Category: Movie Reviews

American History X

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:59 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

American History X
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Edward Norton, Edward Furlong, Fairuza Balk, Stacy Keach, Elliott Gould, Avery Brooks, Beverly D’Angelo
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: New Line Cinema
Kiddie Movie: No way in hell, but older teens might learn something.
Date Movie: Bring ’em along.
Gratuitous Sex: Sex, and rape.
Gratuitous Violence: It’s about racial hatred, what do you think?
Action: More violence than anything action.
Laughs: A couple of lines.
Memorable Scene: Most of the movie, but a couple of scenes that stand out are when Derek kills the one black guy – it’s one of those scenes where you know what is going to happen, kinda hope they don’t show it, then cringe as they do, the scene in the prison shower (what do think happens), and the ending scenes in the high school bathroom.
Memorable Quote: Most of the movie.
Directed By: Tony Kaye

I left “American History X” just thinking one thing – “Whoa.” Sometimes a movie does that to you.
“American History X” is a story about a lot of things. It’s a story about racism. It’s a story about family. It’s a story about crime. It’s about a scary side of life today hitting on questions of which there really aren’t easy answers, and whichever side of the line you tend to fall on, there is someone just as defiant on the other side.
Edward Norton plays Derek, a skinhead, Nazi type who develops a hatred for blacks, Hispanics, and well, you get the idea. His brother, Danny, as well as the Nazi community he has helped develop, admire him. He is a person of action, he is a person of rhetoric, and he has that look of a leader. The movement is growing, mostly because of the foundation that Derek helped lay, but Derek has another problem, he ends up in jail for murder. This further makes him a hero, but what the skinheads don’t know, and especially his brother, is what happened to Derek in jail.
Danny is headed down the same path as Derek, but hasn’t learned some crucial lessons, and when Derek gets free from the pokey, he wants his brother out of the skinheads, he wants his family to be a family again, and he wants his life to be his own.
That’s the easy way to tell the story, I guess, because this movie works hard in its two hour time to develop how racial hatred is born, how it grows, and how it can be realized that sometimes those you hate are the ones you need the most, while the ones who you supposedly understand and trust will stab you in the back. Derek learns all of these lessons, while Danny learns, just a little to late.
I won’t go into this movie anymore, just say it’s one hell of an emotional movie. The brutality of prison life comes through, the brutality of hatred comes through, and Edward Norton gives one hell of a performance.
With that said, and probably not much of it making sense, because I think to do so this review would turn into a book report, I just have to say I recommend the film. 4 ½ Stars out of 5.
That’s it for this one, I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!

American Gangster

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:37 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

American Gangster
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Denzel Washington, Russell Crowe, Josh Brolin, Cuba Gooding Jr.
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Universal Pictures
Kiddie Movie: For goodness sake, leave them at home.
Date Movie: If she can deal with some gratuitous violence.
Gratuitous Sex: A good sex scene and a ton of nudity.
Gratuitous Violence: Um, duh.
Action: There really isn’t any chasing.
Laughs: A chuckle or two.
Memorable Scene: Frank with his brothers at the diner.
Memorable Quote: At the diner scene when Frank says, “So, what was I talking about?”
Directed By: Ridley Scott

The opening scene in “American Gangster” kind of tells it all as Frank Lucas’ (Denzel Washington) boss/mentor/father figure, Bumpy Johnson, begins to lament the demise of America as the grocery stores become supermarkets, and the smaller stores with customer service become superstores with none. Bumpy then seems saddened in the idea of buying direct from the manufacturer, thus cutting out the middleman, and selling the same product at lower prices. However, as Bumpy was lamenting, you could almost see the wheels spinning inside the head of Frank Lucas, and spin they did as he took the legacy of Bumpy and turned it into an empire. Sadly it was a drug empire, but an empire nonetheless.

