Tag: movie reviews

The Dudes of Hazzard

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:46 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Dukes of Hazzard
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Seann William Scott, Johnny Knoxville, Jessica Simpson, Willie Nelson, Burt Reynolds
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Warner Bros.
Release Date: 2005
Kiddie Movie: There’s some insinuated smoking of the wacky weed and naughty outfits. Leave them at home.
Date Movie: Only if you want her to leave you.
Gratuitous Sex: Just lots of skimpy outfits.
Gratuitous Violence: Some punching and shooting going on, but no one gets killed.
Action: Lots of car chasing, but then what did you expect?
Laughs: Mostly chuckles or groans.
Memorable Scene: Nothing really stands out although the outtakes were kinda funny.
Memorable Quote: During the outtakes: “Every time I look at her titties…”
Directed By: Jay Chandrasekhar

Dammit, I hate being so easily amused. I’m not saying that because of that I’m going to recommend “The Dukes of Hazzard,” ah hell no, even though I did get a good chuckle, but before you hand over your hard earned cash for a ticket for this flick, you’d better be doing so expecting some pretty bad dialogue that might make you laugh or groan, you won’t see nearly as much of Jessica Simpson as you figured you might have, and expect an hour and a half movie that could have been turned into your standard one hour episode.

The basic story goes like this…

Bo and Luke Duke return to the screen, this time played by Stiffler and Jackass. Okay, I’m sorry, that joke is too easy. Seann William Scott plays Bo and Johnny Knoxville plays Luke. They’re running moonshine for Uncle Jessie (Willie Nelson), usually one step ahead of the Sheriff, and always messing with the plans of Boss Hogg, this time played by Burt Reynolds. As this story goes, the Duke boys can’t figure out why one of the town’s most famous sons has returned to race again in their little road race, nor why Boss Hogg is going around planting problems on farms so that the county can confiscate them, including Uncle Jessie’s farm. So it’s up to our heroes, along with Daisy (Jessica Simpson), to figure out what is going on, and of course, to save the day with only seconds to spare. In doing so they wreak havoc with a safe, make their way to Atlanta to get some soil samples studied, hook-up with some college girls, and piss of the neighborhood gang members with their car sporting the Confederate Flag and soot covered faces (yes, that is the kind of humor you can expect).

This movie isn’t rocket science, isn’t meant to win any awards, and pretty much has as cheesy a story as one of the television episodes that I barely remember. The dialogue is pretty inane, the car chases don’t really break any new ground, but for some reason I actually liked Scott’s and Knoxville’s portrayal of the loveable Bo and Luke Duke. Sure, they turn this movie a little more risqué, complete with college girls in skimpy outfits, some bong usage with said college girls, and some smoking of something with the Governor, but hell, it’s not 1980 anymore.

I will agree with most critics and say this movie is pretty useless, but I did laugh a little. In the end I’ll give it 1 ½ stars out of 5. The teens around me seemed to find it funnier, and I am easily amused, so take what I say with a grain of salt. You will get exactly the dorky movie you probably expect if you go and see “The Dukes of Hazzard,” so just sit back and enjoy that.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Dragonfly

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:32 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Dragonfly
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Kevin Costner, Susanna Thompson, Kathy Bates, Joe Morton, Linda Hunt
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 2002
Kiddie Movie: Nah. Leave them at home.
Date Movie: She might get a little scared and grab your arm.
Gratuitous Sex: One kinda sensual scene, but nothing bad, other than some jungle tribe women with their breasts exposed – kinda like National Geographic.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Only as it got dumb.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Tom Shadyac

Dear Movie Promotion People,
Please stop telling me in your ads that this movie “has a surprise ending” that you shouldn’t tell anyone, it will astound you, it will make you inspired, or some other crap like that. You want to know why? Because then I, the person who sees a few too many movies, will be able to ruin the surprise ending myself because of the obvious foreshadowing that most likely will be in the film.

