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The Avengers
Movie Stats & Links |
| Starring: |
Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman, Sean Connery |
| MPAA Rated: |
PG-13 |
| Released By: |
Warner
Bros. |
| Kiddie Movie: |
They'd probably laugh at the giant teddy bears,
but I'd leave them at home anyway. |
| Date Movie: |
Only if you hate her. |
| Gratuitous Sex: |
None, damn. |
| Gratuitous
Violence: |
A stabbing, some killer mechanical bees, but
nothing horrible. |
| Action: |
Ehh. |
| Laughs: |
Stupid ones. |
| Memorable
Scene: |
Every outfit Uma had on. |
| Memorable
Quote: |
None. |
| Directed By: |
Jeremiah Chechik |
| Produced By: |
Jerry Weintraub |
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The Avengers
A Movie Review |
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I've watched a few episodes of the original "Avengers" TV
show, but that seems like so long ago that I don't really
remember it much. With that, I have no comparison of the
movie out in theaters to the TV show, so I can't spend half
of my review doing so. In that case I'll just get right to
it and say that unless you lust over Uma Thurman, want to
see guys in giant teddy bear suits, or want to sit in your
seat for an hour and a half wondering why there are no cars
on the road, don't go see "the Avengers."
Alright, the movie isn't that bad, it's just that there
is nothing to really have me try to tell you that you should
spend your hard-earned dollar on seeing it. Want the story -
here we go: Sean Connery plays a disgruntled scientist who
has found a way to control the weather. Ralph Fiennes plays
John Steed, the secret agent, and Uma Thurman plays Emma
Peel, the sexy doctor who can also kick some ass. Oh, yea,
you also get a cloning topic thrown in there. So, yea, you
guessed it, the disgruntled scientist threatens to ruin the
world unless he gets a lot of cash, and somehow it's up to
Steed and Peel to save the world. I remember another
story-line about a weather dominator, it was for the soap
opera "General Hospital," and, quite frankly, I liked the GH
story-line better because at least with that you knew what
to expect, "the Avengers" just left me wondering.
See, I sat there wondering why there seemed to be no cars
on the road except Steed's, the bad guys, the Ministry's
secret bus, and, well, that's about it, and when the bridge
got blown out by a tornado or wave (I can't remember) my
thought was "Well, it's not like they needed it anyway."
Then I found it more amusing than anything with the
scientists all decked out in these giant teddy bear outfits
so neither would know who the other was. Then I wondered
what year it was supposed to be because they had pretty cool
computer technology yet drove cars that seemed older than
me. I also wondered why only a few people carried guns. I
guess I just sat there wondering a lot, and really happy
that I just went to a matinee.
The quick things I read on the internet before going to
see this movie talked about how the movie was choppy, how
there was no chemistry between Uma and Ralph, but that the
shooting of the film looked good. Yea, so be it, say what
you want, but I was disappointed in two things really. One,
if you're having a movie made in the 90's (not set in the
90's, but made in the 90's) about a weather dominator, and
the destruction it can cause, how about some better effects
shots of Mom Nature reeking havoc, rather than just a lame
snow-storm. Two, as much as I couldn't believe it, Sean
Connery couldn't pull off the disgruntled scientist/bad guy
role. I guess I can't blame Connery's acting, I think it was
just the character in general was so lame.
Was it supposed to be an attempt at British style humor
trying to appeal to the American crowd? Was it supposed to
be kinda goofy, sort of like I vaguely remember the old
series? Was it supposed to be entertaining? To all of these
questions, well, I just don't know.
So, what does "the Avengers" get? It's 1 ½ stars out
of 5. For a movie with so much potential it just really let
me down.
That's it for this one! I'm The Dude on the Right!!
L8R!!! |
