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Constantine
Movie Stats & Links |
| Starring: |
Keanu Reeves,
Rachel Weisz |
| MPAA Rated: |
R |
| Released By: |
Warner Bros. |
| Web Site: |
www.constantinemovie.com |
| Kiddie Movie: |
I think it best you leave them at home. |
| Date Movie: |
Only if she's a
Keanu fan. |
| Gratuitous Sex: |
There should have
been nudity had I written the script. |
| Gratuitous
Violence: |
Yea, pretty much. |
| Action: |
There's some
chasing going on. |
| Laughs: |
Not really. |
| Memorable
Scene: |
Hell looked kinda
cool. |
| Memorable
Quote: |
Nah. |
| Directed By: |
Francis Lawrence |
| Produced By: |
Lauren Shuler Donner, Benjamin Melniker, Michael Uslan,
Erwin Stoff, Lorenzo di Bonaventura and Akiva Goldsman |
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Constantine
A Movie Review |
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I am truly and utterly disappointed in Keanu Reeves, or
John Constantine (the character he plays), or whoever was
responsible for this. Constantine is getting ready to drown
Angela (Rachel Weisz) so she can reconnect with her ability
to see demons and bad things. Angela takes off her shoes and
asks Constantine if she has to take all of her clothes off.
He looks at her, pauses for a moment, and then says……… "No."
I don’t care if you’re trying to get back in God’s good
graces, if Rachel Weisz is in front of you and she asks you
if she needs to take off all of her clothes, there is one,
and only one answer, and that answer, even if she doesn’t
really need to, is "YES!!!!" She did look fabulous all
drenched in water, but enough about my being a prude, let’s
get to the movie.
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John Constantine is trying to get back on God’s good
side. It seems he was blessed, or maybe it was more of a
curse, but when he was born he had the ability to see demons
who took up residence on the middle plane of life. Not being
able to take the visions anymore, he attempted suicide,
found himself in hell, got revived, and realized he was
doomed to going back to hell upon his death because suicide,
well, is a mortal sin. He figures maybe he can get back on
the Big Man’s good side if he takes up the cause of
exterminating the half-breed demons who are trying to do a
little more evil than just hang out here on our life plane.
What he doesn’t fully realize yet is there is this maniacal
plot by Balthazar (Gavin Rossdale from the band Bush who
shows he has some acting chops), Satan’s son who has his own
grand plans for life on earth. Enter Angela. It seems her
sister committed suicide, which has a Catholic Angela
distraught because she knows her sister is now destined for
an eternity in hell. She thinks something strange is afoot
because even though she was able to eventually block out her
ability to see demons and bad things coming, she knows her
sister wasn’t able to, and maybe something sinister caused
her to jump to her death.
So Angela eventually convinces Constantine to take her
into his world (where the bathtub scene that could have been
so much more comes in), and suddenly our two heroes find
themselves deep in the middle of Balthazar’s plan.
Sadly the movie becomes entirely predictable, we can
easily figure out how Constantine can get back on the side
of God, and low and behold, well, you figure it out for
yourself.
This is a movie that needed too much explaining, and for
much of the movie we get just that. This is also a movie
that had some potential, but pretty much lost it from the
start as it shifted from how Constantine would exorcise
demons to Balthazar’s plot. Yes, some of the scenes of hell
were fantastic, and Keanu did a great job as the brooding,
dying, destined for hell but really, really, really wanting
to make it up to God even though the Angel Gabriel (Tilda
Swinton) keeps telling him it’s pretty much hopeless, dude
that I guess Constantine is supposed to be. Sadly it gets
lost in a story that became totally predictable for me.
In the end I’m giving "Constantine" 1 ½ stars out of 5.
It could easily have gained a star or two had John given the
appropriate answer to Angela before he drowned her, but
sadly, the movie is only rated R for violence and demonic
images.
That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!!
L8R!!! |
