Andy Wonders Archives - Page 8 of 19

Are You a Speakerphone Person?

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Let me come right out and say that I’m not a speakerphone kind of guy. I don’t like using them, I don’t like being on the receiving end where the other person is on a speakerphone, and I guess this may translate poorly into the future when video phone calls might end up being a norm (which will suck even worse). Sure, I know in the car we are all supposed to be hands-free, which is supposedly better for safety (don’t even get me started on this rant), and I do my best to use my car’s speakerphone, but in the end I always find the calls disjointed, they never seem to be that clear, and the other day, when I was in an office, someone in a cubicle was on a speakerphone and it was just annoying as the speakerphone person always seem to think they need to talk a little louder, thereby annoying those around them, while the person on the other end probably forgets they are on the other side of the speakerphone, thereby their side of the conversation is being broadcast to the rest of this dude’s office.

Me, I prefer the old handset to the ear kind of thing, although the old days were a little easier when you could cradle the handset between your ear and your shoulder thus giving you handsfree-ness that still sounded great. With phones so small and thin this process has become increasingly difficult until we evolve as a species with our heads at 90 degree angles, or the phones implanted into our ears, so until then I guess we have to live with a crooked neck, or the speakerphone.

Remember if you are on the other side of a speakerphone call that you don’t know who might be listening, and I plight: Are you a speakerphone person?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do You Notice Floss Thingies a Lot?

They’re called “Dental Floss Picks” on the Oral B website, or as I call them, “Floss Thingies,” or as I also call them, “gross litter.” The confusing thing about the Oral B site is that in the top paragraph they discuss how floss picks are a great alternative to dental floss, that they are easier to use to floss your back teeth instead of wrapping dental floss around your fingers, and that “there’s a bonus—the other end of a floss pick features a small plastic pick that can be used instead of a wooden toothpick to remove large food particles that can get caught along the gum line or between the teeth.” But then, as if to contradict itself, at the end of the page, under “Avoid Using Toothpicks,” it states, “Don’t use a toothpick to clean your teeth. Despite the name, a toothpick is not designed for dental cleaning, and it could break off and become stuck between your teeth”

I’m not sure why I ended up on that little rant about floss picks, or at least my analysis of the Oral B website, but what I do know is that I somehow have a knack of spotting those little floss picks everywhere, and it really grosses me out. Sure, I’m all for the benefit of flossing your teeth, my mom flossed her teeth all of her life and in a testament to good oral hygiene had her full set of teeth when she died, but what confuses me at times is the proliferation of the litter that is caused by the floss picks, and my ability to spot them. I guess I also don’t realize that they are so popular, which is probably good for the floss pick industry and making dentists happy, but seriously, are you that person who, in a random parking lot at a day care center, at the post office, at the gas station, at the Wal Mart, decides “I have some food in my teeth” or “I feel the need to floss right now” and pull out the floss pick, do some cleaning that will help promote healthier teeth and gums, and then decide “What am I going to do with this dental pick? I know, I’m going to toss it on the ground so that The Dude on the Right can be grossed out!”

Maybe I need to look up more instead of down at my feet, and sure this plight could have simply been about if you are a dental pick user, but as I saw one the other day on the ground at the post office, I couldn’t help but plight: Do you notice floss thingies a lot?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

How’s Your Football Team Doing?

It’s hard to believe. My how the year flies by. There’s no looking back. Time flies when you’re having fun. Where has the year gone?

I guess I could throw out a few more cliches about how we look back and suddenly realize a year, season, month, day, hour has gone by, but I did just that the other day thinking about this football season. I know, it’s a little weird in respect to a football season, but as it’s past the middle of October, and I was thinking about it, the NFL regular season is nearly half over. Sure, there are the playoffs and Super Bowl that extend things another month or so, but here we are, past week seven of the 17 week/16 game season, and I’m at a weird point of still being half wrapped-up into my teams, and half thinking they’ve both got no chance to make my football season continue into the playoffs.

