Tag: movie reviews

Cloverfield

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:24 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Cloverfield
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Lizzy Caplan, Jessica Lucas, T.J. Miller, Michael Stahl-David, Odette Yustman
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Paramount Pictures
Release Date: 2008
Kiddie Movie: Only if you want them to throw up with the shaky cam.
Date Movie: Sit close to the screen if you want them to throw up.
Gratuitous Sex: Sadly, no.
Gratuitous Violence: People get eaten and the military shoots at a monster.
Action: People run from the monster.
Laughs: The movie is pretty funny if you don’t take it seriously.
Memorable Scene: I wish Marlena’s final scene wasn’t hidden in quarantine.
Memorable Quote: Nah.
Directed By: Matt Reeves

Do you remember how you got suckered into the hype of “The Blair Witch Project,” saw it, and then realized it was actually kind of stupid? Thankfully there hasn’t been the hype about “Cloverfield,” because it, also, is all kinds of stupid. At least it was never purported to be the scariest movie ever. Let’s get to it…

“Cloverfield” gives us a movie where a strange monster attacks Manhattan, that’s part of New York City for you people who don’t know your geography, and it’s one hell of a monster, only we see the attack through the video camera held by Hud (T.J. Miller). He’s holding the camera because he is delegated as the person to document, i.e. videotape, the going-away party of his buddy Rob (Michael Stahl-David).

Wait a minute; I suppose I should really start from the beginning.

As the movie opens the screen tells us that the following video was recovered from government operation Cloverfield, and should not be copied. We see Rob and his woman, Beth (Odette Yustman), beginning to enjoy a day together. They seem to be lovers. “Yay” for them! Then the video switches to what develops into Rob’s going-away party where we find that Hud has the hots for Marlena (Lizzy Caplan), and things between Rob and Beth aren’t as simple as we were led to believe. As parties go Rob’s is okay, especially as people start drinking and saying things they probably shouldn’t. Suddenly there is a rumble, like an earthquake, people are scared, they do like all people should do when there might be an earthquake – they head to the roof of their building – only parts of other buildings start flying their way, so now they head for the streets, along comes the head off of the Statue of Liberty, and suddenly the movie looks a hell of a lot like the footage from 9/11 attacks (buildings crumble, there is white dust rumbling through the streets, papers are drifting through the air from buildings, and people are walking around, covered in the white dust, shell-shocked). But this isn’t a terror attack, nope, this time a crazy lizard-monster is terrorizing the city, and we get to see it all through the camera being held by Hud.

So as Hud continues to document the evening, our crew, which also includes Rob’s brother Jason (Mike Vogel) and a dudette named Lily (Jessica Lucas), at first attempt to get off of the island (yes, Manhattan is an island), only to lose one of them when the Brooklyn Bridge gets taken out by the monster. Meanwhile, in all of the mayhem, Rob gets a call from Beth who is trapped and hurt in her apartment. Rob, because he is in love, throws all common sense to the wind, decides he must rescue Beth, and of course, the rest of the crew follows along. In doing so we find out a few more things, thanks again to the shaky video Hud is taking, about the monster, like the subway isn’t really a good way to get from point A to point B in the city when a crazy lizard-monster attacks, and whatever happens, don’t get bit.

I will give “Cloverfield” a whole ton of credit for the originality for what, at its core, could have simply been a “Godzilla Takes Manhattan” movie. Instead of giving us the outside view of the terror, the movie gives us the view of five/four/three/four/two people as they try to stay alive and save Rob’s girlfriend. I will also give the movie folks credit for adding the element of more than just one giant monster terrorizing the city. I will say that as much as love is grand, well, our crew is stupid, and in the end, and although a whole ton of folks seem to be loving this movie, I’m only giving “Cloverfield” 2 ½ stars out of 5. The shaky, hand-held perspective was necessary for this movie to work, the monster element was necessary for the movie to work, but mostly I just laughed at the stupidness of our crew.

It’s a popcorn movie; see it if you must, just be thankful there isn’t the wacky hype convincing you that you must see this movie and just try to have fun.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Click

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:37 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Click
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Adam Sandler, Kate Beckinsale, Christopher Walken
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Release Date: 2006
Kiddie Movie: It actually gets kind of sad.
Date Movie: This is a toss-up. It’s not really funny, but actually more of a drama. Good luck.
Gratuitous Sex: Michael skips through foreplay. Good for him, bad for her.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Ehh.
Memorable Scene: I saw the rest of the movie in my head from the time Michael’s head rested on the “Bed, Bath, & Beyond” bed.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Frank Coraci

If you do not want to read any spoilers about this movie, “Click,” stop reading now, because for this movie I have no problem giving away key plot points, and I will be quick to give some key plot points right away in this review. I will even give you my rating now so you don’t have to continue if you don’t want to, and for “Click” I give the movie 1 ½ stars out of 5. It does have some funnies, but not many, and Kate Beckinsale is smoking hot and pretty much the movie gets 1 ½ stars because of her and the fact that she likes to role-play, but that’s another story for another time.

