Tag: Andy Wonders

Have You Ever “Vacuumed” a Couch?

Milo on his perch.

The other day I was doing some cleaning around the house! I’m such the dedicated house-husband sometimes! Okay, as I stop tooting my own horn, it wasn’t crazy stuff like dusting or cleaning the windows, just some basic bathroom cleaning, cleaning the fake, hardwood floors, and vacuuming. Like most men, I believe, cleaning around the house isn’t really my cup of tea, but sometimes it’s necessary to get done, and now that I’m married, it happens a little more regularly than it did before I will admit, and usually the floors ends up being my task, although this time I threw in the bathroom for good measure.

The vacuuming was progressing as normal, first the upstairs, then the stairs down to the first level, then the stairs down to the basement, a little in the basement, and then the area rug in the living room. As I’m finishing the area rug I notice some Milo hair on the couch. Milo has his favorite perch on the couch, it’s kind of his TV viewing spot, and also the spot from which he can survey all of his domain. So, at this point, I have a couple of options. Sure, I could just leave the hair on the couch, but that seemed even too lazy for me. Option 2 was to stop the vacuum cleaner, get the handheld vacuum with the attachments, unwrap the cord, vacuum the hair, wrap the cord back up, put the handheld vacuum away, and then continue vacuuming. But then there was option 3. I had a vacuum, albeit a little large, and I pray my wife doesn’t read this Daily Plight, or one of her relatives/friends tells her about this, but yes, I hoisted up the vacuum and proceeded to “vacuum” the couch with our upright vacuum. It seemed a little clunky, but I’ll tell you what, it got the job done, and I think it probably did a better job than the less-powerfull handheld!

As I finished “vacuuming” the couch, I figured this was probably a guy way of handling things, but in the end I just wondered, and so I plight: Have you ever “vacuumed” a couch?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do You Eat Cereal for Breakfast?

I waiver on my choice of food for breakfast. As a kid growing up my breakfast could range from about 10 Chips Ahoy! cookies and a tall glass of milk, to Pop-Tarts (Usually chocolate something or other), and then a cereal kick with my favorites being Frosted Flakes, Count Chocula, and the occasional Frosted Mini Wheat, or Cheerios with about a teaspoon of sugar. Growing older things got a little different as for the longest time I was in a “two eggs with a piece of wheat toast” phase, and then my wife convinced me I should go back to cereal, so Cheerios it was, only this time it’s plain, no sugar, that is unless it’s Halloween time in which case I’m back to Count Chocula. I guess I only bring this up because as I was grabbing for my box of cereal this morning, on the Cheerios’ box, it read “Carefully selected oats that can help LOWER CHOLESTEROL.” There was the part of me wondering how they actually carefully select the oats, and I’m always leery of their boasting the lowering cholesterol wondering if it is actually the carefully selected oats causing the lower cholesterol, or is it because when someone who has been having a crappy diet for the longest time, including, maybe, eggs and buttered toast for breakfast, and they start eating healthier, wouldn’t their cholesterol naturally go down? Was their study conducted on people who only changed what they ate for breakfast? Why do I really care since my cholesterol has always been fine?

I guess it doesn’t really matter too much, as long as I’m eating breakfast, but I do wonder, and so I plight: Do you eat cereal for breakfast?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Can You Tie a Decent Knot?

Once again my knot-tying skills have been put to the test, and once again I realize I’m pretty lousy at tying knots. I’m not talking about tying my shoes, I’m good at the bunny-ear thing. Nope, I’m talking about putting up a banner on some posts and needing to secure said banner to some pieces of rope to further secure to the posts. Putting up this banner time after time makes me happy that I don’t go camping because I’m pretty sure I’d have my tent blowing away with even the slightest gust of wind, or huff or puff from a bear. You would think that after having to do this a few times a year that I would take some online course (I think I get overwhelmed not knowing if I need a Klemheist Knot, a Monkey Fist, a nice Yosemite Bowline, or maybe just a Cow Hitch), or ask our staff member, The Mystery Dude, a decorated Platinum Platypus of the highest order, for a tutorial, but alas, the task creeps up on me, and there I am, looping the ropes into these big, blobs of knots, hoping that they hold long enough for the banner to do its bannering.

I must say that I get a little jealous watching those dudes on boats, manipulating the ropes into these fine-looking knots that never seem to come loose, and who knows, maybe in preparation for the next time I have to hang some banners, or go camping, I’ll do some practicing beforehand, but for now the big, blob o’ knots are holding, but that’s not stopping me from plighting: Can you tie a decent knot?

That’s it for this one! I”m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Have you ever been to a football training camp?

