Tag: Andy Wonders

Are You Concerned About the Upcoming Bacon Shortage?

The warning has been issued from the British National Pig Association, “A world shortage of pork and bacon next year is now unavoidable.” First, who knew there was a British National Pig Association, and second, heaven help us bacon lovers! Yup, remember how we have been having that drought and people were worried about corn prices impacting beef? Well, cows don’t really eat corn, but guess which animal does? Yup, the piggy. So with the drop in supply of corn, and soybean for that matter, the stories tell how farmers have been thinning their herds, especially in Europe, and with less pigs come a shortage in bacon, and even worse, an increase in prices.

We in the United States won’t really have to worry about finding bacon, as the American National Pork Board (Again, who knew?) says we won’t really have a shortage of baconny goodness, but with our increasing demand for all food bacon and the shortage of actual pigs to make said bacon, you can expect prices to go up. Me, I like bacon, but in moderation, however, football tailgaters will have to up their budget if they want to maintain their waistlines, and so I plight: Are you concerned about the upcoming bacon shortage?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

Do You Plan on Watching the Presidential Debate?

I don’t know about you but I can’t wait for the election to be over next month as the over-analysis of everything Presidential has gotten nuts, and I’m not even in a battleground state and subjected to the relentless television advertising. ABC, a somewhat respected new outlet (Peter Jennings was the go-to anchor for the longest time for me), held a poll, and we found out that Americans would prefer to see President Obama on “Dancing With the Stars” instead of good-ol’ Mitt, but at least we don’t seem to be worried about a Mormon watching our kids as people think the President and Mitt would do about the same job babysitting our kids.

With the Presidential Debate on Wednesday night, the pre-analysis now has tried to figure out every bit of the debate before it happens, stressing the the strengths and weaknesses of both candidates, wondering if there will be any “knock-out” punch to the other guy, then debating whether we should even use the term “knock-out” punch anymore as the debates are so scripted it would seem impossible for anyone to land a “knock-out,” but mostly we are waiting to see if one of the guys trips over his own two feet. Does Mitt have an edge because he’s been debating in the primaries, does Barack have the edge because people seem to like him more, will Mitt be able to get under Barack’s skin, or will either candidate actually tell us what they plan to do to save America all in a 90 second soundbite? It seems all of these questions and more will finally be answered sometime tomorrow night, although probably not, to be immediately followed by about a week of analysis trying to figure out who “won” the debate.

As a good American it should be my due diligence to watch the debates and develop an educated analysis of which candidate will best lead our country, or I could just base my decision on whom I’d prefer as a ship’s captain, in which case if I’m not thinking Barack I’m in the minority. And so I plight: Do you plan on watching the Presidential Debate?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

Will You be Buying Bad Piggies?

Bad Piggies is released today. Sure, some of you are probably saying “What in the heck is ‘Bad Piggies?'” If you are a fan of Angry Birds, you know those pigs in the game? Guess what, they now have their own game. Yup, the Rovio people, the makers of the Angry Pigs series, look like they have finally run out of fun things for the birds to do and are now focusing on the pigs. I guess the pigs aren’t angry, so they really couldn’t call the game “Angry Pigs,” but here comes another puzzle games, this one seeming to focus on “contraption building,” at least so says one review, and it will take most everything in my being not to buy it and then waste too many hours helping the pigs do whatever they do.

I remember when Angry Birds was released and for the longest time I resisted the urge to buy it, finally getting sucked into the game when the space version was released. Then the original Angry Birds was a free app for a week, and again my free time was doomed. Why? Because I’m part OCD, part ADD, part prone to game addiction, part just like playing games, and I can’t just play a game – I have to play it to do the best. I’m that crazy player that just completing the levels isn’t good enough, nope, I have to get “Three Stars” on each level. There were some levels I would pass over, only to come back later and complete the star-ness, but my Angry Birds: Space is filled with only three star perfection, and my Angry Birds was well on its way until I finally had to delete it so that I could get something else done.

It will take a lot for me not to spend the buck to get the game, and for this I plight: Will you be buying Bad Piggies?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Should Kids be Allowed to be Paddled in School?

There is a story or two going around about school districts wanting to bring back paddling, and as I don’t have any kids I say, “Bring it on!” Okay, actually I’m a lot torn on the subject, but more on that later. Most of the stories site how when it was allowed that for one, it was rarely used, but that it also was the most effective use of punishment for some kids as I’m thinking the brats just saw a suspension as a vacation from school and probably got to play with their XBox when they were at home, anyway.