“Click” gives us Adam Sandler as Michael, in a movie that had a lot of potential to just be a funny, goofy movie, but tried to get way too preachy, and it didn’t work. As it is, Michael is an architect in a firm where he is trying to get the next promotion. His boss is Mr. Ammer (David Hasselhoff). As such he has to work too much and sacrifice family time for getting the next project done. At home things are hectic, with his two kids, and his smokin’ hot wife, Donna (Beckinsale). Time after time Michael misses family things because of work things, and somehow every remote control for the family is in his family room. That’s right, you’ve got the remote for the ceiling fan, the remote for the garage door, the remote for a remote-controlled car, etc. The remote that seems to be missing is the remote for the TV, and when he really needs this remote he heads to the place in the middle of the night that you would think would have a Universal Remote, “Bed, Bath, and Beyond.” Alright, it is the only store that is open this late at night. Well, Michael gets there, meets a creepy dude, and lays down on a bed proclaiming he is tired. This is the instant that I lost it because I knew, from there, that the rest of the movie was pretty much a dream, although the movie folks tried to show, in the end, it wasn’t.

So Michael, now in his dream-state, finds a door labeled “Beyond,” and he finds Morty (Christopher Walken), who gives Michael the Universal Remote he has been looking for. This remote isn’t just for his TV, it’s for his life. It can control the volume of his dog’s barking, it can let him fast-forward through fights with his wife, it can fast-forward, well, pretty much this remote is all about the fast-forwarding, and it learns what Michael wants to fast-forward through, and then does so automatically. Suddenly Michael is fast-forwarding through his life, a lot of times at ten years at a time, and wondering how he got divorced from his wife, how his little girl grew up into a hottie with big boobs, how his dog died, how he got fat, and how he ends up at his son’s wedding. And so, yes, with the help of Morty, he learns his lesson, that he shouldn’t have made his life about work, that he should have made his life about his family, and in his last, dying breath (doesn’t this sound like a great comedy), he tries to convince his son that going on his honeymoon is more important than going to a business meeting.

Next thing you know, Michael wakes up.

Yup, there Michael is, in the bed in the “Bed, Bath and Beyond” he found himself “tired” in, realizing his life isn’t over, that he can make it better, if only he becomes a family man instead of letting Mr. Ammer rule his life. Ahh, lessoned learned, but to try to say “Michael wasn’t dreaming,” when Michael gets back home from “Bed, Bath and Beyond,” low-and-behold, there on the kitchen table, it the “Universal” remote, and a note from “Morty,” asking Michael if he knows how to use the remote know. Duh, Michael throws the remote in the trash (could a sequel be there if the movie makes enough money?).

There have been way-too-many movies proclaiming that you should make sure you spend time with your family as opposed to your work, and a lot of them did a decent job. This movie didn’t because it publicized itself as a movie about a dude getting a remote control that can control his life, and it is supposed to be funny. Instead it ends up a way-to-sort-of-serious movie, preaching the importance of family. And even with the funny, it wasn’t really funny. There was a way overdone subplot of the family dog humping a giant, stuffed duck; The funny moments were pretty much already in the trailer; and one of my gauges as to how good a movie will be still holds true – when they publicize the hell out of the movie, it will leave a lot to be desired.

What sort of makes me sad is that Adam Sandler can be very funny, but lately he has been involved with movies that just fail to remember how to make the funny and instead try to get a little serious. The little kids were great in the movie, and Kate Beckinsale, just being the gorgeous dudette she is, left me getting this movie above the 1 star mark, so like I said at the beginning, it’s 1 ½ stars out of 5 for “Click.” I’m almost afraid Adam Sandler has lost the funny. That would be too bad.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!

Clerks II

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:38 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Clerks II
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Brian O’Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Rosario Dawson, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith, Trevor Fehrman, Jennifer Schwalbach Smith, Kevin Weisman
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: The Weinstein Company
Release Date: 2006
Kiddie Movie: For the hope of mankind, please keep the kids at home 🙂
Date Movie: If she gets this type of humor.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots of talk and an almost boob shot.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Only if you can appreciate them.
Memorable Scene: One had me laughing uncontrollably. I can’t explain it.
Memorable Quote: There are way too many quotes that made me laugh.
Directed By: Kevin Smith