Here in Chicago, the summer has become a vast wasteland of sports. Sure, we had the Chicago Blackhawks winning the Stanley Cup, so at least that carried some excitement into the summertime, which just seems wrong as it’s hockey and it’s summer, but at least it was something to pay attention to. Now we are stuck with two baseball teams that are pretty much sucking as the Chicago Cubs are still on their twenty year plan for greatness, or something like that, and all of the White Sox fans who, at the beginning of the season, were saying the analysts were wrong in the prediction of Sox mediocrity, well, they are quickly finding out that White Sox mediocrity has turned into suckosity.

Thankfully there is hope as Chicago Bears training camp is right around the corner, July 25th for what it’s worth, with the public being able to start getting their football fix on the 26th. I’ve never been to training camp, I never really saw the point although a lot of fans say it is a fun time, and actually I’ve never been to a Bears game. My original team is the Cleveland Browns, and I remember some games at the old Cleveland Municipal Stadium, which is now at the bottom of Lake Erie. Don’t get me wrong, I love football, and I’m ready for some football, but from what most people say, and I vaguely remember, going to a game is 5 seconds of excitement with 2 minutes of dealing with the drunk people around you until 5 more seconds of excitement.

Sure, someday I hope to go to a Bears game, but as a basic fan, I can tell you that there is 99% no chance of me ending up in Bourbonnais, IL, for Bears training camp. I am wondering about everyone else out there, though, and so I plight: Have you ever been to a football training camp?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do you inspect your pet’s poop?

Our dog, Milo, has sensitive insides. At the earliest stages of his life it was a challenge to find food that worked for him without giving him intestinal issues that ranged from vomiting, to regurgitation, to diarrhea, to generally being sick, not eating, ending up underweight, and with icky poop. We finally found a vet, Dr. Karen Becker, who is both awesome and also seemed to know what was going on. After starting him on a simple diet of turkey and canned pumpkin, we finally got Milo’s digestive system on a decent track. She explained the benefits of a raw food diet, which when you think about it makes perfect sense, they are dogs after all, and where, in nature, would they find processed kibble to eat? No, they are generally tearing an animal to shreds and eating raw meat, remember? The other thing she told us was that the ultimate goal was for Milo to have “bronze-able poop.” Yup, we were instructed to inspect his poop regularly, and as his digestive system would get in line, his poop would become the kind you could bronze and put on a plaque on the wall proudly telling your friends, “Look at my dog’s poop!”

So, with instructions in hand, I began years of inspecting Milo’s poop. I would pick it up (No, not with my hands), and regularly check it for firmness, and yes, looking for anything wiggling in it signifying a really bad problem. Sometimes there are long hairs in it which causes it to dangle from his butt when he poops, and every now and then he gets in the habit of eating his dog litter so low and behold, there is some litter in it. Happily he hasn’t eaten anything like money or jewelry where I’ve had to actually break apart the poop, but I’m happy to say that, for the most part, Milo’s poop is “bronze-able!”

It was the other day, while doing my daily inspection, that I wondered if other people are out there doing the same, and so I plight: “Do you inspect your pet’s poop?”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do you prefer your newscasts fun and light-hearted, or serious and to the point?

I guess I’m kind of old-school in the fact that I like a good newscast. The structure is generally similar, I know they are going to usually start with a quick look at weather, then the hard news, than some special interest story, eventually getting to the full weather forecast and sports. My go-to news on weekday mornings is the Channel 9 news, WGN, here in Chicago. They tend to keep things light and fun for the most part, and sure, they’ll get serious when the story calls for it, but the news incorporates some fun audio drops during some stories, and the music bumpers in and out of commercials many times somehow relates to some of the news stories.

This morning Jim Ramsey was the designated weather dude, filling in for the generally fun Paul Konrad, and most of the time I find Jim a little stiff. I don’t know what happened this morning, though, because Mr. Ramsey looked like he was having a good old time, especially when he was hanging in the weather center, seated at the console, waving his arms and sticking his finger in his ear.

I know the morning news is generally a little more light hearted than the evening news, but for me the WGN morning people tend to do a great mix of light-heartedness and serious news, so it’s a great start to the day.

I guess while I was watching Jim Ramsey with his finger in his ear I plighted: Do you prefer your newscasts fun and light-hearted, or serious and to the point?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Have you ever used a metal detector?

Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I remember playing with a metal detector when I was a kid, or maybe it was when I worked at Radio Shack. In any case there is some buried memory in my head of holding the contraption in my hand and waving the detector portion of the device across the ground, listening for changes in some annoying tone that would signal I struck it rich, or more likely found some scrap piece of metal or if I was lucky, a penny.

It was the other day while my wife and I were walking in a local park that we saw a father and a son using some metal detectors, and I vaguely remembered my history of metal detecting. My wife asked me why they would be there in the park, especially by the “beach” volleyball courts, and I had to remind her that there are people jumping up and down on a volleyball court, and they sometimes have precious metals, or at least a few coins in their pockets, and sometimes those items fall out of their pockets and get lost in the sand. She said “Oh, yea.”, and I also reminded her of my other run-in with a metal detector enthusiast who bragged of his finding a wedding ring once in the same park.

