Tag: Kevin Smith

Dogma

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:08 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Dogma
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Linda Fiorentino, Salma Hayek, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith, Chris Rock
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Columbia/Tristar Home Video
Release Date: 1999
Kiddie Movie: Nope, lots of swearing.
Date Movie: She might find it funny or maybe just find it disturbing.
Gratuitous Sex: Nah.
Gratuitous Violence: They don’t show it, but it’s hinted at.
Action: Not really.
Laughs: Lots.
Memorable Scene: Rufus falling out of the sky and Silent Bob’s facial expressions.
Memorable Quote: Two quotes by Jay: “Snootch to the motherfuckin’ nootch!” & “Beautiful, naked, big-tittied women just don’t fall out of the sky you know.”
Directed By: Kevin Smith

I don’t know why but “Dogma” is quickly becoming one of my favorite videos to watch or movies to watch for on cable. Maybe it’s the way they question religious beliefs, maybe it’s the subtle jokes, or maybe it’s because they bust on the platypus. In any case, as long as you can keep an open mind about religion, well, “Dogma” might just be a movie for you.

Opening with a disclaimer that the movie is fictitious and should be taken as a comedy, Silent Bob (Kevin Smith) and Jay (Jason Mewes), joined by the 13th apostle, Rufus (Chris Rock) help Bethany (Linda Fiorentino) make her way to New Jersey to stop two banished angels, Loki and Bartleby (Matt Damen and Ben Affleck) from entering a church and negating all of existence. How can entering a church end existence? Well, it seems the Pope has decreed, in conjunction with the New Jersey church’s anniversary, that all who pass through the church doors get their sins forgiven. Loki and Bartleby, who have been banished by God from Heaven for eternity, could find their way back into heaven if they walk through the church doors. This would make God fallible and thus end existence as we know it. Alright, my explanation isn’t the greatest, but Bartleby does a better job explaining it to Loki, and they begin their journey to the Garden State.

So it’s a race against time to stop Bartleby and Loki, and Bethany and her entourage aren’t without their difficulties getting to Jersey. There’s a run-in with a shit demon, Jay constantly trying to get in Bethany’s pants, Bethany questioning why she is chosen to stop the angels, and Azrael and his goons trying to stop Bethany because he wants existence to end.

Like I said before, “Dogma” is at its best on many levels, from Loki’s conversation with a nun resulting in her wondering what she is doing with her life, to the Rufus’ dilemma of not being in the bible because, well, he is a black man, to Alanis Morrissette playing God, and portraying God as kinda, well, a ditz. This movie isn’t to be taken seriously, but it may make you wonder if Mary did have sex with Joseph after Jesus was born because, as Rufus explains, “Do you really think he would have stayed married to her for all those years if he wasn’t getting laid?”

I didn’t see “Dogma” in the theater so I can’t say which place might be a better venue to see it, but it is nice to be able to pause and rewind to go back and catch a joke or two you might have missed in the theater. That and the fact that the DVD subtitles helped me figure out one of my favorite lines, only because it still doesn’t make sense to me, “Snootch to the motherfuckin’ nootch!” I give Dogma 4½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Clerks II

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:38 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Clerks II
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Brian O’Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Rosario Dawson, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith, Trevor Fehrman, Jennifer Schwalbach Smith, Kevin Weisman
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: The Weinstein Company
Release Date: 2006
Kiddie Movie: For the hope of mankind, please keep the kids at home 🙂
Date Movie: If she gets this type of humor.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots of talk and an almost boob shot.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Only if you can appreciate them.
Memorable Scene: One had me laughing uncontrollably. I can’t explain it.
Memorable Quote: There are way too many quotes that made me laugh.
Directed By: Kevin Smith

Here’s the problem I have with writing this review: If you didn’t see “Clerks” because it was in black & white, saw “Jersey Girl” because you are a big J-Lo fan, or went to see “Dogma” because you heard it was an interesting take on religion but found yourself appalled when the good Cardinal Glick introduced “The Buddy Christ,” I have no way to convince you to go and see “Clerks II” because the only way to do so would be to give away too many of the jokes. And then you still might not go see it because if I gave one of the jokes away, one that I nearly ended up rolling on the floor with laughter, you might wonder what was wrong with me, and tell me I need sensitivity training, and not my niece (this might sound cryptic, but if you are one of our podcast subscribers, you might understand). In any case, let’s at least start with the a quick look at the story…