Here’s the problem I have with writing this review: If you didn’t see “Clerks” because it was in black & white, saw “Jersey Girl” because you are a big J-Lo fan, or went to see “Dogma” because you heard it was an interesting take on religion but found yourself appalled when the good Cardinal Glick introduced “The Buddy Christ,” I have no way to convince you to go and see “Clerks II” because the only way to do so would be to give away too many of the jokes. And then you still might not go see it because if I gave one of the jokes away, one that I nearly ended up rolling on the floor with laughter, you might wonder what was wrong with me, and tell me I need sensitivity training, and not my niece (this might sound cryptic, but if you are one of our podcast subscribers, you might understand). In any case, let’s at least start with the a quick look at the story…

Dante (Brian O’Halloran) and Randal (Jeff Anderson) are back. Sadly for Dante, well, Randal left the coffeepot on again at the Quick Stop and a fire ensued, leaving our duo working at the local Mooby’s fast-food joint. Dante, though, has found love in the likes of Emma (Jennifer Schwalbach), and she has set him up with what will be a new house, a better job, and no more New Jersey if Dante marries her and moves near her parents down in Florida. Randal is none too pleased with Dante’s plans for advancement, especially since he loses his best friend in the process. Meanwhile, Jay (Jason Mewes), sporting a way-cool “got Christ” t-shirt, and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith), back from rehab, find themselves now camped outside the Mooby restaurant, still selling pot, with Silent Bob trying to keep Jay from being bored so he doesn’t stray back to the world of getting high on his own supply.

With that simple story synopsis you might think Dante’s life is finally on the right track, or at least on a track to get him to be a grown-up, but enter Becky (the ever-cute Rosario Dawson). She’s the manager of the Mooby’s. Randal suspects something more is going on between Dante and Becky, but both of them keep insisting they are just “good friends.” And then all of the stories come out in the open: Emma is none-too pleased with what she finds out; Kinky Kelly and a donkey, well; Elias (Trevor Fehrman), a co-worker at Mooby’s obsessed with “The Lord of the Rings” and the upcoming “Transformers” movie (although I still can’t understand all of the slams about “Transformers” because that was one of the best television cartoon series’ in the late eighties, but I’m sorry, I digress), Elias also, is involved with a ‘well’-moment; And well, all of a sudden Dante realizes he called 9-1-1 and forgot to cancel the alarm. It is now time for enlightening thoughts about love, friendship, slight wealth, and who gets in how much trouble when donkey love is arrested.

That story synopsis might sound slightly convoluted, but for those of you who are Kevin Smith fans and haven’t seen the movie yet, I think most of it makes sense. But I will say this, “Clerks II” is not for the easily offended, whether it is about sex talk, politically incorrect talk, and sex talk. Yup, that’s right, I said “sex talk” twice, because there is a lot of it in this film, and most of it funny if you aren’t uptight.

This movie might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it is definitely my cup of tea. It mixes my life in the land of the easily amused with the life of someone who loves a great argument about which is better, “Star Wars” or “The Lord of the Rings,” (I’m on the “Star Wars’” side), even though I am looking forward to the “Transformers” movie, for reasons I can’t go into here.

I absolutely loved this movie, even with the sentimental stuff that creeped in, mostly because it worked all-around, and Jay was there to break up the sentimental with the funny. Some might not like the sentimental, but a lot of us have grown since the original “Clerks” came out some twelve years ago. Sometimes our heroes from twelve years ago have to grow up, too. Just not too much, thank Alanis.

For me it’s 5 stars out of 5. One scene alone was worth 3 ½ stars because I haven’t been able to stop laughing that much during a movie in a long time, and the rest was just gravy. I only have a couple of regrets about this movie: One is that I failed to major in “Speed-Reading” in college because towards the end of the credits there seemed to be a lot of funny “Thank You’s” that I missed (I suppose I’ll have to wait for the DVD and put it in “slow-motion” to catch them all) as they scrolled by; The other is that I never set up a MySpace page and added myself as a friend of “Clerks II” so I could be listed in the credits of a major motion picture. It would have been pretty cool to see “The Dude on the Right,” or maybe “Entertainment Ave!”, or maybe “entertainmentavenue.com”, or maybe “e-ave.com”, or maybe Andrew LaXXX. In any case, it would have been cool to actually wait through all of the credit and see my MySpace name scrolling through. I can’t believe I didn’t pay enough attention to setting up a MySpace page, and getting it linked to “Clerks II.” Even my sister, and my niece, have a MySpace page.

Enough lamenting, if you want funny, and aren’t easily offended, see this Alanis Damn Movie!

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

City of Ember

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 2:03 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

City of Ember
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Harry Treadaway, Tim Robbins, Bill Murray, Saoirse Ronan
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment
Release Date: 2008
Kiddie Movie: It’s probably better for them, at least the little bit older ones.
Date Movie: My BFF woke up and hated it. Umm, I’ll state this as iffy.
Gratuitous Sex: None.
Gratuitous Violence: A giant rat/anemone eats people.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Nah.
Memorable Scene: At the end, wouldn’t Ember be further underground?
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Gil Kenan

The DVD I had, and from what I’ve read, doesn’t really have anything extra, so unless you love the story, this isn’t a DVD to buy.