“American Gangster” gives us a film adaptation of Frank Lucas, who, during the late 1960’s and early 1970’s, became a heroin kingpin in New York City, and as the movie portrays, even more powerful than the mob. Using the knowledge he gained from Bumpy, Frank quickly realized that to really make money in the drug trade, all he needed to do was cut out the people in the middle and buy directly from the manufactures. So he went to Vietnam, and while our troops were fighting, he was meeting with a drug lord to buy factory direct, found people who would store the heroin in the coffins of American soldiers coming back from Vietnam (and paying them well it seems), and then developed a distribution ring that made him a lot of money. The movie portrays him not getting high on his own supply, but running his operation like a business: Waking early, getting breakfast to formulate his day, meeting with his accountants, going to Sunday mass with his mother, and doing his best not to look flashy, just a businessman, a businessman who was not afraid to shoot someone who might be screwing with his operation.
On the other side of the coin is Richie Roberts (Russell Crowe), an honest cop in a not-so-honest cop world, having lots of family problems, but getting his opportunity to be honest when the feds began to develop special operations drug forces to stem the drug trade. His boss respects Richie’s being honest, in fact can’t seem to really believe it, and just wants Richie to develop a group of investigators who are honest as well and might be able to make a difference. At first the team starts investigating the obvious people, high members of the mob, but slowly Richie starts to see something different, and on a day when Frank seems to stray from his own advice (thanks in part because of a gift from his wife), Richie wonders how a black man can get better seats at the Ali-Frazier fight than a head mob boss. The wheels begin to turn, and Richie eventually gets his man, Frank.

But Richie wants more, and what better way to get it when a dude is facing life in prison being wealthy, or getting out early and being poor. Frank opts for the getting out early, but in an interesting way, not giving up those he did “business” with, but those he felt stole from him, namely a whole slew of dirty cops.
It’s weird, because at times during “American Gangster” you almost just think Frank Lucas is just a great business man, that is until he tells his brother he would kill him (and you know he would) but won’t because he is his brother. You see that Frank has learned a lot from his mentor Bumpy about giving back to the community, as well as the importance of “family” from his associations with the organized crime world. Then you see Richie, who in his heart is an honest guy, but one who can’t keep his family together, instead opting for sleeping with his lawyer and, well, just about anyone. But the important thing in this movie is that both Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe are great in their respective roles. Russell always makes Richie looke, well, just tired, and Denzel lets Frank have a natural swagger, although the scene when Frank is blaring about how people shot at his wife seemed off-kilter. Maybe that’s just me.

“American Gangster” is rated R for all of the reasons you would think. There is a lot of violence, it’s about the heroin trade so you’ve got drug use, Richie gets it on with a chick in a big way, and as was the practice, the chicks cutting the pure heroin and packaging it are naked so there’s no chance of their stealing any. As such, of course, at the movie showing I was at, a family brought their 10ish year old who was applauding at the end of the movie, although I wasn’t sure if he was clapping for his new hero, Frank, or his new hero, Richie.

Lots of great things happen during “American Gangster,” and even though the movie clocks in at over 2 ½ hours I never really got anxious in my seat. The acting is great, the movie looks great, so if your significant other can deal with some gratuitous violence, go and see a movie that will probably get more talk as we get towards the movie award nomination season.
It’s 4 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

How to Be a Bad Dad, Congrats South Park Dudes, and The Key to a Great Mojito.

By: The Dude on the Right

Download and ListenDownload the Podcast!

Our “Weekend Wrap-Up!” podcast is back after a week hiatus, and Stu Gotz admits that he is a bad father. Well, he’s not a bad dad all of the time, but the Queen Mary docked in California has a tour, and he took his little ones on it. He also saw some movies, and doesn’t like “Rango” but does like the new “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.” Me, my congratulations go out to a multitude of folks, namely Mark Cuban and the Dallas Mavericks for beating LeBron James and the Miami Heat in the NBA Finals, the boys of South Park for their Broadway play “The Book of Mormon” that won a bunch of Tony Awards, and Rick Bayless who, as luck would have it, posted his recipe for a Watermelon Mojito, and it is delicious (and yes, do yourself a favor and find the D’Aristi rum from Yucatan – it makes it very yummy!) and my new, favorite, summertime drink.