Sincerely,
The Dude on the Right

I try sometimes not to pay attention to the foreshadowing in a movie, but when you tell me there is a surprise ending, it just makes it so much easier to find it. Such was my case with “Dragonfly.”

“Dragonfly” gives us Kevin Costner in another role where we wonder what might have possessed him to take the role. It’s not that it’s a bad role, it’s just that it is a role that doesn’t fit him, nor his acting ability. For this one he is a doctor, Dr. Joe Darrow to be specific, and his wife apparently dies in an avalanche accident in Venezuela. He’s having a pretty hard time with her death, especially with his atheistic ways and the fact that they didn’t find the body, but then things start happening. First we find the connection between Emily (Susanna Thompson), his wife, and the whole dragonfly thing. Now the good doctor has a dragonfly paperweight mysteriously role around in the bedroom, little kids in the hospital cancer ward have messages from Emily to Joe telling him to meet her at the rainbow, only where is this mystical rainbow? Then his parrot goes berserk, the little kids have been making drawings, and yes, eventually the Doc figures out where he should go. I could just go ahead and give the ending away, but I’ll let you go to the movie and see if you can figure it out before it happens just like I was able to do.

The problem with “Dragonfly” isn’t that it is a bad movie, I think it’s just that it tries too hard to push this message of Doctor Joe getting a message from beyond. Other movies have done it subtly, with great success, and the messages from the little kids when they have their near-death experiences is fine, but when the scene comes where Joe starts to pack away Emily’s stuff, then gets distracted by strange noises in the house, then comes back to the room and all of her stuff is back in its original place, it just took the movie to the wrong level and totally tosses out any credibility the movie was trying to have. And that’s too bad.

“Dragonfly” does have some potential, and the ending is touching, but I saw it coming a mile away. Costner does his best to pull of the role, but as the movie became more of a joke than something I could take seriously, well, it was almost too bad his performance was wasted, as well as that of Kathy Bates as his lawyer/neighbor, trying to help Joe through his wife’s death. The movie went for cheap “shock-factor” things, like the little boy, dead on the table, suddenly opening his eyes, and it really didn’t need to because the story was already there.

In the end I’ll give “Dragonfly” 2 ½ stars out of 5. Catch a matinee, or wait for the video, but just don’t expect too much.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Dr. T & The Women

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:02 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Dr. T & The Women
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Richard Gere, Helen Hunt, Farrah Fawcett, Laura Dern, Shelley Long, Kate Hudson, Liv Tyler, Tara Reid
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Artisan Entertainment
Release Date: 2000
Kiddie Movie: Don’t even think about it.
Date Movie: Don’t go with her, let it be a girl’s night out, unless, of course, you want to see Farrah Fawcett’s boobies.
Gratuitous Sex: Farrah shows her boobs, so does Helen, and there’s some sex going on.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: A couple of chuckles.
Memorable Scene: The ending because it sucked.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Robert Altman

Alright, dudes, don’t let your dudette take you to see “Dr. T & The Women.” Period. You will see the glowing reviews, you will think it can’t be that bad, and your dudette will want to see it because it looks cute, has Richard Gere, and you made her see “Remember the Titans.” But don’t let her take you. Suggest she get together with her gal-pals and make an evening of it. Then let her come back home and when you say “How was the movie?” have her lie to you and say it was great. How’s that for an opening paragraph?

I almost looked forward to seeing “Dr. T & The Women.” It looked kinda cute and yea, maybe a chick-flick, but I can get in touch with my sensitive new-millennium side for a couple of hours and get a chuckle, but then I started seeing review ratings from critics who usually don’t find a funny movie funny but think an artsy movie is the funniest thing since sliced bread. They found “Dr. T…” a great film and I wished I had spent my hard-earned dough on “Ladies Man.”