My teams are the Cleveland Browns and the Chicago Bears. I’ve got the Browns because I grew up in Lorain, OH, just outside of Cleveland, and I’ve got the Bears because I’ve now lived in the Chicago area longer than I lived in Ohio. Both teams show flashes of goodness, and then, just when hopes get a little higher, both teams show a blast of reality, especially after the past weekend with Jay Cutler confirming he has a groin, and the Browns confirming they don’t have a quarterback. The thing is, depending on the next run of about five games moves on, I may be at a very weird position of not knowing which team to cheer on as, and it doesn’t happen that often in the regular season, the Bears play the Browns on December 15th in a game that just might have playoff implications for both teams, although, by then, both teams may have achieved total suckiness, thereby making the game just another December football game to watch because, well, they are your team, and you watch them until the end of the season.

My teams are both teetering at this stage of the season, but I’m just wondering how your team is doing, and so I plight: How’s your football team doing?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Are you paying attention to the MLB baseball playoffs?

Yes, I know, the title of this plight technically reads “Are you paying attention to the Major League Baseball baseball playoffs?”, but much like going to the ATM machine is redundant, it just reads a little better. In any case, it wasn’t until yesterday when I went to turn on “The X Factor,” and I know, I’m probably one of about ten people still watching the show, but there it was, the MLB playoffs. I’m not really sure what teams were playing because, as you might be able to guess, I haven’t been paying attention to baseball much this year. Sure, there was a little interest as the Cleveland Indians were teasing Tribe fans with a potential playoff run, only to lose in the wild-card game, and Lord knows the Cubs and White Sox are on the road to, well, suckiness right now, but football is here, my Cleveland Browns were surprising people until reality set in, and the Chicago Bears keep showing glimpses of busting out, only to relapse back into Chicago sports suckiness again.

Yet, there they are, going on, the MLB playoffs, interrupting my Simon Cowell fix and my continually complaining to my wife how I can’t stand Paulina Rubio on “The X Factor,” how she comes off as a bad Shakira ripoff from “The Voice,” and how I’m betting the boy competitors are pissed she is their mentor. As it stands I totally forgot about baseball until I tried to watch something else, and so I plight: Are you paying attention to the MLB baseball playoffs?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do You Prefer Your Cereal Soggy or Crunchy?

Count Chocula at the local Meijer. As I poured the last of my stash of Count Chocula into the bowl, I was surprised to realize I didn’t stock up as much as I did in previous years, where I have been known to wipe out the shelves of my local store in order to be able to enjoy the chocolaty goodness for months and months. As much as I would say it’s probably better that I switch back to Cheerios (though only marginally, especially when it comes to Honey Nut Cheerios), or maybe even an egg and some grainy bread, there is something about eating what is supposed to be a children’s cereal that helps me continue to feel like I’m 12.

It’s kind of weird, though, how food preferences, or maybe I should say something like food preparation preferences can change, as I used to be a fan of the soggy cereal. I would soak it in a bath of milk, not be afraid to let it set on the counter or table and soak up the milky goodness, and then barely have to chew in order to swallow whatever sugary mix of “health” was now in my bowl. Oddly enough, as I’ve gotten older, my choice has changed, as this morning with my last bowl of The Count, I put barely a splash of milk in the bowl and did my best to eat my breakfast quickly so the bats and squishy marshmallows didn’t become a gooey mess. Somehow I’ve switched from a soggy to a crunchy cereal kind of guy.

And so, with my Halloween celebrating officially done (Okay, I might pick up another box or two of the Monster Cereal while they’re still available), I plight: Do you prefer your cereal soggy or crunchy?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do You Think Warren Buffet Would Start a Chain Letter?

It’s been going around for years, at least in some version, and it starts something like, “Warren Buffet is asking each addressee to forward this email to a minimum of twenty people on their address list…”, and then there is the text of a purported, proposed Constitutional Amendment asking for Congressional reform.

This email goes around and then gets forwarded by lots of people on Facebook just about every time our wonderful members of Congress seem to get their panties all in a bunch and can’t seem to agree, or get along, or get work done. There is a lot of finger-pointing, a bunch of name-calling, and along with that a lot of people complaining about congress, wanting something done, and then forgetting the mess come election time. This time it’s going around thanks to the government shutdown, the closing of memorials so even Veterans can’t visit, and the impending “hitting the debt ceiling” which seems to come around every year lately.