All of that and more, and thanks for listening!

That’s it for this podcast! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Bruce Almighty

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:41 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Bruce Almighty
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jim Carrey, Jennifer Aniston, Morgan Freeman, Catherine Bell, and a way-talented dog.
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 2003
Kiddie Movie: Lots of toilet humor, but maybe not too young.
Date Movie: It’s good for the both of you.
Gratuitous Sex: A scene with Bruce giving Grace the big “O”, and Jennifer Aniston bouncing her boobs noticing how big they’ve gotten.
Gratuitous Violence: The town begins to riot.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Lots.
Memorable Scene: The dog. That’s enough said.
Memorable Quote: Too many to list.
Directed By: Tom Shadyac

I suppose if you give a character played by Jim Carrey the powers of God then there must be some kind of moral lesson given by the time the end of the movie comes around. Such is the price you pay in “Bruce Almighty,” the triumphant return of Jim Carrey playing a character Jim Carrey should play.

In “Bruce Almighty” Bruce (Carrey) is having a bad day. He’s a TV reporter relegated to the feel-good stories in Buffalo. He wants the anchor position that is opening up, and when he doesn’t get it, finding out on a live shot from Niagara Falls, he loses it on air. So Bruce gets pissed at God, and God, deciding he wants a little break, gives Bruce his powers to do as he pleases. What’s a man like Bruce to do? Well, being the selfish guy he is, Bruce toilet trains his dog, gives his girlfriend, Grace (Jennifer Aniston), bigger boobs, makes the new anchorman talk goofily, and decides it would be easier to just grant everyone’s prayers than actually hear what they are saying, the latter resulting in an uproar because everyone wins the lottery, and with everyone splitting the pot, well, the couple of dollar payoff given over 20 years just doesn’t seem like a win.

So Bruce has the power of God yet his life remains incomplete, mostly because he’s still a selfish prick. Now it’s time for the fun to end and Bruce to learn that being God isn’t as easy as it seems, and that maybe Bruce should look past himself and see that his actions affect a lot of people’s lives. It’s time for Bruce to learn his lesson, let God take back his powers, and live his life to make others happy.

Carrey has come a long way since the “Ace Ventura” days, showed he can tackle some real acting jobs, but the success of “Bruce Almighty” will show that the public isn’t looking for Jim Carrey as the serious actor because he is just so much better on the comedic side. Maybe sometimes it’s better to know your niche and stick with it, although I suppose it’s always okay to try something new every now and then. I thought Carrey was great playing Andy Kaufman, and did a fabulous job in “The Truman Show,” but most people didn’t care. His fans want comedy, and comedy he gives, and as talented as he is, you just can’t get enough of him talking out of his butt or giving his girlfriend bigger boobs. Carrey’s back where he belongs, in comedy, and it’s 4 stars out of 5 for “Bruce Almighty.” And, oh yea, as great as Jim Carrey is in this movie, I must mention the dog – he nearly steals the show.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Breakfast at Tiffany’s

MPAA Rated – Unrated
It’s 1:54 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Audrey Hepburn, George Peppard, Patricia Neal, Buddy Ebsen, Mickey Rooney
MPAA Rated: Unrated
Released By: Paramount Home Entertainment
Release Date: 1961
Kiddie Movie: They might get all squishy with the kissing, or wonder what job Holly has.
Date Movie: It’s perfect for your romantic dudette.
Gratuitous Sex: Hinted at talk.
Gratuitous Violence: Nope.
Action: Nope.
Laughs: Some cute moments.
Memorable Scene: The party is a lot of fun.
Memorable Quote: Nah.
Directed By: Blake Edwards

I have to admit that prior to watching the DVD, the only thing I really knew about “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” was from a song by a band called Deep Blue Something that had a hit titled, well, “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” in the mid 1990’s, and from the song, they both kind of liked it. Then I watched the DVD and realized that A) Audrey Hepburn is quite a hottie; B) Hey, that looks like the dude from “The A-Team”; and C) I kinda liked it, too.