I watched “City of Ember” with my BFF, and after it was over, well, we both kind of agreed on the rating of the film. 2 1/2ish stars out of 5. Then my BFF woke up the next morning and all hell broke loose in her final analysis. I suppose we’ll just start with the story.
“City of Ember” is based on a book by Jeanne Duprau, and I’m guessing the book explains things maybe just a little better because the movie left a lot to be answered. In any case, the movie starts explaining that for reasons unknown to us viewers, Earth is in disarray, and to save humanity, the brightest minds got together and built an underground city called Ember. The bright minds of the day figured that 200 years would be enough for the Earth to heal itself, and to signify this time, well, they made a box, with a timer, that in 200 years would open to let the current Mayor of Ember figure out how to get the citizens of Ember back to the surface of Earth. Little did “The Builders” know that government corruption, stupidity, and the lack of learning and science might be a detriment 200 years later.

You see, sometime before the 200 year mark, the box with the instructions on how to get out of Ember disappeared, but the problem is that the city was only designed to last for 200 years, and now that Ember has passed their bicentennial, well, things are going bad. For starters, the generator that provides power for the city is giving out, and no one really knows how to fix it. And to top that off, the food storage areas are nearly depleted, although most of the residents don’t realize that starving will be the name of the day soon. Enter Mayor Cole (Bill Murray). He’s a bloated government blow-hard, only looking out for himself. And also enter Doon (Harry Treadaway), who thinks he can fix the generator. And lastly enter Lina (Saoirse Ronan), who is the link to the old box. Mayor Cole doesn’t give a damn about the citizens, but Doon and Lina are friends, and when Lina comes across the box to save them, both her and Doon piece together the puzzle that The Builders left them, and through perils of a giant rat that has somehow mated with a sea anemone, and the fact that Mayor Cole just wants his food, Doon and Lina realize that the only hope for the people of Ember is to find a way out of Ember, and somehow they have the key.

And, yup, Doon and Lina eventually figure out the key to get out of Ember, and somehow a rock they throw down a hole finds its way to Doon’s dad, and Ember is saved, or at least so we think.

Okay. Look, “City of Ember” is a nice movie, and I really wanted to like it more, but for the most part there were too many topics unanswered, which sadly is probably because you can’t always take a novel and turn it into a movie. The story just kind of drags on and on until we get to the eventual ending, which, even so, is kind of, well, unanswered. I mean, we don’t know why Earth is in utter turmoil, so much so that scientists have exiled a group of people to a “perfect” city; We don’t know why the secret box ended up in the home of the yarn lady; We don’t know why mutant animals are in and around Ember; And thanks to my BFF, we don’t know how water can flow up-hill.

Part of me did like the movie, the adventure the kids eventually took was entertaining, but through it all even with the nice acting of Harry Treadaway, Saoirse Rona, Bill Murray, and Tim Robbins (as Loris Harrow – Doon’s dad), the movie just didn’t grip me like I thought the potential was there.

And, oh yea, the morning after watching the movie, my BFF began her over-analysis, which actually held up in my scientific mind. First off, as Doon and Lina were in their little canoe, escaping the city, flowing way downhill in the river and water, well, the staircase they had to climb was way too short for the depth that the city was supposedly in. Also, there was no explanation for the rat/anemone monster. And also, also, sure, maybe it was fate, but what the hell are the odds that a rock thrown from the Earth’s surface, down a dirt hole, would find itself in the hands of Loris? And, oh yea, yea, what kind of moron can’t figure out the kids are hiding behind the wall? My BFF woke up the next morning and decided her 2 ½ star rating was way too generous, that the movie had too many holes and was utterly preposterous. Now she decided the movie only deserved ½ star , or maybe 1 star, tops.

The worst part, as an engineer, I had to agree with her about the river/water thing, because as much as Ember is underground, a walking path to the Earth’s surface, complete with mutant monsters and peril, would have made a lot more sense than water being able to flow, supposedly, uphill.

I will admit that I have rambled, and “City of Ember” is a movie you can actually watch with your kids, if they are around 8 to 12, but in the end the movie had so much more potential and probably blew its load as a series of films by trying to fit too much in one episode, and after waking up the next morning, and listening to the analysis of my BFF, I have to only give “City of Ember” 1 ½ star out of 5. The potential was there, the acting was mostly there, but the thing that was missing was anything dealing with logic.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Secretariat

Here’s a bit from The Dude on the Right’s Blu-ray review of “Secretariat”

… Whereas “Seabiscuit” was a movie about a horse that also had Tobey Maguire in it, “Secretariat” is a movie about a strong women, Penny Chenery, that also has a horse in it, and had I known that, I might have actually gone to see the movie in the theater, because really, all I thought from the commercials was that I was going to see a movie about a horse, and that’s too bad. Luckily I caught the Blu-ray because yup, “Secretariat” is just as good as “Seabiscuit,” just in a different way. …