I vaguely remember a few kids being paddled back when I was a youngin’, and for the most part I’m pretty sure it was the only thing that made sense to them. Me, I was only paddled a few times, in symbolic ceremonies during our initiation banquets for Theta Xi Fraternity in college where the little brothers made a decorative paddle for their big brother and each got to whack the other on the ass harkening back to the days when somehow paddling was a right of fraternity passage.

I know, I know, there are supposed to be time-outs and gentle prodding to change behavior, and paddling could be likened to brutal punishment, and fine, call me behind the times and a brute (and as I say, I might feel differently if I actually had a child), but sometimes I still think a little bump on the rump might be the only way for a rascal to truly understand what they did was wrong instead of a nice, little vacation in their media center, I mean bedroom. I don’t know, it guess it does seem kind of cruel. Ugh! I’m so torn. What I do know is that I sound like an old fogey when I say things like “Back in my day…”, so I suppose I should quit being an old fogey and get with the times. And who am I trying to kid, I could never hit a child anyway as it would just crush me. After all, I’m a lover, not a fighter.

And so I plight: Should kids be allowed to be paddled in school?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do you plan on boycotting the NFL until the normal refs are back?

So I guess, last night, while I was sleeping, the latest debacle of an NFL game with the replacement refs occurred as said refs who are taking over in place of the locked-out refs screwed up another game. From what I read they awarded the Seattle Seahawks a touchdown at the end of the games, on a play that clearly wasn’t a touchdown, thus helping the Chicago Bears in their division, but costing the Green Bay Packers what could turn out to be a chance at the postseason, and it’s only week three.

The Twitterverse exploded with controversy with Seattle fans happy but admitting the refs screwed up and the Packer fans besides themselves. Most of the rest of the NFL fans were just pissed as the experiment with the replacement refs has turned into a boondoggle. ruining the enjoyment of the sport and rendering watching any game an exercise now in waiting for the refs to screw it up. Hashtags started popping up like #boycottthenfl, #boycottthursdaynightfootball (a hash tag that is far too long, and seems kind of stupid only boycotting Thursday night’s game and not the entire league, and besides, who besides Ravens and Browns fans really care about the upcoming Thursday game?), and #nflsucks. Seriously, though, are any of these people really going to boycott watching the games until the NFL comes to an agreement with the normal refs and Ed Hochuli gets to show his guns on national TV again? I doubt it as most will now watch the games in anticipation of the refs screwing things up, and just hoping it’s the other team, much like it appears it happened to the Packers last night, that gets screwed. And so I plight: Do you plan on boycotting the NFL until the normal refs are back?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

 

Have You Ever Been “Cuckoo” from Alcohol?

Judge Judy is so wise. This morning she was hearing the case of two young ladies, Girl A who was suing Girl B because Girl B had her charged with assault. Yup, Girl B was drunk and accused Girl A of cheating with her fiancé. Girl A was not drunk, Girl B attacked Girl A, there was slippage, a bottle, and blood. Also, as the original case was thrown out of court, Girl B was countersuing Girl A for the assault and her hospital bills. As this is a Judge Judy episode, you can count on one of the participants being ill-prepared for Her Judgeness, as was Girl B, utilizing a picture on her flip, cell phone to try to support her case, but the judge would have none of this. Also enter Girl B’s mother, trying to support her daughter, but it’s never good when the Judge says your daughter has a drinking problem and was “Cuckoo from alcohol.”

Well, Judge Judy would have none of Girl B’s complaining and awarded Girl A $2,500 pretty much because Girl B was drunk. I remember most of my college days, and there was a little drinking involved, but “cuckoo”-ness, well, my lips remain sealed, and I was never on Judge Judy to have her tell me so. I do wonder, however, and so I plight: Have you ever been “cuckoo” from alcohol?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Does Your Freezer Have a Light in It?

Sometimes my plights are of the delayed, inspired kind, as is today’s. As I reached into the freezer this morning the light went on. No, not the bulb over my head with a brilliant idea, but the bulb inside the freezer, bringing a gentle glow with which to assist my digging out a frozen product from the rear of the icebox. At that time I remembered a post from a friend on Facebook asking “Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?” There were a variety of responses, some thinking because it’s too cold (not true), some reflecting that they have a light in their freezer, and some wishing they had one. A quick perusal of the internet doesn’t come up with any definitive reason for there sometimes being a light and sometimes not, but I’m just simply going with it comes down to money. I’ll also bet most people don’t realize they have one or not unless they are trying to find something at night to snack on, probably ice cream, in a dark kitchen, and realize they can’t see anything in the freezer when they open the door so they have to open the refrigerator door to assist their diminished sight.