I was curious as I started this plight about the proliferation of detectorists (A term I found referring to those who are metal detector enthusiasts) so I did what anyone would do – I Googled “metal detector club.” Low and behold Google listed over 15,000 hits, and a quick look at the “Midstate Metal Detector Club“, a group based out of Wisconsin, and “World Wide Assocations of Treasure Seekers” (WWATS) websites, and I quickly learned that the detectorists take themselves very seriously, and that it seems the world of metal detecting considers itself on the endangered list thanks to a myriad of government regulations and not enough representation on the part of the detectorists.

It’s been a long time since I’ve listened to the whining of the speaker and watched the needle of the metal detector to see if I found a buried treasure, and I don’t see myself doing it again anytime soon, but after seeing the father and son I couldn’t help but plight: Have you ever used a metal detector?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Did you even consider going to see “The Lone Ranger” this weekend?

The big movie news over the weekend was twofold. First there was joy in Universal-land with “Despicable Me 2” as it brought in some $142 million over the long 4th of July weekend, a new record for a an animated film over the long, 5-day opening. Hooray! And then there was “The Lone Ranger.” Yup. you know the movie, at least I’m thinking you’ve heard of it. The one with Johnny Depp. He plays Tonto. And there is something about a train over a bridge and it blowing up? Yea, that’s the one. Well, it appears people heard of it, but for the most part no one went to see it as the news for Disney was bad with the movie only making about $48.9 million. Now, that seems like a lot of money, but the budget rumors say the movie cost anywhere between $215 and $250 million to put together, and when all is said and done after worldwide stuff and video it might break even, but if there were Disney dreams of replacing the “Pirates of the Caribbean” franchise with something new, they seem to be squashed.

Me, I relaxed a bit this weekend, working on some long-term projects, so I have to say that I didn’t even think of going to see “The Lone Ranger.” Well, there was that and the fact that the movie just didn’t look that good in the trailers, but as this weekend is over, and we get back to our normal schedule, I’m plighting: Did you even consider going to see “The Lone Ranger” this weekend?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do you know what PBR stands for?

First off, let me say that I’m not thinking Professional Bull Riders, nor Petroleo Brasileiro Petrobras, the first two results in Google when you, well, Google PBR, when I think of PBR. Should you think of those first, however, I’ll give you a pass and commend you for your knowledge of Brazilian oil, Silvano Alves, or maybe the lyrics from the Garth Brooks song, The Fever, “Keep your mind in the middle while your butt spins ’round and ’round.” Nope, I’m thinking of a fermented malt beverage, originally from the land of “Laverne and Shirley,” though not from Shotz Brewery.

The reason I bring this up is there was a story on the local news, and in the copy the anchor was reading was a reference to PBR. She finished the story, looked at her co-anchor, and said something like “I don’t know what ‘PBR’ is. Sorry, I’m not hip.”

Immediately I thought to myself, “Who doesn’t know what PBR is?”, and then I thought, “Probably a lot of people I suppose, especially folks not from the midwest.” Then I thought, “Who uses the term ‘hip’ anymore?” I think a lot to myself, sometimes.

The news anchor didn’t know what PBR stood for, and so I plight: Do you know what PBR stands for?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Would you ever clip your nails in a church?

So I’m in church as I’m wont to do on a Sunday morning a while ago, with my head bowed down in reverent prayer. Okay, it’s before mass has started, I’ve said a quick prayer, and now the A.D.D. in me is letting my mind wander and look around, noticing the flowers on the alter, scoping out what some people are wearing, and checking out what songs are set to be sung in the “follow-along-with-the-mass” handout (I’m becoming a fan of John Angotti). For this mass my wife and I are in the front row for the section which does leave some extra space to stretch your legs a bit, and then I spot it, out of the corner of my eye. No, it’s not someone in in bad shoes, it’s a toenail. Yup, there on the ground, gross as can be, a toenail. I start to get the heebeegeebees, look around the floor a little more, and yup, there’s a second! Ewwwwww!

After my initial grossness I do what every husband would probably do, I nudge my wife and point out the toenails to her. She, of course, isn’t as grossed out as I would hope, says they look more like fingernails than toenails, and comes up with some cockamamie explanation of someone trimmed their nails, probably wrapped them in a tissue and put them in their pocket or purse for disposal later, and then when the person needed something out of their pocket or purse, the clippings fell out.

Me, I envisioned some heathen, taking off their shoes before mass, pulling out the nail clippers, and giving themselves a pedicure right there, in the pew, before mass started, letting the clippings fly all over the church, but such is my mind.

I was careful not to step on the clippings when I got out of the pew, watched people waking by to see if any of them would step on the clippings, and then decided my plight: Would you ever clip your nails in church?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!