Dante (Brian O’Halloran) and Randal (Jeff Anderson) are back. Sadly for Dante, well, Randal left the coffeepot on again at the Quick Stop and a fire ensued, leaving our duo working at the local Mooby’s fast-food joint. Dante, though, has found love in the likes of Emma (Jennifer Schwalbach), and she has set him up with what will be a new house, a better job, and no more New Jersey if Dante marries her and moves near her parents down in Florida. Randal is none too pleased with Dante’s plans for advancement, especially since he loses his best friend in the process. Meanwhile, Jay (Jason Mewes), sporting a way-cool “got Christ” t-shirt, and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith), back from rehab, find themselves now camped outside the Mooby restaurant, still selling pot, with Silent Bob trying to keep Jay from being bored so he doesn’t stray back to the world of getting high on his own supply.

With that simple story synopsis you might think Dante’s life is finally on the right track, or at least on a track to get him to be a grown-up, but enter Becky (the ever-cute Rosario Dawson). She’s the manager of the Mooby’s. Randal suspects something more is going on between Dante and Becky, but both of them keep insisting they are just “good friends.” And then all of the stories come out in the open: Emma is none-too pleased with what she finds out; Kinky Kelly and a donkey, well; Elias (Trevor Fehrman), a co-worker at Mooby’s obsessed with “The Lord of the Rings” and the upcoming “Transformers” movie (although I still can’t understand all of the slams about “Transformers” because that was one of the best television cartoon series’ in the late eighties, but I’m sorry, I digress), Elias also, is involved with a ‘well’-moment; And well, all of a sudden Dante realizes he called 9-1-1 and forgot to cancel the alarm. It is now time for enlightening thoughts about love, friendship, slight wealth, and who gets in how much trouble when donkey love is arrested.

That story synopsis might sound slightly convoluted, but for those of you who are Kevin Smith fans and haven’t seen the movie yet, I think most of it makes sense. But I will say this, “Clerks II” is not for the easily offended, whether it is about sex talk, politically incorrect talk, and sex talk. Yup, that’s right, I said “sex talk” twice, because there is a lot of it in this film, and most of it funny if you aren’t uptight.

This movie might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it is definitely my cup of tea. It mixes my life in the land of the easily amused with the life of someone who loves a great argument about which is better, “Star Wars” or “The Lord of the Rings,” (I’m on the “Star Wars’” side), even though I am looking forward to the “Transformers” movie, for reasons I can’t go into here.

I absolutely loved this movie, even with the sentimental stuff that creeped in, mostly because it worked all-around, and Jay was there to break up the sentimental with the funny. Some might not like the sentimental, but a lot of us have grown since the original “Clerks” came out some twelve years ago. Sometimes our heroes from twelve years ago have to grow up, too. Just not too much, thank Alanis.

For me it’s 5 stars out of 5. One scene alone was worth 3 ½ stars because I haven’t been able to stop laughing that much during a movie in a long time, and the rest was just gravy. I only have a couple of regrets about this movie: One is that I failed to major in “Speed-Reading” in college because towards the end of the credits there seemed to be a lot of funny “Thank You’s” that I missed (I suppose I’ll have to wait for the DVD and put it in “slow-motion” to catch them all) as they scrolled by; The other is that I never set up a MySpace page and added myself as a friend of “Clerks II” so I could be listed in the credits of a major motion picture. It would have been pretty cool to see “The Dude on the Right,” or maybe “Entertainment Ave!”, or maybe “entertainmentavenue.com”, or maybe “e-ave.com”, or maybe Andrew LaXXX. In any case, it would have been cool to actually wait through all of the credit and see my MySpace name scrolling through. I can’t believe I didn’t pay enough attention to setting up a MySpace page, and getting it linked to “Clerks II.” Even my sister, and my niece, have a MySpace page.

