Category: Movie Reviews

The Big Lebowski

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:57 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Big Lebowski
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, Julianne Moore, Steve Buscemi, David Huddleston
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Grammercy Pictures
Release Date: 1998
Kiddie Movie: I doubt they’d get the humor.
Date Movie: She’ll love it or hate it.
Gratuitous Sex: Some nudity, but no real sex.
Gratuitous Violence: Some beating up of some people.
Action: Some gunfire.
Laughs: I laughed a lot.
Memorable Scene: A bunch of them.
Memorable Quote: Too many for me!
Directed By: Joel Coen

From the reaction in the theater, I’m going to guess there are only going to be two types of people seeing “The Big Lebowski”: Those that think it is hilarious, and those that think it sucks. There won’t really be much in the middle, I don’t think, but for me, I’m in the first category – I thought it was hilarious.

“The Big Lebowski” is from the same folks who brought us “Fargo.” It definitely ain’t no “Fargo,” and it really teaches you one thing – If a stranger comes in to your apartment and pisses on your rug, just clean it up, go bowling, and don’t tell your Vietnam Vet bowling partner.

The story of “The Big Lebowski” sort of goes like this: Jeff Lebowski (Jeff Bridges) is “The Dude.” He is mistaken for a really rich dude, The Big Lebowski, and a couple of thugs come to The Dude’s apartment seeking money that The Big Lebowski’s wife owes. Well, The Dude can’t help them, so the one guy pisses on The Dude’s rug. When The Dude tells his buddy Walter (John Goodman), Walter, the crazed Vietnam Vet dude, convinces The Dude that he should go to The Big Lebowski and demand a new rug. Well, if I give the entire story’s twists and turns this review will go on for days, so I’ll cut to the chase. The Dude gets hired by The Big Lebowski to be the bagman for his wife who is kidnapped. The Dude ends up involving Walter, the money drop doesn’t go as planned, The Big Lebowski’s sister gets involved, you get some German nihilists, and a porn king. And then you have poor The Dude, who finds himself wrapped up in a goofy plot for money when he would have rather been either smoking pot, drinking white russians, or bowling (or maybe all three at the same time).

Does it sound goofy? Well, it is, but that is why I loved this film. The odd-ball friendship between The Dude, Walter, and Donny (Steve Buscemi) as bowling partners and friends works brilliantly, especially with the intertwining of the kidnapping mystery. Then there is the portrayal of life in L.A., which, well, even if it’s wrong, it’s sort of what I pictured.

Honestly, I really don’t know what else to say about “The Big Lebowski” except I laughed my ass off. You might too, or you might leave the theater just saying something like “Boy, that was stupid.” So, I guess all I can really say is if you like twisted movies poking fun at lifestyles (bowling, laid-back, psycho veteran, porno king, Los Angeles, a wealthy philanthropy guy, bimbo wife, whacked-out artistic sister, and more), then you will probably like “The Big Lebowski.” Otherwise, maybe go play some miniature golf.

From me, I give “The Big Lebowski” 4 stars out of 5. You might give it the same, or you might give it only 1. I doubt you’d give it a 3. Oh well – to each their own sometimes!

That’s it for this one, I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!

Big Fish

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:50 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Big Fish
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Ewan McGregor, Albert Finney, Billy Crudup, Jessica Lange, Alison Lohman, Helena Bonham Carter, Robert Guillaume, Matthew McGrory, Steve Buscemi, Danny DeVito
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures.
Release Date: 2003
Kiddie Movie: The stories are cute, but they might start to get bored.
Date Movie: It’s alright for the both of you.
Gratuitous Sex: There is a butt shot you really probably don’t want to see.
Gratuitous Violence: Not really.
Action: Ehh.
Laughs: Some.
Memorable Scene: The twins are fun to watch.
Memorable Quote: Nothing stands out.
Directed By: Tim Burton

Maybe it was just that I couldn’t get wrapped up in the characters, but there was a point during “Big Fish” where, sure, the stories being told seemed mostly unbelievable yet entertaining, but I just didn’t care anymore. I guess I’ll try to explain this a little better in my review. Let’s go…
“Big Fish” gives us Will Bloom (Billy Crudup). His father, Ed (the older played by Albert Finney, the younger by Obi-Wan Kenobi, oops, I mean Ewan McGregor) has been telling these seemingly tall tales about his lives adventures to anyone who would listen, and Will is finally sick of it, especially when Ed makes himself the center of attention at Will’s wedding by retelling the tale of how Ed was fishing when Will was born. The story is more involved than that, but Will is sick of it because, well, Will knows it isn’t true, that Ed, being a traveling salesman, was just out of town when he was born. It is with this knowledge, knowing that Ed’s most famous story is false, that Will assumes every other tale his father has told him is a lie also. Now that Ed is dying, Will just wants to find out how his Dad really lived his life.