Secretariat

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 2:03 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Secretariat
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Diane Lane, John Malkovich
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment
Kiddie Movie: Not too young, it’s kind of drama-driven with cool horse scenes.
Date Movie: It’s a nice story for both of you.
Gratuitous Sex: Nope.
Gratuitous Violence: Nope.
Action: The horse racing scenes are fantastic, even if you do already know the outcome.
Laughs: John Malkovich is a hoot.
Memorable Scene: Penny getting all “horse whisperer” with Secretariat.
Memorable Quote: Nothing totally stands out.
Directed By: Randall Wallace
Cool Things about the Blu-ray?: I actually liked one of the deleted scenes for a change, the interview with Penny Chenery makes you just want to stop by and have tea with her, and the technical stuff was cool. You also get the audio commentary and a detailed look at Secretariat the horse, not the movie.

I remember when “Secretariat” was coming to the theaters. I saw the trailer and in my head simply said, “Didn’t I already see this story before, with ‘Seabiscuit?’” I mean, that was a movie about a horse, how different could this be?

Boy, was I wrong.

Whereas “Seabiscuit” was a movie about a horse that also had Tobey Maguire in it, “Secretariat” is a movie about a strong women, Penny Chenery, that also has a horse in it, and had I known that, I might have actually gone to see the movie in the theater, because really, all I thought from the commercials was that I was going to see a movie about a horse, and that’s too bad. Luckily I caught the Blu-ray because yup, “Secretariat” is just as good as “Seabiscuit,” just in a different way.

In a nutshell, the story of Secretariat is one about a woman, Penny Chenery, played in the movie by the stunning and super-talented Diane Lane. As the movie opens we learn of how Penny is being called to the family horse farm as her father has taken ill and things are in peril, namely they might lose the farm. Penny is married at the time, with a few kids and a loving husband, but this is the late 1960’s/early 1970’s, and women aren’t supposed to be the owners/managers of the horses, nope, they’re supposed to be there, supporting their man. But Penny is strong and sees her calling, and in this calling comes a horse, a racehorse with the potential to accomplish the rare feat, winning horse racing Triple Crown.

So, leaving her family behind, Penny works the horse farm, but she also needs some help if Secretariat is to become a champion, and she finds that help in the quirky horse trainer Lucien Laurin, played funningly by John Malkovich.

And so, as the movie goes, we know the outcome, that Secretariat will win, but in the course we see how Penny overcomes the challenges of being a women in a man’s sport, of being away from her children who are growing up in the peace and love movement, and in believing in herself, and Secretariat, so much, that she is willing to risk everything for the family legacy she believes in.

As a movie “Secretariat” is great. It looks beautiful, the horse racing scenes are phenomenal, Diane Lane, John Malkovich, and the rest of the cast is great, and the story is truly one of inspiration, especially for women. But, and I give this only as a word of subtle warning, for me “Secretariat” plays more like a drama than a fun-filled family movie so I’m worried if the little one will be able to stick with it. It is only rated PG, so it’s safe for them, but not having kids, I wasn’t able to test it.

So, it does look good, the story is great, and in the end, as a full-blown movie I’ve got to give “Secretariat” 4 stars, but as a drama there are some slow parts, some deep parts, which might not really be what you are expecting. But then again, I was expecting another “Seabiscuit” and got something different, so go ahead and get this one, and watch it on your big screen in all of its Blu-ray glory!

As far as extras, I have to say that “Secretariat” isn’t overloaded with tons of stuff you probably won’t watch, but there are a couple of things I liked. Yup, there’s the standard audio commentary by the Director, Randall Wallace, but as much as I liked the movie, I really didn’t want to spend another two hours for any director insight. Instead I did watch the Deleted Scenes, and actually thought the directors Alternate Opening was better than the movie opening, but then the rest of the deleted scenes were, like normal, better off deleted. I did like the “Choreographing the Races,” because, well, technical stuff always gets me some how, but the extra I really liked, almost surprisingly to me, was the “A Director’s Inspiration: A Conversation With The Real Penny Chenery.” It was fascinating hearing her take on the movie, how some things were slightly different, and how some parts of her life, or changes to some scenes, she actually wishes might have made the film. She just seems like a fun lady to hang out with, and it showed in the interview. And, if you want to learn more about Secretariat, the Heart of A Champion bonus will help you out.