“Dr. T & The Women” revolves around Dr. Travis (Richard Gere). He’s a gynecologist in Dallas with an upscale clientele. Yup, rich bitches. His life is quickly falling apart as his older daughter, Dee Dee (Kate Hudson) is planning her wedding. Bad things start happening to him like his wife (still looking good Farrah Fawcett) stripping naked and dancing in a fountain at the mall then getting institutionalized, his clientele getting even more uppity, bad luck on the hunting excursions, cheating on his wife with Bree (Helen Hunt) – well, maybe that’s not a really bad thing, but anyway, just a lot of crap keeps happening to him. His younger daughter Connie (Tara Reid), can’t deal with the wedding happening, and for very good reason, and his office manager nurse has the hots for him but doesn’t really show it. All is going to hell for Dr. T, and that’s just the beginning.

I won’t waste any more time on the story line because, well, other than his life going to shit there isn’t one. Alright, sure there is if you get all artsy and symbolic and like seeing rich people made fun of, but for me I was just a hodgepodge of too many people around Dr. T. Yes, Richard Gere was good in his role, I generally always love Helen Hunt and liked her in this movie too, and Farrah was great in playing the truly spacey wife, but this movie was so damn over the place that in the end I just didn’t care. And, oh yea, then there is the symbolic ending complete with tornado and baby being born. I didn’t need to see it, it just seemed stupid, and I know Robert Altman is one for symbolism and artistic films, but give me his M*A*S*H any day over “Dr. T & The Women.”

You will either think this movie is great or think this movie sucks. I thought it sucked. I’ll give it a star for the acting, give it a star for Farrah getting buck-naked in a fountain, give it a star for Helen Hunt and her somewhat nude scene, but take away a star for the stupid ending. Altman should have skipped the tornado and had Dr. T drive his ruined convertible off of the bridge because his life just hit the total bottom.

Adding the stars it’s 2 out of 5. This film could have been great, it had so much potential, but a potentially good movie gets fucked up by a director just making it too artsy.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Doctor Dolittle

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:25 Long
A Review by:
– Stu Gotz

Doctor Dolittle
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Eddie Murphy, Ossie Davis, Oliver Platt, Kristen Wilson, and animal voices by Norm MacDonald, Albert Brooks, Ellen DeGeneres, Chris Rock, and more.
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: 20th Century Fox
Release Date: 1998
Kiddie Movie: Too much bathroom humor for the really little one’s.
Date Movie: I took one.
Gratuitous Sex: No. But a lot of jokes around the topic.
Gratuitous Violence: No.
Action: No.
Laughs: I thought so.
Memorable Scene: Norm MacDonald as a dog loosing a thermometer up his butt.
Memorable Quote: Anything that Chris Rock said while playing the part of a Guinea Pig, but “Why do they call me a Guinea Pig? I ain’t Italian, and I ain’t pork” comes to mind.
Directed By: Betty Thomas

If you have fond memories of the classic musical, “Dr. Dolittle,” then you may not like 20th Century Fox’s updated version, in fact I dare say you’ll hate it. In his latest incarnation, Doctor Dolittle (Eddie Murphy) is an uptight, overworked, big city physician about to sell out his practice to an HMO for big bucks. On a particularly hectic day Dr. D. whacks a stray dog and bumps his head on the steering wheel. This awakens a long lost gift of his by which he is able to communicate with animals, a talent which had been dormant in him since childhood. So here is the good Doctor thinking he’s crazy, and pretty soon everyone else does too. But, not to worry, Dr. D. isn’t destined to spend his life in the loony bin. Nope, in the end Dr. D. comes to terms with his gift and people respect him for it. Aww… How nice. How predictable. How funny.

OK… So the movie lacks substance (it does make a poor point about selling out) but it did make me laugh. Granted I saw all the jokes coming a mile away, but they were funny none the less. I think that had to do with the writing and casting. You know how the movie “Clerks” was terribly acted but you didn’t care because the writing was so good? Well, this movie is no “Clerks” and it’s not as smartly written, but the point is that the dialogue in “Doctor Dolittle,” along with the situations and acting, all lead to funny outcomes. Am I making any sense? Anyway, I thought that Albert Brooks was a perfect suicidal tiger, Norm MacDonald was a great street mutt with an attitude, I’ll never be able to look at a Guinea Pig again and not think of Chris Rock, and oh so many more actors lent their voices to make this a very funny movie.

