Driven

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:56 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Driven
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Burt Reynolds, Kip Pardue, Til Schweiger, Gina Gershon
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Warner Bros.
Release Date: 2001
Directed By: Renny Harlin

No, you’re not seeing things. That is Sylvester Stallone in that racing helmet. I know, I didn’t believe it either, and when I heard he was going to be doing a race car movie I figured there wouldn’t be much that would make me want to see the film, and then I read two words – Gina Gershon. No matter what the movie it can’t be that bad as long as she’s in it, and hopefully it will be rated R and she gets naked.

Anyway, the story looks like your typical race car story: New guy comes on the scene and learns from the old guy how to be truly great. Toss in a love story or a dude stealing another dude’s girl and you’ve got “explosive action mixed with compelling drama.” Blah, blah, blah.

The racing scenes in the trailer do look pretty kick-ass as I’m sure things have progressed a lot camera-wise since “Days of Thunder,” and even though it’s written by Stallone, I keep reminding myself that he did write “Rocky.”

Sometimes Stallone is fabulous (“Rocky,” “Cop Land”), sometimes not so fabulous (too many to list), so it’s a toss-up on the excitement to see this film. But, there is the Gina Gershon factor so you can rest assured I’ll see it anyway.

The Dudes of Hazzard

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:46 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

The Dukes of Hazzard
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Seann William Scott, Johnny Knoxville, Jessica Simpson, Willie Nelson, Burt Reynolds
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Warner Bros.
Release Date: 2005
Kiddie Movie: There’s some insinuated smoking of the wacky weed and naughty outfits. Leave them at home.
Date Movie: Only if you want her to leave you.
Gratuitous Sex: Just lots of skimpy outfits.
Gratuitous Violence: Some punching and shooting going on, but no one gets killed.
Action: Lots of car chasing, but then what did you expect?
Laughs: Mostly chuckles or groans.
Memorable Scene: Nothing really stands out although the outtakes were kinda funny.
Memorable Quote: During the outtakes: “Every time I look at her titties…”
Directed By: Jay Chandrasekhar

Dammit, I hate being so easily amused. I’m not saying that because of that I’m going to recommend “The Dukes of Hazzard,” ah hell no, even though I did get a good chuckle, but before you hand over your hard earned cash for a ticket for this flick, you’d better be doing so expecting some pretty bad dialogue that might make you laugh or groan, you won’t see nearly as much of Jessica Simpson as you figured you might have, and expect an hour and a half movie that could have been turned into your standard one hour episode.

The basic story goes like this…

Bo and Luke Duke return to the screen, this time played by Stiffler and Jackass. Okay, I’m sorry, that joke is too easy. Seann William Scott plays Bo and Johnny Knoxville plays Luke. They’re running moonshine for Uncle Jessie (Willie Nelson), usually one step ahead of the Sheriff, and always messing with the plans of Boss Hogg, this time played by Burt Reynolds. As this story goes, the Duke boys can’t figure out why one of the town’s most famous sons has returned to race again in their little road race, nor why Boss Hogg is going around planting problems on farms so that the county can confiscate them, including Uncle Jessie’s farm. So it’s up to our heroes, along with Daisy (Jessica Simpson), to figure out what is going on, and of course, to save the day with only seconds to spare. In doing so they wreak havoc with a safe, make their way to Atlanta to get some soil samples studied, hook-up with some college girls, and piss of the neighborhood gang members with their car sporting the Confederate Flag and soot covered faces (yes, that is the kind of humor you can expect).

This movie isn’t rocket science, isn’t meant to win any awards, and pretty much has as cheesy a story as one of the television episodes that I barely remember. The dialogue is pretty inane, the car chases don’t really break any new ground, but for some reason I actually liked Scott’s and Knoxville’s portrayal of the loveable Bo and Luke Duke. Sure, they turn this movie a little more risqué, complete with college girls in skimpy outfits, some bong usage with said college girls, and some smoking of something with the Governor, but hell, it’s not 1980 anymore.

I will agree with most critics and say this movie is pretty useless, but I did laugh a little. In the end I’ll give it 1 ½ stars out of 5. The teens around me seemed to find it funnier, and I am easily amused, so take what I say with a grain of salt. You will get exactly the dorky movie you probably expect if you go and see “The Dukes of Hazzard,” so just sit back and enjoy that.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!