All in all I liked “Secretariat” the movie, actually liked some of the bonus features, so in the Blu-ray world, I say go ahead and watch a great story about a strong woman. And, oh yea, there’s a horse mixed into the movie, too.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 2:24 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Chronicles
of Narnia:
Prince Caspian
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Ben Barnes, Liam Neeson, Skandar Keynes, William Moseley, Georgie Henley, Anna Popplewell
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Walt Disney Pictures
Release Date: 2008
Kiddie Movie: It’s very violent. I hope the 5 year olds are ready for it.
Date Movie: Only if she is a Narnia fan.
Gratuitous Sex: It’s from Disney. There’s a kiss. And it’s “PG” for battles and violence.
Gratuitous Violence: The Narnians pretty much slice and dice their way through the Telmarinina army.
Action: There’s some fighting and chasing.
Laughs: Nope.
Memorable Scene: I did like the collapsing battlefield.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Andrew Adamson

Okay, sure, they don’t actually show the decapitation portion of the decapitation, and all we really see on the ground is the top of the helmet, but for the life of me I assumed “The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian” was rated PG-13 and found it kind of odd the parents bringing in kids as young as about 5 years old to the movie. Then, when I’m doing my research on who played whom, I say to myself “Holy crap, that thing is only rated PG?” as I notice what the the MPAA rating is. Can you tell I’m sort of flabbergasted by the rating? I guess sometimes there are things, like the decisions the MPAA rating’s people make, that we are never meant to understand.

Now, since I never saw the first Narnia movie, the one about the lion, the witch, and bedroom furniture, and many of you know my stance on reading books (of which this movie series is based on those by C.S. Lewis), and since they didn’t really give us any back-story on the first film during the second, from what I can gather our four main characters, Lucy (Georgie Henley), Edmund (Skandar Keynes), Susan (Anna Popplewell), and Peter (William Moseley) were some kind of royalty/fighters when Narnia was having trouble with this crazy white witch looking to put down the big lion, and for whatever reason the four of them ended up back in London. But while they’re living their lives over the course of one year, we know, from the trailer, that it’s 1300 years later in Narnia, something has beaten down the Narnians, and there’s trouble afoot in the land of the Telmarines as Lord Miraz (Sergio Castellitto) wants to be king, with only Prince Caspian (Ben Barnes) in his way.

So our good Prince escapes certain death by entering the land of Narnia, where, much to his surprise, some Narnians still exist, but he blows the big horn that summons our four heroes, who arrive just in the nick of time as the evil Telmarines are hell-bent on wiping out the Narnians, and Prince Caspian, once and for all.

The problem, though, for our heroes, is that one year is enough for Edmund, Susan, and Peter, to forget the magic that is Narnia, but Lucy still believes, which is a damn good thing because she seems to be the only one that thinks Aslan the lion, (voiced by Liam Neeson), is still alive, and that maybe the trees will wake up.

Fine, maybe I would have liked “The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian” more had I seen the first one, thereby understanding a little bit more about what is going on, but even as a movie I didn’t care for it that much on its own. I mean, how did our Narnias actually think they would be able to storm the castle? And how come the armies of the Telmarines seem to suck so bad? And what’s with crappy look of the epic battle scene, although I have to say the collapsing battlefield was pretty cool. And why did they seem to think they had to cast Prince Caspian as a pretty-boy wimp type rather than a pretty-boy warrior?

I could go on and on, but I think, if you are a fan of the first Narnia movie you will probably like the continuing story, but for me, this version didn’t make me want to seek out the first one so I could catch up. It’s 2 ½ stars out of 5 from me, but if you are a Narnia fan, you will probably give it a few more stars. Oh yea, one more thing, what’s with the water dude actually being able to “eat” someone? I guess I have so much more to learn about Narnia, it’s just too bad I won’t read about it.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Chicken Little

MPAA Rated – G
It’s 1:17 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Chicken Little
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: The voices of: Zach Braff, Joan Cusack, Don Knotts, Garry Marshall, Steve Zahn
MPAA Rated: G
Released By: Disney Pictures
Release Date: 2005
Kiddie Movie: They’re the only ones this movie is geared for.
Date Movie: Only if she’s your kid’s mom or stepmom.
Gratuitous Sex: Um, no.
Gratuitous Violence: Various animals do get obliterated by the aliens, but don’t worry, all will be well in the end.
Action: Some chasing and stuff.
Laughs: Only the fact that the filmmaker folks can’t decide if Runt is supposed to be gay or not.
Memorable Scene: The animation is pretty good.
Memorable Quote: Nothing.
Directed By: Mark Dindal

So Disney is now trying to enter the 3D animation universe since it appears its relationship with Pixar will be coming to an end. And what do they give us to anticipate if they can dominate? They give us “Chicken Little.” Animation-wise, Disney is on par with the Pixar folks, but story-wise, well, let’s start with the story.