Here are the basics of the movie…

Audrey Hepburn is Holly Golightly. Without saying as much, well, she’s an escort, getting paid to “go away” at the end of the evening. She loves Tiffany’s (and what dudette doesn’t?), especially in the morning, but is desperately looking for Mr. Right, especially a very wealth Mr. Right, to sweep her away from the life she is leading. Enter Paul “Fred” Varjak (George Peppard). He’s a writer, but actually appears more like a male escort, under the payment of “2E” (Patricia Neal). He finds himself living in Holly’s building, the two of them become acquaintances, and Paul takes it upon himself to watch over Holly, and also fall in love with her.

And so their relationship grows, there is a wild party, Paul protects Holly from her deserted husband, they spend some quality time together, at Tiffany’s no less, and Holly gets wrapped up, unknowingly, in a narcotics ring thanks to Sally Tomato (Alan Reed), who she visits regularly in jail. In the end, wouldn’t you know it, both Holly and Paul realize they love, and are meant, for each other.

Yes, this is a chick-flick. Yes, this movie is before my time. And yes, this is the movie that put the song “Moon River” on the map. But more than that, yes, this movie holds up from the 1961’s it was filmed in to these 2009’s that I saw it. Well, it almost holds up, because if this movie were made today, it would get crucified for Mickey Rooney’s portrayal as Mr. Yunioshi, which even I found kind of disturbing.

In terms of romance, “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” is nearly perfect, so for the romantic in you, and if you want your honey to get all lovey-dovey, it’s a 4 ½ star “snuggler” for the two of you. If you’re a dude, you might not want to admit to your friends that you liked it.

As far as the DVD, which for the version I saw was the Centennial Collection, 2-Disc version, and I know this might sound dude-ly wrong, I enjoyed the extras. There was a nice look at how the Golightly party scene was put together, I always love back-stories on musicians and the Henry Mancini ranks up there, you get a little bit of history why Tiffany’s is such an icon, you will find out how important George Takei was to the shift in Asian perception on film during the “Mr. Yunioshi: An Asian Perspective” feature, and there is also a great “Making of…” which for a change, I really liked.

If you are a fan of “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” may I highly recommend the Centennial Collection 2-Disc version, because along with the movie, which is great, there is a ton of historic material sure to delight you. And if all you know about the movie is a song from the mid-1990’s, it holds up well into these 2000’s, so go ahead and snuggle together about one of the original “pretty women.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Bourne Supremacy

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:49 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Bourne Supremacy
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Matt Damon, Franke Potente, Brian Cox, Julia Stiles, Joan Allen
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 2004
Kiddie Movie: Not too young.
Date Movie: She might find Matt Damon dreamy, or wonder why you can’t kick everyone’s ass.
Gratuitous Sex: Sadly, no.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of it, but not gratuitous – it is PG-13.
Action: Lots of chasing going on.
Laughs: A couple of good chuckles.
Memorable Scene: Bourne on the rooftop across from the CIA offices in Berlin.
Memorable Quote: It would give away a good chuckle if I listed it.
Directed By: Paul Greengrass

When “The Bourne Identity” was hitting movie theaters, I thought the trailer looked pretty decent, but really didn’t get that excited about the film. I was so unexcited about the film that I didn’t even go to see it. Then I heard good things about it, and I still didn’t go see it. Finally it came to my cable television channel and I said to myself “Self, let’s give it a shot.” When the movie finished I then said to myself “Self, that was a damn good thriller. I really should have gone to see that in the theater.” This time I was actually excited about the follow-up “The Bourne Supremacy”, and after seeing the film, I was not disappointed.

