By:
The Dude on the Right
The movie industry is a bizarre monster, and so are the critic rating scales.
My case in point is the release of
"Wild Hogs" this week (and I suppose
"Norbit" a few weeks back). Hundreds, if not thousands of critics,
thought it (they) sucked, yet as of tonight "Wild Hogs" did about $38 Million
bucks worth of business for the weekend. Me, I gave it 1 1/2 stars out of
5, which pretty much for me means it’s a rental at best. But where did
these $38 Million dollars worth of people come from? Was the word of mouth
that great? Did people just want to see a movie, and rather than see
something that was nominated for an Academy Award, or the R rated "Zodiac" or
"Black Snake Moan" that also opened this weekend, did they just opt for
"Wild Hogs" by default? I don’t know, but maybe critics need a new rating
scale, kind of the anti-critic scale, so I’m trying to come up with one, based
mostly upon my sister.
You see, and I can’t verify this yet until she sees it,
but I think my sister will find "Wild Hogs" one of the funniest movies ever (she
also really liked
"RV"),
as opposed to most people who watch or analyze movies for a living. While
I was watching the movie I could pretty much envision every instance where my
sister would be laughing, mostly because there was a woman, a couple of rows
behind me as I was watching the movie, laughing at those moments. Me, I
found
Borat very funny, 4 1/2 stars funny, as did most critics, but this woman
behind me, during "Wild Hogs" well, from her laughter, this was probably a 7
Stars out of 5 comedy.
As a critic I try to at least relate my reviews to
those who might like the movie, and I can see how "Wild Hogs" can give folks
some entertainment for a little over an hour and a half. But you can’t get
that from a simple 3 stars out of 4, from a simple thumb, from a simple tomato,
or from a simple beer rating. Nope, who will like a movie is a hell of lot
more complicated than that, sometimes it just has to relate to my sister.
And
right now I’m just wondering what she would have given this movie?
Maybe, in a
bizarre way, there’s actually a place for her to be a movie critic. Too
bad I can’t offer her a job, unless, with the
Mega Millions jackpot at over $340
million, I might be able to, when my numbers come in this Tuesday night.
Then
again, maybe not, and "Wild Hogs" is still a 1 1/2 star movie out of 5 on my
critic scale, or also rated "Sister" on my new scale.
That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!