Most of us know the story of Chicken Little. He’s a chicken who scares the crap out of people by saying the sky is falling, only it isn’t. But that’s not enough for a major motion picture, is it? So the Disney folks expand the story to this. Chicken Little starts the movie, ringing a bell at the school and causing a ruckus, announcing the end of the world, because, well, the sky is falling. As everyone calms down, Chicken explains he was under the oak tree when this blue thing shaped like a stop sign hit him on the head. No one believes him, least of all his dad, and Chicken is now the laughing-stock of the town. Fast forward a year later, and Chicken still can’t get his dad’s respect, thinking he needs to do something big to impress his dad and get the town to forget the whole sky is falling thing, much to his friend’s dismay, Abby Mallard, known better as the Ugly Duckling. She thinks Chicken should just have a sit-down with dad so they can get some closure.

With things still not going well, Chicken joins the baseball team. Dad was a hero on the baseball team, so, of course, Chicken thinks he can be a hero, too, and get Dad to like him. Sure enough, Chicken becomes a baseball hero, dad loves him again, and all is well until, go figure, Chicken gets hit on the head, again, by a blue thing that looks like a stop sign. Enter the alien invasion. It seems Chicken has stumbled upon a piece of a spaceship, his friends help him, track down the mothership, they think an invasion is coming, Chicken rings the bell again, the townsfolk run with Chicken to the ball field to see the ship, but, of course, the ship is gone, and Chicken still looks like a dork.

Ah, but the story can’t end there. So, alas, the aliens come back to retrieve something left behind, and of course Chicken’s dad realizes his son isn’t a liar, they make up, and they save the day. Blah, blah, blah…

Look, I know I gave you a lot of the story, but it really doesn’t matter because the Disney folks just don’t have the story magic in this one to make a great 3-D animated flick, and I think they are missing one other thing the Pixar folks do brilliantly – Pixar’s animated characters are easily identified, actually look like what we expect them to look like, and are generally likable. For “Chicken Little” we get a chick that doesn’t look like a chicken, hell, even dad the adult chicken doesn’t look like a chicken. Runt, whom I’m assuming is supposed to be a pig, doesn’t really look like one, and the cutest character in the movie simply called Fish, and it’s a goldfish that has a helmet on (it holds the water to the fish can breathe).

In the end, the little boy sitting next to me in the theater, I’m guessing about three or four, totally expressed my sentiment about the movie as he kept telling his mom, “I don’t like this movie,” and asking “Can we go home soon?” Little Skippy, I felt the same way. Maybe your kid will like this movie, but little Skippy didn’t, and neither did I. For me, it’s 1 ½ star out of 5. The animation looked fine, but the thing the Pixar folks, and for that matter the Dreamworks folks are also doing better, is developing stories both enjoyable for the kids, and the adults can like, too.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Chasing Liberty

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:41 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Chasing Liberty
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Mandy Moore, Matthew Goode, Jeremy Piven, Annabella Sciorra, Mark Harmon
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Warner Bros.
Release Date: 2004
Kiddie Movie: It’s mostly middle to late teen content.
Date Movie: It’s a dudette flick, but he might like watching Mandy.
Gratuitous Sex: Mandy gets naked, but we don’t see it.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: There’s some chase scenes.
Laughs: Quite a few, actually.
Memorable Scene: When our heroes are in Venice it’s pretty fun.
Memorable Quote: Nothing stands out.
Directed By: Andy Cadiff

Maybe I’m just older and not hip with the times, and granted she’s of age, but when, if ever, would a daughter complain to her father than no one’s ever going to be able to get to third base with her? As a movie geared for the teen crowd, that scene in “Chasing Liberty” I just found a little odd. The rest of the movie, although farfetched, did have its cute moments and is what it is. Let’s go…

Mandy Moore plays Anna Foster. Like many late teen girls, she’s searching for her individuality. There’s only one problem: She’s the President of the United States’ daughter. Out on a date for her is not a simple task as a huge contingent of Secret Service personnel follows her wherever she goes. This comes to a head in the films opening scene, resulting in her confronting her father (played very well by Mark Harmon) about her lack of sex life. She’s pissed, her dad understands, and they agree that when they visit Prague, only two Secret Service people will be assigned to her when she goes to an opera with the daughter of the French Ambassador’s daughter, Gabrielle (Beatrice Rosen). When the opera turns out to be a rock concert, the Pres sends out the army of agents to protect his little girl. She’s at the club, spots the various agents, and Gabrielle hatches a plan so she can get away. Running out of the club, she spots a dude on a motor scooter, asks him to help her get away, and she’s off and running. The dude, it turns out is Ben Calder (Matthew Goode), and he’s got a secret.

Well, she doesn’t tell him who she really is, he doesn’t tell her who he really is, and now their off traipsing the European countryside and Anna wants to make her way to Berlin’s Love Festival, or as her dad calls it, an orgy. Oh yea, dad is totally against her going to the festival, and, oh yea, Anna and Ben fall in love, all the while staying one step ahead of the two agents assigned to watch them, Weiss (Jeremy Piven) and Morales (Annabella Sciorra).