And so “Big Fish” switches from scenes with Will in the present coupled with flashbacks detailing the stories his father has told throughout the years. A couple of the stories go as follow: One involves how this giant named Karl (Matthew McGrory) came to town one day and started eating sheep and livestock. Ed goes to confront the giant, to convince him to leave town, and they become friends and leave together. Along the way they split up for a spell leaving Ed to discover this seemingly fictional town that has you wondering if Ed had an untimely demise, that this place could be heaven, and that as Ed leaves the town, he comes back to life because it wasn’t yet his time to visit there. So Ed hooks back up with Karl, and the both of them end up at the circus. Karl gets hired by Amos Calloway (Danny DeVito), the ringleader at the circus who also might be a werewolf, and Ed goes off to find the love of his life, Sandra (the elder played by Jessica Lange, the younger by Alison Lohman). Okay, I think you get the point that Ed’s stories seem far-fetched, and if that doesn’t make you think so, there’s also the story of Ed parachuting into China to steal some plans to the power-plant only to find conjoined at the hip twins, Ping and Jing, with two bodies and only two legs, so he gets their help to escape China and helps them join the circus with Karl and Amos. You can see how Will has trouble believing his dad’s stories of his life.

And so the story goes on, eventually Ed ends up on his deathbed in the hospital, when Dr. Bennett (Robert Guillaume) puts things into perspective for Will.

Yes, it is a touching story about a son trying to connect with his father, and it has the wackiness and attention to detail that you would expect with Tim Burton directing, but about halfway through the movie, I just didn’t care about the stories that the young Ed was telling. I guess I’ll just leave the review there giving it 2 ½ stars out of 5. If you’re looking for a quirky matinee, go ahead and see “Big Fish.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Bicentennial Man

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 2:11 Long
A DVD Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Bicentennial Man
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Robin Williams, Embeth Davidtz, Sam Neill, Oliver Platt
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Touchstone Pictures & Columbia Pictures
Kiddie Movie: Cute, but not too young.
Date Movie: She might get bored instead of snuggle.
Gratuitous Sex: Talking about it.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Some chuckles.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Chris Columbus

Call me a sadist, call me boring, call me lazy, just don’t call me late for dinner. Anyway, as I’m watching “Bicentennial Man” on DVD, the movie came back to me in bits and pieces from the time I saw it in the theater. Unfortunately those bits and pieces didn’t get any better.

Anywho, if “Bicentennial Man” is any indication of “the very near future,” as it says at the beginning of the movie, I want no part of it. Why? Sure you’ve got some pretty cool cars, but no one seemed to watch TV anymore. What’s up with that? Oh well, at least I’ll have some cool android to clean the dude pad, I just hope it isn’t Andrew, the android in this movie. Just clean my kitchen, I don’t want conversation. For that I’ve got fake people in chat rooms on the internet.

In “Bicentennial Man” we get the story of Andrew (Robin Williams) the android. He’s bought by Sam Martin (Sam Neill), seemingly to help out around the house, but from the hint of one of the daughters it seemed more like Sam was just “keeping up with the Jones'” because all of her friend’s families already had an android. But Andrew is different, he has human qualities, like creativity and feelings, that his fellow androids lack, and for Sam it seems Andrew becomes kind of like the son he never had as Sam explains to Andrew how to save money, teaches Andrew about the birds and the bees, and is more like a dad to Andrew than an owner. But Andrew is a robot and he doesn’t like it, or maybe more importantly doesn’t like being alone. He wants to love, so he searches for another robot like him, doesn’t find one but does find Rupert (Oliver Platt), an inventor dude, who helps Andrew look human.

It’s a bunch of years later, Andrew now looks like Robin Williams, and he falls in love with Portia (like the car, complete with nice curves, only spelled differently), the granddaughter of one of Sam’s daughter who Andrew had a thing for years ago. Portia (Embeth Davidtz) has a problem though – how can you fall in love with a robot? Well, she does but can’t accept it, and it’s up to Andrew to prove to her that robots need people too. Thanks to Rupert figuring out a way for Andrew to have a, well, penis, well, Andrew and Portia live happily ever after. Enough about the story.