The first film sets us up with the history of Jason Bourne (Matt Damon). We find out that he is this government trained assassin with amnesia. The movie finishes with Jason telling the government folks to leave him alone or he’s going to bring his wrath to their doorstep. So this film opens with a new CIA lady, Pamela Landy (Joan Allen), running an operation in Berlin that goes horribly wrong, and we see the bad guy placing a fingerprint as evidence, obviously to throw the trail to someone else. Duh, it’s Bourne’s fingerprint. Meanwhile Jason is living with his girlfriend from the first film, Marie (Franke Potente), having nightmares about something in his past, and her trying to help him through it. Then, of course, the bad guy shows up looking for Bourne, Bourne easily spots him, and with a single gunshot Jason finds himself on his way to Berlin to bring his wrath to the government folks. Meanwhile, Landy thinks Bourne killed two of her agents, and now she’s on the hunt for him for all of the wrong reasons, but, as it turns out, it’s actually for the right reason.

Well, I’m not going to go into much more of the story because the whole point of a thriller is to, well, thrill, and of course, give some surprises, so the basic plot is all you need to know going in. With that, is the movie any good? In a word: Yes.

The Dude on the Left still isn’t buying Matt Damon as a super-spy, but for the role of Jason Bourne, I’m finding him dead on. Jason’s not supposed to be a James Bond type, he’s just a normal looking dude who is able to kick some serious ass without knowing why he can do it other than he is some trained government agent. He’s trying to put back the pieces to his life, but other people keep getting in the way.

The movie is filled with a great supporting cast, also. Joan Allen does a nice job as the new CIA lady, Brian Cox is back as Ward, and Julia Stiles returns to her role, and gets used nicely, as Nicky. But the key to this franchise is Damon, and so far the future is looking bright. You don’t have the super-flashy gadgets like a Bond film, but then again, why would Jason have them when he’s not really working for the CIA? But you do get some great chase scenes, and I’ll tell you what, that’s one hell of a tough taxi cab in this film.

If you enjoyed “The Bourne Identity,” odds are you’ll enjoy “The Bourne Supremacy” as well. If you missed the first film, don’t worry that you’ll be lost in the sequel. The film folks to a decent job at bringing you up to speed, but really, all you need to know, is that Jason Bourne is a government trained assassin who has amnesia. For me, “The Bourne Supremacy” gets 4 ½ stars out of 5. It doesn’t get too over the top, it’s got some great chase scenes and some surprises, and the dialogue gives you a chuckle or two to boot.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Blades of Glory

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:33 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Blades of Glory
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Will Ferrell, Jon Heder, Amy Poehler, Craig T. Nelson, Jenna Fischer
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Dreamworks Pictures
Release Date: 2007
Kiddie Movie: There’s a lot of adult content.
Date Movie: If she likes Will Ferrell comedies.
Gratuitous Sex: Some boob grabbing and cleavage.
Gratuitous Violence: Some fighting and cross-bow shooting.
Action: Some chasing, but not really action.
Laughs: From start to finish.
Memorable Scene: Too many were memorable.
Memorable Quote: Too many to quote.
Directed By: Will Speck, Josh Gordon

Our next episode of “Stu & The Dude Reviewin’ the Movies for You” will be handling “Blades of Glory,” but until the animation and stuff is done, I thought I would give you a quick review of the said “Blades of Glory” movie because I can’t tell you fast enough that if you want to laugh, go and see this movie.

The story is as simple as the trailers you have probably seen… Will Ferrell is Chazz Michael Michaels. He’s the bad-boy figure skater. Jon Heder is Jimmy MacElroy, the, umm, prissy-boy figure skater. They are arch rivals, and when they tie at a championship match, and then they fight, and then they set a mascot on fire, they are banned from competition. Three-ish years later they are relegated to minor jobs, but an obsessed fan of Jimmy’s figures out a loophole to get Jimmy back into competition, by entering the pair’s competition, and informs Jimmy of the hole. Jimmy lets his Coach (Craig T. Nelson) know of this loophole, who at first wants nothing of it, but eventually realizes that Chazz will be the perfect partner for Jimmy, so the controversy of two dudes entering the pairs figure skating competition begins, much to the dismay of the pair’s champions brother and sister team, Stranz and Fairchild Van Waldenberg (Will Arnett and Amy Poehler). And through it all a butt-load of hilarity ensues.