Enough lamenting, if you want funny, and aren’t easily offended, see this Alanis Damn Movie!

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Chasing Amy

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:51 Long
A Review by:
– Stu Gotz

Chasing Amy
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Ben Affleck, Joey Lauren Adams, Jason Lee, Dwight Ewell, Jason Mewes
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Miramax Films
Release Date: 1997
Kiddie Movie: Way over the heads of anyone not at least in high school and even then it could be a stretch.
Date Movie: Not if there are romantic or sexual complications in your relationship. Trust me on this one!
Gratuitous Sex: Just some heavy smooching between girls.
Gratuitous Violence: Nope.
Action: Not really.
Laughs: I almost pissed myself.
Memorable Scene: I really liked it when Banky was asking a ton of questions about the whole lesbian love thing between Alyssa and her lover. The guy has no shame and a huge set of balls to be posing the questions how he does. Very funny!
Memorable Quote: Too many to list.
Directed By: Kevin Smith

The movie’s premise was simply put to me “it’s a romantic comedy where a geeky cartoonist falls in love with a lesbian.” “Hmmm. . .” I thought, “A romantic comedy with lesbians. Has potential.” Then when I found out who wrote it, well, “Chasing Amy” rose to the top of my “must see” list.

“Chasing Amy” was written a directed by Kevin Smith of “Clerks” fame and “Mallrats” flame (as in disaster). I loved the dime budgeted “Clerks” and actually was one of the few people who didn’t demand an apology from Kevin for “Mallrats.” I think Kevin learned a lot from his poorly received second movie and it shows in this, the third installment of his “Jersey” trilogy. What I think he learned is that he is best at writing witty and sharp dialog between characters and that he doesn’t need big sets, stunts, or good acting to get his point across. Basically, in “Chasing Amy,” Kevin concentrated on what his characters would say and how they would react. When his characters do speak and react it doesn’t come off as being contrived or “Hollywood Cookbook” dialog mishmash. What I’m trying to say is that the movie feels real.

So we know the movie is about a dork falling in love with a dyke and we can all assume there will be turmoil there from, right? Right. But the movie is so much more. I don’t want to over analyze this thing, however, the movie really does do a great job of bringing out romantic and friendship emotional issues in a way that’s not dull and often funny.

Here’s how it breaks down. Holden (Ben Affleck) and Banky (Jason Lee) are life long friends that have found success together as the comic artist team for “Bluntman and Chronic” (which is a loose spoof and interpretation of their old friends Jay and Silent Bob from Jersey). All is going well for the artistic duo until Holden falls for a cartoon artist he meets at a trade show. Alyssa Jones (Joey Adams) is a talented blonde knock-out with a thing for girls. Banky realizes this is a love that cannot be, and tries to save his buddy from heartache, but Holden won’t accept that. He pursues Alyssa nonetheless under the false pretense of friendship. As you might expect things come to a head, Holden bares his soul, Alyssa freaks out, and the two fall in love. HUH?!? I thought she was gay. I guess she, and the movie so quaintly puts it, “just needed some dick.” All is going well until Banky tries to bridge the gap created by Alyssa by digging up some dirt on her, and boy does he find some ugly shit! This shit he finds is so ugly that Holden foolishly thinks he can’t live with it. Remember in “Clerks” how Dante couldn’t deal with the fact that his girlfriend had sucked 36 cocks before his? Well Holden takes that feeling to the 10th power, and there ends the romance and the artistic duo’s friendship too in somewhat of an unexpected confrontational ending (I won’t give it away). So sad.

So what is the lesson we are supposed to learn? Well, aside from the fact that females are evil I think Kevin wants to say that the past is just that and in a relationship look to the future. Ohhh, how sweet. “Chasing Amy” is not a hugely romantic comedy and has some mixed acting, but nonetheless it is a movie I would recommend seeing for its dialog and creative character scenarios. In my mind “Clerks” is still an edgier movie, but “Chasing Amy” is a close second. I liked “Chasing Amy” and I give it 4 out of 5 stars and I’m Stu Gotz. ’nuff said.