“Bicentennial Man” looks like it would be a cute movie for the kids, kinda like “Mrs. Doubtfire” if she were a robot in the future, but that is not this movie. This movie has the story of a robot searching for his true identity, searching to make his mark in life, and even searching for sex. Kinda adult fare for the kids, don’t ya think? And the movie’s over two hours long, and it feels it. At least on video you can hit the “pause” button.

Robin holds back a lot of humor in this role, and I think that’s too bad because “Bicentennial Man” had the potential to be a gut-buster of a film if it wanted to be. Instead it kept to the serious side most of the time, with an occasional joke of a robot not understanding human phrasing of sentences, and other more adult humor. I wanted it to be a fun movie for kids to see, but I can’t recommend you rent it unless one, you want to have to explain a little more about sex than you already have, and two, are ready for the kids to learn when to say “piece of shit.” If you see the video you’ll understand what I’m talking about.

In all honesty, I didn’t expect “Bicentennial Man” on video to be any better than “Bicentennial Man” in the theaters, and I stick to my rating. The premise was good, and the robot being Robin Williams gave the role potential, but it took Andrew nearly 200 years in his life and about two hours of movie time to figure out that because he was a robot, well, he would see everyone he ever loves die, forever. Kinda like “The Highlander” dude. Andrew finally realizes this isn’t how he wants to live his life and has Rupert make one more upgrade so he can grow old. He finally becomes human.

I give “Bicentennial Man” 2 stars out of 5. Watch how young the kids are if you rent it or else you’ll have some explaining to do, and the movie could have been so much more. Oh well.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Bewitched

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:40 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Bewitched
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Nicole Kidman, Will Farrell
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Kiddie Movie: It’s an adult story.
Date Movie: It’s a romantic comedy, duh?
Gratuitous Sex: Talk.
Gratuitous Violence: Ehh.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Quite a few.
Memorable Scene: The filming of the show with all of the characters at the dinner table.
Memorable Quote: Most of Will Ferrell’s lines.
Directed By: Nora Ephron

I know you don’t want to hear this, and yes, I am one of the most easily amused people out there, but I was mildly amused at “Bewitched” but thought they really blew it at the end. Here’s the story…

Will Ferrell is Jack Wyatt. He’s a Hollywood actor who is too full of himself and just had a couple of big movie flops. Looking to rebound his career, his assistant dude, Richie (Jason Schwartzman), convinces him he would be great in the role of Darren in a remake of “Bewitched” that is being done. Jack signs on, but much to the dismay of the shows producers, he insists that whoever is cast as Samantha, well, she needs to be an unknown. Nicole Kidman is Isabel. She’s a real witch, looking to stop being a witch, because she wants to experience life like the rest of us, not being able to snap her fingers and get anything she wants.

Well the casting for the new series isn’t going to well, a lot of times simply that those trying for the role can’t twitch their nose like the original Samantha. Then, in a bookstore, Jack spies Isabel, sees her twitch her nose, and decides she would be the perfect Samantha, especially since he can make sure to keep all things about him. She thinks Jack is the real deal, not some Hollywood blow-hard, and takes the role, but eventually she becomes wise to Jack’s plans, especially when she pretty much has no lines in the show, that and her friends convince her just what a tool Jack is.

But Isabel still sees something in Jack, especially when Jack is under a spell to treat her like a queen. But Isabel doesn’t like Jack under a spell, so she reverses it and gives Jack the lashing he really deserves. Not surprisingly, especially for a romantic comedy, Jack has a newfound respect, and love, for Isabel because no one has ever talked back that way to him before. The next challenge for Isabel – tell Jack she is really a witch.

Yup, you can guess it, Jack doesn’t take this too well, but both he and Isabel are now miserable without each other, blah, blah, blah.