In any case, thanks to Jill and the light bulb turning on in my freezer this morning, my plight is this: Does your freezer have a light in it?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

 

 

Are You Fascinated with Christina Aguilera’s Boobies on “The Voice?”

Fine, maybe you can’t stop looking at Adam Levine while watching “The Voice,” after all he is dreamy, but I’m being forced to pay attention to the ever-changing boobs on Christina Aguilera. I say “forced” because I generally do my best not to overtly pay attention to things like boobs and butts when I’m watching TV with my wife, but lately, while we are watching the singing show, she keeps pointing them out and noticing that during this contestant they are nicely pushed up, and then the next contestant I’m forced to notice that they have become saggy and droopy. I try to get analytical with her, saying that since they are in the pre-taped portion of the show maybe the producers don’t necessarily show the contestants in the order they appeared during tryouts, and that the “saggy” times were later in the day, but she can’t help herself, and will even force me to rewind the DVR to pay closer attention.

I’m sure Christina’s ever-changing boobs could be turned into a drinking game – a sip when they are pushed up and a chug when you wonder if it’s time she had a boob-lift, and maybe, when the live shows start, you drink the entire bottle if there is actual nip-slippage, but the thing is we won’t be able to analyze them after this year as it’s been announced that next year Christina and Cee Lo will be replaced by Shakira and Usher. So get that boob-analysis done now because next year they get a little bit smaller with Shakira, and for now now I plight: Are you fascinated with Christina Aguilera’s boobies on “The Voice?”

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Can You Dance “Gangnam Style?”

It’s sweeping the world, and coming to wedding receptions near you, but the latest “Will we ever hear from this singer, again?” is Psy, and his hit, “Gangnam Style.” It’s a Korean song, in case you haven’t heard nor seen it before, it’s catchy, and it’s got a very funny moment, well, actually a lot of funny moments during the video, but for me the kicker is around the 1:50 mark in the elevator.

Psy, the singer-dude, is everywhere, and smartly so when something like this goes viral because you may never again get the chance to find yourself at a Los Angeles Dodger’s game, on Ellen DeGeneres, getting a spot on The Today Show, and even finding yourself on Saturday Night Live all in the span of a couple of weeks, and much like Rebecca Black (remember her, she did the “Friday” song), we may never hear from Psy again, although parodies of his video will live in the internet forever.

The dance Psy does during “Gangnam Style” is kind of disjointed, yet funny, and you can probably throw out a hip if you try to do it as an older person, and seemingly not as structured as an “Electric Slide,” I can see the wedding DJ’s now trying to get the revelers to dance “Gangnam Style.” Which leads me to my plight: Can you dance “Gangnam Style?”

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

Does Jay Pharoah Play a Good Barack Obama on SNL?

I don’t know why I give it a chance every week, but I still watch Saturday Night Live. I generally don’t watch it live, usually it’s on Sunday, which does give the ability to skip over crappy sketches, but oddly I generally don’t skip over them, somehow hoping they will eventually get funny. They rarely do, and usually I just shake my head wondering how a sketch that had a little promise at the beginning of it could seemingly drag on and on until the sketch turns into utter boredom. Yesterday marked the return of the SNL season with Seth Macfarlane as host, and as a person who likes a good Family Guy episode and finds Seth’s humor on par with mine, I had high hopes. Also, generally liking the impressions Jay Pharoah does, the announcement that he was going to play President Barack Obama had me jointly excited. Hooray, Saturday Night Live was back for a new season!

Then, so much for “Hooray.”

Yup, Jay is up there doing his Obama impression, and I actually longed for Fred Armisen. I don’t know if it was the bad joke writing (and I’m sorry, but SNL writers you’ve had an entire summer to think up funny stuff, and I’m always amazed the first episode of the season usually falls flat, but I digress) or just Jay needs a ton of refinement (again, all summer to get it right – come on!), but the new season was not off to a good start. I’m not going to go into how I only enjoyed two sketches (the commercial bashing Mitt Romney and Bain Capital, as well as the sketch poking fun at Gangnam Style complete with surprise guest Psy), was perplexed by musical guest Frank Ocean singing his, um, hit, “Thinking About You” with disjointed lyrics including “Got a fighter jet, I don’t get fly it though,” and I can generally appreciate any music, but I was lost. Weekend Update was a little flat, and, oh hell, I just wanted the episode to end yet didn’t hit the fast-forward button, in constant hope of “This will be the sketch to bring it back.” It never came back.

And so, as most of the sketches will probably be lost into the oblivion, I have a feeling Jay Pharoah coming back as Obama will be a regular feature, especially in this election season. I’m hoping he gets better, but right now I plight: Does Jay Pharoah play a good Barack Obama on SNL?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!