll see. The question is will you see, and so I plight: “Do you plan on watching ‘American Idol’ this season?”

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Should Amy Poehler and Tina Fey host another award show?

A lot of The Golden Globe Awards was pretty boring, with much of Twitter calling them a joke, many of the winners looking “shocked” and or astounded, and a Red Carpet show, or should I say “shows” asking people about their clothes and the people wearing said clothes acting like they just threw something on yet knowing everything about who to give credit to for their outfit.

The bright spot, at least for me, was that during the opening Tina Fey and Amy Poehler actually did an okay job of sending some jabs at people in Hollywood, but sadly during most of the rest of the show, well, they were just about nowhere to be found.

Sure, I would have liked to have see more of them instead of the stupid Diet Pepsi commercial with that chick from “Modern Family,” and this coming from someone who loves Diet Pepsi, but award shows are what they are, so I suppose I shod just be happy for a few laughs at the expense of some actor types.

Funny? Yes. Mostly normal award show? Yes. Plight? Should Amy Poehler and Tina Fey host another award show?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do You Plan on Watching the Golden Globe Awards?

It’s award show season, and there is no more controversial award show than the Golden Globe Awards. There are many in the industry that consider it a joke, that the Hollywood Foreign Press is a joke, and that the award is really meaningless, but these are the same industry people who are praying for their movie, show, song, etc., to be named as the winner this year. Why? Publicity, and somehow the Golden Globes figured out how to market themselves as the “fun” award show. Yup, you get everyone seated at round tables instead of a stuffy auditorium, so it seems like a wedding reception, and then of course there is the flow of alcohol that sometimes loosens up either a presenter, or better yet, one of the award recipients. We like a train-wreck, and for the most part people aren’t tuning into the Golden Globes to see who won, nope, they are tuning in to see said train-wreck, and hope it might be an actor or actress we admire who is slightly over-served and trips on their way to the stage.

Okay, I don’t know if that’s why people are tuning in, but it’s one of the reasons I’ll be tuning in, that and the fact that this year Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are hosting it and they can usually bring the funny. Hopefully they will be unleashed, hopefully the booze will be flowing, hopefully someone will be goofy, but you can bet there will be someone who gets up there proclaiming they didn’t have a speech written because they didn’t think they would win, people will gripe tomorrow, especially if a “darling” doesn’t win, that the awards are a joke, and in a few weeks once the Academy Awards hit no one will care who really won the Golden Globe. Except the winners.

I’ll be watching, but I wonder and I plight: Do you plan on watching the Golden Globe Awards?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do You Own a George Foreman Grill?

So this morning, knowing our next two days were going to be hectic and not wanting to have to figure out dinner, that and the fact that I already thawed the chicken and didn’t want to throw it away, in lieu of my normal, morning routine, I decided to grill some chicken and make some spaghetti so that dinners will be ready when we get home. Being the morning, and it kind of raining and icky outside, I opted to slap the chicken on our George Foreman grill instead of using the outside grill. Don’t get me wrong, given the choice of an outdoor, charcoal grill, outdoor gar, or Foreman, the Foreman is at the bottom of the list, but it’s still pretty convenient, cooks quickly, and don’t forget about that “eliminate the fat” thing that supposedly makes grilling on the Foreman “healthier.”

Over the years I’ve had two versions of the grill. Originally I had the plain version, with permanently attached grilling plates, but hated it, mostly because it sucked to clean. Then a few years ago they came out with the “dominator,” or “ultimator,” or “George-erator” version complete with temperature controlled plates, a built-in timer, and much more important, plates you could remove and throw in the dishwasher. It was well worth the extra cost just for that removable plate thing.

With my dinner safely tucked in the refrigerator as I type this, I plight: Do you own a George Foreman grill?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dud

Do You Know How to Fold a Fitted Sheet?

We bought some new bed sheets the other day. I found them on clearance, which was nice, so my wife did the first thing you should do and threw them in the wash. Being the good husband I try to be, I handled getting them in the dryer, and then, once dry, decided I would get them folded for her, and it is here that I remembered that in my many years of bed sheets, when it comes to that fitted sheet, I’m clueless.

Sure, folding of the pillow cases went smoothly, it wasn’t too bad folding the flat sheet even if it was King size, but then, there it was, the fitted, bottom sheet, with the elastic creating this kind of oval that for the life of me I could never figure out how to work, what with the elastic constantly ruining my quest for square corners. I did my best, kind of faked it a lot, and then posted a quick Tweet and Facebook post about how I’m never going to be able to fold a fitted sheet, and one of my smart-allek friends pointed me to a Martha Stewart link about folding a fitted sheet. I’ve seen this link before, even tried her supposed procedure, but low and behold the sheet always comes across like a misshapen mess.

The thing is that usually my wife and I fold the sheets together, and she will guide me through the folding of the fitted part, but today I was solo, and reminded of my way to fold a fitted sheet that instead of Martha’s seven steps, my way has three. Step One is to open the drawer where the bed sheets go. Step Two is to just shove the entire sheet in the drawer. Step three is to close the drawer. Sure, Martha’s way, if you can master it, leaves you with a lovely, folded sheet with nice creases, but my way will give you a piece of abstract art on the bed the first time you make your bed!  I know Martha Stewart can do it, I know my wife is pretty good at it, but I plight: Do you know how to fold a fitted sheet?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Would You Ever Wear, or Let Your Man Wear Meggings?

I’m not a huge Twitter person, I don’t follow everyone who follows me, nor always reply to people, and I only occasionally find something I think I should post because it looks like everyone else already found it, but every now and then someone pops on my radar or follows me, and then suddenly I’m a fan. Granted not every tweet is something I’m looking for, but usually during the day, between most of the folks I follow, I get some enjoyment from Twitter. My latest batch of enjoyment, weirdly enough, is from a dudette I don’t really know nor can I remember how I ended up following her, but Michelle Tripp (@michelletripp) recently tweeted “I just googled “meggings” and now my eyes are burning.”

As my luck, or rather no luck would have it, my Tweet-checking came during lunch as it often does, and of course I googled “meggings. The results popped up, complete with a bunch of images, and I was treated to what could be one of the most non-appealing-to-me fashion trends short of the return of neon colored clothing that seems to be proliferating the stores lately. What are meggings? I guess the easiest way to put it is they are legging for men. Remember when people made fun of the “manssiere” made famous from “Seinfeld?” Well, meggings are ripe for making fun of, but sadly the “hip” people like Justin Bieber and Russell Brand seem to like them.

I know I wouldn’t be caught dead in meggings, and I’m praying my wife hates them as well, but I simply plight: Would you ever wear, or let your man wear meggings?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right! L8R!