The thing is people seem to have a short memory as this email, according to Snopes, has been circulating in one form or another since 2009, and then enhanced when yes, Warren Buffet did do an interview on CNBC commenting about how members of Congress should be ineligible for re-election when there is a deficit problem. The thing is, since the Buffet quote about the 3% deficit problem is technically true, Snopes lists the quote as “True”, but I’m going to guess most people fail to read the rest of the Snopes analysis detailing the falseness with the rest of the email, and the supplemental link to the deconstructing of the proposed amendment and most importantly, whether or not Warren Buffet asked people to share the email.

I used to tell people when they forward things that they are fake, or partially fake in this case, but most of the times they just seem mad that I corrected them, sometimes write back something like “Well, he should have said this.”, or just don’t care, so I’ve pretty much tried to stop the urge to tell people to stop forwarding things that aren’t true. I was going to plight more along the lines of “Do you care if you send emails that aren’t true?”, but I’ve found most people don’t care, so instead I’m going with “Do you think Warren Buffet would start a chain letter?”

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Has a Music Video Ever Ruined a Song for You?

This plight makes me admit a few things I don’t know if I really want to out here on the internet. First off I’m a fan of girl pop music. Yes, I’ve been a Deborah Gibson fan back when she was Debbie, like me some Avril Lavigne, and yes, you can catch me singing some Miley Cyrus every now and then. Miley Cyrus’ latest “in the spotlight” escapades aside, I’m usually able to separate the crazy from the music, and for whatever reason I’ve been liking her song “Wrecking Ball” that has been hitting the airwaves, not to be confused with the Bruce Springsteen anthem, “Wrecking Ball.” The Miley song is catchy, in that girl pop kind of way, and then there was talk about the video, how Miley gets naked, and this, that, and the other thing. Not really caring that much, and with MTV not airing videos anymore, I didn’t really try to search it out.

Then the other morning I was up early, popped the Vevo (The go-to place for music videos now) on, and decided I would catch up with some music video watching while I was doing some writing. There on the menu was the Miley Cyrus “Wrecking Ball” video. Deciding I should see what all of the hubbub was about I decided to watch it, and I have to say I don’t know if I can listen to the song anymore as I think the video ruined the song for me.

Sure, Miley was in her short hair (which I don’t like), in underwear, and sometimes naked, in a video with a wrecking ball and a sledge hammer, and she’s slithering around, which is fine. Then she starts that creepy “tongue sticking out” thing that had grossed everyone out when she was on the VMA’s, and this weird sneer thing is going on as well. I know I’m an older dude now, and maybe I’m slowly losing touch with the youngins, but the entire video just creeped me out, and her prancing around in her underwear just didn’t come off sexy at all. That and the fact that it’s just a crappy music video for a song that actually had some potential to make a decent music video.

The bummer part now is that whenever the song comes on the radio all I’m going to think of is Miley, with that tongue, licking the wrecking ball. Sure, she needs to grow up and out of her Hannah Montana persona, but hopefully she’ll get over this phase quickly, or stop making videos, or else I’m going to have to turn to radio station so the image doesn’t make me want to throw up a little bit in my mouth. I’m also worried that she has the potential to now ruin Saturday Night Live for me, as she’s hosting and singing, and if there is a lot of tongue wagging I have a feeling I won’t be able to watch. Miley, please stop with the tongue!

With the song “Wrecking Ball” now ruined by a slithering Miley and her tongue (an hopefully not Saturday Night Live this weekend), I’m plighting: Has a music video ever ruined a song for you?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do You Button the Top Button When You Hang Up a Dress Shirt?

It’s funny to me how some things stick with me for all of my life. Buttoning my top bottom when I hang up my dress shirts is one of those things.

It started when I was young. I went to Catholic school, and like most had a slew of mostly white dress shirts in my closet. Now I’m not totally sure on this stage of things, however, I do know my mom did the laundry, but I think I was in charge of putting my clothes away when she was done, i.e., hanging shirts in the closet, putting things in the drawers, etc. I also had an Aunt Marcella Mattey, to us Aunt Marce. She was a business woman who at one time owned the Amherst Cinema in Amherst, Ohio with my Uncle John. She was also nit-picky about cleanliness. I know she would, at times, inspect my room, and it’d better be clean or else I would catch holy-hell for it. At one time, however, she looked in my closet and at this point in time I was probably like most kids who just threw my dress shirts on a hanger. She was not pleased. She pointed out that when I hang my dress shirts I should always button the top button. Why? To help keep the collar neat when you put the shirt on and don’t wear a tie. She pointed out that otherwise the collar flops down, and you don’t look prim and proper.