A lot of the reviews that I read had the critics pretty much trashing Eddie Murphy’s new comedy, “Doctor Dolittle.” Most of the big-town C’s bitched that the movie was predictable, used too much toilet humor, and went for the easy jokes. Well… That’s all true. But none the less I laughed my ass off through the whole movie. Hey, isn’t the point of a comedy to make you laugh? So I say to all the big paper critics that not all movies are art and sometimes a predictable joke delivered at the right time by the right person is just what a movie audience needs. I didn’t mind laying out eight bucks to see this movie, but this movie is definitely better at matinee prices. All that being said I give “Doctor Dolittle” 3 of 5 stars. I’m Stu Gotz and “Doctor Dolittle” is a good film. ‘Nuff Said!

In Time

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:49 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

In Time
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Justin Timberlake, Amanda Seyfried
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment
Released On: January 31, 2012
Kiddie Movie: Not too young, better send the little ones to bed.
Date Movie: It’s snuggleable, but she might find it stupid.
Gratuitous Sex: Justin and Amanda get it on, but she’s only in bra and panties. The PG-13 is in effect.
Gratuitous Violence: Some killings, but mostly people die when they’re out of time.
Action: Lots of chasing is going on.
Laughs: Nope.
Memorable Scene: Even though it was foreshadowed, it was nice to see Will get the bad guy.
Memorable Quote: Nothing really.
Directed By: Andrew Niccol
Cool things about the Blu-ray: The Blu-ray is pretty lean on extras, but the “The Minutes” featurette is a nice “documentary” of the fictional city and adds some insight into the characters.

It’s a futuristic world where you stop aging at age 25.  Now that sounds all great and swell except for a few things.  First off, what if your “I’m hot!” age is actually 35 and you find yourself stuck at the “I’m ugly” age of 25? Also, what if you’re into older men or women?  I mean, that girl you are hitting on may have actually been alive for 110 years, but she doesn’t look a day over, well, 25, so you’re S.O.L. And lastly, once you hit 25, you only have one more year to live unless, well, you can get someone to give you more of their time, you can figure out how to purchase more time, you steal someone else’s time, or, well, who cares because in any event you are constantly reminded of how much time you have left because there is this countdown clock embedded in your arm.

As we begin our movie-cal journey we enter at a time when Will (Justin Timberlake) has tripped into that stage of life after age 25 when you have to figure out how you can keep getting more time, and thus keep living (this concept isn’t as complicated as it sounds once you see the movie).  He’s got his mother whom he keeps giving time to so she can stick around, but unfortunately for Will he lives on the wrong side of the tracks, or time zone as it would be, where things are a little more rough and where inflation takes your time away quicker than you can get more (yes, you have to pay for things with hours of your life, i.e., a bus ride might cost you two hours of your life).  As Will’s life would have it there’s a tragedy with his mother that truly teaches him the value of time, and also a meeting with a stranger who is sick of having so much time.  When said stranger gives Will the time he has left (and it’s a lot of time), as well as explains to Will the corrupt world that leaves Will’s side of the tracks with less and less time, Will ends up accused of killing said stranger but takes it upon himself to expose the system of time is money, and share the wealth.

Okay, I know, the movie sounds a little preachy, and yes, when Will finds himself on the “right” side of the tracks he finds a rich man’s daughter (Amanda Seyfried) to fall in love with, but in the end, if you can get past some of the goofiness of the story and obvious foreshadowing of its progression, it’s not that bad in the entertainment side of two people on the run, robbing “time” banks, and spreading the wealth to the poor.