Look, the movie’s a romantic comedy, and like most romantic comedies, we know how it is going to end. No surprise here. What was a surprise was the film folks decided that to get our lovebirds back together, Uncle Arthur (played by Steve Carell), a character from the original “Bewitched” television series, needed to show up and convince Jack he should be with Isabel. This is the point that I ended up going from kinda liking the movie to being more disappointed in it. Sure, I got by with the Aunt Clara showing up, of course Isabel would have a wacky Aunt, but the Uncle Arthur nod wasn’t needed at all, Steve Carell just didn’t pull it off either, and my idea would have been that the weird assistant Robbie should have given Jack a “What’s so weird about you being in love with a witch?” speech. I hate to say it, but the Uncle Arthur insertion dropped this movie from a solid 3 ½ stars to 2 stars out of 5. Will Ferrell was his usually funny self, Nicole was just adorable, and Michael Caine and Shirley MacLaine added some extra fun. I just felt the “having someone from the original series save the day” concept ruined the film.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:31 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Beverly Hills Chihuahua
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Drew Barrymore (voice), Piper Perabo, Andy Garcia (voice), George Lopez (voice), Jamie Lee Curtis
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment
Kiddie Movie: It’s PG for some sort of scary stuff.
Date Movie: If she’s the mother of your children.
Gratuitous Sex: Nope.
Gratuitous Violence: Some scary dog moments, but nothing horrible.
Action: Dogs chase each other.
Laughs: Mostly for kids.
Memorable Scene: Even though it was weird, the Chihuahua Nation scene was interesting.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Raja Gosnell

When “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” was originally in the theaters, Stu Gotz had a birthday party for one of his little Gotz’s, and mentioned that the kiddies all seemed to have a good time watching the movie, and that he actually enjoyed the movie, too. When I got a chance to see the DVD of the movie, I figured I’d give it a shot as well, sans anyone’s kids around me, to see if Stu was just wrapped up in “little kid” euphoria, or if the movie is okay for adults. I suppose you’ll just have to keep reading to find out.

For the story, the movie is mostly about Chihuahuas, in this case two of them, Chloe (voiced by Drew Barrymore) and Papi (voiced by George Lopez). Chloe is an uber-pampered dog, living in Beverly Hills (duh?), owned by Viv (Jamie Lee Curtis) who spares no expense for the pampering, and clothing, or her pet. Papi, on the other hand is the rambunctious companion of a landscaper, and Papi has the hots for Chloe. In the movie, yes, we get dogs that talk to each other, and Chloe won’t give Papi the time of day because, well, she is too “good” for him. Enter Rachel (Piper Perabo). When Viv has to go out of town for business, she entrusts Rachel to take care of her beloved pooch. Sadly, Rachel is also kind of an uppity Beverly Hills’ chick and doesn’t really care, nor understand, the uppity needs of Chloe, so when Rachel heads south of the border, to Mexico, with Chloe in tow, and Rachel ignoring Chloe for some fun time with her friends, Chloe decides to head out, and wouldn’t you know it, bad things start to happen to Chloe. Thankfully, enter trusty old German Shepherd, Delgado (voiced by Andy Garcia), who befriends Chloe and tries to keep her safe from the bad guys, and bad dogs, and works to get her back to the States.

In the meantime, with Chloe missing, Rachel goes into full panic mode, on the hunt for Chloe, and is joined by Papi and his owner, and wouldn’t you know it, there is the underlying story of a dog-fighting ring, and of course, our entire cast of humans and dogs come together to save the day, bust the bad guys, and love blossoms as Chloe realizes her true love doesn’t need to be a pampered dog from Beverly Hills, but could also be a hard worker who loves her.

Okay, does it really matter what the story is about? I mean, it’s about a bunch of talking dogs and their inept owners, it’s from Disney, and for kids it will probably be great as they will love the fun-loving romps that the dogs have. For the adults, I suppose what I figure is that if you have kids, and are forced to watch the movie with them, it won’t bore you to tears like some kid’s movies because there is a laugh or two, but I’m guessing that unless you’re a big, burly dude who owns a little dog, you’re going to hate this movie. Pretty much you will know if “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” is for you, or your kids, from the commercials, so for those of you it is marketed for, it’s a solid 3 ½ stars out of 5 from me. I don’t think Stu Gotz was wrapped up in “little kid” euphoria when he saw it, for parents it’s a movie you can sit with and not tear your eyes out, while your watching it with your kids.

As far as the basic DVD package, I’ve got to say there isn’t that much as far as extras. There’s an animated short about “The Legend of the Chihuahua” that is kind of cute, the “Deleted Scenes” feature isn’t very funny, and the “Blooper Scooper” is kind of funny showing the dogs not always following their trainers, but pretty much the standard DVD version is really just for watching the movie with your kids.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Best in Show

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:30 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Best in Show
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Christopher Guest, Eugene Levy, Michael McKean, Parker Posey, Catherine O’Hara, Fred Willard
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Warner Bros.
Kiddie Movie: Not too young.
Date Movie: If she’s a dog person.
Gratuitous Sex: Just talk.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: I almost laughed my butt off!
Memorable Scene: The entire dog show competition.
Memorable Quote: Too Many to quote.
Directed By: Christopher Guest

If you are a dog owner, a dog lover, or just really like dogs, I implore you to see “Best in Show.” You will probably find it one of the funniest movies of all time. If you are a cat lover, got bit by a dog as a small child, are deathly afraid of them, or don’t really like dogs, I can still recommend “Best in Show” as a funny movie, but you just might not get it.

