By:
The Dude on the Right
Normally I would do a podcast on Thursday, complete with my analysis of who got
voted off "American Idol," but I’m frantically working on the animation for our
next episode of "Stu & The Dude Reviewin’ the Movies for You!" so I didn’t have
time to put together the audio clips I wanted to for the podcast. I know,
my dedication is lacking at times, but I did want to give some quick thoughts
about Gina getting the boot on "Idol."
For starters, I’m blaming myself for
Gina getting the boot. If you have been reading any of my blogs or
listening to my podcasts you know that I am firmly vested in the "Vote for
Sanjaya" movement, and on Tuesday I got so psyched in my voting for Sanjaya
Malakar and thinking Gina was probably safe that I didn’t vote for Gina.
So Gina, I apologize, and if, among those 30 million votes they said were
supposedly cast last Tuesday night, and you got voted off because of about five
votes, it is my fault. The underlying problem with "American Idol" and
their voting is they never actually tell us the vote tally, nor never reassure
us that the accounting firm of, at least, "Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe" has
certified the votes.
Now even though I was sad to see Gina Glocksen go home,
at least she made it to the top ten so she can be on the tour, and I doubt she
would have made it to the finals, but what do I know. But the bummer part
of her getting voted off is that she didn’t make to Bon Jovi week, because as
the resident rocker chick, I’m guessing that would have been the week for her
truly shine. Nope, she got sidelined by a week of "standards," where I
would have advised her two things. One would have been to lose the tongue
piercing for the week. As a dude, as she was singing, I didn’t hear her
singing because all I kept seeing was her tongue piercing and thinking, well,
umm, thinking, umm, things. My guess is the "conservative" voting block
thought it was gross, unlike me where I was thinking, umm, things. My
other advice for her would have been to stick with her rocker chick attitude.
Sure, start "Smile" off as a standard, but then in the middle kick things into a
gear where you could actually perform the song rather than be stuck behind the
microphone.
Me, I’m not hired as an advisor for any of these folks on American
Idol, but here are a couple of other things I would advise for our remaining
contestants:
Haley: Re-watch season one of Idol and follow the Kelly
Clarkson path. You have an edge on her in that you totally have the looks,
legs, and assets right now, without losing any weight. Pay a little bit
more attention to your singing and performing, but keep the outfits kind of
skimpy.
Jordin: Watch your outfits so that they don’t make you look
fat. You already have the voice.
LeKisha: You have the voice but
you perform like a linebacker. Perform like Aretha.
Melinda: It
looks like you have been losing weight, and if so, keep it up. If not,
keep picking the outfits like you did this week. Also, watch your smile
and keep it tight. Never let your upper lip go above your teeth showing
your gums.
All of the Dudes: Phil, always wear something to cover your
bald head. Chris & Blake, you two aren’t dudettes, so I’d rather see you
both gone. Sanjaya, keep being the Sanjaya you have found, and pray people
like me don’t lose interest in the "Vote for Sanjaya" movement.
It’s back to
animating for me, and seeing if I can maintain my loyalty to the Sanjaya
movement, when I probably, as a dude, should be shifting it to the "Haley’s
Comet" fan club.
Vote for Sanjaya, and Haley.
That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!