The movie looks great in that futuristic, “The Matrix,” “Gattaca,” kind of way, which makes sense with Andrew Niccol who also directed “Gattaca” as director, and sure, the chase scenes are a little contrived and simplistic, but for a nice, little “two people on the run but not totally guilty but still trying to do good for people” movie, with a villain who isn’t that villainous, it’s okay for a rental and maybe a snuggle on the couch.  Justin Timberlake is his likeable self but doesn’t break any real acting ground in this movie, which is sort of too bad because there are times that I find him a phenomenal actor (“The Social Network” and “Alpha Dog”), but other times it’s like he’s just in a movie that might sound cool (this one).  So, in the end, it’s 3 stars out of 5 for “In Time.” Don’t go expecting the world get past some of the goofiness, and just enjoy the ride.

The Blu-ray doesn’t have too many extras, really.  There are the obligatory deleted/extended scenes that really don’t add much, but I do have to say that if you do like the movie, even a tad, go ahead and watch “The Minutes” featurette.  Rather than a standard “making of” documentary, this feature is told from the perspective of the characters, giving a little more insight into the characters from their own point of view, and kind of helps explain some of the quirks in the movie that might have you scratching your head a little bit.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Annie Hall

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:33 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Annie Hall
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Woody Allen, Diane Keaton, Paul Simon
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: MGM Home Entertainment / Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment
Released On: January 24, 2012
Kiddie Movie: Lots of dry humor. Send them to bed.
Date Movie: If she likes dated movies with dated dialogue.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots of talk about it, and people in bed, but nothing gratuitous.
Gratuitous Violence: Nope.
Action: Nope.
Laughs: Ehh.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Woody Allen
Cool things about the Blu-ray: None.

I guess I’m just never going to be a fan of Woody Allen movies, at least that is all I can come up with after watching “Annie Hall.” It’s now out on Blu-ray, it’s a movie that Woody Allen won four Oscars for making, but when the credits rolled I just thought “Ehh.”

The basic story is that Alvy (Woody Allen) is a comedian in New York City, and supposedly a very good one at that, but when it comes to the ladies, well, he comes across more like, well, Woody Allen.  As we are introduced to Alvy we learn a little about his back-story, his family life (dysfunctional as most are), and eventually how he ends up meeting Annie (Diane Keaton).  She’s kind of goofy, wants to be a singer, and their relationship seems more like a train-wreck than a love story, especially with Alvy’s being mostly just a dorky comedian, and not seeming to understand how a relationship really works.

Low and behold, Annie get her chance to become a star thanks to Tony (Paul Simon), a record dude in L.A., and Annie, has to decide whether to pursue her dream in L.A., or stay with the neurotic Alvy.  She heads to the west coast, Alvy is distraught, he heads to L.A. to try and get her back, and hilarity is supposedly still supposed to be ensuing.

Now, I can understand the creativity in movies, even movies made at a time when I was like ten years old, but as I was watching “Annie Hall,” and yes, I know it’s from 1977, but it really seemed dated and doesn’t seem to hold up well, as some movies seem to be able to do.  Yes, the acting is good, and Diane Keaton is adorable, and if you grew up in that era you will probably love to revisit the movie if you enjoyed it in your youth, but for me I found the dialogue very dry and not that witty (although, I can see, how in 1977, it was risqué and edgy, and oddly enough rated PG (and yes, I know they didn’t have PG-13 back then, but other than the lack of nudity, a lot of the topics of conversation veered into Rish territory)).

If you are a Woody Allen fan this is probably a 5 star masterpiece, but for me it was 1 ½ stars of hour-and-a-half “Ehh.” I’ll average them together and give “Annie Hall” 3 stars out of 5.

As far as the Blu-ray, you’re getting it because you have a Blu-ray player, and pretty much nothing else as it doesn’t have squat as extras.