“Best in Show” is kinda a mockumentary about, well, a dog show, and some of the contestants vying for the prize. We get introduced to a Florida couple bringing their terrier. She used to sleep with everyone and he has two left feet, literally, but they love each other and their dog. We also meet a fishing shop owner who really wants to be a ventriloquist and owns a cool bloodhound. There’s also the neurotic weimaraner owners whose dog is traumatized by seeing his owners do it, well, doggy style, and gay couple with their Shih Tzu, and the Nicole Smith-like with the standard poodle. We get their initial stories, their trips to the City of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia (where our Florida folks are looking forward to see where they make cream cheese), and of course, the dog show.

And it is at the dog show where I nearly bust a gut as sports-style commentator Buck (Fred Willard) trades every sexual innuendo and lewd comment he can with Trevor (Jim Piddock), the dog expert who can’t be shaken, no matter what Buck says.

“Best in Show” mixes subtle humor (four clocks on the hotel wall showing what time it is in various cities, except all of those cities are on the east coast so they all read the same time) with all-out bust-a-gut humor (Eugene Levy as Gerry Fleck, with two left feet, and nearly every comment by Buck). But a lot of the jokes are about dogs, so unless you are fond of dogs, you may chuckle but you won’t laugh. I laughed my ass off.

I’ll give you two ratings for “Best in Show.” For dog lovers it’s 5 stars out of 5. Just outright hilarious. For cat lovers it’s 3 stars out of 5. You’ll just think we’re nuts.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Beowulf

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:53 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Beowulf
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, John Malkovich, Rogin Wright Penn, Angelina Jolie
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Paramount Pictures
Kiddie Movie: It should really be rated R.
Date Movie: Only if she likes video games.
Gratuitous Sex: Would have been better in real life.
Gratuitous Violence: Even though video-game-ish, there was a ton of it.
Action: The dragon scene at the end.
Laughs: A chuckle here and there.
Memorable Scene: Hrothgar’s final questioning of Beowulf about how Beowulf got away from Grendel’s mom.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Robert Zemeckis

I love technology, and I love CGI for the most part, but so far, between “The Polar Express” and now “Beowulf,” I still can’t stand performance capture movies. I guess I’ll get more into that later, let’s first get to the story of “Beowulf.”

If I ever had to read “Beowulf” I must have really hated it because I have absolutely no recollection of the story. Pretty much, though, the movie gives us Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins) as King of some land up in Viking land. He’s an old dude, but has a younger wife, Wealthow (Robin Wright Penn). Even though Hrothgar brags about his killing a dragon, there’s this strange creature, Grendel (Cripsin Glover), who really doesn’t like the singing going on in town so he attacks it a lot. The King is finally fed up and says that the town will no longer have any fun, so as not to have Grendel come back, and that they need a hero to kill the beast.

Enter Beowulf (Ray Winstone).

Beowulf’s some kind of badass who has heard that the land has a creature to slay, and he and his men are just the people to slay it. Of course knowing that those who have tried to kill Grendel have used various weapons to no avail, Beowulf figures it’s best to fight the beast in his birthday suit, with his willy hidden by various objects, reminiscent of “Austin Powers.” And so Beowulf kills Grendel and now Grendel’s Mother (Angelina Jolie) is both pissed but also looking for some lovin’ and a new son. Beowulf, in the meantime, is looking to stop the violence, and maybe a kingdom wouldn’t hurt, so hey, he takes one for the team.

Beowulf eventually becomes King, replacing Hrothgar, and his reign is pretty benign, with his folks pretty much running roughshod over neighboring regions, but then some things change, Grendel’s Mother is pissed again, and now a dragon threatens to destroy Beowulf’s kingdom, or at least kill his Queen Wealthow (she became his when Hrothgar died), and his young hottie to sleep with girl, I believe she was Ursula (Alison Lohman). So it’s up to Beowulf to save the day, and hopefully, once and for all, remove the curse from the land.

