By:
The Dude on the Right
Stu
Gotz was worried about his ticker but found out it was only his giant nose, so
I’m flying solo for
this "Weekend Wrap-Up!" podcast, and even though my impression of Stu sucks,
and I don’t keep it going throughout the podcast (mostly because it would have
probably been really annoying), I let you know what Stu sort of sounds like
right now, or maybe not. But this is a podcast about my weekend, and like
many Chicagoans, it was a lot about sports. Sure, the Chicago Cubs
finalized their meltdown, with this year’s team securing their history in Cub’s
lore as the team that made them not win a World Series in 100 years, and the
Chicago Bears are actually looking good, and as a Kyle Orton athletic supporter,
I was happy to see him do well, but were the Detroit Lions really a good
indication of their Bear-ness? And then there are the White Sox, breathing
life into the hopes of Chicago baseball fans, or at least south-side fans, for
another game. The crappy part is that as I’m typing this, and recorded the
podcast, the White Sox aren’t doing well (in fact they lost), and I’m blaming
their losing this series on the fact that the White Sox management people urged
fans to wear black, but then gave the fans those dumb-ass, white, towels, which
you might as well just call "Homer-Hankies," or something else gay like that,
instead of refilling the order at "Bed, Bath & Beyond" for 40,000 black towels.
Blackouts only work when everything is black, and I hate to create my own
conspiracy theory, but what the hell? When the Chicago White Sox had their
original "blackout" for the one game playoff, well, fans donned their black
outfits, the fans were given black towels, and on TV it looked eerily cool,
especially with Halloween coming. Then came the playoffs, and on TV you
know what looks contrasting? People dressed in black while waving white
towels. Do you know who waves white towels? Managers in the corners
of a boxer, a boxer who is about to be pummeled beyond all recognition.
They don’t throw in a black towel; they throw in a white towel, and that’s what
the White Sox fans are flailing above their heads during this game. Black
towels are south side Chicago – White towels are lame-asses.
Enough
about sports and TV conspiracy theories, my weekend also included something way
out of normalcy for me, thanks to my BFF, and it might be something both of us
needed – a trip to do some apple picking, at some place called
The Elegant Farmer,
which plunged me into a world of wondering if people have fallen off of the
hayride, why we kept getting in line at the donut shack only to have them run
out of donuts, and I don’t care how the apple people try to sell it – hail
damaged apples look gross, I’m not putting them in my basket, and I have no idea
how I didn’t fall off of that ladder!
Most of my weekend was really about
apple picking, so I’m sorry for the baseball rant, but in a bizarre way I
thought the Chicago White Sox could actually pull off a second win, but with
those dumb-ass white towels, the White Sox fans now look like every other dorky
fan in the Major Leagues. A blackout means black, that you are a bad-ass –
white towels mean you give up.
And, oh yea, during this podcast I also tell
how I might start a new spotlight dealing with "The Biggest Loser."
This is
probably the longest synopsis for a fifteen minute podcast ever, but I can’t
believe both Chicago baseball teams sucked this bad.
That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
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