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:25 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Eric Christian Olsen, Derek Richardson, Eugene Levy, Cheri Oteri, Rachel Nichols
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: New Line Cinema
Release Date: 2003
Kiddie Movie: Nope.
Date Movie: Nope.
Gratuitous Sex: Two dudettes kissing and it appeared a little cold on the set sometimes.
Gratuitous Violence: Slapstick.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Not really.
Memorable Scene: I don’t remember it.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Troy Miller

Okay, other than the movie being pretty much, well, for no better way to put it, dumb, there’s another significant problem with “Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd,” at least for me – the jokes seem to be aimed at 10 year old boys, but the story is something better comprehended by 16 year olds. I know that may not make sense, but pretty much it’s more of a high school comedy with jokes 10 year olds aren’t really old enough to experience yet.

“D & Derer” has Erick Christian Olsen as Lloyd, the character Jim Carrey made famous. It’s also got Derek Richardson as Harry, the loveable character originally portrayed by Jeff Daniels. In the film we are exposed to how the two characters we fell in love with in “Dumb & Dumber” first met, their high school year, and a bizarre sub-plot of the principal (the usually better Eugene Levy) and the lunchlady (Cheri Oteri) trying to embezzle money for a condo in Hawaii. Sort of like the first movie, our boys innocently get wrapped up in the lives of the bad people and there’s a high school hottie, Jessica (Rachel Nichols), who both boys fall in love with, trying to expose the principal, but unlike the first movie, it just isn’t funny.

There are the obligatory fart jokes, you get a creepy Lloyd thinking Harry’s mom is in love with him, even fantasizing her (Mimi Rogers) and Jessica having a make-out session in a pool, and what are supposedly super-funny things like drinking a slushy to fast and getting brain freeze, as well as making fun of an Asian student. Well, alright, the Asian student thing was kinda funny, especially when, all of the sudden, she starts speaking perfect English, but one Asian joke doesn’t fill an hour and a half.

I think one of the main problems “D & Derer” has is the fact the boys are in high school. It’s easier to laugh at grown men acting like innocent teenagers than to find seniors in high school with the wits of, well, most ten year olds have more wit than these guys. There is that, and there’s also the fact there is no way this movie could have come close to living up to the standard set by the original.

Even for those easily amused, of which I am proud to one of them, I wasn’t. Not that there wasn’t a funny line or two, or a scene where I did bust out laughing, but I can’t remember what that scene was nor what that lines were because, for the most part, you get lines like: Harry – “Who’s Principal Collins?” Lloyd – “He’s the Principal.”; and Lloyd – “Chicks are for fags.”; and scenes where the boys are drooling or have food all over their faces. Even the smeared melted chocolate bar in the bathroom wasn’t that funny. However, if you think those lines and those scenes might be hilarious, you might really like “Dumb & Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd.” Me, I didn’t, and it’s ½ star out of 5 for this movie. Wait for it on local TV and then watch something else.

That’s it for this review! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:45 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Kurt Russell, Dakota Fanning, Kris Kristofferson, Elisabeth Shue
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Dreamworks SKG
Release Date: 2005
Kiddie Movie: More for the girls, but good for all.
Date Movie: If she likes a feel-good movie.
Gratuitous Sex: Nope.
Gratuitous Violence: Some angry talk, but no one’s punching each other out.
Action: Just some horse-racing.
Laughs: Some pretty good moments.
Memorable Scene: Cale in front of the Breeders’ Cup horse-choosing people.
Memorable Quote: Ben: “You work for her now.”
Directed By: John Gatins

As much as Dakota Fanning has been impressing me in movie after movie she is in, I am becoming a big fan of Snake Plissken, I mean Kurt Russell, especially with his role as Herb Brooks in “Miracle,” and now as Ben Crane in “Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story.” Let’s get to it…

“Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story” gives us an adaptation of a story where a son and dad nurse a horse back from a broken leg and get it to race in the Breeders’ Cup. From what I’ve read, and what the movie showed, that’s pretty much the only part of the story that was inspired, but that’s okay, because instead of just a movie about getting a horse back to racing shape, we get a movie about a family in disarray and how the horse gets the family to be a family again.