As much as “Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby” poked fun at NASCAR, “Blades of Glory” takes poking fun at figure skating to a much higher, and much funnier level, maybe because there are so many more things to make fun of, and for most of this movie, all of the making fun of worked. Will Ferrell was back in over-the-top mode, and fantastic. Jon Heder embraces the goofiness of him. And the addition of tons of cameos, from Nancy Kerrigan and Brian Boitano (and what would Brian Boitano do?) as judges stripping Chazz and Jimmy of their medals, to Scott Hamilton and Jim Lampley as the sports anchors during the competition segments (totally reminding me of Bob Costas and Al Michaels in the much maligned but one of my favorites “BASEketball”) were fantastic. And all of the actual ice skating segments, from the training to the competitions, were hilarious.

In keeping this sort of short, if you have never watched, nor had any desire to watch a figure skating competition, and think seeing a movie about it might be wrong, “Blades of Glory” was funny as hell, so much so there were many segments where I almost fell out of my seat or spewed water up my nose, and you will probably be jealous of Chazz (who is also a sex addict) getting to squeeze the boobs of Katie Van Waldenberg (Jenna Fischer, who might just be the new love of my life).

Stu Gotz will have his say when we get our next animated review posted, but for now I couldn’t wait to tell you that if you like to laugh “Blades of Glory” should make you laugh, especially if you had any kind of chuckle during the trailer. From me it’s 4 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Blade II

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:57 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Blade II
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson, Leonor Varela, Norman Reedus, Ron Perlman, Luke Goss
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: New Line Cinema
Release Date: 2002
Kiddie Movie: I saw one dad bring his 6 year old looking daughter and wanted to call the DCFS. Leave them at home.
Date Movie: She might just be disgusted by all the useless killing, or get scared and snuggle.
Gratuitous Sex: Some perverted vampire rave/feeding.
Gratuitous Violence: I don’t know if gratuitous is even the right word.
Action: Lots of people running after one another.
Laughs: Some pretty decent one-liners.
Memorable Scene: Too many to list.
Memorable Quote: None really come to mind.
Directed By: Guillermo del Toro

Sometimes it’s all about the violence, and “Blade II” had enough of it to satisfy anyone’s quest for a battle. What else do you need?

The story sort of goes like this… Blade (Wesley Snipes) is still out killing vampires, but he’s also on a quest to find his old friend Whistler (Kris Kristofferson), who, it turns out, didn’t die in the original “Blade” movie. After rescuing Whistler, things seem sort of back to normal, it’s all about the vampires, but something else is brewing. It seems there is a mutant vampire on the loose that actually attacks vampires, turning them into mutant zombies called reapers whose only goal is to just kill more vampires (and the occasional human). This has the vampire nation running scared, and their only hope is to team with Blade to kill the reapers. Now it’s up to Blade and his crew, Whistler and Scud (Norman Reedus), combining with the Blood Pack from the vampire nation (a group of super-fighters whose original goal was to kill Blade), to hunt out the reapers, kill them, and eventually find the lead reaper, Nomak (Luke Goss), and kill him as well. But are things that simple? Is Blade being set-up or used? Will the Blood Pack turn on Blade and just kill him anyway? All good questions, and all are answered as the movie goes on.