In its premise “Beowulf” had so much potential to captivate me the same way I loved “300,” but damn, I just can’t get over the performance capture look that just gives the film cartoonish feel, like I’m watching a video game. For me I would have liked to see Robin Wright Penn in real life as the Queen, maybe Ray Winstone wouldn’t be buff enough but I think he’d still be good in real life as Beowulf, and the animation work they did for Angelina Jolie, well, they might as well just had her there in real life, and I think Unferth’s character (he was in line to be King until Beowulf came along) would have been better played by a real John Malkovich. Hell, it even would have been better seeing Anthony Hopkins old-man butt when his toga-thing almost falls off rather than the cartoon version.

The only thing I guess “Beowulf” being “animated” helped was the fact that the MPAA, in its still bizarre wisdom, let a movie that had tons of violence, lots of people getting pulled apart, lots of talk about sex (although no one dropped the F-bomb), general debauchery, and Angelina Jolie might at well have been naked for real because the only thing missing from her character when it came out of the water were some nipples and a landing strip, be rated PG-13. I guess even when the line between real and cartoon becomes as close as “Beowolf” put it, being a cartoon lets you get away with a lot more.

As much as the look of the movie bugged me and really disconnected me from the story, I went to see this version of “Beowulf” in 3-D, and I will give props to 3-D technology because it has become incredible, but so far it’s been limited to cartoon movies, of which “Beowulf” technically is (though there was a preview for “Journey to the Center of the Earth” next year, with real people, that looks very cool). If you do see this movie do yourself a favor and spend the extra two bucks (which I don’t really understand because I didn’t get to keep the glasses) to at least be a little dazzled.

In the end “Beowulf” just didn’t wrap me in to a movie that done in real life, and just going balls out for the R rating like “300” did, well, it probably could have been fantastic for me. As such I’ve got to only give the movie 2 stars out of 5. The only reason I can tell you to see this movie is for the 3-D version because it will give you a glimpse of the future of movies.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Benchwarmers

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:20 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Benchwarmers
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Rob Schneider, David Spade, Jon Heder
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Kiddie Movie: Sadly the Adam Sandler folks keep the humor in full toilet mode, so I have to say no.
Date Movie: Only if she liked “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo.”
Gratuitous Sex: Some talk and hints.
Gratuitous Violence: Wedgies and tittie-twisters.
Action: Not really.
Laughs: For the easily amused.
Memorable Scene: Every time Clark (Heder) is up to bat.
Memorable Quote: Nothing really.
Directed By: Dennis Dugan

Critics everywhere are bashing “The Benchwarmers,” but not this critic. Nope, in the land of the easily amused, where farts and getting hit in the nuts are always funny, and trust me, that is my land, “The Benchwarmers” is a movie tailor-made for this critic. There was, though, some disappointment in the film, but mostly because I can’t recommend it for younger kids who this movie could really appeal to. Anyway, let’s get to the story.

In “The Benchwarmers” we get three buddies, Gus, Richie, and Clark, played respectively by Rob Schneider, David Spade, and Jon Heder. One day they come to the aid of a nerdy kid getting farted on, and then later in the day, when our trio is having some fun on the baseball diamond, they challenge the bully little league team for rights to the field. Yea, that’s right, it’s three dudes versus a full team of kids. As it goes, Richie and Clark have no baseball skills so pretty much it’s Gus striking out every kid on the other team, and hitting home runs every time he is up to bat.

It turns out that Mel (Jon Lovitz) hears of our trio’s conquest and dreams up a tournament where Gus, Richie, and Clark get to take on all of the bully little league teams in competition for a way-cool stadium to be paid by Mel. Suddenly the nerdy Gus, Richie, and Clark are on their way, kicking bully kid butt and taking names, all to the delight of the nerd nation. Controversy arrives later in the film, but, of course, everyone learns a lesson that yes, nerds and bullies can get along.

There are four names associated with this movie that will tell you exactly what you can expect: Rob Schneider, David Spade, Jon Heder, and Adam Sandler (he’s not really in the movie, but is one of the Producers). What does that mean? Of course you know what it means – fart jokes, toilet humor, and overall dumb jokes that will make me laugh if that’s your cup of tea. And I did. Spade is great as the nerd working at the video store who, when he sees the girl of his dreams at the Pizza Hut, all he can say is “I like salad.” Schneider does a nice job as the savior of the team but still harboring a secret, and Heder is back to giving us the funny like he did in “Napoleon Dynamite.” Jon Lovitz is, well, doing his best Jon Lovitz.