So, Dakota Fanning is Cale. She’s a fan of her dad, Ben, but Ben doesn’t spend any time with her, and she’s sort of tormented because they live on a horse farm without any horses. Finally going to work with Dad, she gets to see a horse, Sonya, run, and Cale likes her. She also gets to see that Dad’s boss, Palmer (David Morse), is a jerk. Sadly, during Sonya’s race, Sonya breaks a leg, and they are ready to put the horse down. Palmer again treats Ben like crap, Ben gets fired/quits, and in lieu of some of his back pay, Ben take Sonya instead.

Now taking Sonya may seem like a stupid idea to the rest of us, who normally assume a racehorse with a broken leg might as well just be put to sleep, but Ben does have a plan, and it’s a good plan, but with a bad ending.

Later in the movie, after Ben has an argument with Mom (Elisabeth Shue), overheard by Cale, Cale decides to take Sonya (whose actual name is Soñador, which means dreamer in Spanish) and run away from home, Sonya gets spooked, and everyone involved realizes Sonya might actually be able to race again, which is a good thing since she can’t get pregnant.

And so, Ben eventually gives Cale total say in how Sonya is worked, and she has some help from a couple of other horse-folk, Balon (Luis Guzman), and Manolin (Freddy Rodriquez). Sonya now only has one dream left, and that’s to get Sonya into the Breeders’ Cup, and mom makes dad let their daughter follow her dream, and it’s a good thing mom is around.

There really aren’t any surprises in this movie, but you know what, I didn’t care because it was just an enjoyable film. You feel for Cale when dad makes a mistake at Sonya’s come-back race, you understand the frustration for Ben when his original plan for Sonya falls apart, you’re happy that Palmer gets payback for being a jerk, and you feel the tension between Ben and his father, Pop (Kris Kristofferson), knowing they have a past that they just can’t get over. For all of this to work, you needed a cast of folks who could pull this off, and everyone involved in this movie was perfectly cast.

I don’t know if younger boys (most definitely not teen boys) would like the movie, especially with so much of it being centered around Cale, but most of the families that were in the theater really seemed to enjoy it. If you’ve got a young daughter, this movie is probably perfect for her, just realize that she might come out of the film wanting you to buy her a horse instead of a puppy. 4 ½ stars out of 5, you know what, screw that, it’s 5 stars out of 5, even without nudity, gratuitous violence, or swearing. And yes, I admit, it made me a little weepy at times.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:17 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Rob Schneider, Eddie Griffin
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Release Date: 2005
Kiddie Movie: Definitely not.
Date Movie: Depends on if your date is an inhabitant of Easily Amused.
Gratuitous Sex: Mostly nudity and talk.
Gratuitous Violence: People get thrown through windows.
Action: Not really.
Laughs: If you are an inhabitant of Easily Amused.
Memorable Scene: The scene where Deuce’s “stop whales from beaching” device goes haywire.
Memorable Quote: Too many.
Directed By: Mike Bigelow

I can fully understand critics giving this movie zero stars, ½ star, or maybe 1 star. I really can. I understand this, because, yes, the movie is everything these critics have been writing or saying about it. But “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo” is the kind of movie made not having a critic’s opinion in mind, but rather appealing to the folks of the country of Easily Amused, of which I am proclaiming myself King, because, yes, as dumb as the movie pretty much was, I couldn’t help but laugh at each of the new words and phrases that were invented to replace the word “penis.” And who can’t appreciate a pimp-boat.

Deuce Bigalow’s (Rob Schneider) last couple of years haven’t been going well. First he loses his wife with one leg to a turtle feeding mishap where the lettuce was tainted with meat, inviting the sharks to come along, that once they spit out the lettuce decided Kate would make a better meal. Then his development of a device to stop whales from beaching kinda goes haywire. Now Bruce is a wanted man and thank goodness for Bruce that his old buddy T.J. (Eddie Griffin) is having some issues in Amsterdam and invites Bruce to pay him a visit.