Okay, enough about the story, it doesn’t really matter anyway. What matters in “Blade II” is the kick-ass violence and there is a lot of it. Blade goes around kicking ass with great karate moves and I also think Blade has been watching the WWF as he also has incorporated some wrestling moves into his brand of martial arts; the killing of the vampires is an event in itself; and the reapers take bloodsucking to a gruesome new level combining bits of “Alien” with looks of “The Predator.” The only thing I found missing from “Blade II” was some unnecessary nudity not associated with vampires cutting each other up – sadly Nyssa (Leonor Varela), the chick member in the Blood Pack and daughter of the head vampire kept her clothes on. It looks like she wouldn’t look too bad with her clothes on my bedroom floor.

Anyway, if you’re into seeing a movie with lots of senseless violence, some good lines back and forth between Whistler, Scud, and Rienhardt (Ron Perlman), and some pretty decent plot twists that don’t matter anyway, I highly recommend “Blade II.” If not, stay away, stay far away. I’m giving “Blade II” 4 stars out of 5. It’s still has some of that mystical stuff that was present in the original, it has some of the best fighting and quality kills I’ve seen in a while, and if Nyssa had just gotten naked and maybe given Blade some vampire lovin’, I’m sure I would have given the movie 5 stars. Oh well.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Black Snake Moan

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:56 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Black Snake Moan
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Christina Ricci, Justin Timberlake
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Paramount Vantage
Release Date: 2006
Kiddie Movie: Only if you might want them to be a foul-mouthed nymphomaniac.
Date Movie: If she can appreciate an artsier movie.
Gratuitous Sex: Some of it by choice, some of it not, and Christina has nice boobs.
Gratuitous Violence: A couple of fights.
Action: There isn’t any chasing going on.
Laughs: A chuckle or two.
Memorable Scene: When Lazarus is playing “Black Snake Moan.”
Memorable Quote: Lazarus to Preacher: “My wick is dry on this.”
Directed By: Craig Brewer

Okay, before I get to this review, let me get the male pig in me out of the way. God bless Christina Ricci. God bless her for being 27 years old and maintaining a smokin’ hot body. And as importantly, God bless her for not being afraid to show-off her smokin’ hot body by getting naked in a movie. Now, back to a little more resemblance of professionalism (yea, right).

“Black Snake Moan” gives a movie that I think will split people into two camps. Camp A will really like the movie, understand its artsy nature with great performances, and come out of the theater thinking they have seen a great film accentuated with some good blues music. Camp B will be saying something like “What the hell was that piece of crap?” or “What happened to Samuel L. yelling ‘I want these mother fucking snakes off this mother fucking plane!’? That’s the Samuel L. I like,” and coming out of the theater feeling they wasted their movie-money. Me, I was in Camp A. Here’s the story…

Samuel L. Jackson is Lazarus. He spends his days selling his produce in a small, southern town. His wife has just left him, shacking up with Lazarus’ brother, and he is sort of stuck trying to figure out the rest of his life. Christina Ricci is Rae. She’s a nymphomaniac in love with Ronnie (Justin Timberlake). Sadly for her Ronnie is shipping out to the military, leaving her in uber-nympho mode which leaves her either having sex consensually or, having ingested a few too many pills and liquor, being raped. Rae’s life and Lazarus’ life intersect when Rae is left for dead near Laz’s pad. Laz finds her, and after realizing she isn’t possessed, just messed up, he decides it is his mission to save her from her nympho, self-destructive ways. What better way to accomplish this than by first chaining the girl to his radiator?

And so Lazarus begins his mission, first trying to get Rae physically healthy, and then trying to help her mind. But Lazarus isn’t a psychologist, so in desperation, namely because Preacher R.L. has found out Laz has a young, half-naked white girl chained to his radiator, he works with R.L. to see if the good preacher can talk some sense into Rae to stop her evil ways.

And of course, in the meantime, Lazarus is coming to terms with his own demons, and finding himself smitten with Angela (S. Epatha Merkerson), who helps him with some cough medicine for Rae. Through it all, and with Laz being an old blues singer, the music works to hold it all together, especially when Ronnie is back from his military stint because, well, loud noises frighten him.