There are no surprises here at the level of humor you are going to get, but I will say that there is something that did bum me out about the movie, and that is wondering why the Sandler folks always have to go so over the top that they can’t get the movie to a PG rating. Why do I say that? Because this really could have been a great movie for the 8 to 13 year old kid crowd, but the inclusion of the occasional “shit” here and there, and I’m sure the ratings board didn’t look too kindly on the drunken “little leaguer,” nor the excessive vomiting, thus kicking it into PG-13 range. What kept the movie rolling, especially towards the end of the film when the slapstick humor was getting old, were the little kids getting behind The Benchwarmer team, complete with internet broadcasts of the game with youngin’s calling the play-by-play. I guess my only recommendation to the Adam Sandler folks is sometime your audience doesn’t always have to be the teen crowd, sometimes you can triple your box-office take when you get mom and dad taking the kids to the movie, rather than just the fart-loving teen going with his other fart-loving teen friends.

If you’ve read my reviews before, you know I’m easily amused, and this movie easily amused me. With that, 3 ½ stars out of 5. The sad thing is that I think this could have easily been a 4 ½ star family film by being a little more creative with the humor rather than a having Gus join his wife in the shower so he could pee.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Beavis and Butthead Do America

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:20 Long
A Review by:
– Stu Gotz

Beavis and Butthead
Do America
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: The voices of Mike Judge, Robert Stack, Cloris Leachman, and what sounds like Demi Moore and Bruce Willis.
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Paramount Pictures
Kiddie Movie: I’m mature enough to understand these guys, the Three Stooges, and the old unedited Bugs Bunny, but I still don’t think Beavis and Butthead is cool for little kids.
Date Movie: You should be so lucky as to have a girl that likes Beavis and Butthead, and if she does, bring her out for this one.
Gratuitous Sex: Nope. Beavis and Butthead don’t score.
Gratuitous Violence: Car crashes, floods, Beavis being thrown from a car, and general mayhem.
Action: No, dammit. The boy’s don’t get any! Ohh… Action like in adventure? Sure. A little.
Laughs: Lots and lots.
Memorable Scene: Lot’s, but when the boy’s run into two former Motley Crew roadies who passed through Highland almost 16 years ago, “did it” with two sluts, and look remarkably like the boy’s, comes to mind. That or when Butthead makes a pass at Chelsea Clinton.
Memorable Quote: Again lot’s, but the dam, as in Hoover, jokes seem to stick out.
Directed By: Mike Judge

What is it about them that can, on a Friday 1:30pm showing, nearly fill an entire theater. About two thirds of the people were the type one would expect to show up, you know… The MTV generation, all those 16 year olds to the Twenty/Thirty Something’s. But the other third I could not explain nor did I expect to be there. What was with the business people dressed in suits? How about the mid-thirty’s moms and dads there with really small children? And lastly, what was with all the geritol’s? Could Beavis and Butt-head have charm and appeal to unite the generations? I would have never figured on that, I just thought they appealed to all us dysfunctional family bred slackers.

Before meeting the Dude on the Right at the show, I got to read the reviews in the papers. Most critics didn’t rate the movie too high and some other critics were just down right mean. What shallow minds? But let’s face it, you either like B&B, or you don’t. For you B&B fans out there I’m sure you’ve been waiting for this movie, and no matter what the critics say you’ll go out and see it. Good for you! Well let me add to your anticipation by saying this is one funny movie.

Beavis and Butt-head may be up to the same old shit, but it’s still funny. Be it inadvertently getting Anderson’s body cavity searched, to Van Dereasen’s ass kicked, or to Beavis spazzing out and becoming Cornholio. I laughed through it all. As we all already know Beavis and Butthead live for two things, TV and to someday “do it.” Well, when their TV is stolen, they set out to find it (sort of reminded me of Snoopy Come Home). As usual when the boys are out and about they get themselves in some trouble. This time they stumble across an arms dealer who mistakes them for hit men that he wants to hire to “do” his wife. He’s even willing to pay the boys to “do” his wife. Boy-o-boy have these guys hit the jackpot. Speaking of jackpots, it just so happens that the wife is out in Las Vegas (my favorite town next to Calgary). Herein comes the “Do America” part of the movie. Our friends head out to LV, but before they get to “do it” they get tricked by the wife into holding a secret weapon and taking a bus to Washington DC. Along the was they wreak havoc on Hoover dam (was it built by God thereby making it a “God dam?” Hey don’t get mad at me for that one. It was Beavis’ line). Then, amid the splendor of Old Faithful, they discover a cooler natural wonder – automatic flushing toilets. From there it’s taking confession at a Catholic mission, doing Peyote in the desert, and running amuck in the White House. At the finish, Anderson and not our heroes, gets it in the end, both literally and figuratively speaking. I could tell you more and with greater detail, but I don’t want to spoil all the fun for YOU.