Ever since that day I, when I hang freshly washed dress shirts, I button the top button.

“What, in God’s name, made you think of this plight?” you may want to ask me. Well, the other day my wife hung up my dress shirts, and low and behold she is in the habit of buttoning the second button and not the top button. Further low and behold, I pulled out a shirt to put it on, and sure enough the collar flopped down and wasn’t neat. As I pointed out to her, the collar flops down like a woman’s collar, so I did my best to tactfully thank her for hanging my shirts, but tried to nicely point out that should she do it again, to please button the top button.

Funny, just about every time I go to hang my shirts, and button that top button, I think of my Aunt Marce, and thank her for doing her best to keep me neat and looking good. And maybe this is more of a plight for the men than the women, but: Do you button the top button when you hang up a dress shirt?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do You Think the Jimmy Kimmel / Kanye West Twitter Fight was Fake?

It wasn’t but a few weeks ago that Jimmy Kimmel made news by it being discovered he was the perpetrator of the “Twerking FAIL” video where a girl catches on fire in her room when she is twerking against her door. Then, the other day, Jimmy Kimmel hits the news again for a “Twitter War” with Kanye West, started seemingly when Kanye was upset with Jimmy’s spoofing of an interview Kanye had with the BBC. In his spoof Jimmy used little kids in the places of Kanye and the interview dude, complete with milkshakes. Suddenly Kanye tweets his displeasure with him and how Sarah Silverman is funnier than Jimmy, much to the pleasure of Kimmel who was now able to use this for more witty banter on his show.

Lost in the Twitter war is a tweet by Phil Rosenthal of the Chicago Tribune pointing out that there was a new, latenight boss at ABC, who just so happened to be the same guy who “shepherded the Kardashians at E!,” and in case you’ve been living under a rock, Kanye West happens to be involved with one of those Kardashian girls. In case you don’t know his writing, Phil Rosenthal is now doing business reporting for the Tribune, but those of us in Chicago remember him also as the head TV critic dude when he was over at the Sun Times (I do miss his TV analysis), and still seems to know quite a bit about the TV industry, so when Phil throws out a hint of “Hmmm? This seems oddly coincidental?” tweet, I’m pretty much on board with Phil.

The more I analyzed the Kanye tweets, and Kimmel’s response, the more I’m trusting Phil as it appears another likely Jimmy Kimmel media manipulation seems to be at play.

I’m with Phil calling this a bogus “Twitter War,” although it’s still kind of funny, but with that I plight: Do you think the Jimmy Kimmel / Kanye West twitter fight was fake?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do you climb on your counters to get to upper cabinets?

This plight was actually inspired weeks ago, but came back to me yesterday in the bathroom. You see, a few weeks ago I was looking for something in our kitchen cabinets. I think it was noodles, or maybe balsamic vinegar, but that’s not important. What is important is that I couldn’t find it on the lower shelves, and thought it might be on the top shelf. Now, mind you, a step-stool is probably a mere twenty steps away from me at this time, and the choice is in my head, “Walk over, get the step stool, set up the step stool, climb up the step stool, look on the top shelves, find stuff, climb down, put the step stool away,” or “Get your fat-ass on top of the counter and look on the top shelf.” I opted for the latter, and reminded myself of when I was about eight years old and liked to climb on the cabinets.

And so, yesterday, I’m in the bathroom, and there, on the wall near the ceiling, was a spider. Again, a step stool was a mere few steps away, but time was of the essence as I knew by the time I got the stool and came back, there was a high level of chance the spider would be gone. Alas, there I was, climbing on the bathroom counter and securing said spider, to release him in the wild so he could be free.

Call it laziness, call it expediency, or call it trying to connect with my eight-year old self again, but lately, given the choice of getting the step stool or climbing on the counter, I’m climbing on the counter. And so I plight: Do you climb on your counters to get to upper cabinets?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!