“Black Snake Moan” has a lot of darkness in it, which isn’t really a surprise since Rae’s character has pretty much been abused all of her life, compounded by the fact that her mother tells her she wishes she would have had an abortion rather than her daughter. Lazarus, meanwhile, is in his own dark place, having given up his blues playing and hating his ex. But the movie does give a glimmer of hope to the most mixed up of characters, namely Rae and Ronnie, and you have a feeling that Lazarus is going to be all right, too.

The challenge for “Black Snake Moan” was really to find three people who could play the roles of Lazarus, Rae, and Ronnie, and the trio of Jackson, Ricci, and Timberlake was great. Samuel L. was probably in one of the best roles I have seen him in, Christina Ricci again shows a talent way beyond just taking her clothes off and looking hot, and Justin Timberlake has so far been picking roles (this one, and also “Alpha Dog”) that we forget he’s bringing sexy back and that he actually has talent as an actor.

Like I wrote before, I am in Camp A of people seeing “Black Snake Moan.” Even though the movie was more of the artsy, dramatic vein, I really liked most everything about the film, even the fact it didn’t take as dark a turn it seemed to foreshadow. Camp B people probably think the movie is a 1 starrer, but because I’m in Camp A I’m going to give “Black Snake Moan” 4 stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Big Momma’s House

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:38 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Big Momma’s House
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Martin Lawrence, Paul Giamatti, Nia Long
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: 20th Century Fox
Release Date: 2000
Kiddie Movie: They will probably find Big Momma funny but might not know why.
Date Movie: She might chuckle or wonder why you brought her to such a piece of garbage.
Gratuitous Sex: Nah.
Gratuitous Violence: Some fighting.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Simple humor.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Raja Gosnell

Sometimes it was funny. Sometimes it was dumb. Most of the time it just tried to hard or didn’t push the envelope far enough. The movie was “Big Momma’s House.”

The story isn’t new – Cops go on a stakeout, one cop, in disguise, falls in love with stakeout victim, other cop keeps telling him he’s getting too close, cop dismisses it, cops catch bad guy, cop in love gets the girl. The quickest other movie references that comes to mind are the “Stakeout” movie series. This time we’ve got Martin Lawrence and Paul Giamatti as the cops and Nia Long as the person their protecting/staking out. Martin plays Malcom, and also Big Momma in disguise. Paul is John, and Nia is hot, oh wait, I mean Sherry. Sherry is on the run from her escaped-from-prison ex-boyfriend, and decides Big Momma’s house is the place to be. The real Big Momma is out of town for a few days. And Malcom, the master of disguises, decides he can pull off being Big Momma. Donning a mask, some giant inserts, and a new voice, Malcolm works to find out if Sherry is a bad girl or good girl, all the while knowing that her ex-boyfriend will probably show up for some old money lying around. Malcolm’s in love, John doesn’t really know what to do, and Sherry loves Big Momma and is falling in love with the Malcolm while not in disguise because he’s just a really nice guy.

Yea, you can figure the ending – The bad guy gets captured, Malcolm has to explain himself to Sherry, and everyone lives happily ever after.

The story is simple, so giving things away like I did don’t really hurt watching the movie much. It’s that laughs that try to hard. The jokes are easy – the big, ol’ black lady working the town jokes, taking a dump jokes, guy loves girl jokes, nosey neighbor jokes, and I think you get the point. They come and they come a lot, but they don’t push the envelope to gross-out or gut-busting and that is where this movie comes up short, which is too bad because Martin Lawrence keeps trying so hard but just can’t find the right movie to put him to the next level. I like Martin, think he can be very funny, but just can’t find that role to make him a must-see at a movie.

So, did I like the movie? At times, yes, it made me chuckle. But, at times, no, it made me just wonder why this or that scene should be funny. It just didn’t hit the “cute” level it seemed to be reaching for. With that I give “Big Momma’s House” 2 stars out of 5. There was a lot of potential it just didn’t reach.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!