It seems that gigolos are having a bit of a problem in Amsterdam, namely they are being killed off, and T.J. is worried as business starts to dry up. When T.J. is framed for one of the murders, it’s now up to Deuce to go under-cover, meeting up, again, with a variety of freaky women (one has a penis for a nose, watch out for her sneeze, another who has more of a blow-hole rather than a tracheotomy, watch out for hiccups, and another has giant ears, so of course there is no better way to get a man to stop checking out her ears if she were to get a boob job), and once again, rather than just being the man-whore that he is, he makes the women feel better about themselves. As Deuce’s investigation gets deeper and deeper, of course there is also a love interest that develops for Deuce, and yes, in the end, Deuce saves the gigolos from being blown up, and all is back to normal in the man-whore world.

Like I said, as King of Easily Amused, I knew what to expect going into this film, and got exactly that, and a little bit more thanks to the likes of Norm Macdonald as a crotchety old man-whore. There is also an extension of the vocabulary for the word “penis,” and I’m sure I missed some, but we find “Lock Ness Monster,” “schlong,” “man-gina,” “he-pussy,” “magic shenis,” “snatch pole,” and “she cock” to name a few. We are also introduced to some new terminology for kinky sex acts, expanding on the “Dirty Sanchez” to give us things like the “Filthy Ramirez,” “Cambodian Creamsicle,” “Turkish Sno-Cone,” “Chili Rainbow,” and the scarily portrayed “Portuguese Breakfast.”

Look, the boys are in Amsterdam, so you definitely get some drug use, some nudity, and some kinky sex. You also get exactly what you will expect from this movie, so for those critics who gave it zero stars, like I said, I understand your stance, but for me, it’s 3 ½ stars out of 5 for being exactly what it was made out to be: humor for us in the land of Easily Amused. Stupid. Yea, so what, but I still enjoyed it and that’s why I’m King.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:28 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Rob Schneider, Arija Bareikis
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Touchstone Pictures
Release Date: 1999
Kiddie Movie: Lots of bad language and adult jokes. Too young and they’ll ask too many questions.
Date Movie: It’s more a dude movie, but she might like it if she has a warped sense of humor.
Gratuitous Sex: Nothing gratuitous.
Gratuitous Violence: Some things breaking.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: It’s better on video.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Sid Ganis, Barry Bernardi

I really didn’t like “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo” when it was in the theaters. Maybe I was just in a bad mood, but I didn’t find it funny, wondered why it was made, and just didn’t like it. Back then I gave it 1 star. But then I got the DVD and decided that this movie really isn’t that bad.

Rob Schneider plays Deuce Bigalow. He’s a fish tank cleaner who gets most of his enjoyment by making the girl in the fish store dip her breasts in the snail tank so he can see her boobs. He gives his fish bottled water and drinks rusty pipe water, and he ends up taking care of a cool, gigolo’s fish while the gigolo is out of the country. He accidentally trashes the place and needs to come up with a ton of cash or face the wrath of Antoine, the cool gigolo, and with the help of T.J., a man pimp, becomes a gigolo, or rather, a man whore, himself. But Deuce doesn’t score the hot chicks, nope, T.J. sets Deuce up with the “freaks” where Deuce charms the ladies with good verbal skills rather than being good in the sack.

Alright, to be a little more fair the movie does go deeper than that, sort of preaching the message that everyone is special in their own way, and maybe because I was in a better mood, maybe being a little bit older, or maybe being at home where I don’t try to engross myself in a movie most of the time, but this time I enjoyed “Deuce Bigalow..”. The scenes that gave me chuckles in the theater gave me chuckles again, like the narcoleptic girl who tied her hair to the light so she wouldn’t drown in her soup when she fell asleep, but also felt a little sorry for Deuce, especially as his relationship with Kate fell apart.

It’s an adult rental but remember to bring out the child in you when you watch it. If you do as I say it’s 3 stars out of 5. If you’re looking for an intelligent comedy, “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo” isn’t it, but if your looking for stupid fun, go ahead and rent it!

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!