“Beavis and Butt-head Do America” was all I expected it would be. Just plain, silly, and stupid fun. I would have like to have seen an appearance by Stuart and Buzz-Cut, but I guess I’ll have to wait for the next movie. “Next movie?” you say? Well I haven’t heard anything, but let’s face it, this movie should be big and make tons of money, and where there is money there is always a sequel. Look at the Police Squad, Star Trek, and Die Hard movies etc. And like good brain-washed lemmings I’m sure we’ll go out and see “Beavis and Butt-head Return,” “Beavis and Butt-head First Contact,” “Beavis and Butt-head – The College Years,” “Beavis and Butt-head Forever,” “Beavis and Butt-head – The Final Chapter,” “Beavis and Butt-head – One Last Time,” and so forth and so on. I liked “Beavis and Butt-head Do America” and I, without hesitation, recommend that if you’re already a B&B fan that you go out and see the movie.

I give “Beavis and Butt-head Do America” 3.5 stars out of 5 and I’m Stu Gotz. Penis. Aahhh, huh, huh, huh, huh… I said Penis.

Beerfest

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:50 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Beerfest
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Erik Stolhanske, Paul Soter, Jay Chandrasekhar, Steve Lemme , Kevin Heffernan, Philippe Brenninkmeyer
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Warner Bros.
Kiddie Movie: Only if you want them to become beer drinking womanizers.
Date Movie: Only if she is a beer drinking womanizer.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots of gratuitous nudity and a bizarre sex scene.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Quite a few.
Memorable Scene: The destruction of Oktoberfest scene, especially since it led to lots of tops getting torn off.
Memorable Quote: Nothing stands out.
Directed By: Jay Chandresekhar

So there it was, 10:15 in the AM on Saturday, and I was this close to having a private screening of the latest film from the Broken Lizard boys, “Beerfest.” Then two more people came in for the 10:20 showing. From their chuckles and my chuckles, I think the three of us had an okay time at the movies. First the “Beerfest” story…

Todd (Erik Stolhanske) and Jan (Paul Soter) Wolfhouse are brothers. With the passing of their grandfather, they are given the task of taking his ashes back to Germany to the family resting place, and it has to be done during Oktoberfest. They are supposed to meet a man there who would take them to the location to spread the ashes, but they seem confused when the man leads them down a dark alley, and they find themselves at Beerfest, an underground competition of all things beer. While there they discover some family secrets, none too good it seems, and get humiliated at their renewed taste of beer competition. But back in the United States, they make a pact to return one year later and restore the family’s good name.

What to do? They have to assemble a beer-drinking team, and enlist folks they have known from their beer drinking primes. And so we get Landfill (Kevin Heffernan), the beer chugger; Fink (Steve Lemme), the science guy; and Barry (Jay Chandrasekhar), the king of the beer drinking games. And so our quintet of beer men begin their training, drinking mass quantities of beer, perfecting their beer drinking game skills, and finding out that Todd and Jan’s grandfather did steal the recipe for the world’s best beer (which they in turn begin serving at the restaurant), and that their grandmother is a whore.

Eventually tragedy strikes our team, but don’t worry, there are ways to get the team back together, and it is back to Germany where we are treated to competitions like “Mexican,” “The Long Pour,” “Speed Quarters,” “Beer Pong,” and my personal favorite, “Thumper.” Eventually our heroes face their German adversaries in the finals, and maybe get the family name back in the good graces of the German people.

The movie is silly fun, but that is exactly what you would probably expect from the “Super Troopers'” people, and come on, it’s a movie about a fictitious beer tournament that probably isn’t all that fictitious on college campuses everywhere, or at least won’t be fictitious anymore. The acting isn’t all that great, but do you really need great acting where most of the characters are supposed to be drunk most of the time? And you get the other things you might expect, like blatant nudity for no other reason than to just have it; a whacky sex scene; five dudes riding home on a tandem bicycle; bad German accents; good German accents; and a cameo by Willy Nelson.

In the end “Beerfest” wasn’t the greatest of films, but that’s okay. As I was telling The Dude on the Left about it, I pretty much explained that it wasn’t as good as “Super Troopers,” but not as bad as “Club Dread,” so I’m giving “Beerfest” 2 ½ stars out of 5. You will get pretty much everything you expect by seeing this movie, I can easily see myself getting sucked into this movie anytime it is on cable.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!