So, “Chasing Liberty” is generic teen dudette fair, with a nice love story and a hunky guy. It does touch on some more adult issues, like who knew Anna was a virgin, and the issue of trying to find yourself living under the way to watchful eyes of your parents. Mandy Moore does a good job of taking you through the emotions of any older teen being a little rebellious, falling in love, and having her heart broken, and Matthew Goode does well in his predicament keeping his secret from Anna yet still, obviously, falling in love.

For the teen girls, they’ll probably enjoy the movie, though then demand a few concessions from their parents. Hey, if it’s good enough for the President’s daughter, going to the Love Festival should be good enough for them, too. Just remind your daughter that Anna is eighteen years old. It’s 3 stars out of 5 for “Chasing Liberty.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Chasing Amy

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:51 Long
A Review by:
– Stu Gotz

Chasing Amy
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Ben Affleck, Joey Lauren Adams, Jason Lee, Dwight Ewell, Jason Mewes
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Miramax Films
Release Date: 1997
Kiddie Movie: Way over the heads of anyone not at least in high school and even then it could be a stretch.
Date Movie: Not if there are romantic or sexual complications in your relationship. Trust me on this one!
Gratuitous Sex: Just some heavy smooching between girls.
Gratuitous Violence: Nope.
Action: Not really.
Laughs: I almost pissed myself.
Memorable Scene: I really liked it when Banky was asking a ton of questions about the whole lesbian love thing between Alyssa and her lover. The guy has no shame and a huge set of balls to be posing the questions how he does. Very funny!
Memorable Quote: Too many to list.
Directed By: Kevin Smith

The movie’s premise was simply put to me “it’s a romantic comedy where a geeky cartoonist falls in love with a lesbian.” “Hmmm. . .” I thought, “A romantic comedy with lesbians. Has potential.” Then when I found out who wrote it, well, “Chasing Amy” rose to the top of my “must see” list.

“Chasing Amy” was written a directed by Kevin Smith of “Clerks” fame and “Mallrats” flame (as in disaster). I loved the dime budgeted “Clerks” and actually was one of the few people who didn’t demand an apology from Kevin for “Mallrats.” I think Kevin learned a lot from his poorly received second movie and it shows in this, the third installment of his “Jersey” trilogy. What I think he learned is that he is best at writing witty and sharp dialog between characters and that he doesn’t need big sets, stunts, or good acting to get his point across. Basically, in “Chasing Amy,” Kevin concentrated on what his characters would say and how they would react. When his characters do speak and react it doesn’t come off as being contrived or “Hollywood Cookbook” dialog mishmash. What I’m trying to say is that the movie feels real.

So we know the movie is about a dork falling in love with a dyke and we can all assume there will be turmoil there from, right? Right. But the movie is so much more. I don’t want to over analyze this thing, however, the movie really does do a great job of bringing out romantic and friendship emotional issues in a way that’s not dull and often funny.

Here’s how it breaks down. Holden (Ben Affleck) and Banky (Jason Lee) are life long friends that have found success together as the comic artist team for “Bluntman and Chronic” (which is a loose spoof and interpretation of their old friends Jay and Silent Bob from Jersey). All is going well for the artistic duo until Holden falls for a cartoon artist he meets at a trade show. Alyssa Jones (Joey Adams) is a talented blonde knock-out with a thing for girls. Banky realizes this is a love that cannot be, and tries to save his buddy from heartache, but Holden won’t accept that. He pursues Alyssa nonetheless under the false pretense of friendship. As you might expect things come to a head, Holden bares his soul, Alyssa freaks out, and the two fall in love. HUH?!? I thought she was gay. I guess she, and the movie so quaintly puts it, “just needed some dick.” All is going well until Banky tries to bridge the gap created by Alyssa by digging up some dirt on her, and boy does he find some ugly shit! This shit he finds is so ugly that Holden foolishly thinks he can’t live with it. Remember in “Clerks” how Dante couldn’t deal with the fact that his girlfriend had sucked 36 cocks before his? Well Holden takes that feeling to the 10th power, and there ends the romance and the artistic duo’s friendship too in somewhat of an unexpected confrontational ending (I won’t give it away). So sad.

So what is the lesson we are supposed to learn? Well, aside from the fact that females are evil I think Kevin wants to say that the past is just that and in a relationship look to the future. Ohhh, how sweet. “Chasing Amy” is not a hugely romantic comedy and has some mixed acting, but nonetheless it is a movie I would recommend seeing for its dialog and creative character scenarios. In my mind “Clerks” is still an edgier movie, but “Chasing Amy” is a close second. I liked “Chasing Amy” and I give it 4 out of 5 stars and I’m Stu Gotz. ’nuff said.