Marital Status: I lost my balls, I now have a wife and child.

Idols: Al Bundy, he is the man!; Ken Griffey, Jr. - He has my vote for Prez.; David Letterman, he is the most powerful man in television; and whomever the chick I am talking to idolizes.

Funniest thing ever said to me: This is two-fold but happened in the same conversation: "I didn't know there were any white boys in Harvey" to which I replied, "I'm white!?!" and later from the same dude, while being fitted for a tux just so ya know, "You got a butt like a black man."

Stupidest things I ever uttered: Too numerous to mention but off the top of my head, "I wish it were socially acceptable for a man to carry a purse." and "Hey Trash, Do you wear crotch-less underwear?"

Favorite Beer: The only good beer is cold beer, and the only bad beer is no beer. But, my favorite beer is free beer! Go figure.

Favorite Artist(s): You name it, I listen to it, pretty much as I don't like playing favorites. But if I have to name a few, how about Rhoads and Craven (local band in Chicago), The Nerds (These guys rock the Jersey shore!), Bon Jovi (Speaking of Jersey), Van Halen, Jimmy Buffett, and 'bout near any one else.

Favorite Toast: Here's to women with big tits and loose morals. Of course, that is a guys toast. Men are pigs what can I say? Women are evil and men are pigs, it is like guilt by association.

Turn Ons: I'm easy, but not cheap! So, lots of little things turn me on. Big beautiful eyes, no, seriously, eyes - the kind you can look into all night long.

Turn Offs: Women who keep secrets and can't take a joke. Disproportional women, ya know petite women with big asses or just flat out big women. But hey, I'd try anything once.

Jobs at Entertainment Ave!: All-around reviewer, bouncer, assistant editor, smart-ass, but I'm really not sure because The Dude on the Right keeps firing me.